Part 31: The Green Hell

Chapter 30: The Green Hell

Welcome back everyone! I've got a lovely little tale to tell you today of our delightful trip through the happiest place in our charming little world.
Wait, weren't you saying that you hated it last time?
Go find a dictionary and look up the word sarcasm. But yeah, it's a festering green hell filled with the most irritating creatures ever envisioned. It's like some cosmic designer deigned to create a place so awful not even demons would want to live there. Instead, creatures specially designed for it would populate it and fill it with their hateful progeny. Hateful, I say, for they know they are cursed to live in the most wretched locale ever to be.
So what you're saying is that you don't like the jungle.
Not my favorite place, no.

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So, we set out through the jungle. At first we only encountered miserable mushroom men and animate flowers. These things weren't any threat to us, but would constantly waste our time with pitiful and drawn out attempts to afflict us with illness.



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Then the bears came out. My old nemesis the bear, returned in a new and more horrific form. I should have known the bears would be a part of this, but as I'd later discover they were still not the worst this monstrous place had to offer.



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Shall I give you a piggyback ride?
No. Uh, No thank you.
I know the jungle is a harsh place to be.
And I think I understand what it's going to take to survive
But, that's all book-learning right?
Y-yes. What's wrong with that?
Nothing's wrong with that, but you're going to be Queen someday right?
You've got to experience the real world. There's more to life than books.
......!!



That's enough!
You may be a princess, but that doesn't give you the right to talk to him like that!
Listen, little lady. Homard isn't really an air pirate! He's...!
That's enough, Papillon.
Please accept my apologies, Princess.
I got carried away for a moment. I'm really sorry.
...Please stop calling me "Princess." My name is Eclair.
I understand, Miss Eclair.
Forget the "Miss" too. Just call me Eclair.
Very well, Eclair.
......
My my... Quite a strong-willed little princess, isn't she?



...Ouch, ouch! Hey!
Everyone! Shall we be heading out?



The most ridiculous of monsters returns once again.
Oh god, more dragonshrooms.
In retrospect, I should have known that the most misbegotten creature in all the world would rule this horrid place. Anyway, after stumbling around like idiots for Goddess knows how long we finally found this cave we were searching for.





The Fatimans must have built this passage to travel back and forth to the island.
But the book I read didn't say anything like that...
Books are books. This is real life.
...But what if you're wrong?
All of us will be in danger.
That's true.
That's all you have to say?
Listen to me, and listen well...
I'm asking you to trust me.



If you're that sure of yourself, I'll follow you.
Hey, don't you think Eclair is acting a little strange and being a pain to Homard?
She is acting a little odd.
A few days ago she was a Princess in a beautiful castle.
Now she's stuck in a jungle, with us, being ordered around by an air
pirate. It can't be easy.
I wonder...?
(You guys just don't get it...)

Can anyone remember what little detail of this we were forgetting?
There is supposed to be a monster in the cave, non?
Ding ding! And when they say there's a monster in the cave, oh boy are they not kidding. My epic struggle with tentacled rape monsters will have to wait until next time, though.
Tentacled...
Rape...
Monsters, yes, stop that. It wasn't terribly funny in your game after the first time and it's kind of pissing me off.
Sacre bleu, a bit more respect for the fourth wall if you please milady.
Watch what you say or you'll find out how solid the fourth wall is. And by that I mean I'll throw you through a wall.
Oh, I think it was pretty obvious what you meant.
Just making sure.