Part 32: Extras - Hatchat BR

Hey, GPS-faces! Triangulate the position of this!!



Sub-episode! Get it? Ha ha! Me neither.

I realise this is now asking quite a lot of you--I can't remember exactly what I'd have had for breakfast yesterday if I ever got up in time to eat breakfast--but cast your minds all the way back to Episode 4, Chapter 3 when we (as the Ex-NEVEC cool guys) took a nice, long walk down the shore. You know, the shore which happened to be guarded by weird robot akrid monsters? Well, today we get to look at the horrible mad scientist fellas who decided those abominations would be a good idea: the Bug Ranchers!

First up for your enjoyment presumably, it's the titular Bug Rancher.



Sorry, didn't I mention there was going to be ridiculous akrid cosplay? I'm sure I must have warned you about that at some point. I certainly wouldn't have forgotten to tell you about the man walking around in his suit modelled after the extremely rare "Hedgehog Akrid", because (along with that Sandraider fella who looked equally stupid) this is probably the most unpleasant character design in the game!

It's a shame, because conceptually it's quite a good idea, I think; the guy's gone and made himself a big suit of armour out of a big, spiky akrid! Cor, he must be proper hard, mustn't he? The problem lies in the execution and the fact that they completely overdid it--sure, give him a few spikes to make it actually look like it's made out of dangerous beasties, but there's no need to cover his entire bloody body in 'em, is there? Also, the less said about his weird flappy apron thing the better.

It vaguely reminds me of armour for idiots from westerny RPGs like Dragon Age and Oblivion and stuff--if anybody's walking around in armour spikes you know they're a total pillock, even if they've managed to stumble their way up to space. Might as well put an ascii gun in his name. Next, please! Make sure it's a good one!



Oh now, that's much better, isn't it? His costume still isn't really based on any existing akrid that I know of, but it's a much nicer, cleaner design that still manages to look very alien-y. I guess the grub on his back looks a little big like a baby Dongo-rolly-alien-thing; maybe he's a rolly mummy? Either way, the pretend glowing weak points on his costume (that actually glow properly ingame) do a much better job of bringing the costume together than a thousand million spikes positioned awkwardly all over t'place.

In the interests of being upfront, I'll admit that the main reason I like the Hunter's costume so much is because of his extremely charming and lovely hat. Well, that and the way that he's like a great big dumpy alien doughboy who looks like he couldn't hurt a fly...err, other than for the machine gun in his hands, but please ignore that and concentrate mostly on the funny hat!

Please don't ask why he's called the Hunter because I've absolutely no idea. Presumably they wanted something threatening-ish that sounded like it fit with "Bug Rancher" and this was the first name out of that peculiarly specific hat.

I'm going now. I love you bye!


From what I remember when Mercs2 killed off my last xbox, you get approximately 30 seconds of weirdo distorted anything you choose--mostly loading screens--before the entire console freezes up and starts screaming and flashing red at you. I wouldn't recommend it (and trying to record a video in 30s bursts would be a bit awkward (sorry))


It doesn't, silly! That'd be soooo silly. We're taking it back down to the planet to do..something with it on the Over-G. Suicide, I guess?


Mmm, yes, that doesn't sound like a great idea. I hope we're not going on one of those silly end-of-the-game suicide missions.


Why is everyone so keen to get us to suicide-wander into the gigantic laser today!!