Part 17

HEY BAD RELIGION'S NEW ALBUM "NEW MAPS OF HELL" CAME OUT TODAY DID YOU BUY IT HUH HUH

Alright so today we will be going to Narcysus, the port town that is not Gruberik, no more ancient cave for a little while. I'll probably do it some more once I get the final lineup (Maxim, Selan, Guy, Artea)


Firstly, I didn't know this, but Dekar can also equip Gades Blade. However, Mega Ax is way more awesome.


LET'S GO!


Man that water sure is weirdly colored, I mean, some of it is dark and some light, weird.


There we go. What's with the little patch of desert, anyway?


That's one tiny fucking boat, dude.


Yeah yeah we've all heard that one before. Admit it, you ate them. I won't judge you.


Must be Idura, we should go catch up with him and kick him in the behind.


As I try to leave a weird flute noise fills the air.


Huh, what, go where? She walked away before answering.


And so did this girl.


And the little one too, aw


Dekar tries to stop this girl with his masculine charm, but it's not very effictive on girls hypnotized by flutes.


Huh, where Idura is? Strange. Coincidence? I mean, I guess if he likes young girls, but who doesn't?


Hey Selan's still here. Huh.


Oh shi


That's a good question!

I don't know! All the young women just left the city! I have to go after Marsa!

Yeah, you do that. We'll be there soon when you get your ass kicked.



Yes, very fishy!

But nothing happened to me!

I guess it's because you're married.

Only the young single women, huh? They must want to use their life force or something.

Life force? Then they're in danger for sure!

Yes let us all go together, and not have a comical arguement where we all say that we're going to go alone!

Yeah that would be stupid.

I don't have a single line in this part! I'm supposed to be the hero!

So, they say in the game "young, unmarried women," But I think they meant virgins. You know, young unmarried women often get mistaken for virgins, like in the Bible. That's right, foomy totally got it on with Mary. I'd also like to point out that they did have a stupid argument about dekar saying he'd go alone and shit, it was stupid. He REALLY needs to get laid.



Lexis?

You don't know? He's the genius inventor of the century! Should be in Treadool east of here, but he's so busy. I tried to see him a couple of times, but he was too busy.

Yes well we probably won't get to see him either.

First, though, I went back to the north mountain to get that thing I missed.


Yeah, I know, it's exciting, however while I was here, Dongs learned a new move.


Now he can breathe fire, which would have been way better in that mountain where everything was weak to fire. Not like Selan didn't just kill them all in one hit with fireball, but, anyway.


Also, you can buy war rapiers, the best item to feed to your capsule monsters, because they ask for them every other item. At least Foomy does.

So let's go save some virgins maybe they will offer up their maidenheads in return EH FELLAS YEAH GET IT


Here's this north tower which is *surprise surprise* north of the town.


That's a BAD name for this tower. I'd better hurry oh shi dragons


From the town of Dragonius in the kingdom of Dragonia. They can poison with their regular attack, which would suck if this were the ancient cave.


These guys are jerks they have this awful move that's like


Bam you're dead instantly. So I have to cast Rally to fix it.


Yeah. It's cool lookin.


Falming chicken heads with talons?!


Awesome.


This weird orb pushes me into the wall. I mean, I can just walk around this one, so what's the point? Maybe we'll run into another one later.


This is weird, the switch for this is just right here, hmm. . . Strange.


Hey a bombable wall, when I blow it up I end up


Back in here wait. . . let's hit those switches and see what happens.


The posts go down, however, when I walk past these orbs,


The buttons go back up and so do the posts. I think you can figure out that I have to hit the switches, then go back and go through the hole in the wall to circumvent those orbs.


Whee more outside stuff


oh no ghost samurais! That's kind of stupid, honestly.


Hey I love blowing holes in walls wheeee


Nothing very interesting about this, except that I'm pretty sure they couldn't possibly use those shells as drills.


Hmm this wall looks funky.


Down the stairs, I find this key and hmm those pillars look weak. . .


Hell yes, blow it all to hell!


Awesome, the wall came crumbling down, now I can get past it to a chest woo


EVIL! They use a move called eight legger as their normal move, it hits everyone and sucks ass.


You know what? Idura is weak to ice, and I really wish I had equipped this before fighting him damn it.


Hey I should find that switch.


This actually has the same animation as fireball without the screen turning red. It's not super powerful, but then these guys aren't weak to fire.


Good thing I found this key!


Sweet, a puzzle! To pass this, I need to use my noggin, and of course some blocks.


Pushing this into the line of the orb, it get's pushed to the wall, however. . .


Now I can pass. Hitting that switch lowers the spikes, and then stepping on the button


Moves the statues so I can walk around the orbs to get to the door.


