Part 32: It Came From Inner Space

Chapter 31: It Came From Inner Space

Hello everyone, it's that time again. Time for you to be riveted by my tale of high adventure!
A tale of high adventure you say? Could you tell that instead of the one you've been doing?
You think you're funny, but you're not. Anyway, last time we were just going into a mysterious ruin-filled cave.
The one with the monster, oui?
Oui. But we weren't quite there yet.

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There were all sorts of mermaids and pumpkin men patrolling the cave.
That's not weird at all.
Nope, perfectly natural ecology.

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You know, I actually did some work in the area of monster ecology?
Really?
Yeah, I spent 2 years determining how exactly flying pumpkin guys fit into the larger food web of the areas they live in.
You're kidding.
No, no. It's fascinating stuff. See, the pumpkins are sort of an apex predator, because they have fucking lasers. Turns out it's not hard to hunt rabbits and such when you can char them to ashes with a beam of hot plasma.
Yeah, that would make it pretty easy.
I also noticed, though, that the pumpkins are below me on the food chain. Way below. Anyway, we continued on through the cave. And that's when we found the goddamn monster.

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I don't know. But I've got a bad feeling about this.
My scar tells me when danger is near.
H-hey! You're scaring me!



Hey...
Something really strange is going on.
Didn't you mention a terrible monster living in these caves?
Yes. That's what it said in the book.
Which means...





It's got tentacles.
Big giant tentacles.
Big giant anime tentacles.
*gulp* Big giant anime rape tentacles.
Oh man...
Oh, grow up.
We're just saying...
I'm out if there's any tentacle rape.
There's no tentacle rape! God. Anyway, I sort of said: "What the hell?" and decided to see how tough the big guy was. And then it stepped on me, so I came up with a new plan.

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He roamed around stomping my friends until it was down to just me and Eclair, but in the end I was stronger than the giant tentacle rape monster.
Hey, you just called it the tentacle rape monster too.
That's a good point. As counterpoint, allow me to show you these amusing pictures Etna sold me.
Hey, those are...
Yes, yes they are.
Oh my...
I thought you said you destroyed all of those Etna!
Oh, Prince. You should know better than that.
So, with that threat out of the way, let me continue. After pounding the monster's face in we went on deeper into the cave.

So, here's the deal with the Giant Thing. You can reduce him to an easily killable level by going in the side area of the room he's in. This is, however, for dirty cowards, and robs you of one of the best items in the game, the Goddess Ring. A good benchmark to shoot for in killing him is about 525-550 unbuffed Atk. You will want to leave and reenter the map until he's got a relatively low health and Def (his stats randomly fluctuate every time you enter the map). He's not really that hard, you just need to realize that he WILL kill someone every attack unless you get lucky and have someone Super Dodge him. The strategy is pretty much exactly the way you fight, for example, Baal in Disgaea: Buff your main attacker and go to town on him, then use your buffers as distractions while you finish him off. Never do a regular Attack on him, he'll kill you.

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We could see light in the distance, but it was always painfully far away.

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There was yet another tribulation in our way, a Wyvern. It was stronger than the Gargoyles we'd fought before, but compared to my power it was nothing.

Finally, after what seemed an eternity, we reached the other end of the cave, and Fatima...

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Amazing...
Ye of little faith. Looks like I was right after all.
Yes... I was wrong.
I didn't really mean it like that.
I just want you to understand I'm not stupid or reckless.
I was using the experience and intuition I've gained over the years in
my travels.
You have real experience. All I have is book learning.
I guess I'm just a sheltered princess with a lot to learn...
There's nothing wrong with books.
We only knew about this cave because of books.
Just don't let your knowledge blind you to what's right in front of your face.
You're Right.
There are still so many things in this world that I know nothing about.
Reading is great. But there's no substitute for experience.
Exactly! You can't get by without experience!



I made the right decision leaving the castle.
If I hadn't, I never would have had these wonderful experiences.
I'm very grateful.
T-that's enough of that! You don't have to thank me...
Hey, don't those two make a nice couple?
Sure, you have no problem seeing the truth when other people are involved...
Just a minute, Culotte. What is that supposed to mean?
Oh, nothing...



We'd finally reached Fatima... The sin-cursed land that had been destroyed in a single night... But why had it been destroyed? All too soon we would understand, and eventually we'd wished we'd never come to this dark place. But we had this one last happy moment before everything fell apart, where it seemed like things could turn out well.
You sound so sad...
Yeah? Well... Crap. Getting mad at you is like shouting at a puppy. Anyway, I'm done for now. Come back next time and I'll tell you all about how our expedition to Fatima continued going horribly wrong.