Part 16: Shine On You Beautiful Mess

Chapter 16: Shine On You Beautiful Mess



All right folks, this is it! It's time to take the fight to Iggy!



The first few screens are exactly the same so there's no reason to hang around here.



Once we get to Iggy's main hall, we see a familiar face.


Whoa... That is one ugly creature!
...E...a...t...!
Rufus! I shall avenge you!
Jian, that sword?!
Yes... Rufus' blade! I've been keeping it for this very day!
Jian, I gave that sword to my dad. DID YOU STEAL THAT FROM MY DAD?!
Uh.... Gideon, eat this!



...P...a...i...n...!
Alright! Straight through him!
...E...a...t...!
You can't be serious!
He's still coming!


I don't believe it! But he must be hurt badly, right? I mean, he ripped the sword from his own body!
What shall we do, Jian...? Now Gideon is using Rufus' sword! Good job you asshole.
Rufus... Lend me strength! Please! The strength to defeat your enemy!





So now we're fighting a Deu- I mean Gideon. Yes. But he has a sword now.



It doesn't really make a difference. Throw some defense buffs on, and the rest of the usual cards, and then slap it on auto. Like every other boss in this game.



He's kind of notable in that he hits twice sometimes.



And he can put you to sleep, but how does that make it any different than any other battle in the game?



I have stopped using the counter accessories. I just ended up preferring having magic for most situations. I could use the counter stuff for bosses, but there's never a guarantee that the boss is physical based anyway, and you can't counter magic. I could also put it on Gab instead, but I really don't see the reason.


...Yes.
Thank you... Rufus was our hero, the hero of all the beastmen. You did a great thing. Stealing that sword from my dad, getting it into the hands of the beast that killed him... yeah you really honored his memory there.
But that's not why I did it! That's not it, don't you see? Rufus was fighting for us! To keep us safe! He was our comrade... our friend... This is not merely about revenge... It's more than just getting payback for him! I don't know, it's hard to explain... But all I can say is this. The sword of our friend has, as you can see, saved us again.
Jian... _Idiot.
Whoa...! Jian, that was way cooler than I expected from you!



All right, let's see what's behind the throne.



Wait, what?



How is this here? Let me remind you, we're not in the Cathedral, we're in the Vile Castle. They're fairly far apart from one another. Did Iggy rip it out of the Cathedral (and it's supposed to be in the Goddess Tower...) Can he do that? I'm pretty sure he can't.



Outside of the chamber of bullshit, there's four paths branching out from the center.



Each one leads to what looks like a tower. What's inside?



Thanks for reminding of my favorite dungeon of the game. So, what do we do here?



That's a good question. There's all these rock ladders, but they don't lead anywhere. And I can't leave. What the hell?

I reset and went down a different path.



Same deal. I'm trapped and there's nothing to do here.

Turns out the solution is very simple.



You clear these rooms out on Virtue mode.



Yup. Rather than actually design a final dungeon, they made a few maps out of existing assets, filled them with enemies, make you take them all out, and called it done.

So a level one run of the game is completely impossible, Magic Fantatic. Because this game sucks.



And when you're done, it just dumps you into this room.



Oh, that was easy. Can we go home now?



No, it's just a card, don't be silly. And this is how we first get a good look at Althena. Ridiculous.



By the way, you don't get the HP/MP restore for clearing room in this section. I sort of made it a point of pride to try to make it through this game without ever using an MP restoring item, but then I realized that I'm playing Lunar Dragon Song and pride has left the equation a long time ago. Fortunately, I came in with 7 Mental Gums, 11 Mental Drops, and 8 uses of my full MP restoration card. I'll be fine.



But yeah, you just fight enemies. That's it.



And it's not like each of the areas has different enemies. They all pull from the same enemy list.



And all you get from each room is a useless card.



Wait, Gideon 3?



What is th- this game just spoiled that Gideon has a third form.

This is amazing.



And of course the last area is taken from the most boring dungeon in the game, a game with stiff competition for that title.



Lunar Dragon Song, folks.



But whatever! It's done. Let's heal up, move on, and find out what next bit of insanity awaits us.


What? What's wrong, Jian?
I can feel it... I'm sensing Ignatius... so strong! He's here! I'm sensing him from the Chamber of Rebirth! Luciaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

...okay.


Lucia...?!








