Part 44: Caveman - Update # 1 - The Origin of the Modern Cult

Report #1- The Origin of the Modern Cult, Proof that The Flintstones is Historically Accurate, and The Original Anime Hairdo



Hello, everyone! This is Alcharagia, and today I'll be taking you on a journey. You see, it's not common knowledge, but Square actually did a lot of research for this game. In fact,



The Caveman chapter? Everything in it is totally accurate to actual history! All of it actually happened. Crazy, huh?



We open with some cavemen. Fun fact: This tribe, the Ku Tribe, actually had red hair in 100% of its members! As such, the Ku Tribe contributed quite a bit to the Anglo-Saxon bloodline, but unfortunately an incident with a mammoth relegated the red hair gene to its current rarity.



But enough about that. As you can see, the members of the Ku Tribe- the old man is the elder of the tribe, of course- have just been interrupted in a religious ceremony by another member. You see, the Ku Tribe rituals often involved human sacrifice- leading to a number of religions, such as the Aztecs, and directly influencing the cultists from then to today. The foxy lady in that man's screech bubble was to be this day's sacrifice. Unfortunately, she appears to have fled.

By the way, there is no dialogue in this chapter. It took place before language was invented, and thus everything is conveyed in gesture and yelling.



The elder does not take this information well, and he sends the members of the Ku Tribe to hunt the sacrifice down.



Speaking of the sacrifice, here we see her escaping her captors. Unfortunately, those ropes seem too tight to escape and



oh there you go.



Anyhow, she flees posthaste, but as we can see,



she probably should've taken the rope, too. This member of the Ku Tribe, having found evidence of her escape route, goes to tell the rest of the tribe.



It ends poorly. He tries again, this time to the left door.



Unfortunately, it ends poorly once again. Note this incredibly smug man. His name is Zaki, and I could go into length about him and his societal influences. But he becomes a lot more important later, so I won't. Zaki is somewhat of the second-in-command of the Ku Tribe. As such, one shout from him assembles the squad of searchers.



And then they ride off on their stone cars! Yeah, those vehicles in the Flintstones actually existed! My mind was totally blown too, trust me. The poor trampled one is quick to follow.



Cutting away from them for a moment, we find ourselves in a regular dream of our protagonist.



Find mammoth.



Chase mammoth.



Get chased by mammoths.



A lot of mammoths.



Really a lot of mammoths.



...Quite a lot of mammoths.



BABY MAMMOTH YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY





Our noble caveman hero, Pogo. Fact: Pogo's genetic memory was passed down to his descendants, who eventually settled Asia. As such, almost 100% of ridiculous, technicolor anime hairdos can be directly traced to him!



Well, now that that intro cutscene is over, let's talk gameplay! You excited to talk about gameplay, Pogo?



I knew you would be! Pogo here is posing because he just inspected that cupboard, earning himself a Big Stick. But before we can get into that, we need our ape companion! Unfortunately, he's sleeping.





Good job, Pogo!



Alright, so here we see our party of Pogo and Gori. Yes, Gori's eyebrows are enormous. No, I don't know why. I guess ape eyebrows were just way bigger back then. ...If they even have them today. Do they?



So he WHAT?! A character starting at Level 1 in Live-A-Live? Why, I never! ...Anyway. As you can see, Pogo is sparsely equipped, at the lowest possible level, and has stats you couldn't kill a fly with. We'll be rectifying that shortly. However, he DOES have the second-highest HP of any character in the game, the highest being our seventh and final main character.

At the moment, Pogo has only one move- Bash Bash. Bash Bash is a standard melee attack, which hits any space next to Pogo.



Gori is a bit more powerful at this stage, being Level 4 and all. However, note that he isn't wearing much. Being an ape, Gori has... difficulties with equipment. He can pretty much only wear one specific head item, one specific body item, one specific foot item, and accessories.

At the moment, Gori has two techniques- Ngah!, a regular melee attack, and Ee!, a Mind Tech which hits the panels two panels away on cardinal directions from Gori for a 5X5 range. It puts things to sleep.



