Part 24: Robot - Update # 5 - SPACE MADNESS

Robot Chapter, Part 5
In Which Love Makes People Crazy

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While we're on the third floor, there is one last point of interest that we haven't examined yet. Evidently, Kato's habit of shoving baseball caps and glasses on his inventions didn't start with Sphere.


"It doesn't have an energy source attached to it, though."

Keep that last part in the back of your mind, as it makes a dramatic future plot event rather silly.

Down to the second floor we go, into the sick bay, which is just underneath the room housing the control panel for the mother computer.



Everyone entering and exiting the sick bay gets a shot of Red Lights™ before being allowed to come in/leave. This is not critical to the plot, but it's another example of the game designers' attention to detail.



On to the main event of the evening, which is a little hard to follow, given that this is a 16-bit game. Therefore, what would be, no doubt, a stunning exhibition of futuristic medicine instead is represented by Huey doing a walking animation in place while various sound effects play.



Well, Kirk's seen better days. Analysis, Dr. Huey?



He's dead, Jim.

: ...Where's the captain?
: I'll go call him.



And Kato's off, followed in a close second by Rachel, lugging Kirk's bulky spacesuit, helmet and all, without slowing down in the slightest.



: I double-checked it myself! It's really odd that it would fail...
: Damn straight it is. Unless someone...deliberately sabotaged it...



: An explosion!
: Wh...what the?!

Said "explosion" is literally just the screen shaking up and down.



And look who just conveniently steps in right afterward.

: ...Where's the captain?
: ...He wouldn't respond when I called him...

By the way, what's with this game and ellipses? Our last protagonist's dialogue consisted of nothing but those, and now we've got characters dragging their sentences every other line. If I had a nickel for every ellipsis in this chapter alone, not counting the ones that I've been editing out, I'd have enough money to buy an avatar.



Oh, right. This scene's still going.

: Let's check out the source of the explosion.
: I'll go check on the cargo.
: Be careful, Sphere. If anything happens, I'll be in the cockpit.

And so will Huey, by the way. The cockpit is our next destination to advance the plot, but while we're on the second floor, we should see how Rachel's coping with the sudden loss of her beau.



Depends. Is staring at Kirk's spacesuit a good or a bad sign?

: Kirk...Kirk isn't dead!!

Okay, backing out really slowly now...

Let's see how our two weirdos are handling things on the bridge.





: Th...the antenna's broken off!!

Following this new development, we fade to the break room, where Corporal Darth says what's probably on everyone's minds right now.



: You'd be better off trying to swim through space!

Following certain plot events in the course of the game, the crew will adjourn to the break room, and we'll have the option of handing certain crewmen coffee in order to make them feel better. It's a melodramatic roller coaster ride from here on out, so this feature will be used quite often only once more after this scene.



In this scene, the only person who needs a mug of poorly-brewed mocha is Huey, as Kato and Darth will respectfully decline.

: Th...thank you, Sphere. You're right...I need to hang in there...



Hey, look! It's everyone's favorite absentee captain. Makes you wonder why he didn't call when the explosion went off that shook the whole ship. Maybe he's just a very heavy sleeper.

: Captain, it's awful! Kirk...Kirk is dead!
: What, are you serious?! That's...quite unfortunate...Well, we can at least give him a proper burial. Make the preparations. I'm on my way.
: Captain...



: He lost one of his crew, and didn't even flinch a bit.
: ...I'll go ready the airlock.
: ...I'll go over to Kirk's room...Maybe there's something he'd like buried with him.
: Good idea.

So apparently, "burial" is future slang for "toss his carcass out the airlock before it starts to smell." I guess when the nearest mound of fresh dirt is days away, you've got to dispose of him somehow.

Speaking of the airlock, that's our next destination. The next plot event requires you to visit both the airlock and Kirk's room, in whichever order, and speak to the peoples there. Sounds exciting, no?



: It's true, I didn't really like Kirk, but I never wanted him to die...!

Suuuuuuure. By the way, the game doesn't let you fool around with the airlock controls while someone else is in the room, presumably because the game designers didn't want to have to make a separate scene for every configuration of characters.

Moving right along...



: Crew member Kirk has unfortunately died. The lock has been disabled to allow cleaning. Entry granted.



What's with the lack of decorations in these rooms? You'd think that Kirk of all people would at least have a poster or something.



: "Will Warp Navigation Become a Reality." Just like Kirk to read something like this. Heh...whenever Kirk was in a hurry to get something done, he'd always say, "What are you doing! Get that done, warp speed!"
: At least we can lay him to rest.

While we're at it, maybe we should invite Rachel over to the funeral too. I'm sure that she'd have a few last words to say before we chuck her lover boy into the nearest asteroid.



That's odd. It was unlocked just a second ago. I guess we can start without her then.



Or not. Please note that you don't actually have to enter the sick bay itself to trigger this next part, which means that Sphere can apparently see through walls.

: What? Kirk's body is gone!?



: What're you looking at me like that for? How should I know!? And besides, shouldn't you let Rachel know?

Yeah, about that...



: Hehe...you're so cute! Sleeping like a little baby...Hold on, I'll go bake some cookies. You like cookies, don't you? Hehe...

So the game expects us to believe that in the space of time it took for Kato to talk about Kirk's taste in literature, Rachel ran down to the sick bay, threw Kirk's body over her shoulders, and ran back to her room before locking the door behind her? Given her earlier feat of strength with the spacesuit (seriously, those things aren't light), she's starting to get more than a little scary.

: Wh-what in the name of...



Yeah, I'm with Huey on this one. If I saw someone plotting to shove cookies into a corpse's mouth, I'd be a little weirded out too. But Rachel's not done with the weirdness. Not remotely.

: Huey...I know exactly what's going through your head. You thought that if you killed Kirk...You thought that I'd come back to you, right!? That's what you thought! Right!?
: Don't be ridiculous! Pull yourself together, Rachel!



Suddenly, the control panel by Rachel's bed hums to life, and displays the following message:

: Run away, Rachel. Huey is after you. I am waiting in front of the airlock. I need to get my body back.
: ...!



And so, Rachel dashes out of the room, forgetting to take Kirk's body along with her in the process. Boy, is Kirk's soul going to be pissed.

: RACHEL!!!

Oh, shut up!

Anyway, just because one of our fellow crewmates is about to throw herself into space, it doesn't mean that we still can't take the time to have some fun. So, join us next time for:

Part 6: It's Captain Square!