Part 54: Odds And Ends 7: NPC Harder (Part 1)

All right, I can't put this off any longer. After Zophar there is a huuuuuge amount of new dialogue for everyone. So you know what that means? Lots of NPC chatter! Lots and lots and lots of it. So...

Odds And Ends 7: NPC Harder

Let's do it. We're just going to do this in order in which the towns appeared in game, so let's start with Larpa.


: It was... Shut up! I know what I'm doing! ...It was sorta like garba garba goom goom... came from the direction of the Dragon Ruins. Kinda scary, if ya ask me.

Another hint that "GO TO THE RUINS WHERE YOU STARTED THE GAME." Although I have no idea what all the noises are about.

_{Oh and sorry I forgot to crop the screenshots but oh my god I'm not going back to fix it.}


: As long as that doesn't have any cold-sores on it, that's fine with me...
: That's Ronfar. Rude, as usual.
: What? What'd I say?

I love how despite having his girlfriend's brother in the party, he won't stop being his pervy self because Ronfar does what Ronfar does, damn it.


: Not yet, but soon. I'm looking forward to cleaning you out again.
: Ronfar, don't you have an ounce of modesty? Really!
: You know, most of the time I'm embarrassed to say he's my best friend.
: That door swings both ways, Leo.

...you're just inviting a "swings both ways" joke, aren't you, game?


: Yeah, but you only won 10S!
: Ha! I finally won, and that's all that matters! Yippee!


: Cute, sounds like you've become a boneafide alcoholic. Time to give the Betty Ford a ring, buddy.

How- how did you come to that conclusion? Projecting, perhaps?


: We must take responsibility for our actions...

The church is, against all odds, still around, but it seems like they're turning around.


: But it's really just good manners to donate something, too.

...some of them.


: They make great hall trees! Attractive and functional. With the world going to hell in a hand basket, we don't need 'em anymore.
: Say there, sis, don't beat yourself up about it. Trot on over to the bar and forget your worries over a tall cold one!

Get out of the corrupt church and embrace alcoholism instead. Ronfar: good role model!


: Are you still on that kick? I told you! I have a girlfriend now! ...get it?
: Well then, let me be your dice. Lay your hands on these lucky bones...
: Ronfar! Father said you'd never change, and I guess he was right!


: Ever since you left here, Ronfar, the gambling action hasn't been the same.
: I've got bigger things to take care of these days. Maybe you'll find something better someday, too.

That's... randomly sweet.


: She wants me just to be the mayor, and that's it. Maybe my wife is right. I think I'll concentrate on just being a good mayor.

Next up: Dalton!


: I think they're a little extreme, but I appreciate their offer. I think I'll let them do the work, too.


: He said they lost control when the Dragons were released. I wish I could see one of the Dragons. They must be awesome!
: Well, kiddo, this is your lucky day! Feast your eyes on me!
: Is this some kind of a sick joke? You're not one of the Four Dragons! You're just some stinkin'... stinkin'... well, I don't know what you are... but you're too small to be a Dragon.
: Well, I'm big enough to toast your impudent butt, junior!


: Good looks and principled, too! Is this guy too good to be true or what?! Come to mama, big boy!
: While I'd like to honor your request, I'm afraid you may not let me go. So, I must respectfully deny your request and just blow you a kiss from here.



Uh...


: We're celebrating the saving of our world today. All well drinks are only 10S!
: 10S! Hiro, let's buy a ton of 'em and take them out. We can sell them in Larpa for a small fortune!
: You dingbat! By the time we get to Larpa, they'll be undrinkable! Get real!

Besides, I'm pretty sure Larpa does not have a deficiency of shitty bourbon.


: Was it necessary to destroy it to save our world?
: The choice was destroy Pentagulia, or be torched to cinders by Zophar. I think we made the right choice, mister.

"You couldn't have maybe evacuated the innocent citizens fi-"
"Nope!"


: Hiro! I think Grandpa needs this book!

I'm pretty sure this was always there, but I missed it for whatever reason. So here you go. Farts.


: But we never said exactly when we'd fix it. I think it'll stay broken a while longer... ha ha ha!


: I tell you, man. It's a total shame that a bod like that died out. That Alex dude was one lucky guy...

And a reminder that most of the church is still awful.



Just.... awful.


: We want to understand her real teachings and tell them to the people. But, you're not gonna get some tearful, fake 'I have sinned' speech. We're just gonna try really hard to make things right again.

You don't get along with your co-workers, do you?

Whoosh! Takkar!


: I'm thinking of expanding the hotel! Isn't that great?
: So does that mean there will be more Bounteous Babes to check out.... hoouuahhh!
: Ronfar, you better cool it, or I'll tell Mauri! If she finds out how you've been acting, you're dead meat!

Spoiler: This will not deter Ronfar in any way. Also, I'm not entire sure how "hoouuahhh" is to be pronounced in real life. Is it like the mating call of a baboon?


: You... think I have a chance with the younger of the two chicks that own this joint? She's pretty hot, huh?
: And you're pretty cold... and stinky. Here's a dime, buy a clue.