This idiot is sleeping here. Pogo pokes him. He buggers off.









yeah i don't know either. Anyway, in those cupboards back there is a Bone, Hard Rock, and Hide. Good loot. I'll be explaining these in a moment. But first, THE IMPORTANT ROOM.



This room is very important. See that caveman there? He happens to be running around like a crackhead in any direction in the room. Talk to him.



Another caveman comes in! Talking to either caveman at this point summons a third one, talking to any of the three summons a fourth one, etc. However, the special thing happens once there are 20 of them. Once there are, talk to the twentieth caveman to enter the room.



Talking to him gets you not only a Bone, but a Bone, a Big Stick, a Hide, a Tough Hide, a Hard Rock, a Beast Fang, and a Beast Horn! Nice! In order to properly bust this chapter, you'll need to do this 10 or 11 times depending on how long you want to wait for an extra Bone. You can equip Big Sticks, by the way. Exchange Pogo's Bone for a Big Stick. Or don't and don't bother with any of this, that's fine too. But I'm going the crushing power way.



This is sufficient.



Anyhow, this is the central plaza of the area of this tribe. It never receives a name, actually. Talking to cavemen around here nets "antics" such as, er...



yeah.



I know, right? Anyway, this isn't important. What is important is the room to the lower-left.



This caveman is your key to ultimate power. The tied rock above his head indicates his duty- to take things you have and put them with other things you have to make new things for you to have.



For instance, this combination provides a Gatsun Glove, a Glove item with 5 Defense and +16 Power. Which goes on Pogo, obviously. The following is a list of the preparation I did for the rest of this chapter.

Hard Rock+Tough Hide= Gatsun Glove, stats above. Made 1.
Beast Horn+Tough Hide= Ooh! Mask, a Head item with 10 Defense, +15 IQ, Mind Evade Up, Sleep Evade Up, and Wind Evade Up. Made 2.
Bone+Hard Rock= Stone Knife, an ingredient. Made 5.
Hide+Stone Knife= Leather Cord, an ingredient. Made 3.
Bone+Stone Knife= Smoulder Spear, a Pogo weapon with 25 Attack and +10 Speed. Made 1.
Tough Hide+Stone Knife= Wild Armor, a Pogo armor with 24 Defense, -8 Speed, +10 Vitality, Blunt Evade Up, and Sharp Evade Up. Made 1.
Bone+Hide= Beast Hood, Gori's Body item, with 4 Defense and +10 Speed. Made 1.
Hide+Leather Cord= Wild Dress, a Third Party Member armor with 48 Defense and +10 IQ. Made 1.
Big Stick+Leather Cord= Swish Whip, a Third Party Member weapon/glove with 10 Attack and +16 Speed. Made 1.
Tough Hide+Leather Cord= Wild Bag, a Third Party Member weapon with 40 Attack, +20 Power, and +8 IQ. Made 1.
Beast Fang+Beast Horn/Hide/Hard Rock= Nose Ornament, an Accessory for +8 IQ. Made 5.
Beast Horn+Bone/Hard Rock= Gigigaga Wakka, an Accessory/Foot item for +2 Speed, +3 IQ, and Blunt Evade Up. Made 7.

Other notable items:
Stone Knife+Leather Cord= Buzzing Knife, a Pogo weapon for 30 Attack. Wasn't taken because of the Wild Armor Speed penalty.
Hard Rock+Stone Knife= Venus Figurine, an Accessory/Item. As an Accessory, -10 Speed, Mind/Earth/Wind/Water/Fire Evade Up. As an Item, an infinite-use healing item with some charge time in the area immediately around the user. Wasn't taken because I don't care enough to use it.

Hide was equipped on Gori. Armor for 4 Defense.

5 Beast Fangs were equipped on Pogo. Each is an Accessory for +4 Power.





I believe these should be sufficient.

Next Report: The Origin of the Cantankerous Old Man Type, Proof of the Video Game Controller being a Historical Relic, and The Original Story of Young Love!