I don't think so! It all feels a little too real to me!
Watch out, you two! He looks different from before!
...D...i...e...!
Well... Here he comes!
We can't avoid it... So let's finish him, once and for all!



Game, why bother having a multi-part boss battle when you can only be bothered to make one new design?

As you might expect by the fact that it looks like Gronk, it uses magic like Gronk does. So debuff it and buff your intelligence and you're good to go.



That... thing is about the scariest thing Red Gronk can do.



At least it's not a card?



Moving on.



So the Goddess Tower finally makes it into the game. It doesn't look anything like the Goddess Tower, and the Goddess Tower isn't some metaphysical thing floating in space-time, it's an actual concrete location (yes it moved in Lunar SSSC but they establish why.) But whatever.



Hm we can't save. Shit might just be serious.


Calm down, Jian! If Lucia isn't in the Chamber of Rebirth...
It means she has either already been reborn... or that nothing has happened yet! Hey, there's still a chance, then!
...I hope you're right.

She's not being reborn, she's being reawakened. I think that's what the game means, but word choice is a little important here.





Well at least I can't be surprised at this bullshit thanks spoilery card.

I can't believe this guy! Just how many times do we have to fight him?
He's so ugly, too! I just want to run away!
There's only one thing for it! Don't stop hitting until you are sure he's dead!



All right, Gideon 3.



He spits fire at you. It hurts.



And occasionally, he'll reduce to just his floating head.

I was a little perplexed by this, but the answer is obvious; he's being staggered. Yup, you can stagger him too.



It's a little harder to stagger him, though, and he gets some nasty hits off.



Still, while it took forever, once I did the buff/debuff things I slapped it on auto and just coasted to the end.



Uh, that's odd.


Gabi, Flora, are you OK?
Just about...
Me too!
Ignatius, come out! I know you're watching, Ignatius! Lucia!!
I'm right here...


Ignatius...!
I should thank you, I suppose, whelp. Due to your kindly releasing the Four Dragons, I can finally achieve my goal.
Lucia...
Now, let me introduce you... Reawakened, divine again, my Althena!




What are you saying?! Lucia, it's me! Jian!
You are not permitted to come any closer! Leave at once! If you do not, then you shall face my wrath!


Jian, it's no good... Now she is awakened again, she can't remember ever being Lucia. Just as when she was reborn as Lucia, she had no memories of being the Goddess....
No! I won't accept that! My Lucia... she isn't Althena! She's just... Lucia!
Oh, you poor thing. Why, I think there is a tear in my eye! Love is all powerful, is it? Or eternal? You fool! The only all powerful, eternal thing in this world stands before you now! Althena herself!
You're wrong!
Love steals everything. Don't you see? You may believe that you are giving that single-minded love of yours, but in truth you are stealing everything with it! See the truth!
What?! You think that I've been... hurting Lucia?!
Face reality, whelp. How do you explain the fact that your precious Lucia is here, now, reborn as the Goddess Althena?
Oh, Lucia... Can't you remember, please! Remember why you chose to become Lucia!



I'm not sure what that gesture is supposed to be.

...
Well, this is very moving. But it all seems a little one-sided. She has moved on! Perhaps it is time we settled things between us, then? There cannot be two Dragon Masters in the world, after all. I am more than enough alone.
...


Wait, Jian...! What are you doing?!
Lucia, look... Here are the Dragon Rings I received for completing the Trials of the Dragons. Please, give them back to the Dragons? You can do that, right?
Hey... Jian...?! If you give back those rings, what'll happen to your Black Magic? We're just about to fight Ignatius here! Don't you think it might be better to hold onto them?

Nah, I never use them for boss fights. It's cool.

No, Flora, I don't... I don't want to be a Dragonmaster. I just want to go back to Searis, with Lucia.

This doesn't work for the basic fact that we have no investment in their relationship, but again since we've established that Jian had no interest in being a Dragonmaster to begin with, you can go somewhere interesting with this. On the other hand, this is more than resembles the end of Lunar SSSC (are you surprised?) and Jian has nothing to lose by giving up his "Dragonmaster" status, since he never wanted it, so that cheapens the impact.

...
Oh, you poor fool. Your long journey has crippled your wits, I see. You have passed the Dragons' Trials. Even if you give up the Black Magic now, that will not change anything. You are a Dragonmaster.
Ignatius... If you want to kill me, do it! I'm not about to run or hide!
Jian, are you serious?! You can't fight Ignatius unarmed!
You push me further than I can take, whelp! Very well! Another taste of my power for you!