You could also have pushed that other block in the path of the top orb, and walk that way, but why the fuck would you when you can just walk behind the orbs?


A bomb puzzle! This one is incredibly hard, it took me a while. However, there is a third unlocked door here which leads to:


Wow! I was wondering when I'd get this thing.


Like as in Jeff Goldblum. Cause it's a fly GET IT?! I used it for about three battles, turns out it's fast as fuck, but not very strong. Maybe if I got it to a stronger class. I mean, if you guys vote for it, I'll spend some money evolving it or whatever.


I kept ending up with just the one dark square, which pisses me off!!!


For some reason I was able to do this one no problem, in only like four bombs no less. Weird. Eventually I figured out how to do the other one in four moves too.


FINALLY! By the way, part of the problem is you can't put bombs on the X panals, in fact, you can't even press any buttons, open the menu, anything.


There, the pillar moved, I can get to that switch.


Yay


At the top, finally.


Save point, but no healing panals


A weird puzzle. As you walk up these little corridors,


The blocks also move. I can't really explain how I got them all on the right switch, but I did it see


SEE! Okay boss


Yeah you'd better go help them and shit.



Betcha this isn't a trap.


Urge to make terrible photoshops based on this. . . must quell. . .


Oh no who saw this coming?!

Idura!

Those girls will be used to resurrect Sir Gades! I'll let no one stop me!

(I'd like to butt in here and point out that he is full of shit and he clearly used them as bait to capture us)

To revive Gades? Do you have enough power to revive Gades?

I don't have the power to revive Gades.

Then who?

Soon, the whole world will know of the Four Sinistrals, for they have begun to make their move!


Oh that's right, someone is missing from the cage!


I dunno, maybe he was with us the whole time and was smart enough to evade your obvious trap? Gawrsh.


Yeah he's a smooth talker. But maybe instead of talking he should, you know, decapitate Idura.



As long as you believe in me, no enemy can beat me!

Oh yes! I believe in you!

Beware of this sweet talker. His skill is sure, but a thinker he is not, with muscle for brain.

Ha, look who's talking! You're in the trap and I'm not! Okay Idura, I am perfectly ready!

'Tis my loss. As you are now, I cannot win. You can have the girls.

Hmm, well since you're a quick learner, and I'm a nice guy, I'll let you live. Beat it!


Ahahaha Dekar really is that stupid, folks. He evaded a trap just to walk into that same trap a few seconds later. Honestly.


Man is he a moron.

Aw fuck.

You're not too swift are you?!

Yeah well at least I didn't fall for his trap!

Yes you did, you're in it right now!



I just fuckin 0wn3d you n00bz! HAH!

You're a faggot and I'm going to break open this cage and then break open your fucking skull!

Pfft that shit is impenetrable.

THAT'S RIGHT TAITO, LUFIA FANS ARE ADULTS! THIS IS HOW ADULT SPEAK!




Dekar is rushing at the bars, I mean I assumed that was self-explanatory but.



Welp..

Hey axe, guess what? Dinner time!

okay I lied he really says

Which is pretty awesome but anyway


ahahahahaha still totally fucking

For some reason this time, he didn't use plasma buster or idura thunder at all, he just used physical attacks. It was weird.


He can also summon stronger versions of followers, however they are apparently weak to fire


Because DONGS ripped them a new asshole. Ahahah wait that sounded wrong.


Awesome amounts of exp woo


Being a giant fucking pussy, he runs away again. We'll face him one more time, I predict. Third time's the charm!

Next, Dekar tries to hit on the girls, but then all of their boyfriends come and retreive them (I thought they were supposed to be single?!) and then the little girl says she'll be his bride but then her boyfriend shows up. Then Dekar says


To keep up his pride. Poor guy REALLY needs to get laid.


Poor Dekar, I wish he could just get laid

I know, it's what Idura said, right?

The resurrection of Gades, and the four Sinistrals on the move, right?

Yeah, Gades called himself a Sinistral, right? You think there are three more like him? They're all evil, AND lefties, I mean what are the odds? It's like they are in a club or something!

Idura said that the four will reveal themselves soon.


I couldn't have said it better myself. Let's go back! The only reward I get for saving those bitches is


Which is honestly more than you get from most places, which is a huge plus. Also, I have some extra cash so


huh?


Foomy is Evolving!


Now he's fucking HUGE! I can make him Master class, if you guys want. It's all up to you.

So now I've finished this update, vote on what capsule monster I should use! Should I use Foomy? IV or M? Should I try out our new comrade, Jeff? If you choose Jeff, I'll feed him some long knives to make him class change to at least II. DONGS and BOOYA can pretty much fuck off, I mean unless you like them.

WHY HAVEN'T YOU BOUGHT THE NEW BAD RELIGION ALBUM YET GO NOW! IT ROCKS!