Part 9: Does Nobody Know How to Use a Sword?

Chapter 9: Does Nobody Know How to Use a Sword?



We're finally here. We can finally end this awful jaunt through the Frontier, and, uh, rescue Lucia and end the game I guess. Yes, that is what will happen.



Unlike all the other dungeons we've been to so far, the Vile Castle is really simple and straightforward. Also, there's only one blue chest, and it's in the first room here.



Unfortunately, this room is filled with these purple tiles, which the monsters can cross but you can't. However, they'll usually chase you. Clearing this room out was really easy and took no time.



Hey look another accessory that raises two stats and does nothing interesting. Cool.

So what's in the blue chest, then?



Another accessory that raises two stats but is otherwise boring.





And the rest of the castle is just a two screens of this hallway leading to stairs, and another hallway.



Although the game will try to make this drag out a bit longer. Reset.

For posterity, monsters that can break your equipment do so fairly rarely. It's kind of like saying that your friend only sometimes punches you in the nose.




That's Gideon?
I'm afraid so... A true demon, even among the Vile Tribe. Needlessly violent and super powerful... We don't stand a chance without a solid plan!
I'm supposed to have fought him myself, but... I don't really remember it... He's responsible for taking Lucia...! Another one of these monsters I can't forgive! Looks like its time to settle this!
No, wait. Leave this to me. Jian, you guys go on ahead.
But... Even you can't fight him alone!
Are you forgetting? I can't be killed! I'll be fine! I always am. I'll catch up with you, don't worry!
...
So, what are you staring at? Get going! You're only a step away from Ignatius. Time to save Lucia, right?
Rufus... thank you!
You can count on me! I'll keep Gideon right here. He killed many of my comrades, don't forget. This is a good chance to avenge them, too! Go on then! Off you go!
Be careful, Rufus!
I'm always careful. The same to you, my lady.
Rufus...







Man, I am so glad I didn't bother with you, Rufus.

Nah, let's go help him.



As far as we could tell, you didn't even shut the door behind you.



Ah, but we're finally here.



Oh, hey, he's got presents in here. Can accuse old Iggy here of being a bad host.





See, he cares a lot about throwing good house parties.

Yes! For you stand before Ignatius!
You?! You're Ignatius?!
Oh, you seem surprised? Did you think I would be some three headed monster, perhaps? An ogre with one eye?

A slightly more original character design? Yeah, that'd be silly.





Urgh, we're having a moment here!



Man, Rufus didn't last very long, did he?

Oh dear, what's this? Gideon appears to still have bits of your friend between his teeth! He is clutching something... let's see...
Oh, Rufus...!




Jian, that sword...
I did not want this to happen... Ignatius! Just give Lucia back!



Rufus was a bad influence on you.

You upstart... So full of vigor, aren't you. But vigor alone is not enough to defeat me. And your lack of refinement is starting to grate on my nerves.
Refinement?! This, from you?!
Oh, a kidnapping here or there. So what?

Iggy here was written by someone who was told to write another Ghaleon, but all they knew about the character came from skimming TVtropes and a handful of fanfic.

Still, this is truly a fine sword. Here, as I said, take it!



And Iggy blasts the sword towards Jian... at his feet. Buddy, you could have impaled him and saved yourself a lot of headache right here and now.

You couldn't even scratch me with that, let alone kill me, whelp. Now, I'm busy. Goodbye.
Wait! Return Lucia to me!


What has the Goddess got to do with this?
But Goddess, oh sweet Goddess! You may fool these simpletons, but not I! You sweet, sweet fool!

...so Iggy is a crazy man. Okay.

The fate of the Goddess, and of this world, now rest in the palm of my hand. Finally, both where they belong! And there is nothing you can do about it!



I am pretty damn sure you have no idea how to use that.


C'mon, I'll be your friend.
Go home! Why hurry to your death? Do you really believe that a human and a beast, such a motley pair, can defeat me?
Don't say I didn't warn you, then! I'll show you now just how small and pathetic a creature you really are!
Silence! Lucia... Return Lucia to me! Or die!



And now we're fighting Iggy. And no, I'm not going to ever refer to him by his full name, the game doesn't deserve that.

