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Episode XXV – We Never Expected the Ice
Welcome back. When last we left our hero, he’d hijacked the spare fully prepped and fueled jet Alfie had in storage and took off with no clue as to his sister’s location other than “Antarctica”. With that said, let’s continue…
I haven’t heard about too many fighter jet operations over the Antarctic. I wonder why that is.
Well, that narrows things down.
The hatch to the jet hanger already prepped and ready as well. Alfie knows hospitality.
Chris touches down to the point where the plot gets really retarded.
Right, then. Whatever happened to Alfie’s jet? Eh… I’m sure it’s not important.
The catwalk leads to two doors. The right one is an emergency elevator 
The left leads…
Back to where Claire began her tomfoolery here. Those bizarre tentacle snake thingers are hanging out of the wall of the walkway. They smack him should he come near and take way too much ammo to pacify for a stupid tentacle thing. Oh and what exactly they are? It’s quite simple. Flying disembodied tentacles psychically controlled by Alexia’s magical viral powers. What else?
Right, guess it’s time to re-explore this joint. I’m finding the only thing worse than constant backtracking is just going ahead and reusing an entire location. Thanks, Capcom. I hate feeling like I’ve accomplished something too.
Chris heads through the double doors out to the main room.
Well…err…this is different. Guess that flood caused by drilling through a maybe eight foot thick wall and some ice was something else…
If there’s a platforming section on this stuff then I just plain quit.
SWEET CAESER’S GHOST WHY?!?!
Chris flees in terror to a nearby room.
This is the valve cutting machine room, which is now trashed for absolutely no reason, other than perhaps some guerilla warfare by the Lever Separatist Faction.
In any case, Chris can grab that case Claire couldn’t earlier. Unfortunately, he can’t actually open it. 
“Pretty sure my sister promised you something if you escaped the cage. Here ya go, buddy.”
Chris quickly darts to the other side of the main area, trying not to stir the wrath of the horror beneath the ice.
This is the machinery room where our earlier pair escaped from. It is similarly frozen over with ice to the ever convenient previously established walkway level.
Chris transverses to the other side to pick up…
The earlier valve handle! If there’s one thing I like more than reused locations, it’s reused inventory items.
Chris begins to leave the area.
What, you thought there wouldn’t be zombies in an arctic climate? Pfft. On the other side of things, Santa Claus staffs those elves for a month a year to make toys. The other eleven months its arctic warfare with the undead scourge.
Though, I’ll have to admit shambling corpses barely holding together yet being able to smash through solid ice is a bit on the eye raising side.
Though, Chris may have ninja skills with that knife. There are about seven zombies here. And not just the regular kind. These are ice zombies.
Chris retreats once more to the main room.
On the other end of the room is another newly revealed location. A crane control panel. How useful that will be in an ice filled room, I cannot say.
But, if it’s here, in Resident Evil, and has something that can be stuck in it? Logic be damned.
Chris, a bit filled with items at the moment, backtracks and heads downstairs to relieve some of his extra weight.
The moths have, sadly, died out due to the cold.
In their place are crazy mutant moth thingers that spring from the rare random zombie’s chest cavity and latch onto Chris’ back. I bet you could hollow one of those guys out and make a spiffy little backpack. The new BOW Spring Line: Coming Soon.
Chris heads into the nearby save room, the end hallway obviously blocked by the frozen wastes outside (yet sturdily built enough to avoid any leakage.)
That Halberd left over from Rockfort can be put to use here.
In cabinet #64 which could have been opened with a crowbar and a bit of muscle.
Inside is an Alcoholics Anonymous paperweight. As well as another file.
Alfred’s Diary
“At least, a small part of me does.”
“The ring with his jewel well…it’s attacked to another family jewel.”
“Some ‘Capcom’ group.”
“…sexually.”
“As well as my blankey.”
“We also slammed a giant battle axe into the wall to keep him in place. I’m not sure what that was all about. Alexia made some sort of Lord of the Rings joke, but I didn’t get it. Mmm… Legolas…”
“You know, us being twins and all… I bet we’re about the same size outfits wise. I should check into that some time…”
Oh, Alfie. Still a creepo card from beyond the grave. Chris heads back to the main room one last time.
One more door is newly accessible from here. That gigantic spider under the ice is bugging me out.
I bet that hair is hard… Hard and sharp. I bet if you took a lizard and tossed it in that hair, you would kill that lizard.
No, Topher. He just told you where he was going, threw you and ran off when he saw his objective. He was obviously en route to an Outback Steakhouse.
This seems like it would be effective if it was just, ya know, pointed at a door. Like a normal security system. Or really, just deploy the Hunters in the first place. Which is already done in places, which causes me to greatly question why there was the need to keep a few on reserve for a security system.
Speaking of which, that one was unavoidable, as the cutscene ends just as it’s an inch away from you. I don’t know, a Hunter jumping out as Chris rounds the corner might have worked better than going on a Metal Gear alert before it comes. Anyway, there’s a door, let’s check it out.