: But I still don't have enough to join yet.
: Well, why don't you give it to me, so I can keep it safe for you?

Oh that Lemina! Stealing money from children.


: Seems like that just yesterday...
: That's probably because you're getting senile as you approach middle age.




: Of course I am. How many times do I have to tell you? You should be able to see it just by observing my mastery of complicated magic, and my impeccable social graces...


: Now, they enjoy song and dance. In fact, they're starting some festivals!
: That sounds more like the Althena I heard about as a child. The one that inspired me to become a dancer.

Okay cool IT'S TIME TO GO TO NOTA!


: Say, I got to thinking about what you did for me and I thought of this. I think I'm going to rename the red wine 'Hiro's Special Reserve' in your honor! What do you think? Is that neat or what?

Yeah, neat... say, I've still got some 'Hiro's Special Reserve' and it's just taking up space maybe you'd like-



I am stuck with this wine forever. It is eternal wine.


: I sure hope that happens!
: Call me daffy, call me a hopeless sentimental, I think everything'll be ok. Besides... I looked ahead in the script.


: Hiro, get away from this guy! All he wants is to pick your pocket!
: Ah, child. I understand your concern, but I assure you that I have changed.
: Then why is your hand out?
: Oh, uh, he he, sorry... it's an old habit. You know what they say about old habits dying hard and all that...


: How about some grated kitty nipple? Or maybe you'd prefer fresh ogre wart?
: I'd prefer that you stop talking about that stuff, or I'll be giving you a free jar of hot Dragon spew!

Yeah, he can probably sell that, too.



Wouldn't be the weirdest thing here.


: Then putting on old clothes from Seattle and heading to the middle of the bridge, where you tie a cord around your ankles, and jump off the bridge to fly. The cord stops you before you hit the water, and you spring high into the air. We call it grungy jumping.

...

Holy moly that is a lot of set-up for a weird, dated joke.

: That sounds fun! Where do I sign up?
: Ruby, you can fly already! What kind of sport is it for you?
: I just like the 'not washing for a week and wearing old clothes' part...

YOU DON'T WEAR CLOTHES.

: Figures... I'd have to get hooked up with a flying cat that likes grunge... What are the odds of that? Weirdo...


: She is unadorned with delicate flowers to compliments her beauty. Buy my flowers and perfect your look, won't you?
: Pooh! What a complete line of donkey plop! I know a good sales job when I hear one, and that's a beaut!


: Yes, this snack mix is absolute physical and spiritual perfection... in one handy bag! And you can have it all in your mouth for only 50S! Act right now and if you buy 3, I'll throw in an extra bag free!
: Free! Geez! Gimme some of that stuff! ...uh, he he.... can I pay you later?
: Sure, if I can deliver later, too. Sorry babe. No freeloaders!


: I know, I know. It's not a popular choice, but that ship's just too cool! I've got to ride on it, and my only shot at that is to join them. Do you think I'll get a chance to ride it soon?
: Probably just as soon as we're done riding on it. Sucker!!
: You know, this guy just gave me a great idea! We can take this ship on tour! Yeah, I can see it now! We can charge 5000S per trip! People would be lining up!
: Well Lemina, I like the part about giving people ride on the Destiny. But you can't charge for it. It's against the rules.
: Oh, pooh! Rules were made to be broken, weren't they?

Besides, this is the only money-making idea she's ever had that was good. I wouldn't discourage her, Leo!



Take the wine...


: Just like the one Hiro used to save the world! Hurry, they're going fast!
: ...mmm... how much did you want for one?

And now we're done with Nota. Since we've been to the Carnival, up next is Zulan.


: I would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to our village. Is that nice enough for you? ...damn little kids! Don't you know you don't have any right to criticize my talk? Now get your scrawny little butts out of here before I throw you out!



Nope.


: A nice little tourist trap. By tripling our prices we'll really rake in the dough.
: I knew Ramus would go to any length to win our little bet! But this is really too much! I can't imagine being married to that dweeb!

Oh yes, and that stupid little sub plot - well, I couldn't even classify it as a subplot. Plot... queef? Anyway, the whole "Ramus and Lemina marriage bet" is still around. Also, does Ramus even own any part of Zulan?


: I'll call it Zulan magic tonic. I know it'll be a big hit!
: Who would want to buy water that came from snow? And besides, isn't most of the snow around here yellow?
: Shut up Ruby! Listen, I know a place where we can sell a million of these! Say there, sir, would you like to sign this distribution agreement?
: Man Lemina, don't you ever stop trying to spin gold from manure?


: Man, I wish that monster was still alive. At least we could still ski!


: At least if there was snow, he'd be able to stay around the house.

This is like people in Russia missing the days of communi- erm, bad example.


: The bods, the studs, the sun... wow!



These kids are fucked up.


: ...uh, if it had a spleen...

Well, don't ask Hiro; he doesn't even know what it does.


: I dreamt that Lucia was in a place colder than this... and somehow you found a way to be with her. Crazy, huh?
: ... ....

