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Episode II: Chickheart
Welcome back. When last we left our heroine, she was dressed like a lady of the night and was skipping town. I think that brings us up to speed. That said, let’s continue…
“In retrospective, living in an apartment in the dead center of a town a few miles next to where there was a zombie outbreak about two months ago might not have been the best of moves. I guess I should have looked into that whole ‘biohazard insurance’ business the realtor spoke of…”
Jill’s been trying to open that window for three hours now. Poor kid hasn’t grasped the whole prerendered background concept.
Jill finds herself in a warehouse with a portly fellow who has about a 3% chance of surviving this thing.
“There’s nobody to get my beers and chips anymore. You’re talking non-sense, woman!”
“It’s not my fault she insisted on stopping at McDonalds on the way over here.”
Hammy promptly locks himself in the freezer to make damn well sure he doesn’t starve to death.
Sorry, folks. You’ll have to look to Dead Rising for all your overweight middle aged men escorting needs.
Jill finds herself in a warehouse used for storing…paint cans and crates, it would seem. There’s a few supplies about, some ammo and healing items. As noted, she has to get out of here. Dicking around for an entire day until nightfall of the following evening apparently wasn’t cutting it.
Psst. (SPOILER: There’s no front door.) Right, Jill needs to find a key out of here. I’m already rolling my eyes at the trapezoid crank that’ll be needed for the mermaid statue to drain a fountain with sharks and free up the key that has fallen in the drain. Which, in turn, will need to be grabbed by using some string and a hook to fish it between the cracks of said drain.
Jill tries the office upstairs to start things off.
Alright, so what emblems need to be… Wha…? No fucking way!
The keys to the warehouse were actually on a fucking office key hook?! Somewhere they would actually logically be found? You’re shitting me? Where’s the catch? Where’s the Hunter smashing through the office window?
I’m liking this game better already. Right, the first save room presents itself. Ink ribbons plus type writer are in play as the save system. Magical item boxes which all connect to each other through a careful means of advanced teleportation are at the ready. Though, there is one new thing unique to this title in the series.
You may have noticed that “Reloading Tool” earlier which was stuck in Jill’s nether regions inventory. Resident Evil 3 features a system where you can make your own ammo by mixing assorted gun powders in different combinations.
I’ll now discuss how things work, so if you’ve played it or don’t care, skip ahead. Dirty commie.
This game was developed before the advent of retarded mini-games to do menial tasks which plague more than a few modern titles, so it’s as easy as tossing the gunpowder right into the reloading tool and ammo coming out the other end.
There are three types of base gunpowder. A, B, and C. A and B types are common. C type is less so, though mixing one A type and one B type will get you a single C type. You can also stack the same type of gunpowder for increased results, but they cannot be uncombined and cannot be mixed as a single dose would.
Does that all sound complicated? It’s not. Here’s a list a wrote up dicking around ten minutes on an emulator with save states to find all the combos. There are thirteen combinations possible in all:
Gunpowder A = 15 Hand Gun bullets
Gunpowder B = 7 Shotgun shells
Gunpowder C = 10 Grenade rounds
Gunpowder A + Gunpowder A = 35 Hand Gun rounds
Gunpowder A + Gunpowder A + Gunpowder A = 55 Handgun rounds
Gunpowder B + Gunpowder B = 18 Shotgun shells
Gunpowder B + Gunpowder B + Gunpowder B = 30 Shotgun shells
Gunpowder C + Gunpowder C = 10 Freeze Rounds (Which, alongside Magnum rounds, damages a certain badass mutant the most)
Gunpowder C + Gunpowder C + Gunpowder C = 24 Magnum rounds
Gunpowder A + Gunpowder A + Gunpowder B = 20 Shotgun shells
Gunpowder B + Gunpowder B + Gunpowder A = 65 Handgun bullets
Gunpowder A + Gunpowder C = 10 Acid Rounds
Gunpowder B + Gunpowder C = 10 Flame Rounds
There you have it. In addition, Jill will be able to produce better versions of ammo types she produces a bunch of. More damage, more chance for criticals (read: head explosion) I’m not sure what magical formula for that is, but it does happen.
