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Episode XXXI: Mine Carts, Lions, and Bugs. Oh My!
When last we left our hero, he had just escaped the clutches of S&M clad Gigantes of an alternative life style. What perils shall await him next? Let’s find out.
Caves?! You fiends!
It’s roomy, at least.
A little statuette up ahead brings a clue as to what should be done next.
This may sound like the makings of a potentially complicated little mind bender. In actuality, that’s right: button pressing x2!
You may notice there’s quite a bit of our old chums, the Novistadors buzzing about. This area is completely infested with the buggers.
To make life easier, it’s best to get their attention and lure them into a choke point.
Pick one that is too your liking and give him a healthy dose of raid.
The rest of the Novis ought to come pouring out of every cavern nook and cranny at this point. What you do is run back into the little cave you entered this area in.
Turn around, and bust out the Officer Lemansky Memorial Special. Then just sit back and let these jerks come to you. Remember, any flying ones are a one hit kill, so don’t hesitate to fill them full of lead. Their ninja dodging skills will be attempted in here, but will just result in making them an easier target.
Feeling the War on Terror is one step closer to victory, Leon ventures out of his camping hole and climbs to the ridge above.
Taking a sharp left into a nearby subcavern reveals…
People of ancient times were terrible artists.
I was fairly worried at this point some ancient alien civilization would show up controlling things behind the scenes. Luckily, it was just decorations for the button that needed to be pressed.
Which…makes a statue glow or something… Well, they did say there was two of these things.
There was no mention of bugs, though. Damned fine print.
A short trip to the other side…
I really don’t want to know what that murky water was made from…
I done did pressed the buttun, mama!
I saw this on an episode of Mythbusters and it did not work in the least. Much less melt a steel door. 
Leon heads on through, thankful the sun’s deadly rays were nice enough to melt only the large framed door and not the rickety steel iron behind.
Moseying on through, we have yet another throwback to the days of yore with columns and blocks in the ceiling with no purpose other than smashing protagonists.
Too easy.
A bit of tomfoolery with those devices and Leon finds himself in a room most eerie.
The Tomb of the Unknown Salazar…
Is actually a lift out of this chapter section. Thanks coffin!
We’ve finished Chapter 4-2! 
Also, my accuracy got raped by those damned insects. 
But…that was a completely anticlimactic end to that update and chapter section, so what the heck. Let’s keep on going…
When I die, I want my coffin to be a subterranean elevator. If only for easy access for myself when raised from the dead by arcane wizardry. You’ve got to plan ahead.
A dilapidated house up ahead holds the usual Merchant/Typewriter/Memo combo.
Let’s take a look at that love letter. Is that lipstick I see?
Letter from Ada
It hatched around Episode 12, but thanks for the heads up.
“Unless it’s during a cutscene. Then you’re cool. Othewise, you may need to mash ‘X’ rapidly.”
Fucking-A! Best news I’ve heard all day.
You know, despite being titled “Letter from Ada” and the lipstick and all, that signature is quite clearly nothing like “Ada Wong” and there’s no signing of who really wrote it. Aww, Merchant. I knew you cared…
Speaking of which…
The Merchant’s one and only upgrade at this point is for the Bolt Action Rifle, which transforms it…
Into a powerhouse, rivaling the Broken Butterfly at this point. Enjoy the long range, ammo heavy magnum action, old school favoring goons.
Moving along.
Hey, it’s the Leaning Tower of Notspain! Only, it’s not leaning… Dammit, these guys can’t do one thing right!
Ahead lies the ruins of a little village overlooking the scenic tower and moderate castle combination.
Leon get’s the Ganado’s attention.
One shot, three kills! Nothing but love.
A bolt action slaughter later, Leon comes to yet another blocked path. Aslan wants you to convert to Christianity. Or find another emblem. Whichever floats your boat.
In a little house behind this new obstacle, the most pointless crank/secret door placement in some time is located.
Which leads to slightly more Central America themed cavernous areas. Joy.
That is one bright little suspended torch.
The usual suspects present themselves. I will mention I’m proud of the Ganado for actually somewhat camouflaging those bear traps this time around. Good show.
Though, I will be airing my grievances on my inability to suplex Villagers. Too good for Greco-Roman wrestling, you jerks?
Up in the little adobe building, is the most 
Ganado of them all.
That poor Salvador doesn’t have the AI to jump out the window and do his wacky chainsaw thing to Leon. Only able to run in place, hoping Mr. Scott Kennedy will be kind enough to climb the ladder to his waiting power tool. Maybe he should give him such a wish.
…NOOOOT!
The only other noteworthy thing here is, and I know I never mention treasure, but hey…
It’s Salazar’s pimp cane!
So that’s what this Ashley kidnapping business was really about.
On the other end of the area, noticing a pattern?
Well, only one place left.
Hey, Dr. Salvador’s twin brother: Dr. Salvador.
I felt bad about how I manhandled this one. Poor guy never even got a chance to rev up his chainsaw and just muttered frustrations as he got up and received the next bullet in his skull.
Upstairs, past the first chainsaw man. We find…
Unfortunately, it was really a key to a ’73 Buick and Leon spends the next three hours trying to get the damn thing to unlock the door.
The door eventually gives poor Mr. Kennedy a break and lets him in.
Press U U U HP with Raiden to do the stage fatality.
The doors, not surprisingly, slam shut.
He’s very well camouflaged, but there’s a couple of Facehugger type Plagas running around in here for no reason. Once more, completely contradicting the whole “must have a host to survive” thing.
But, there’s more pressing matters at hand.
Leon finds the HDR setting toggle in Resident Evil 4.
In the meantime, he shoots out the colored lighting. Stupid generational graphics gimmicks. What next? Lense flare?
A twisting corridor or two later.
Minecarts? I think we’ve officially run the gauntlet of 16-bit gameplay mechanics at this point. All we need is an automatically scrolling stage.
Just need to give this switch a love tap.
Gah! Fuck!
Remember the minecart stage in Donkey Kong Country? I hated that stage.
Always used the barrel that skipped half the level. Hey, buddy. Don’t jump down there!
Dumbass.
Some of these guys will manage to make the trip onboard, but they all have below average health, making this a breeze.
Until the junction stop Zerg Rush of Ganado.
With guest appearance from local celebrities.
Dr. Salvador… Down in front. DR. SALVADOR! DOWN IN FRONT!!!
Jesus Christ!!!
So marks the final death of game mascot and stand-up guy and ace practitioner of medicine, Dr. Gregory Salvador.
There’s a bunch more zany action on this, but I feel this about sums it up:
Followed by a harrowing leap of faith to top it all off.
The crazy mine cart adventure carries Leon just where he needs to be…
And to just what he seeks.
A kindly ladder behind that brings him back outside right next to where he began. Which means he probably could have evaded the entire last twenty minutes if he’d just been a bit more careful in his grounds search…
Never the less, the Lion gets its sacrifice and we come to the exciting conclusion…
Of riding yet another elevator out of the area. Chapter 4 is just not making it with the dramatic stage enders…
With that drama bomb, tune in next time for: Episode XXXII: Salazar Has Too Much Time on His Hands
Bonus Content
We’ve finished Chapter 4-3!
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