Part 17: She's so Frigid

Chapter 15: She's so Frigid

So last time we slogged through probably one of the worst dungeons in the game and Ghaleon came back from the dead and zapped Leo's ass. It was weird. Anyway, now that Leo's out of the picture, let's cross Nota.


: I wonder if that's a sign from Althena...

And although Leo and his dudes have skedaddled, word about our... confrontation spread. Huh.


: Was it loaded with priceless treasures?
: Pooh! It was nothing like I expected. I didn't find one ancient treasure!

We got... some okay equipment for Hiro? That's kind of like priceless ancient treasure?

: But I guess we did see an ancient relic...

Oh and the mysterious ancient film projector... Man, that last update was weird.



Indeed.


: If we collect enough donations, we'll have the biggest shrine anywhere! I can't wait!
: Biggest, hmm? I really think you're missing the whole point of service...

At this point Ronfar, I'm not sure what the point of service is.





K-A rating folks. K-A rating.


: They're really getting on my nerves, always begging for, like, money...
: Don't you just hate people like that?




: It's got more wortroot than the leading brand!
: Hm... I don't know that 'more wortroot' is really a great selling point... Keep working on it. Try to use glittering generalities. Say a lot, but don't promise anything concrete.

Once again, Lemina dispenses her wisdom. Anyway, let's cross over.



EXCITING BRIDGE CROSSING ACTION!!!



And we're on the other side! I know it doesn't really look like it, but trust me.


: But the dragon steamship Destiny that they use is the bee's knees! I almost want to join those lunatics so I can ride on the thing! Don't you?

Hell, I'm betting that ship accounts for 50% percent of their membership.


: The rare fish oils will make your lips silky-smooth, and the smell is not that bad.
: Whew! Don't tell me 'not that bad' lady! I can smell that crap from here! Get it away from me!
: Excuse me, Ruby, but I don't think she was talking to you. She said 'lady', not 'kitty kitty.' She was obviously talking to me.
: I may not be human, but I am still a lady! Gimme that lipstick! I'll show you how beautiful I can look, even if it makes me smell like a cannery.

Wait, wouldn't fishy smelling lipstick be appealing to Ruby? It'd be a portable snack!

I, uh, don't wear make-up.

: Beautiful ladies should do everything they can to accent their beauty. Why not try our fabulous fish-oil lipstick? Your man will thank you in the morning.
: Is that before or after he finishes heaving from the smell of the lipstick?
: Oh Ruby! You obviously aren't mature enough for this sort of product!

But okay, even I know you don't wear make-up to bed!





Fair amount of new stuff here! The shield and helmet are the same we got earlier in the ruins, but everything else is new. Pictured is the Shell Armor, which is an upgrade for Ronfar. On the one hand, it's a defense boost, but the anti-Poison property isn't all that great. Anti-Sleep is a hell of a lot more useful, plus Ronfar's old armor boosts Wisdom slightly. The Aura Dress, which both Jean and Lemina can equip, has the very nice Anti-Freeze property, and raises magic endurance. On the end is the Headband, which is the first piece of headgear both of the women can wear. I upgrade everyone's armor, although I'm going to keep Ronfar's old armor for now.


: A place... where every person knows your name... and you're always happy you came... you wanna be where you can see your trouble are all, well, the same... I dunno, I just like to be where everyone knows my name.


: The members of Althena's Cult say it's a sign of the end of our world.


: I had to dodge quite a few monsters to get to Nota today. And cold! Whoo! It was the coldest I've ever seen it! Somethin's up.
: I wonder if Ghaleon has anything to do with this?

I have no idea how you can to that conclusion, Jean.

But it appears like the next town up (and you know Zulan is going to be the next town up, don't be stupid) has something going on.


: Huuh? Oh.... I'm sorree... I thod you were tha <hick> da-stroyer! <hick> Bud she had uh <hick> eevil red robe on. You're no her. Saaay <hick> you wanna by me a dring? My weell's runnin' dry ol' girl.

Thank goodness we swapped Lucia's clothes out and that is her only defining characteristic and not, say, her long blue hair.



Oh fuck. This guy. Okay, I'm going to try to keep this as short as possible. This guy wants us to make a delivery of wine to the other side of Nota. There is a guy on the other side who complains about needing wine with pasta, but he was boring so I didn't show him. (He was the guy with the son who wished he's stay home once in a while and come to his little league games.)



So you walk all the way over to the East Nota and deliever the wine.



You get the receipt, and then you have to return that to the guy who gave you the wine. And what do you get for this little errand?



Fuck you too, Lunar: Eternal Blue.