It’s best to save up for the big toys as ammo for handgun and the shotgun are plentiful while things like Magnum rounds are very scarce and Freeze rounds are downright ridiculously rare.
So, choose carefully how you want to blow your extra income.
Ammo talk aside, Jill heads through the only door in the place, the alleged ‘back door’.
Which leads to a dank little alley way, which in turn leads to…
A dank little alleyway! There’s another door a bit further north just off screen. But, Jill is taking the scenic route.
Wow, this city is a dump. Yes, that bright red barrel can and will explode if shot. Where you expecting anything less on a narrow urban street?
Jill rounds the corner. No wonder there’s so many car wrecks with streets this narrow. This must have been one of those experimental Segway cities.
The door to the right is locked.
Though, the door straight ahead is a bit more promising.
I really feel like a hotdog all the sudden. I wonder what that’s all about…
Jill comes to a crossroads. Straight ahead leads to that alley way from the previous area just outside the warehouse. To the right leads to where Jill needs to be heading. But most importantly.
Through the door to the left is a man who cannot control his bladder.
The unsavory fellow runs down the alleyway to the right, leaving Jill to deal with the hoedown with the undead he was apparently having in the basement.
The hell was that guy doing down here with half a dozen zombies?
“Uhh…it’s for medicinal purposes…”
“Uh-huh. That’s the third green herb racket we’ve shut down this month.”
“Mind telling me why Officer Sanchez is slumped over with his guts ripped out in the corner here son?”
“Uhh…medicinal purposes…”
“Wrong answer, son. Wrong answer.”
Damn, ten minutes in and we’re already in boomstick territory. I’m liking this game more and more.
Jill heads back out with her new toy and follows after Captain Peepee pants.
How the hell do people drive around in this neighborhood…?
Just ahead is a boutique. On subsequent playthroughs, Jill can unlock this with a special key. Though, later versions of the game had the costume selection from the get go with no hoops to jump through. They include:
Jill’s original Resident Evil S.T.A.R.S. uniform.
A costume swap with Regina of Capcom’s Resident Evil with dinosaurs game – Dino Crisis
Leather clad biker chick. Or perhaps vampire slayer. Who knows with those folks.
Casual business woman attire.
Meter Maid showing some leg.
The PC and Dreamcast also saw a few extras, such as cleavage ample casual wear.
And a slightly more sensible pallet swap of Jill’s original outfit.
The Dreamcast version (and perhaps the Gamecube, I’ve never played it) version also had one last pallet swap of Jill’s default costume, sans the 95% chance her jugs would pop out halter top.
That’s all nice and good, but Jill will be sticking with her default working girl costume. Mostly because it’s just bleedin’ ridiculous…
Jill rounds the alley out back. Raccoon City: Town of 10,000 Alleys.
Gunshots come from to Jill’s right and our upper top corner off camera…
That guy is really serious about cracking down on sidewalk graffiti.
Jill slips by the zombies and follows.
FREE? Free booze? Hot dog!
Someone’s going to need to wear a turtle neck to school tomorrow.
The fellow, embarrassed about his nature being publicly displayed, shoves the officer off him and opens fire in an attempt to save face.
He and Jill open fire on the solitary zombie. How did he walk right into its waiting arms in an open vacant bar?
After a few shots, the zombie goes down.
The yellow shirt fellow sags down to settle into a pair of freshly soiled pants.
“Somehow they go lost somewhere out there. They should get here sometime soon some would say.”
This fellow is Brad Vickers. He was the helicopter pilot from the original Resident Evil. You never actually saw him in person, as he was too busy being a pussy and running off leaving his teammates to die. Yes, the whole series was began because this guy’s balls never dropped… Needless to say, he will not be living much longer past this encounter. Karma and all…
Hey, Brad. That’s harsh. The intro showed exactly what they could do: fail miserably and die horrible horrible deaths.
Brad climbs to his feet.
“At least I hope you can do at least that. It’s a real bitch to not have your mouth able to move.”
Unless, you know, you escaped the city months before all this like all the halfway smart S.T.A.R.S. members…
Brad exits the bar. He is immediately mauled by a bear, steps in a bear trap, and trips into a burning car wreckage.
