Part 15: What Not to Wear

Chapter 13: What Not to Wear



The walk to the Carnival is fairly short, thankfully.



You just want to follow this trail of paths that are suspiciously large enough to let a land vehicle drive by. Once you reach of the trail, go right.





And here we are!



Well this just looks whimsical!



Awesome! Let's go see all the stuff!



OH MY GOD THAT MAN IS ON FIRE.


: You're looking at the world's best human flame-thrower! Watch in amazement as I spew streams of flame high into the air.

Oh. Nevermind.

: So he spits fire. Big deal. I can do that too.
: Wow, that looks like some kind of natural ability you have there. Wanna join the carnival?
: Uh, no. Thanks.

Oh come on Ruby, where else is a flame-spewing not cat going to get a job? And it suddenly occurs to me how many RPG heroes are basically bums.


: I've wanted to be a carnival groupie since I was a boy, and my dream's come true!
: What are... carnival groupies?

I would like to know the same thing. I mean, when I think of groupies, I think of... ew...


: This is some sort of gamblin' joint? Whoo-hoo! I'll get my dice!
: Ronfar? Where is your head? We don't have time to spend gambling!
: Speaking of party poopers, I'd say that little miss money-pants is it! Besides, I can double my money in no time flat!
: Double... did you say double your money? Well, maybe we do have just a little time to hang around here... as long as you double my money, too.
: Look at that, Hiro. Ronfar's got Lemina hooked now! How completely pathetic!

Maybe I don't go to carnivals or circuses enough, but how often do they have gambling in there? I mean, legal and out in the open.


: If you win, you win big, and if you lose, so what? You can play again?

It is never, ever worth it to bother with the gambling mini games in any RPG, but hell, let's give it a go.

: Ah! Just what I like to see! Someone who can take control of their destiny!
: Well then, mister, you won't mind if I insure my destiny by checking your dice.
: Oh no, no. That's not necessary. We're a licensed establishment. There's no cheating here.

Yeah, sadly, this is just the odd-even dice game that Ronfar plays, just for money this time. Why couldn't they bring back blackjack from the first game? Actually, apparently this game is called "cho-han" and has certain cultural connotations and... blackjack is still more fun. Sorry.



That's, uh, kind of an odd spread of numbers. Well, I'm pretty sure I have more than 10,000 silver, so... sure, give it a go.

: 10,000S?! We have a player here, folks! Gather round and watch the fun!
: You can't gamble that much! If you lose, we'll be ruined!
: Kid, ya gotta have 10,000S before you can bet it! How about something smaller?

Uh... what?

I had 10,000 silver.



This is how much money I had after buying all the new equipment and selling the old stuff. Did they just not expect you to have this much money? Again, I am not grinding. Or maybe Ruby just took the money away from Hiro, who clearly cannot be trusted with it. Ah well. Anywho, the bottom two bets are simply too small to be worth it, although I suppose you could save-state your way to a fortune here, but I have no clue why you'd want to.


: That was the song my wife used to love... I sang it to her when I proposed marriage. I was such a shy boy, not really sure of what I was doing... But, I was headed off to war, and I knew that I had to ask her before I left.

What a sweet story! Even if this man is clearly senile; I have no idea what war he's talking about.


"When I was alone as one, my eyes were as blind, I know. Sky, brilliant with blue elegance, I couldn't behold. When I was alone as one"
: La la la la la...

What is this, then? Lucia's getting into this whole song thing. Interesting...


: I just made a new batch! The gas inside them can lift you into the sky!
: Hiro! Hiro! Please? Can we get some balloons? I want to fly with one!
: What are you talking about, Ruby? You always fly!
: Ronfar, you are the biggest drag on my enthusiasm! Every adventure party has a pooper, that's why we invited you.... party pooper!

No, no, no, we buy all these balloons for everyone else, and then we just fly everywhere! Be all like "fuck y'all land-bound suckers 'cuz we can fly!" Actually, that's didn't really work in the first game, did it? Still a better idea than what we're about to do.


: Yeah, long time, no see! Say, what happened to you? What's up with the outfit?
: Well, I changed my clothes for the carnival. I wasn't getting much dancing work. But as a bunny-girl, I'm really in demand!
: Isn't that kind of demeaning to women?
: Uh... well...

Quick, look over there! A way to avoid a feminism derail! Swoosh!


: I'm scared. Mommy and daddy are back home, and I don't know how to get there...
: You have special clothes. Are you a member of the carnival?
: Carnival....?
: Do you do tricks or some fun thing? Maybe you can make my grampa appear... I'm scared that he won't come back.


: I want to go play and see the carnival sights!

Man, are all adults totally horrible or what?