It's not immediately obvious, but yes, this is the Mayor's granddaughter. She's definitely feeling better. And... gained the gift of clairvoyance in the mean time. Good for her.


: Words cannot express how happy I am. Just seeing her laugh bring me great joy! I just don't know what I would've done if she'd died... but thanks to you, I don't have to think about that.

Oh, yeah, her dad is back too. Her mom did mention that her dad was off looking for a cure, but the game didn't make that big of a deal out of it. I'm just glad there's no amnesia plot. Or babies.

babies


: Not only did you say my girlfriend, but you saved the world, too! Do you think the power of love is strong enough to safeguard us forever?
: I don't know about forever, but it sure makes for a nice start...

: It's really wonderful when you find the one you're meant to be with forever. There's no feeling in the world quite like it.
: ...

...you're like 9, kid. What the fuck would you know about that?

Anywho, Meribia's next!



Uh...

: Once word got out that a student of his saved the world, applications to his dojo increased 2000%!

Uh...

: Jean! Did you hear that? This a mega-opportunity! If we start a dojo and you endorse it, we stand to make a fortune!
: Lemina, Lemina, Lemina... I want to go back to dancing, remember?

"Also, fuck you."

So, word didn't spread? Somehow, no one managed to spread the little tidbit that Lunn is, I dunno, a freakin' former child slaver?! I mean, Borgan's little colony doesn't seem to be widespread news, but no one respects him anyway.


: Well, I went and signed up for lessons at Master Lunn's dojo, by crackee! Trouble was...


: They finally told me just to leave.
: Oh, that's so sad... and there's no excuse for it! My grandma's wraps didn't get in her way when she danced! She was one of the best in the troupe... despite her problem... and the occasional smell... hmm, come to think of it, maybe it's better this way.

...thanks for the story, Jean.


: What's the big deal?! It's just the sewers, for god's sake! He just is letting people walk around in the stinky town sewers! They've been there forever! What's so exciting about that? Really! P.T. Barnum, junior is what that kid is! Sheeesh....

Oh, right, that shit...


: I hope so! I'd like to see you run around in some of these garments. I know you'll look so hot in them! Ramus is one lucky man...

You know Lemina, there's no part in your little bet that prohibits you burning Ramus to death... well, there probably is, but it's not like he can argue the point with you.



Of course he is.


: Take people into the sewer, act lost, steal their money and bring 'em out. If it wasn't for all the money I'm making, I would've quit already.

: Hey pal, do you want me to take you on a guided tour of the sewers? Make sure you bring enough silver to get back out!

Sounds legit.

: Sure, I'd like to be alone with you in the dark for a few moments...

I... uh... um...

I don't even know.


: People are coming from all over just to take a ten minute ride!

: Lemina, I'd like to raise the stakes in our little bet. If you rebuild the Magic Guild before I turn a profit, I'll donate all future profits to the Magic Guild!
: Mega-cool! That's the kind of bet I would like to win!
: However, if I win, you will have to become my wife!

...wait, wasn't that already the terms of the bet? So, you just raised your stakes, without raising hers? God, you're terrible at this.

: After all, that's how all the Ramus family got their beautiful wives!
: Yeah, you bought them! I don't think I like this proposal anymore.

Yeah, whatever, let's leave and forget that Ramus exists, shall we?


: You know, if I didn't know better, I'd think this month was some sort of holiday!

So... it's not even been a month since Zophar kicked it? Honestly, the timeline for the epilogue is kinda fucked. The Childhood's End manga and other tie-in stuff suggests that Hiro searches for a way to the Blue Star for months, but hell if I know how canon that is. Probably best not to think about it.


: Man, I wish I was as cool as him...

UH.



However, Ghaleon's redemption is common knowledge. Seriously, I have no idea what makes the rumor mill 'round here and what doesn't.


: Poor? You mean P O O R? I don't think so! Hahaha! Those little punks are living like kings! Their place makes Neverland Ranch look like a dump!



Ronfar must have a very odd idea what kings live like.




: You know, that's one freaky trick I have yet to learn! I can't wait until I can freak out worthless bums all by myself!

So now we discover the whole reason why Nall learned that trick.


: My friend told me about one called 'doctor' that sounds fun. Do ya know how to play?

...moving on.


: Since Master Lunn isn't due back for awhile, do you think you could train us?
: I'm sorry, but I just don't believe in teaching people how to fight... I only fight because I have, not because I want to.

Oh, and by the way, Lunn actually hasn't been back to Meribia. And there's not really any indication he's ever coming back. Of course, who knows how long he's been gone exactly because the time line is incredibly nebulous. Perhaps Lunn's always been an absentee mayor anyway.


: What kind of sick person would cause children to fight in a war?
: Evidently, a really sick one!


: I have to make sure that these guys practice at least 18 hours every day.
: That seems so inhumane...

And kind of impossible. Good to know that Lunn's legacy of cruelty persists.


: I don't know if Lunn would accept such a self-serving title as that.
: Somehow, I think he would...

I'm tired of talking about Lunn. Now, this update actually just barely goes over word count, so we'll have to split it in two. After the break, Taben's Peak!