Quite a few things here. Something shining in that tank to the right. An elevator leading to a lower level in the foreground and a higher one in the back. A shiny button right next to Chris. And a messy period aftermath straight and center.
The button lifts a container elevated precariously over a bottomless pit. The barrel contains none other than fluid for a fire extinguisher.
If you listened to me and stashed that in the item chest with Claire earlier, it can get filled right up here. You’d better have.
Or Smokey is going to wreck your shit.
Chris fills up the hydrant and heads up the upper elevator.
Oh, what is this?! Why haven’t valve handle shapes been standardized. Moreover, why haven’t valves been welded onto what they need to be opening in the first place?! I worked at a place where they needed to turn a big valve to open the delivery shutters when I was a kid. I didn’t need to go upstairs and grab a spare fucking valve to do it. 
Chris uses the other elevator in the room, next to the extinguisher filler upper. Cursing valve makers and their entire families on the way down.
Quite conveniently, for a rare, glimmering moment, to just the location that fire prevention device can be put to use.
Which reveals…
While Chris is here, once more jog your memory for that little detonator Claire set-up here but couldn’t light, thus defeating the point of some fancy detonator.
Yeah, its rewards were less than impressive. In a “why the hell did they make a third of the game spanning item set-up for fucking pistol ammo” sort of way. Pricks.
Disheartened by anti-climatic cabinet unveilings, Chris heads back out to the hall with the scanners.
Right, one more door at the end. As well as another one of those Mattel toys.
Rockfort Island may have been all about the shutters, but Antarctica knows the ladies like elevators.
Chris gets off to, oh good, more dark corridors. You know what, first thing I’m going to do when there’s some mutant/alien/nazi/dance invasion? Turn off all the lights, break every door handle, lever, and valve in sight, then set things on fire for no reason. Sure, the invasion might be eight year olds trick-or-treating, but you can’t be too careful.
Chris heads through the door straight ahead in an attempt to solve the energy crisis. Another door immediately greets him. I don’t know about you all, but I love seeing no less than three loading screens in the course of twenty seconds.
This leads to inky darkness, lit only by a faint light demanding valves being inserted into its illuminated holes. Kinky.
The flux capacitor churns into place.
Allowing the power to be restored. Did Capcom have a scenario designer just to come up with minute long inconveniences? Or was this a collaborative effort?
Chris heads back into the previous hallway, which is damn cold. As, there is need for one randomly frozen hallways in fucking ANTARCTICA!
This hallway winds for a bit and bottlenecks with more ice zombies. There’s yet another doorway at its end.
“This looks kind of familiar. I’ve got to stop breaking into houses and stealing things to support my hair gel habit.”
Topher stares at her marble tits for a few minutes. This was about seventy-five percent of his workday at STARS prior to the whole mansion incident.
Resident Evil symbol, dammit!
The back room leads to some rather unusual alternate costumes. How’s there going to be fanservice with those?
“Shit, I’ve got Eye of the Tiger stuck in my head again now…”
The tiger can have one of its eyes removed.
The red one reveals magnum ammo. The blue one…
Good, that wire from the cable I’m stealing has been bending at the end. Don’t want it to break. Well, actually, this can be stuck on the end of the Valve to make the end square again. Oh, mundane irony.
Only one tiger eye jewel can be taken at a time and there’s no need for them now, so Chris places them both in the statue and heads through the door he’d just skipped.
This may look like some elaborate sterilization system. Nope. Fancy elevator.
Chris heads on out at the top bottom.
Somebody notify the Orkin Man…
And I was impressed with the one shit I took once that clogged the toilet…
By the way, one of these were on the ground just by Chris’ feet. Pay no attention to the fact I already have two of them. Editing mistake… in Mr. Topher Redfield’s favor.
Oh yeah, by he way…
We’re currently on Motel 6 threat level! Meet the ants. They bite (for next to no damage.) They’re unavoidable, they’re only in this room. Thanks, Capcom, I needed another room with a utterly mild hazard.
There is a path to the left and right of the gigantic ant infested log. Chris ventures to the right.
They’ve said the hell to it all thus far. They’re just now getting to gravity.
Well, this room looks a bit familiar. There is the mildest odor of dried blood and incest upon the air.
Chris comes upon a little console in the corner with a mind boggler.
Uhh… What? No, but seriously… What…?
Consults a FAQ
Edit: Actually, this is a testament to why you don't do these things while half asleep. You see the four symbols earlier? Divide the first two and the last two. Then, flip their order. The first is the AA symbol.
Next is a crown.
Then a top view of boobs of a headless cartoon chick.
Then the top view of a middle aged guy with a douchebag ponytail he’ll have long past the point he’s gone bald.
Chris inputs those symbols and a slot opens, demanding virgin sacrifices to the Emblem Gods.
The last sacrifice has gone stale, you see.
“Ugh. That lipstick doesn’t compliment his skintone at all!”
On that funtime note, we come to a close. Will there be an Alfie zombie? Is Chris more shocked at the dead man or the fact he’s wearing make-up? Find out this and more next time in Episode XXVI – S.T.A.R.S. Pest Control
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