Anyway, since we're a man down, this boss fight will be challenging, but if we use all the cards we have and be care-



Nah, it's unwinnable.





What.



Oooohkay, there's a lot to say here.

First of all, I know I've mentioned this, but damn this game isn't even trying to pretend that Iggy's not a complete rip-off of Ghaleon. And- oh god, this scene isn't even over yet.



What

Huh... Well, remember this moment, whelp. One more swing, and you would have been dead.
Lucia... is that you...?
I shall send them to Cathedral of Althena...
As you wish, Goddess! I just hope you aren't around next time.



Now that this scene has ended, I can discuss... I don't even know where to start. It's so stupid that I'm at a loss for words. How is he a Dragonmaster? How has he already awakened and (apparently) enslaved Althena? Did he enslave Althena? If he didn't, why is she here? Why is she his nagging girlfriend, apparently? ("Honey, you promised you'd stop killing people") Why does Lucia have pink hair when Althena and her reincarnations are supposed to have blue? (Okay, that's a nit-pick.) Why didn't the game show a splash graphic or anything when Althena showed up, since that's a pretty big reveal? Argh!

Okay, for those of you who don't know their Lunar, I'm gonna hold off on explaining Dragonmasters, since the game will discuss Dragonmasters next update. However, the whole "baddie finds the reincarnation of Althena and enslaves her" was done in Lunar 1... but very differently. For one, as I mentioned, the villain Ghaleon had to exert a lot of effort in finding her. For another, he does straight-up enslave the Goddess, as in, she's completely brainwashed. The original game doesn't really explain how directly, but it's fairly clear that it's because he killed all the Dragons, leaving her vulnerable. It's a little less clear in the remake, but the same idea is there. Either way, she's not standing around scolding him for his bad deeds.

One the other hand, at least Iggy didn't put her in bondage gear. So... point Iggy, I guess.



Anyway, back to this awful game.


Could this be...? Cathedral of Althena?
I am so glad to see you back safely! King Zethos is most worried about you! Please, go to see him right away!


...Hold on! Jian! Hey, Jian...! Come on, wake up! Jian!
Let me check him... Do not worry, my lady. He is merely unconscious. Please, leave him in my care. You must meet with your father.
But...!
My lady, I beg of you!
...Very well.
Thank you, my lady. Now please, hurry!
I shall. I'm leaving Jian with you, understand? I shall be back to check on him.
Worry not, my lady, worry not! Rather, make haste! Please!
...



Yeah that scene sure had a reason to be here.


Say no more... You are back here, safe. That is enough for me.
Papa...


Great Althena! ...Isn't that...?!
Yes. Rufus' sword. Ignatius had it.


Gabryel... You have grown up so much, in such a short time! Don't you agree, Ezekiel?
Certainly, my King... But I must admit, I fear terribly what may befall Lady Gabryel, facing such dangers!
You make a good point... Perhaps we should chain her down now, before she gets away again, eh?
Please, Lord Zethos... I fear the time for such levity has long since passed. The Goddess Althena is now in the hands of the Vile Tribe!
You are right, of course. But that, that was a shock. To think, that girl was the Goddess all along!
I still don't think Jian believes it... But I saw Lucia clearly. It was her.

I'm glad you did.

Which means... Ignatius could attack again at any moment! Ezekiel! Send out the word! Strengthen the guard on Cathedral of Althena and be ready for attack at any time!
Yes, my King. At once.


So, my daughter... How is the youth Jian taking this?
Not well, I'm afraid. Two big shocks in quick succession. First the truth about Lucia, and then being beaten by Ignatius... We're going to have to handle him carefully for a while, I fear.

Oh goodie, now we're gonna get emo Jian. Like regular Jian wasn't bad enough.



So now we find that for the last three years Jian's been undergoing intense, frustrating physical therapy with an old mentor-



No, of course, he's just sulking.



NO I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE THIEVES' WOODS AGAIN FUCK YOU

Wait, are Gabryel and Jian both working as couriers right now? Why would she be doing this job, she's a princess!

