Part 22: Completely Pointless.

Chapter 20: Completely Pointless.

Since we whipped that masked bastard so hard he became a regular bastard, let's go tell Nall that those kids are probably safe.




: To tell you the truth, I thought they were all goners!
: Eh, it was nothing. Hiro's a master of strategy, and we have a great team!

By which she means, "Jean got them to punch each other in the face."

: Do you think this kind of adventuring is appropriate for a Red Dragon?
: Red Dragon? But... I didn't say anything about being a Red Dragon.
: You didn't have to. Believe me, I can tell.
: How! How can you tell?! And what do you mean 'not appropriate?' Tell me this instant!
: I think you all had better come inside. I've got something to tell you.




"We don't know how to thank you enough for rescuing our friends!"
"You must be very powerful to have defeated the Blue Dragon Cult!"
"I'd like to hear the story of how you did it! Will you tell it?"
: Okay, okay... that's enough! I'm sure they don't want to tell bedtime stories! You've expressed your thanks, so leave the good people alone now. ...Hiro, you said you wanted to know where Lucia was. I saw her around here a while ago. If you look hard, you should find her.

Huh, the party has split up for some reason. That's odd.

Well, I guess we're just going to hang around and bask in our accomplishments for a while.


: It's really fun! You just try to pin as much cash on me as you can! Go break your piggy banks, I wanna get this game started!

We really shouldn't allow Lemina around children.


: We haven't seen her yet. Do you know where she is?
: Not a clue, buckaroo. I kust know she's around her somewhere. Go find her.

Well thanks a lot Captain Uninformative.


: But luckily, they'll never have to endure the horror of the Blue Dragon Cult. That's a chapter of my life I wish I could erase...


: That's why I wasn't scared. But I never guessed Nall wouldn't be with them...
: When I grow up, I want to be Nall's bride. Tee hee hee.
: Uh, I don't think you know everything you need to about your dreamcake... I'm certain he has some dark secrets.

Like he used to say stuff like "double bamm bamm."


: Just chalk it up to him being Nall. He doesn't always show what he feels.

But I guess we can't be too hard on the guy.


: Know what? Huh? Wanna know what? When I grow up, I'm gonna be just like you!

Better hit the tattoo parlor kid.



All right, I get the point. Let's go fetch her, although I have no idea why she didn't greet us at the door.


: Lucia's taking forever. we're not going to wait for her to finish. Girls... they're so dumb!





As soon as we enter, we hear Lucia singing to herself.

Looks like she's taking a bath. I think the gentlemanly thing to do is to leave and let her finish.



Hiro is not a gentleman.


: Who's there?



Oh good job Hiro.


: Hiro?! Don't look! Turn around!
: ... Hiro, please wait for me outside!

So, yeah, sadly we can't avoid the hot springs shit entirely. I really have no idea what this is doing here, other than to show that Lucia has gained a nudity taboo. Characterization?


: Hiro, uh... hello! Hiro you can blink now. I just can't believe you're acting like you did at the carnival. Geez Hiro, you really need to take a cold shower.

Or perhaps a course on basic societal etiquette.


: ...
: ...

Oh god the ellipses plague has spread HIRO YOU BASTARD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO US.

: Come on you two. Enough with the googoo eyes already. Let's get a move on! Everyone is waiting for us.

Nah, I'm just going to talk to everyone. I mean, I could do it later, but I'm a rebel like that _{and not that, you know, I neglected to come back and talk to them later so that the update flowed better.}


: We've adopted her, and made her an honorary member of the Lostest Boys.


: I saw her doin' some moves that make me want to scream!
: But your songs inspired me to move... thank you. Hiro, these... songs are are so powerful! They seem to move me from within. It's so strange... and wonderful...

The remake, in a rare move, actually removes the pointless fan service scene (here, anyway) and adds a scene of Lucia bonding with the kids. Here, the kids just talk about how she's bonded.


: When I was scared and crying last night, Lucia came in and sang me to sleep. I wish I had a mother that cared for me the way she does. Lucia, promise me that you'll always be there when I get scared.
: I wish I could, but I have a mission that I must accomplish.

Okay, that's just sweet.


: I was saved from the cult and I get a hot babe to watch over me. What a life! Lucia, when you finish your mission, come on back to your man!
: ...

And now Lucia's is trying to see if she can hate a kid to death. She cannot.

Anyway, let's go regroup.