: Say, why don't you let me put it in our freak gallery? It'll make you rich!
: Stop that silly talk this instant! That's so inhumane even I wouldn't do it!
: Says who? This girl is talking about serious money!

So, uh, you're cool with being in the freak gallery? Because I don't really mind. I'm certain, I dunno, Lemina could carry the party inventory instead and maybe she won't charge MExp to save... oh who am I kidding.


: But that's foolish, right? ...uh, he he, right?


: Can you tell me if my future has money in it? Lots of it?!
: Ah, sweet one, the more you seek, the greater the cost.
: Yeah, yeah. More cost, I got it. So do I get rich or not?

If we talk to the fortune teller, we get a second fortune.

: Tell me if I will gain true love!
: Little one, you will find your perfect match very soon...
: Are you sure I haven't already?

...moving on.



There are actually two shops here, although the other one is way in the back. The item shop does sell a new item, the Vitality Vial. It cures a myriad of status ailments. Surprisingly cost-effective, too, but then again, Ronfar can do the same thing with clogging up my inventory.


: Don't they know that kids shouldn't gamble?

: Have you been to the giggle den? It's really fun! Sorta touchy-feelly.

Don't think kids should go into a "touchy-feelly" giggle den either... So let's go!




So the Giggle Den is a bit odd. It's completely dark, and there's a bit of a maze in it. It's a pain in the ass, really, but you've got some... interesting people in it.


: Some people say it's filled with spooks. I think it's just Vega and his men...

Are you referring to the Street Fighter Vega or...



What in the hell are you talking about?


: Gwah, ha ha ha! Oh... hey! I found 1S! Imagine that... gwah ha ha!

You are perhaps just a bit too excited about one silver coin. Also, yes, you do get that silver coin. No, that's the only one you get.



As you might imagine, though, the whole place is filled with pervs.


: It's soft and gushy... he he he... Oh no... oh man... it's... it's... grandpa's butt!

...and people with some major problems.



It seems like a bad idea to play a "game" with a total stranger in complete darkness. Although if you want to look at it in the different way... that's the best kind of game to play.

: Well now! Someone has quite the wrong impression of my game! It is not intended to be 'fun,' okay? You don't deserve to play! Just... go away!

Oh. Uh, okay. So you want to play an unfun game? Well, too bad, we're playing Lunar: Eternal Blue. Next time we'll play... I dunno, Dragon Song and that'll make you happy.

_{No we won't. Because that game doesn't exist. Don't be silly.}



What the hell? Is this the game? This better not be going where I think it's-

: Oh! That's your foot!

Oh. Whew. That, uh, could have gone to a bad place.

: Where is this? What am I touching now? Oh! That's your hair!

Okay. You can stop now.

: Where is this? What am I touching now? Oh! That's your cheek!

: Where is this? What am I touching now? Oh! That's your nose!

And my head, shoulders, knees, and toes! I get it!

: Where is this? What am I touching now? Oh! That's your... your... ewww!



...

: Well, I've had my fun. Guess we'll call it quits.

_{We need to leave.}



So anyway, Jean's caravan is in the back.



Here's the second store, but it mostly sells stuff we already have. The Ritual Dagger is new. It's a Ronfar only-weapon. It's a slight upgrade to his bow, and it can freeze enemies, but it lacks the long-distance of his current weapon. Which is the reason I didn't buy at the time, and now I'm kicking myself. I'll... explain later.


: I'm sure you've worked hard to become so. Have you seen me dance? ...just wondering...

Me-ow, Jean.


: Love we once knew? I think you're thinking about that doll in your closet. We were never in love.

...nope. Not going there.


: Mirrors, mirrors 'round your souls. Which will take you where you'll go? Mirrors, mirrors will take you where? A side for here, a side for there. Pick your side and step on in. Take a chance to go again.

This, by the way, is the only hint we get for an upcoming dungeon. Some of you may say that this doesn't sound particularly helpful, and how in the hell are we supposed to remember this? And you would be right.


: What's the matter, Jean?
: Listen Giban, I don't have time to tell you everything that's going on right now. In short, Althena's cult has blocked the passage to get to western Nota and beyond. Giban, I want you to use the magic arrow to fly us to west Nota.
: ...you can't be serious!? The magic arrow has not been fully tested at that distance!
: Who's in charge of this drunken revelry?! Come forth! I am Leo, White Knight of Althena's Guard. Again, who is in charge?!

Again?!

: Oh dear... they've found you... Don't worry Jean, I'll take care of this.



Fun fact: they didn't bother to animate Giban's sprite in any way, so he just glides over to Leo. Like a boss.


