Part 8: Episode VII: The Bug

Unfortunately, we're not going to get off the hook on this adventure that easily.


You are a very disturbed individual, Mr. Briggs.


So, despite the one bowl depicted in the previous cutscene, there are actually three in this room...one for each dog. You know what dogs, especially the undead hellhound variety, love?


Why bones, of course! Indeed, bones will cause hellhounds to eagerly bound forward indefinitely for just the promise of a nibble of the savory morsel. This...somehow...causes one of the gates to open in the back of the room.


Now, I bet you think the gimmick is to just take the bone and place it in whichever plate opens the corresponding gate. And you'd be right...except for one little catch...

The bone is a single use item. Indeed, Benjamin completely refuses to acknowledge the bone's existence once placed on the plate and just remarks that the dog looks hungry. So, how are the other gates opened, you ask? Well, that's simple...


Why, backtracking all the fucking way to where we got the first bone, of course! A nice minute long trek both ways with of absolutely nothing but watching Ben strut casually across three screens. The last adventure game I played before this was The Longest Journey last year... I really, really miss that fast forward button in that game...


But, wait! There's more shitty design! You didn't think we were going to get off with just a simple backtracking, did you? Oh no... You see, despite Benjamin's vast pockets capable of containing everything but the kitchen sink (likely since we've yet to come across one yet) he refuses to yank more than one rib out of this poor sod at a time. Or more accurately, the developers couldn't be arsed to program more than one unique bone in the inventory at a time.


So, long story short, yet another trek back and forth is required to access all of the area.


We can at least mix things up this time. Barely noticeable in front of the center gate is a grating on the floor. Pixel hunting along said grating will result in one of the bars being torn out by Ben's apparent herculean strength.


The item description notes there is a square shape at the end of the bar, despite the fact the picture displayed is clearly of a round pipe with one end just being a corroded, pointed nub. Oh well...didn't we see something with a square hole earlier?


Of course, that crank slot. Now we just need something to turn it with. Well, it just so happens to be that the ship wheel with the round hollow center will fit neatly on the end of the pipe with the circular square ends.


Thus producing this MacGyvered up clearly photoshopped picture of the two previous images slapped atop one another improvised solution.


And the finally the bounty of the sealed tomb is free for Captain Briggs to plunder.


It seems there's actually someone alive in that coffin...someone chatty...


Briggs is not amused. Not one fucking bit.



"But you died in Zanzibar..."


Yes, old William Nilmates has apparently survived his previous fateful encounter at the merciless hands of Benny. But, it seems he doesn't hold any grudges. Or, he's so far gone from brain damage/rot that he's lost all sense of time and space, seeing as he has somehow been locked in that coffin for "days" even though there is the fact we saw him not twenty minutes ago.



"Oh. I see..... But....."


Bill wisely gets the hell out of Dodge before Briggs decides to disembowel him to swing across a foot wide gap or the like. Let's see what new straight-out-of-a-corpse item we've added to our ever growing collection.


Ah yes, the famous ONE GUS - most fearsome of all gas station custodians of the neatherealm.

Back across the coffin lid bridge for the sixth time...


Let's hope we never have to do that again. Now, we have a choice of three directions to head. I like to explore from left to right, so let's see what is beyond the door past the painting of a skull shield from Diablo...



Ah. It's the scenic mines of Painkiller. Painkiller...a game with tons of surreal, impressive visuals in a variety of levels and they stole from one of the very most boring locales in the entire game. The thought process behind this all is baffling...


Several pointless rooms later we come upon another fork in the road. Left hasn't failed me yet... Of course it hasn't led me anywhere worthwhile, either...


Polish game studio People Can Fly circa 2004.


Eventually, Ben makes it to a dark staircase leading downward. There is a ridiculously easy to miss item attached to the wall here. Can you see it?


Of course not. The camera only shifts far enough for it to appear when Ben is about two steps before the next screen. And even then it is near indistinguishable from the wall.


Tatty, huh?


Ah...it's always good to learn new vocab. Let's try it out: "Limbo of the Lost is a tatty adventure game." Eh...not really feeling it when there is "trainwreck", "godawful" and "pile of shit" readily available.

A handful of empty rooms and corridors later.


Eventually we come upon a unique corridor. I mean, there's nothing of note or interest in it or anything to progress the game. It is unique in that Ben's model's perspective is completely fucked up as he walks away from the screen to the point he morphs into a foot tall dwarf by the time he exits the area. It's the first thing to amuse me since... Since...? Err...



Briggs comes upon a bug filled room with a nutter mumbling to himself. The overly loud looping stock sounds of flies buzzing plays for the duration...


"Lovely... *mumble* What a lovely specimen you are... Hello, little fellow. I'm gonna give you a new home and call you...Oscar."


Benny decides to address this new fellow by rounding the table in the most roundabout way possible to greet him.



You'd think he would have noticed that guy who barged in and strafed his work area right in front of his ey-



-oh.



Eye gouging reassurance pleases Ben. Prepare for a shit load of ridiculous faces during this conversation...


Our new acquaintance turns to the table and mashes something toward his face. I wonder what it could b...





















MOTHER OF GOD!!!!




Ben, I know I've said it before, but it demands repeating: You're kind of an asshole.



The bulging eyed monstrosity goes into some manner of spasm words cannot properly explain; but I assure you it looks godawful.


"I am not even sure how that is physically possible."
"Have you ever seen one of those squishy ball toys in dollar stores that are filled with some mysterious liquid? You know the type. Sometimes they have some sort of string thing on the end attached to it then you can bounce it."
"No... I can't say I've seen one of those. Or a 'dollar store' either..."
"Well, the point is it is nothing like that."


Hey, wait. Hold the fucking phone here. Your name is "Sir Jonathan Rothbottom" or "Bugsy"...? Not "SIR JONATHAN ROTHBOTTOM" or "BUGSY"? So all those jackasses with the all caps names are really meant to be spelled that way and it's not just a KEYWORD quirk? Good grief.


I really wish I could break the 4th wall myself and deck Benny's smarmy ass right now, personally. Must be because of my work!



Are you ready to hear the least threatening sounding fantasy animal one could possibly muster?



So the man who fiddles around with insects all day enough to be nicknamed "Bugsy" somehow managed to make some manner of wood consuming alligator chimera...? What then gouged his eyes out...? Sure, why not.


This sounds like a bad sales pitch for a clearing sale at a furniture warehouse. "EVERYTHING MUST GO BEFORE THE WOODGATOR RETURNS AND THESE LOW, LOW PRICES ARE GONE FOR EVER!"



Good job, hero. You directly caused this poor bastard to get his eyes ripped out of his fucking face. What do you have to say for yourself, Benny?


I think the animation was going for trying to look sheepishly innocent (so as not to let the blind man see he's responsible) but it comes across as Ben rolling his eyes like a dick. Although, given his track record that may have been just what they were going for.


What is with all the poorly rendered nipples in this game? The only people wearing a shirt thus far have been Benjamin and the Keeper...excuse me...KEEPER OF LOST SOULS.



I have no proper response to this reaction.


"No need to keep an eye on me. You can see I mean you no harm."

Bonus Content:

Movie -

Nilmates Returns


Meeting Bugsy (You should probably watch this.)