: Blushing...?
: It means your face is red and hot because you're embarrassed.
: I bet Hiro was putting the mega-moves on her... right Lucia?
: ... this 'blushing' is quite uncomfortable...

And... nothing else? No? Okay. Well that was all kinds of pointless.


: I know what it's like to be lied to. I'll never knowingly do that to others.


: The best thanks you can give me is to grow up to be a good person.

Before we go, Jean has some interesting moments with the kids. I just think it's kind of neat.




: Before you left, I wanted to give you something as thanks for all your help.



OH HELL YES. Let's go back and say hi to Gwyn!

: I think you'll find these a real kick! They've lost a bit of power in the last half-century, but they still can warp you out of any dungeon back to ground level. They work pretty well most of the time. I hope they serve you well!

Oh. In the first game, the Dragon Wings would teleport you to any town you've been to before. They've changed that in this game; now it just teleports you out of dungeons. And those Dragonfly Wings I bought are now completely pointless

: The Barricade on the road to Vane is now open. Good luck on your quest!

You're all right Nall. Anyway, guess we better head on to Vane. I mean, we don't really have to, since our destination is further south, but Lemina would start pouting if we at least didn't visit Vane.


: Now, I want to warn you that the city might look a little run-down at first glance, but once we get the guild back up and running, the town will be ship-shape in no time! All it takes is a little elbow grease.
: ...yeah! And a lot of cash! How much are you planning on draining us for?
: ...

He farted, thoughtfully.

: Oh pooh, Ruby! You always take something good and see the bad in it! Can we just enjoy the moment for what it is?
: Sure! ...as long as it's free...



Vane is far to the south. It's a decently far trek, although the world map enemies still haven't changed, so we're in zero danger. Before we go to Vane, let's spend up the rest of my MExp.







I got the upgraded versions of Lemina's single target fire and ice skills, as well as Jean's poison dance.

There is a reason why I had this excess of MExp and didn't use it until now, but you'll see that shortly.



Any who, Vane.

It really is weird to see Vane on the ground.




: Big trouble?

Little China?

: What are you talking about? Did you lose your purse again?
: No. No! No!! Borgan has come to Vane!
: Borgan? You mean... that big, fat, evil...
: Yes! That Borgan! He said he wanted to talk with your mother, Miria. We tried to stop him and the party of magicians he brought, but they were just too strong. They stormed the guild mansion!
: Oh no... mother! We've got to get over there!


: Borgan has decreed that no one shall enter until he completes his business.
: Well, what business is he doing? Number 1 or number 2? Get out of my way, you morons!
: Halt! Who are you?
: You don't know who I am? Now I know you really are simpletons! I am Lemina, Junior Premier of the Magic Guild of Vane! Now if you'll be so kind as to get your mega-scrawny butts out of my way...
: We don't care if you're Althena herself! Borgan has decreed that none shall enter, and we are here to enforce that edict. Step back, girl!
: I know much more about Vane than you ever will. I'll find a way to get in, and when I do, I'm going to make sure you're sorry, buster!

This doesn't involve rockets does it?

: Hey guys, listen up. To the east of here, there's a transmission spring. If it still works, we can use it to enter Vane behind their backs!

"Unless they somehow know about this plan, which they shouldn't because we're discussing it right in front of them."

: C'mon, I know this is going to work. Let's get going.
: ...
: Hiro! It's really very safe, I promise!

By this point, we know better than to trust her, but trust or not it's the only way to go, sadly.


: By order of Master Borgan, no one is to enter Vane.
: By order of Lemina, I command you to stand there and look like dorks! ... hm! Look at that! They're doing it! Ha ha ha!

You're a cold one, Ms. Lemina.


: He respects the sanctity and rich tradition of this place.
: Borgan is a showman and a liar. He respects nothing but his own belly! If he's hurt my mother, I'll gut him with a paper-cutter and a spoon.

...perhaps we should head to the Transmission Spring before Lemina gets even more bloodthirsty...



And boom here we are.


: What? The transport fountain? Hm... It has been dormant for many years. I doubt it even works anymore.

Ah crap. We don't have to go to the Prairie or something in the vain hopes they've got some magic water, do we?


: The only entrance was by means of this magic fountain of transfer. Fortunately, it still works! We can use it as our own private backdoor into Vane! I Lemina, Junior Premier of the Magic Guild of Vane, daughter of Miria, call upon the power of old to manifest itself before me!