Right, then. Let’s check this joint out.
Jill can now successfully roll those mixed green herbs of hers and put them to good use. She also comes upon her first file of the game! Aren’t you excited?
CLOCK TOWER POSTCARD
Sorry. I had a decent comment, but someone threw a brick at me with “gniwodahserof” engraved into it. I’ve got a big mark from it on my forehead. Wonder what that’s all about.
Jill heads back into the previous alley.
The silent ambience of earlier is now replaced by a really nice zombie apocalypse type of music track. It’s “The City of Ruin” on the OST, if you’re interested. Well, then. Further down, before Jill was so rudely interrupted by minor characters, she comes to another split path.
Straight ahead unlocks that earlier door from outside the warehouse. Could be useful in the brief bit of backtracking later on.
The other direction leads to. I’m just going to go ahead and guess a small debris filled alleyway.
Hot damn, I’m good!
Up ahead, a pile of zombies push down a barricade and advance on Jill. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for the officers to barricade themselves into a tight dead end. Just a thought.
Oh well, this gives Jill an excuse to test out some hot 32-bit gibbing action and down the crowd in one blow.
Jill investigates the corpses that didn’t rise. Her crack detective skills come into play. 
One of these jerks has another brief file.
PHOTO A
“Dude, take our picture coming out of the SWAT van! We’re gonna look so badass!”
Jill checks the nearby gate just before the barricade.
Well, good thing all Resident Evil protagonists are kleptomaniacs or Jill might actually have had to *gasp* clmb over this gate!
I suppose we should also thank the unseen pyromaniac stalking the heroes and heroines of these games setting anything that can go up in flames to add a minor obstacle or resolve one. Or maybe thank the RPD for binding a gate in a rope they accidentally dropped in gasoline after the squad car crashed while passing on the right down a one way street.
More burning wreckage of non-specific origin ahead. As well as the first returning enemy of the game: the Cerberuses. The zombie dogs… They jump and they bite. Anything stuns them when attacked. They do minimal damage and can take little as well. I think that about covers it.
One last thing of note here.
Jill may need to keep that in mind for later. This is Resident Evil, after all.
A save room and the end of this alley madness for the time being both stalk ahead.
Jill comes out to another narrow street. I want to say this was a result of a zombie horde and the panic that ensued. But, I’m really thinking Raccoon City was just fucking filthy to begin with. Unless the Tazmanian Devil was whirling about out here.
A bit south Jill comes to a door locked with a ‘simple lock’. This is Resident Evil code for “go get a damn lock pick”. Time for the Master of Unlocking to get her groove on.
What better place to do it than the Raccoon Police Department?
I barely even noticed she has a long sleeve shirt tied around her waist for absolutely no reason. Which hentai artist slipped the Capcom developers a few Yen to get this silly ass character design in?
The gate opens behind Jill.
This is about how I looked by the time I finished the second Resident Evil movie.
Jill is really happy to see Brad…
Brad is having the same feeling.
“High five, white bread!”
“Where you goin’, son? I told your cracka ass you’d best pay up by Monday. Now, my calendernating skills maybe a bit off, but I went to church yesterday so that means today the day to collect.”
“Boy, you ever been skullfucked?”
“I’ve skullfucked me 18 people in the last week. Men, women, kids. I ain’t givin’ a damn.”
“But your busta ass be steppin’ on my street and you aint got the paper to be walkin’ on.”
“Then, son. You just made the VIP list.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll be gentle.”
Jill shows a bit more interest in events…
“Was its good for you as it was for me, white bread? I think we even now.”
“Daaaaaamn, girl. Let Nemmy see them ta-tas. Now that we gots the yard all to ourselves.”
Aww shi—
Tune in next time prequel area previews, heavy artillery, major inconsistencies, and rusty rocket launchers next time Episode III: RPD Prequel/Sequel - Electric Boogaloo.
Bonus Content
Nemesis meet Brad. Brad, Nemesis:
Video
Jill’s own somewhat less impressive tentacle mouth happytime explosion:
Video
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