...!
Jian...!
Stay back! Don't worry! I'm fine!
Now, to finally run you through! Or have you had enough? Well, I'm not about to stop! Meet your end!
Ignatius... You still don't get it, do you? We can't solve this by fighting! I may defeat you, or you can defeat me, it does not matter! One of us will end up defeated!

Hopefully, the one that ends up defeated is the one who captured the Goddess. Iggy has not shown any sign of goodness, or willingness to surrender. Just fucking kill him.

That is what matters! We are only strengthening the circle of hatred! Ignatius, wake up to the truth!

The only reason he's trying to reason with Iggy is that he's a Dragonmaster, no other reason. I guess Jian, like the audience, assumes he was a good man at some point. He doesn't try to reason with any other antagonist, like Gideon. Yeah, Gideon's a big dumb brute, but he has speech, which shows he has sentience and possibly some degree of sapience.

What nonsense is this? I have become all powerful! Indeed, I am a God! Goddess Althena herself is within my power. What have I to fear now? Nothing!
...And yet you still fear something, don't you. Not me! Yourself! You fear yourself!

...and you base this assessment on what exactly?

How dare you! You are finished, whelp!
Jian, look out!
No...!



...oh fuck you game.


Lucia, please! Say something! Come back to me!
I am... Althena... The Goddess... Althena...
Lucia, are you OK? Oh, please be OK!
Althena! Curse you! Are you willing to go so far to stop my plans?!
Jian...
Ignatius! I tried to reason with you, but this is it! This is unforgivable!

Finally. Let's kill him already!

Foolish Althena...! How long it took me to bring you under my control! And now, to lose that advantage, like this! I did not think you capable of such foolishness.
...Igna...tius...
No matter. The same as a Dragonmaster, this world only needs one all-powerful being. Which looks like me, on both counts. And you, whelp. All your talk of circles of hatred! It looks as though you are ready to fight me now!
Ignatius! Raise your sword, defend yourself! I'm going to finish you!
No... please... stop...!
Lucia! Can you hear me?!
Please... do not fight... Think... about what you learned... during the Dragons' Trials...

...the Dragon Trials which Jian solved by fighting.

Cannot you now see that simply defeating your opponent does not solve anything? Prove to me... that you have learned this lesson!
But... but Lucia! I'm trying, but... look what he has done to you! I can't find the strength to forgive him for that!

Also, while this actually has never come up in a Lunar game (I could be misremembering?), as a Goddess don't you think she wouldn't care about damage to her physical body?

The bravery to quell one's rage... You do not need to defeat him... whom you see as your enemy... Rather, you require... the bravery to open your heart and forgive. Forgive... him...!
Lucia...!
Please, do not... cry for me... I am no longer... required... This world does not... need me...
What do you mean, Goddess?


The strength to forge the future... it must come not from a single, all-powerful being... but from each one of you... alive in the world today.
What do you mean, Lucia?
A being like me... in charge of everything... is not good for the people as a whole. This world should be ruled by... all peoples... together... Ruled equally... The beastmen... and humans... and even the Vile Tribe... must all live together, side by side...
But... we can't live without you... Oh Goddess! We need you!
No, my child... You do not. Think of all you have learned. Each of you are already, in your own way, just as powerful as I ever could be.
...
A single... all powerful... supreme being such as myself... is no longer needed. It is my fate to... fade... away...


Please! Wait! Listen to me! Lucia, what are you going to do? Where are you going? Lucia! Answer me! I love you! Lucia!



Oh yeah, Iggy's still in this scene.

A real tearjerker, I must admit! Now that Althena is gone, there is no reason for me to remain in the accursed Frontier.
What are you planning now?
The ruler of this world! The all powerful being to command all! That... is I! All who oppose me face death! Well, what do you think? Will you kneel before your new God?
Let Flora go!
Silence! Stay where you are, then! If that is the way it is to be, I'll kill you all now! Starting with this pretty little thing right here!
Jian! Forget about me!
Never! I'm going to save you!
Oh really... big words! I thought I told you not to move?
Why you... Is there nothing you will stoop to, Ignatius?



Suddenly, the screen shakes.

...What the?! What is this?!
Flora!


What...?! No!
Ignatius...!





God, Iggy really has a hard-on for the word "whelp" doesn't he?



Oh, well, bye Iggy.