: This is the first opportunity I've had to try that!



Fortunately, she wasn't bullshitting us.




: I don't think anyone has been down here for centuries! In the old days, this cave was used as a sort of magic skill 'final exam.' It separated those that were worthy to join the guild from those that weren't. Anyway... that's ancient history. We've got a job to do. Let's get moving.

Since Lem so thoughtfully did the exposition for me, let's talk about the cave. There's a bit of treasure in here. The first is to the left-


: Any kind of treasure we find in here are mine! So keep your hands off of them!

Oh. Okay, so, uh, we're not getting treasure for right now. I guess we can just focus on navigation for now-



Or half of the place has caved in.

Is there anything to talk about? Well, on the second floor, this pops up.




Boss fight out of nowhere!

This fight's not much to talk about it. It has two regular attacks per turn in addition to its two special attacks. It has about 700 less HP than the Missing Link.



When the its eye flash it does Ball Wave, which I think is supposed to be a area of effect spell, but only hit Jean here.



I killed it before it could use it's other special attack. It lasted, like, three rounds. Ah, it's like Lunar 1 all over again.



Also, I should probably mention that Hiro has been catching up to his companions slowly, but surely. He's still way behind Ronfar and Jean's HP totals, but at least he's got more HP than Lemina. Hell, Lucia has more HP than her.



Also, everyone's slated to get a new spell at level 24, and Ronfar gets Loki Magic! Which, uh, apparently "uncurses target." That's what the hint text says. Looking online, apparently it removes buffs and debuffs from enemy or ally. Basically it's Final Fantasy's Dispel. Most enemies don't bother buffing or debuffing, so it's not that great. Hell, I had no clear idea what it did until now (and I'm not 100% sure that's correct, although it sounds feasible) so clearly it's not a vital spell.



And, yeah, there's nothing else to say about the Cave of Trial. There aren't even any random encounters! Vane is such a unhip place to be even the monsters don't want anything to do with it. Since there is nothing else here, let's skip to the next boss fight.

Oh yeah there's another boss fight.




Now this is more of an actual boss fight. He's got almost as much HP as the Missing Link, but he's not weak to fire. Keep in mind Hiro's sword is fire elemental, so since the last two bosses were weak to fire his Poe sword does even more damage to them. However, since Hiro's only doing 200 damage unbuffed, this battle is a tiny bit longer.

Like the previous boss, the Fleshsucker here can attack twice a round, but it has a ton more specials.



First off, here's Jean's new Swallow Dance. It's got moths 'n shit.



When it's lifting its arm, it does the Medusa Ray.





That kind of sucks, but I'll jus-



Oh yeah, stone doesn't prevent damage in this game. Shiiiit.

So I've got to cure Lemina's stone and heal her up, and Ronfar can only do one at a time. I mean, this boss is really slow so I could just have Ronfar cure her stone and have Hiro use a Dover Nut on her, but Jean must have an item on her that cures stone.



Neither the hint text or the guidebook (it just copies the hint text, actually) says which status ailments this cures, but if it's a lot, then maybe stone is included in it?



Nope!

So this battle got even longer without an additional damage doer. Yay.



It telegraphs this move by lifting its right arm. It, uh, I assume it poisons. It hit Lucia, but apparently she's immune?

You know, I'm surprised it didn't occur to me until now, but she's probably immune to poison because Hiro is immune to it, due to his Fresh Ring. I have no idea why I never realized that. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense, though. Are they sharing the ring somehow?





Di- Did you just throw your guts at me?

Other than the stoning attack, nothing this guy does is that dangerous. I killed it in the next round.

After that there's a couple more floors of treasure we can't get yet. I have no idea why the Cave of Trial is even in this game if they weren't going to do anything with it. I guess it's just for nostalgia. Anyway, let's skip to the end.



Oh hi Na- oh, no. Sorry. Force of habit.

: Monsters in there have increased lately. You'd better stay out.
: Stay out? Oh, pooh! I'd like to meet the sorry monster that tries to attack me. I'll give it to him... pow! Right in the kisser!

We did see the monster that tried to attack you... it kicked your ass.

: ...and you don't need to go telling my mom where I went!

I don't think that's much of a concern if this Borgan ends up doing something to her. Speaking of which, I wonder if they'll lose their shit to see us inside?



Wait a sec. Are you telling me if we just fucking waited we could have just strolled in the front door?

God damn it Lemina.