This isn't in the remake, although in that version there is this whole drama going on about a mayor and marriage and teenagers and... stuff. That whole thing pays off much, muuuuuch later. Basically no, the Rememberize Crystal is not in this game.

Also I made the mistake of talking to the guy again. Again he'll ask you if you want to run the errand for him, but this time...



You can't say no. Fuck. Well you know what?



It's mine. I'm keeping it. Yeah, you can't do anything with it, and it'll just take up space, but damn it, I'm teaching this asshole a lesson. Don't trust random kids off the street to deliver booze for you! A life lesson we all could stand to learn.

_{Yes I am that lazy. Deal with it.}


: If you act right now, I'll throw in a true scale model of Lord Leo! Say... uh, just between you and me, I'm overstocked on these things since most people don't like Lord Leo.

Nah, nah, man, you can sell 'em with the right pitch. It's a little unusual to hang an action figure in effigy, but why not?

: Care to take a few Destiny models off my hands? I'll throw in a Mauri action figure with the kung-fu grip!
: What a silly looking doll! He obviously just put Mauri's head on G.I. Joe's body. That's the oldest trick in the book! ...I love it!


: You watch... that kid'll get his Mauri doll, and the first thing he'll do is check under the hood. Curious little guy! He's on his way to becoming a real man, just like me!

"Uh, no, mister, I just want a kung-fu Mauri doll, not... whatever weird thing you're talking about."





Also this makes me laugh for some reason. I'm thinking perhaps Working Designs didn't finish this bit.


: Look... look here! Try this one! It's a maximizer monster doll. Put it in water and it grows 20 times bigger! Cool, isn't it?
: I think it looks kinda disgusting, if you ask me.

It's.... a sponge. What's so gross about sponges?

Anyway, that item shop just sells Herbs, Spring Water, and Purity Herbs, so no reason to stop by there. Let's hit the road!


: It's a pretty good stretch to Azado, but I think we can make it.

"Pretty good stretch to Azado," oh that's rich. What he means is "about three towns later."

: Since Azado is a port town, we can take off from there for Pentagulia.



Enough bitching about Ronfar's many, many lies, let's get started on the way to Zulan. We run across-



Ah fuck the fish bunnies are back! These guys were absolute bastards in Lunar 1. The Wasps weren't too bad, although as you can guess, they poison you...



Which... kills them. That, uh, didn't happen in the first game. I know that does happen in reality... to bees. Not wasps. Game Arts doesn't know shit about biology, game ruined!

In any case, the aqua bunnies are fast, but since I've got five party members and multi-target spells at this point, it's not too bad. Both Hiro and Lemina do tons of damage against them, although Jean's falling behind pretty badly by now.

These are the only two enemies along the way, so it's a long but fairly easy journey.





And I have no idea why there's those huge ramps right next to this narrow mountain passage, but all right. Fine.



Anyway, we're at Zulan.



It's cold! It's so cold that it stopped the music again. Argh.


: Knock it off Grandpa! You can't scare us with that gravelly voice...
: Ronfar, is that you lad? Well next time tell me when your going to stop by. Why don't you help us. We're in trouble...

Well I could have helped your grammar, but I decided not to.

So, uh, I'm going to be preempting Jenner here, but it's pretty likely that this guy is not Ronfar's actual grandfather, since "grandpa" is a pretty common thing to call an old man in Japanese.


: You guys okay? You look like you've never seen snow before.
: I've never seen snow like this before. Have you, Lucia?
: This place reminds me of the Blue Star. The cold and overwhelming calm is eerie...

And then Lucia's all like "so what your problem, then? I walked around in worse storms buck-ass naked! Wimps."

Well, she should.


: The only good thing to come from it is that I'm starting a fish-cream business. Looks like ice cream, but with all the youth enhancing benefits of fish oil!
: Yuck! Who would want to eat that crap? Sounds terrible!
: Well, it's not like I wanted your opinion! Besides my business is going to make me filthy rich. Just wait... you'll see...

Just sell to the make-up lady from Nota. And how is it there are two separate conversations about rancid-smelling fish products this close together?

: This monster thing is really ruining our local economy. I mean, this is the coldest winter we've ever had!
: The monster... Zophar must be behind all of this...

Oh yeah. Zophar. We haven't seen heard him in a while, have we?


: I'm a member of the freezing blathering idiot swim club. Wanna join? I can get you a discount. Every year about this time we see who can stay in the ice water the longest... I won last year, but it took me 27 weeks to recover from the frostbite.

Good for you buddy.