Gabi, I'm still not sure...
Get down off the fence! I want a decision! Yes or no?!
OK, OK, let's do it. An easy enough job. I should feel better if I work a little, too...
Good, that's a little more like it. Get ready to head out, then!
A delivery to Perit Village... That's what started all this off in the first place. Gabi, is the delivery a package by any chance?
Oh Jian, come on! This is textbook stuff! You know that couriers must never examine the delivery, never ask any questions of the client and resist any personal interest in the packages!

...he just wanted to know if it was a package. As opposed to... well, shit, as opposed to what?

Yes... You're right, Gabi, of course.
Are you sure you didn't injure your head, too? Pull yourself together, Jian! Now, let's go and pick up that delivery!

The thing that confuses me here is that I don't know how much time is supposed to have passed since the showdown with Iggy. It seems like it's only supposed to be a few days, maybe a week at most. But then again, why is Gabryel lecturing Jian about his job like she knows it? (I guess she could have learned it in a few days, but it's still odd.) At least when the older Lunars did the "party at the lowest point" section, the amount of time that passed was always clear.



A lot of NPC dialogue has changed, but very little of it is that interesting. Most of it is "hey Jian you okay?" "Rufus couldn't have died" or "we are so fucked."

Actually, speaking of Rufus... he's dead. He is utterly dead. This actually surprised me, since we didn't see him die, and RPGs have always taught me that if you don't see an important character die with your own two eyes then they're not dead. Also, Lunar games aren't big on player character death. (I mean, I guess Lunar 1 technically has a player character death, if you count temporary members.)

You know he was supposed to be Jian's rival? Yeah. That didn't really go anywhere, did it?





Even feeding time guy can't be excited in the time like this. Feeding time guy is the best character in this game, by the way.



And... random mention of a desert that's not relevant yet. Yeah, I think we can guess what the next dungeon is.


...
What's with the long face, eh? Its not like Lucia is dead or something now is it! So long as you are both alive, you'll meet again. Come on, buck up lad!
...
Gad, please, don't....
No, Gabi, the boss is right...
Oh, that reminds me! I'd better hand this over, before I forget.



What's this?
Its for you... from Lucia.
...from Lucia...?
Yeah, to be delivered to you today. When was it... Ah, of course. That day you overslept and were searching the whole place for her? Well, she left this here with me then.


But what's so special about today?

It's the day George Washington took office?

Now I remember! Today is the day we first met!

Or that.

So... it must be a gift to celebrate!
Well great, lad! This is a bit of good news, right? So here you go, then, take it!
No... I can't. I don't deserve it. I failed to protect her, Gad! I'm not worthy of her gifts...
So that's how it is, is it? Yes, well, I am sure Lucia wouldn't want some moping sob-face having this either! I'll just toss it out, then.
Hey, wait! Gad, what are you doing?! You can't just open Jian's present like that! Gad, listen!
He doesn't care! It's destined for the trash anyway, so may as well take a look first!
Oh... Oh wow...!
Well, well, this is quite a pretty something! It would certainly have suited you, Jian. Shame.
Lucia...!



Gabi...
Jian, I know what you are feeling... it hurts so much, I know. But calm down for a moment! Think! There could be a hundred of us, an army, and we could still never defeat Ignatius!

You know, if we had any investment in these characters or the story, this could be an effective scene. I know some people absolutely hate it whenever a JRPG hero mopes in any way, but honestly a character that never suffers isn't an interesting one. Even the original Lunars, with their incredibly bland main characters, understood that. And the normally gung-ho Gabryel telling him not to try to rescue Lucia is interesting, and it kind of ties into what Zethos was talking about, how she's seen too many good men die and all that. Then again, Gabryel supposed guilt doesn't tie into anything else, nor does it really inform her character. Jian and his relationship with Lucia is even more thinly sketched. Any attempt at pathos just doesn't work by default.

But I can't just forget about her, Gabi...!
Well, I do have one idea... Let's try asking my father. He might be able to help us.

Uh, if he had even an inkling of how to defeat Iggy, I think he would have brought it up already.

The Beast King Zethos...? Well, it's better than just moping around here, that's for sure! OK, Gabi! Let's go!



Wait, we're not going to Perit? Yay! No Thieves' Woods!

Depressed one minute, hyper the next... Sounds like you might be seriously ill. I think you'd better take some time off...

You know, that sounds like a good idea.