Introduction

Previous LPs of Terrible Games

Ongoing LPs of Terrible Games

"How can a game box possibly know that you, a human, are empty?" (Let's Play You Are Empty) (2013)

Alternate Thread Titles

Let's Play "I Am LEGENDARY" (No relation to the Will Smith film)
Let's Play "LEGENDARY of Zelda" (No relation to the Nintendo franchise)
Let's Play "LEGENDARY of the Hidden Temple" (No relation to the Nickelodeon show)
Let's Play "Left Behind: Eternal Forces" (No relation to any-goddamn-thing)

Game Overview

Legendary (at some point known as "Legendary: The Box") is a first-person shooter video game developed by Spark Unlimited and published by Gamecock Media Group. It was released on November 4th, 2008 for 360 and PS3, with PC gamers having to wait a further two weeks to experience the disappointment for themselves.

The game pits you as "professional thief" Charles Deckard, who is originally hired by an organization known as the Black Order in order to steal the then-recently unearthed Pandora's Box. Shockingly enough, opening Pandora's Box turns out to be a bad idea (Who'd've thunk it?!), and New York City soon finds itself plunged into chaos and attacked by mythological creatures. Furthermore, in another completely unexpected twist, the Black Order turns out to be an EVIL organization, completely contrary to their warm and inviting name. It falls upon Deckard, a female ex-member of the Black Order by the name Vivian, and another mysterious organization known as the Council of 98, to fix the mess that Deckard made.

The game's gimmick is an ability known as "Animus," which allows Deckard to absorb any nearby energy that just so happens to be floating around and use it for a variety of purposes (Primarily, healing himself). Aside from that, you will be spending the bulk of your time shooting clawed monsters and gun-toting humans. There are also a number of tedious little puzzles which serve to stop the action dead in it's tracks, by having you press buttons to open doors and occasionally use up your animus to power machines.

The game's biggest problem is that it is a boring fucking chore to play. This is - arguably - the worst problem any video game could possibly have. Even at it's best, with exciting things happening around you, you're still stuck performing mind-numbingly tedious tasks, and suffering through unexciting combat. And while the game's premise is - admittedly - potentially interesting, the poor story-telling and lazy cutscenes are not equipt to do it any sort of justice.

The game launched to mediocre reviews, with the PC version currently sitting at a 50/100 on Metacritic. The only publication to give it any degree of praise - laughably enough - was Official Xbox Magazine, who were presumably only paid enough to give it a 7.5/10. Despite a relatively large amount of hype surrounding the title pre-release, the game was forgotten almost immediately after hitting shelves, and is rarely spoken or thought of today...

Mission Statement

... Which is precisely why I'm digging this fucking game back up, and reminding all y'all why it deserved to be forgotten in the first place!

Make no mistake: This game fucking sucks. There's no diamond underneath any of this rough, folks. About the only thing this game had going for it was a mildly intriguing premise. But, as mentioned before, the potential of that premise is not realized at any point during the game.

There's a school of thought out there which believes that the best way to learn how to do something is by observing how NOT to do something. If there is any merit to this theory, this game should hopefully teach future generations the importance of proper story-telling, and making your gameplay fun. I am genuinely worried about the latter, having seen what passes for "Game of the Year" material these days.

Tech Specs

There aren't too many video options to toy around with in this game. In fact, there's only really two; The video resolution, and a "System Configuration" option which ranges from "Very Low" to "Very High." Naturally, we'll be playing on the latter, for the ideal visual experience.

I record and render my videos in 1280x720 at 30 frames a second, while game audio is presented in full stereo for Total Immersion™. Commentary is recorded during gameplay, with the game audio auto-ducked for your listening pleasure.