: Oooh... what I wouldn't give for someone to do all this work for me!
: No... it couldn't be that easy... Ha! Yes! I've got a great idea for a new business. This is going to make a ton of money! Now, in order to make this business profitable I'm going to need you, Ruby.
: My help? Ooohh.... I get it! You want me to melt all the snow with my breath, don't you?
: Correctamundo! With your breath and my brains we're going to be rich.
: Read my lips... No. Way!!!! With your hair-brained scheme, I do all the work, and you get all the dough!

Uh, Lemina can cast fire spells herself. Why can't she do it?


: You know... union and all that...

I see.


: I'm thinking of becoming a career sinner. That way, I'll get sent straight to a warmer climate.

You all get the idea. It's cold.

So let's look at armor and shit. Yeah, that's what I'm settling on for a transition.



It's all old, except for the Steel Armor next to the Iron Armor, and the Iron Bracelet. Steel Armor is for Hiro, and the Iron Bracelet is for everyone else. It's all just straight upgrades, so new armor all around!



As for the weapons, I already have an Iron Scimitar and the fan on the end is a much needed upgrade for the Jean. The other two weapons are for Ronfar. Now, I mentioned that I was kicking myself for not buying the Ritual Dagger earlier. Why? Well, apart from the freeze attack, the Ritual Dagger has another interesting side-effect.



It increases your agility by 10. By the way, 39 agility is faster than Jean. Just by a point, mind you, but still faster. It's not a good weapon; the Bow I currently have is long-range, and the Flail to the right has higher attack power. But for my healer go before everyone else? That could be handy.

If you really want Ronfar to have some offensive power (I really don't know why that'd be so important to you) you could buy both and just have Ronfar switch to the Dagger at a boss fight, and I do have to money to do that, but fuck it.



Aw, how cute! They're playing Lunar 1!


: Listen stupid... if you fall asleep now, you'll never wake up! <whack> <slam> <bam!> I won't let you die on me! Now wake up!! ... Come on, talk to Johnny! Do you want these people to eat you? Wake up!

I, uh, don't remember that part though



At this point, I'm starting to include things I think are a reference, but have no idea what it's a reference to.



Ah Working Designs. Always classy.

There's an item shop just above. Normally I'd skip it, but there's actually something new there!



Oh this will be nice! I buy one, although I shouldn't have been so stingy in retrospect. Also, they sell the Fresh Ring for 12,000 silver! I could actually afford it, buuuut... yeah that's a lot of money. I think I'll pass.


: Meribia lies before me, and so does my destiny. Lunn, I hope you're there...
: I'm sorry, but I can't let you pass! You must first help us out.

All right, I get the point.



In any case, our plot destination is here.


: I think it has something to do with his granddaughter.

So, uh, are the injured dudes related to that?


: I've killed every kind of beast known to man... But this thing... be afraid. Be very afraid!

Oh dear. This must be one nasty monster!


: You're injured, but not that bad! Get it yourself!

Ruby, however, don't give a shit. She don't fetch water for nobody.


: I don't think my daughter has the strength to fight the fever anymore... I don't know what I'm going to do... She's the only child I have left!

Oh, now I feel like a shitheel for making the earlier Yonah reference.

: Her father has left the village to find a cute*, but he's never returned.

A major shitheel.

*_{Or a "cure," whatever!}



Oh god! We better act fast! I don't know much longer she can survive the ellipses!


: I know that you've come a great distance to be here with us today. But please! There is no time to waste. You must defeat this wicked creature! The monster has made us prisoners in our own homes. This cold weather that it has brought upon us has already killed many people. Please! I beg of you, will you please help us? If you won't do it for me, please do it for my granddaughter. She's all I have left. Will you please help us?



Do you even need to ask?

: Oh, you have no idea how happy you've made me. As the mayor, I'll make sure you receive everything you need.

All right, let's go kick some ass-


: Even if you take the time to save this village, we've wasted valuable time in trying to stop the revival of Zophar. I know that you'll want to help these people. I can no longer stay with you... My mission is too important. I suppose this is to be our good-bye... thank you...

Urgh! That is classic her!



Fine, go! We don't need you! We'll get another space lady. A better space lady! One that casts Thunder Blow more than once a blue moon!


: ...how can she be so... so... heartless!

Homegirl, I don't know. She's hot and cold.

: The girl seemed to have pressing business. Thankfully, you were able to stay even though she left. You hurry to the monster cave above this village. I wish I could tell you what to expect inside, but everyone who's been inside has come back with only sketchy details. The boy guarding the entrance to the cave will let you in.

Well, regardless of Lucia's flakiness, we got a town to save.