_{The screen is shaking so the gif of this turned out not looking that good, but it's here if you wanna see it.}



Were you hoping to find out what his deal is? Well, too bad.

No, really, that just happened.




With the release of Goddess Althena's power, this Cathedral is rapidly becoming unsafe! We have to get out of here! Cathedral of Althena itself is going to collapse! Hey, Jian, can you hear me?!
I failed... In the end, who did I save? No one... Oh, Lucia...!
This is not the time!
Gabi's right! Anyway, Jian, you protected us, didn't you? I'm still in one piece, thanks to you!

Actually, Iggy let you go because shit started falling out. Jian had nothing to do with it.

Flora... thank you. But...
Enough talk! We're getting out of here!







I don't get how that makes any sense and I am so beyond caring.



And from there we cut to Titus and Peres. And the text is auto-advancing.

Yup, this is the ending scene.



Oh, I'm sorry. "Peles." Then again, do any of you even remember who Peres is? (He's Flora's brother.)

Ah, yes, it is certainly beautiful...
So... is this allowed, do you think? The rebirth of the Goddess Althena as a human...?
It is not my place to say. But, I can tell you this. This is not the first time that our Goddess has been reborn in such a way.
Quite amazing... releasing all of her magical power out into the world like that!
Goddess Althena said it herself. That she is with us, inside us all, at all times. That, though weak and fragile, it is our lives which truly bring light to this world.
I dare say I agree with that way of thinking.
Happiness does not lie in control by an all-powerful, all-seeing being. I can only hope that from now on we shall all be better able to fight against the evil lurking inside us.
And Goddess Althena transformed herself in order to show us that...?
Yes... She is showing us the way, by choosing to live among us as Lucia once more. She is the single beacon of light that has come back to us from the void...







What the fuck?




Lucia! I thought you had disappeared!
Nope!


Carried by the wind, on wings of hope, time moves toward the future. For now, all is peaceful. But one day, the time for valor shall return again. A day when an adventurer will become... Dragonmaster.



What a piece of shit.



And it seems that the developers were even more eager to get this shit over with, and there's not even a single image in the end credits. White text on a black background, that's it.





These three people are the only Game Arts people credited with this game, and the only people involved who worked on the original games.











And these are all the people credited on the actual creation of the game. Notice how no one is credited as a writer. I do have to imagine there's a lot people not credited for their work, though.



Most everyone on the Ubisoft side are credited with production, licensing, marketing, and so on.



Well I can't add a punchline to that.





You poor souls.



I usually like to use the credits as a chance to give my verdict on a game, but I think I've made my thoughts very clear. It's not a good game.

You know, Jenner's posts about Ubi consulting a fan group really surprised me. Someone on the development side cared enough about this game to see what the fans wanted... which you can't tell from the final product itself. The whole things reeks of incompetence and laziness. Yes, some of the game's problems can be explained by a low budget and rushed development, but some of the worst ideas, such as running costing HP and being unable to target enemies, shouldn't have made it out of the design phase much less in the final product. Those aren't even amateur mistakes! I can't begin to imagine how much of a shitshow the development of this game was, if design decisions like that made it through. They had to have known it was going to be shit, and probably also knew that it was gonna piss off long term Lunar fans (who've been waiting for a new entry for ten years.) Yet they slapped the Lunar name on it and rushed it out the door just so they could be the first RPG on the DS. I think that, out of anything, tell you what they thought of the fans.

All that said, though, I find I can't even be mad at this game anymore. It's just so bad that it's slipped right into fascinating. Not "so bad it's good," that implies enjoyment of some sort. No, Lunar Dragon Song was unpleasant from beginning to end, but at the same time it was morbidly intriguing. You just want to find out how bad it gets, and the answer is... pretty bad, yeah.

Oh, and before I close, I'd like to thank a few posters. First, thank you Twilkitri for the text dump. You all really have no idea how much not having to transcribe this damn text has helped preserve my sanity. Also, thank you to Jenner again for her interesting look into the game's development. I'd also like to apologize to Magic Fanatic for inspiring them to try to do a level one game. Please, if I've inspired any of you to play this game, for any length of time, just stop. Please stop.

Finally, I'd like to thank all of you that joined me for this wild ride. They say that misery loves company, and the one thing that alleviates the misery of playing this game is.... not playing it, to be totally honest. So I'm gonna do that. Thanks for reading!