: She's dressed in an unusual red cloth. Have you seen her?
: As you can see, sir, we've been here for some time, but no one that fits your description passed through here.
: I trust that you are telling the truth... but I warn you. It is not wise to betray my trust! Remember that!

You know, for a zealous crusader, Leo is surprisingly trusting.

: All right men, search the surrounding area! Leave no stone unturned!




: Jean, you don't have to thank me. I would hide anybody that Althena's Guard is searching for. I've seen them punish too many innocent people. They have no honor... You know, Lucia is too easy to spot in that clothing. Jean, why don't you take her to the costume tent and get her some new clothes?

...but I like Lucia's character design...

: New clothes?! But I've never worn any other!
: Don't worry Lucia, I'll help you find your style.
: I'll help you too! I love doing makeovers!
: Don't leave me out! I wanna help too!
: Jean, you know where the costumes are. Help yourself.





Now we're just Hiro and Ronfar. Now the ladies are probably going to take a while, since we all know all girls love their make-overs. Well, I don't, but apparently girls love make-overs. Whatever. Anyway, let's leave them to their-


: Look! There's a tear in the tent. Waddya say? Wanna grab an eyeful?!

I am very disappointed in you two Well, uh, guess we're grabbing an eyeful too.


: Which one are you going to choose?


: I just must... blend in better with the local people here...

"I just must?"

: The type of clothing does not matter.
: Come on Lucia! Of course it matters. You have to make a statement with your dress!
: You should choose the most expensive garments, since you get them for free! ...what have you got picked out?

Hey kids, guuuuess what? Makeover montage!!!

By the way, there's a ton of small cutscenes at this point, so I lumped most of them into one video.


: Well, it's definitely pink.
: I think the bow is kinda cute!
: But she looks like a birthday cake! Next!


: Well, that disguise might work...
: Shee-ya! No way! It's too Annie Lennox!

Oh! Can we dress her like Annie Lennox?! Get a nice suit, cut her hair, dye it orange... although how are we going to find cows out here?

: Yeah, too far west! Next!

Well, I liked my idea.



Oh that's just mean you guys.

: That's one's not too bad...
: It's definitely you, Lucia!
: Do you... really think this is my color?
: No! We were just joking!
: Next!


: I can't see anything! Hiro, let's trade positions!
: In a minute, Ronfar. You see this stuff everyday!
: ...what?! Hey! Nothing like this!

"I mean, I've seen titties, but not makeovers!" I have to admit, I don't quite see the allure. I will never understand the male psyche... or the female one, apparently

: Now move! If I don't get a glimpse I'm really going to be pissed. ...ungh... there... perfect view!
: Ronfar, let me see!
: Oh yes! Babydoll, come to papa! ...Hiro, stop it! I'll let you see when I'm finished! Stop! I said cut it out!

You know, everyone seems to think Ronfar's official age being 19 is bullshit... I'm starting to believe it.

: Uh oh! I think they heard us...
: ...?!



Well this is awkward.

: Hiro?!
: You... you... peepers!
: I'm sorry Hiro, but did you want to help me pick out a new outfit?
: Lucia, what are you talking about? Aren't you embarrassed? These two perverts were making their own little peep show!
: ...embarrassed?
: Lucia, you can't let guys take advantage of you like that! You have to show 'em who's boss!
: ...boss?
: Yeah, boss! Watch!



This could get ugly...



: Hey, get out of here!
: Beat it, you perverts!






: Okay, Lucia... come on out!


: They really enhance her charm, don't they?

Let's get a closer look at Lucia's new duds in fancy moving picture format!





It's kind of cute!


: Why are you staring at me like that, Hiro? ...is... is something wrong?
: Oh, uh... no! No! Everything is great! You look fantastic, Lucia!

Aww! How cute. He's probably got a boner right now.


: Just wait a second while I make one final adjustment to the destinationometer... The darned thing's so touchy... If that thing goes out of whack, no tellin' where you'll end up...

Look, kids, don't trust anyone who uses the word "destinationometer" okay? Just... trust me on that.



And who wants to bet something's going to go wrong-



Right on cue!

: I knew the old man was lying! Halt! I've finally found you, traitors!

At least Leo was nice enough to wait until the make-over was done. I appreciate that.

: Come on! Hurry up and get in! Let's get outta here!

Yeah, try to follow us by air, asshole!


: Guess again, vermin!






: I'm afraid you itinerary has changed... Ha ha ha!

I hate you Leo. (This one is a separate video, by the way.)





: Where's the personal discomfort receptacle on this thing!?
: The what?!
: The barf bag!

I'd like to mention that I'm just making a guess on what Lemina actually says there. It's kind of hard to tell. If anyone else has a better idea what the hell she said, tell me!

EDIT: Thanks Thuryl!



: Oh no!



And then they died the end.