Part 14

Hey, another update where we ALMOST get to Elfrea!


This is the Dais, by the way.


And a few steps away is this stupid fucking tower! Actually, it turned out not to be all that long.


Actually it was full of warp tiles which is fun! I was presented with two rooms up here, one on the left and on the right, so let's check them out.


Oh boy I wonder where this warp takes me!


. . . across the hall?

Oh hey new enemies:


Straw Men, which I guess are supposed to be like straw voodoo dolls (like Mojo from Chrono Cross), and archers, which have the amazing ability to use Hi Arrows which hit each member of your team for 25-30 damage. Later you fight them in groups of four, isn't that lovely?! They're weak to flash, which is nice but only hits one person!


Skeletons and NIGHTMARE, which has a pumpkin for a head and yodels to cause confusion. Yeah, that's pretty fucking scary. At leasr Nightmare isn't a horse, that pun makes me die a little inside every time.


This is strange? What's with these light panals?


Apparently they indicate where the holes are in the floor above you! Whoops, my bad. Actually all the treasure in this room SUCKS, they're like antidotes and hi potions, no weapons, nothing! There's only one useful treasure in this whole fucking dump!


Raises the power of Lufia's flash-line spells. So far I have a flash ring, water ring, and flame ring which is for a character I don't have yet who can use flame spells.


That warp takes you back to thr first floor, which is stupid because I'm pretty sure you can just walk off the roof to go outside. Also, what the hell is this guy doing in this tower in the middle of nowhere?!

Well anyway Jerin is on the roof so let's go up some floors.


okay


huh


This is a pretty short tower, I guess, which is nice because it took me my whole fucking life to get here!


Teleporty puzzle! Well it's kind of stupid and there are two treasures, both with miracles. I'll spare you all the warping and just get to the boss.


There he is with Jerin. A hop, skip, and jump later. . .



Wait, Amon? Seriously?

No! Not the SInistral of Terror Amon!

You've heard of him? Perfect! You can help too! RARGH!

OH NOESZ BOSS BATTLE TIME!


This boss battle is like every other boss battle so far, except for some reason he decided to focus on Aguro for some reason

Probably because Aguro KICKS HIS ASS!


Aguro can really dish it out, let me tell you. Actually, this battle is more annoying than normal because the fucker can heal himself.


Fucking jerk!! He can also cast


Which is the mid-power flash spell. I WANT IT! But Lufia doesn't learn it until like lv22. Every spell group has three spells, low, mid, and high power. So Flash becomes Bolt, which becomes Thunder. I won't spoil the others.


They should make these bosses a challenge, geez. I guess the challenge is fighting random encounters every five steps to get to them!


MP absorbtion spell! Now she'll never run out of MP!



Kidnapping is for faggots!

I'm glad no one was hurt! Are you okay?

Yes, I'm fine.

I'll take you as far as the village.



Take care! Enjoy the villages hospitality, even though they offered you up as a sacrifice to monsters!

Yup, have a nice rest of your life!

But. . . but I want to go with you!

Sorry, it's too dangerous.

Oh, I'd just get in your way, is that it?!

no, it's just, we jjust saved your life, so you should hang on to it for a little while longer.

Okay well fine take this miracle and shove it up your ass then!


Huh for some reason we REALLY don't want her, even though there is room for her in my party, and you know you need an elf in your party to get to Elfrea, and she's half elf. I hoestly don't understand the big objection to her joining, but whatever. And you know we're leaving her in the village that offered her up as a sacrifice and all.


I guess I'll head there first. That's right, this is a SUPER MEGA UPDATE! I'm doing tons of plot this time.


Why does the desert have a lake with trees and shit growing in it well whatever let's just cross it.


TWENTY RANDOM ENCOUNTERS LATER!



THERE'S SAND IN MY BOOTS!

Anyway, let's ask the locals for directions.



But to get there, you have to cross through the "Lost Woods." OPPS! I mean "Lost Forest." But I hear only elves know the way through, so you can't go through without an elf. What's that? You could've gotten an elf in your party but refused? GOOD GOING DIPSHIT!

Seriously, what the fuck, we need her to continue but nooooooo Mixam had to be a dumbass and refuse her. What the fuck.

Also, this is the most confusing bit of text I've ever read:


I. . . I just. . . syduck: What the hell does that even mean?!

Okay so south is this forest thing let's go.


Hey we should uh see if we can get an elf guide or something.



Well do you have someone who can show us through?

Yeah, but she's only a child. But she's also the only one so you'll have to take her! Come out!



Jer. . . Jerin? How the hell did you get here before us, on your own?! What the fuck?

I knew you'd have to come this way. You need an elf to get through the Lost Wo. . . Forest, and I happen to be half-elf. There's no way you can refuse me.

Let's try it without her, maybe we can make it!

Nope, only elves can go through.

But you're not even an elf!

I'm half elf.

Look you little cunt, I'm the only girl in this group and I will NOT allow you to cut in on my estrogen monopoly. If you're here, they might not pay attention to me sometimes, and then what?! HUH? THEN WHAT?!

Look we have no other choice. Right Aguro?

Well I happen to be attracted to little girls, so I think she'll do just fine here! Besides, she's legally an adult with the body of a little girl, what more could I ask for!?

Wait a minute?! You're serious! But. . . but she can't join us! I object!

Why?

Why? Just. . . well just because! That's why! (this is actually what she says)

Shut up, damn you're annoying! Jerin, Aguro, let's go, and Lufia can come if she wants.

Man what's her problem?

She's just jealous. It's always the same thing. Nothing to worry about.

YOU DON'T LOVE ME! I'M GOING ON AHEAD!

Okay, I don't understand why Mixam and Aguro were opposed, but damn man Lufia is a whiny bitch. Jesus christ. And she really does object "just because."


It seriously looks like she's in diapers. But she is wearing like a little robe or something. I don't even know. I'll bet you could find Lufia fanart, then you'd know what she was wearing!


This one tree is the "Lost Forest."

PS Jerin is on a lower level than the rest of my team and oh hey has lower stats than all of them too. Her advantage? She learns Mirror, and also can use bows which hit a group of enemies all at once. However she's so weak it doesn't even do that much damage.


I had to remember for a second which way east was




Why couldn't I have just walked south in the first place syduck: I guess that's why they call it the "lost" forest! Seriously though, it's blatently stolen from Zelda.


A house where I can rest for free, and a shrine with an underground path leading to the next area.

OH HEY I just remember, I was wrong about there being no revive items, you just can't buy them I don't think. But I'm probably wrong about that, anyway, I have found a bunch in chests which I opened, and I used one in a battle against four archers on Jerin because she's weak as fuck for now (and the rest of the game).


He told me something about three islands too, I'm mostly just amused by Jenoba, because in Japanese b and v are the same sound, so Jenova

He also says no one has ever found Elfrea, which is funny because, um, how could people live there, then?


Jenoba. One last thing before I'm done.



Buy me some cider and I might have info. . .

okay here's your cider where's my info?

Relax! You're too hasty, young one. Buy me another cider first.

fine, now where's my info!

Look, there are three islands here, and on each island is a tower: Red, Blue, and Green. Each tower also holds a gem of the same color. Collect those gems, they're the keys to getting to Elfrea. How they are the keys, I don't know, you'll have to figure that out.

Okay, next update we'll visit the other town nearby, and tackle at least one of the towers. That's right, EVEN MORE FETCH QUESTS BEFORE YOU GET TO ELFREA! Complete with tons of backtracking! It's everything you've ever wanted in an RPG!

All we need now is an escort mission, although having Jerin in your party is a lot like that, the way she dies constantly.