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Episode XXVII: Batter Up!
When last we left our hero, he was plummeting down a shaft which he had no idea the ending location of nor if he would actually fit the whole way through. With that said, let’s finish the RPD…
“Hey. That wasn’t bad… Got to work on that landing… Maybe a cool pose?”
Ben is coming to the horrible realization he’s taken a dump and there’s no toilet paper…
It’s always the monsters that phase through solid steel bars that get you in the end…
You’ve got red on you.
“Eyem nooooot lhiiiiking the pressssssssssss.”
The shoulder eye monster vanishes just as it had appeared. Leon rushes in to check on Ben.
The guy is missing the better part of his guts. You can stop the bad cop routine, ya prick.
“Head Umbrella researcher’s wife has steamy love affair with chief of police. It was gonna be such a scoop.”
“Yeah, I know. I found his diary.”
“You what…?”
“Yeah, incriminating as hell. All handwritten. Found it just sitting on his chair.”
“But… I… I’m dying for this fax.”
“A typed memo? Yeah, that’s going to be all the evidence any jury is going to need.”
Little late to the party, Benny.
Aww. He was such a likable fellow, vital to the plot thus far. I can’t believe the writers would go and kill him off like that.
Ada wanders in out of nowhere.
Ada doesn’t seem to take particular interest in Ben. The crumpled memo at Leon’s feet though? That’s juicy stuff.
Juicy stuff we saw three update ago…
Ada’s ADD riddled ass jogs off again.
Now, assuming Ada was looking for John from the get go and didn’t merely seek refuge in the RPD like Leon and Claire, why in the blue hell did she come here in the first place? Is there something about John we don’t know? A taste for prostitutes? Asian prostitutes?
Ada runs off.
“Stop yelling my name you ass!”
Claire calls up on the radio.
“Yeah, yeah. We’ve done this song and dance…’
It’s all in the hair, Leon. It’s all in the hair…
Officer Kennedy gathers the four chess piece themed keys and journeys to the underground.
Look, Leon. Even the walls are laughing at you. My sister has a more masculine haircut than that.
I’ve been there, Willie.
Meet William Birkin. Mutant abomination extraordinaire.
What’s this?
Ladies and gentleman. Current winner of the world championship in most useless eyeballs. Beating out Osmund Saddler’s mouth eye in the finals! A challenge has been issued! Is Leon man enough to take on Willie B. in America’s great pastime? That’s right…
“It’s the bottom of the 9th. Two out and a man on third. The BOWs are two down. Birkin has two strikes.
“If Kennedy can choke him on this one, the RPD will win the series.”
“A hush falls over the stadium.”
“It’s a curve!”
“Birkin with a swing and a miss! It’s over! RPD wins the series!”
“And the crowd goes wild!”
Stricken with shame by losing it for the team, Birkin casts himself off the edge of the septic tank. Can’t say why there’s a bottomless pit beneath a septic tank, but who am I to judge?
With his victory over Willie, Leon is free to insert those craft plugs. Like he always dreamed of.
Sweet freedom. It smells like…sort of like shit, actually…
“What. The. Fuck. I just busted my ass running all over that friggin’ police department collecting these friggin’ plugs, getting beaten on by a giant moon speaking guy, and having a baseball game with a guy with an eye coming out of his freakin’ arm and you just pop OUT OF THE FUCKING WALL AHEAD OF ME?!?!”
Says the man who sped down a street doing 70 in the middle of town and not once checking his mirrors.
Poor X and the Lickers get no respect.
“Just because I was there for ten seconds and made no inquiry to what happened to the guy doesn’t mean I’m not aware of the event.”
Nothing more reassuring to a woman than a man who sticks to his duty…while staring straight at her rack…
“Just stop yelling my name if I run away. Okay? One more time and I’m going to shoot you…”
The two wander off into the murky unknown ahead…
Bonus Content
Ben’s dramatic death:
Video
Willie B. showin’ off his rims:
Video
Poor sportsmanship to Leon’s cranium:
Video
So ends the trials of the R.P.D. Tune in next time for…
Part 4 – The Sewers
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