Part 35: Kung Fu - Update # 6 - Breaking Character Because I'm Really Lazy

Kung Fu Chapter, Part 6: Breaking Character Because I'm Really Lazy

Okay, originally I was going to write this update in-character and breaking the fourth wall, but it turns out I'm not very good at that and reading Ciaphas Cain all day only makes you worse. So, I'm just going to cover all the technical stuff about our party in typical LP style, no characterization included. I'll make up for this in the next update or two, promise.

Let's start out with the easy one: Yuan. Briefly put, Yuan sucks. You've seen his stats, and they're all sub-par to Li and Sammo, except for IQ, but it turns out that's not very good either. In addition to that, his base moveset is awful too:



His two moves are "thrust" and "kick", both of which have the same range, and both of which do no damage at all. Yuan will be completely reliant on Shaq Fu moves in order to prosper.

Next is Li, who clocks in at only four moves. Three of them are not very good. The Monkey Hand does no damage and only covers immediate diagonals, the Cat Kick does some damage and covers all adjacent squares, and the Snake Fist (left untranslated as She Xing Quan) covers one space away, both orthogonal and diagonal, but still does no damage. However, we're left with this beauty:



Originally translated as the "Crane Kick", it's more literally the "water fowl leg". Either way, it only covers diagonals three spaces away and takes a bit of time to charge, even with Li's high speed, but it does a ton of damage. This is easily the best move in the entire chapter outside of the Shaq Fu moves, and even competes with most of those.

The last student we have is Sammo Hung Hakka, who not only has the most moves, but also has the most untranslated moves. Sadly, I checked a Japanese version of the game and all of his moves are written in gobbledeguk katakana instead of kanji for some reason, so I can't translate a damn thing. Two of Sammo's attacks work very similarly, Bear's Hand and Pig's Feet.



They're both extremely slow, but melee attacks with an area effect that also do boat loads of damage. He also wields the Qing Jiao Niu Rou Si (my belief is this is something along the lines of "give me beef please"), a melee attack that causes him to spin around and do damage, but induces a level down on himself.



Bang Bang Ji is another slow charging attack that only hits verticals and might induce a status effect, but I can't remember and can't be bothered to check.



Dou Ban Jiang is a melee attack that is, to my recollection, completely unspectacular. And then there's the ever-so-special Hui Guo Rou, which is a Chinese dish translated as "twice cooked pork". The move is... well, see for yourself:



Yes, Sammo dances around for a random amount of time, and the number of steps he gets is the amount of damage he does in the area. Even if it's not useful, it's something you have to see for yourself.

And finally, there's the Shaq Fu moves.



Long Hu Liang Po Wan translates to something like "Together, the Dragon and Tiger shatter your wrist". It's an orthogonal melee attack that also induces a lot of stats-down on the enemy. Since it requires power, it's best on Sammo. The other power attack, Lion Hand, is diagonal-only and does considerably less damage, but knocks the target back.

Bai Li Dao Yi Bu Jiao is "Fifty miles begins with a single step", and says it requires luck. That is to say, it's useless and you really shouldn't use it.

Monkey Hand and Squirrel Kick both use speed, and are thus best suited for Li. The former is a melee attack that also forces you to fall back on hit. Squirrel Kick doesn't do anything special, but it has nice range:



And then there's Lao Hu Zhi Wu, also known as the infamous "Old Fox Dance".



This is probably the only move you're ever going to use in the entire chapter, and the move you've seen in nearly all my combat screenshots. Why? Well, for one it uses IQ, which is the Master's only good stat. It's instant, hits everyone around him, does a boatload of damage, and if the enemy doesn't die there's a high chance they get both hands and feet disabled. It's the ultimate broken move and pretty much the only thing you're going to use with the Master, ever. Naturally, this move goes best on Yuan.

The last Shaq Fu move, Fusha No Sha ("To strike without striking"), is a counter that I've never actually seen used. The Master tends to destroy everything in his path so quickly, there's not really much of a chance for the enemies to retaliate, so I have no idea what the range or effect of this move is. It's not like you'll need it anyway.

Next Time: The Master Teaches Atop The Shaq