Part 55: Odds And Ends 7: NPC Harder (Part 2)

: He told me that I should run this place when he finally became a White Dragon.


: ...except how you're going to make a living with no formal schooling. I hear Mc Borgan's is hiring...

Do you just hate happiness, Ruby?


; I definitely want to be like you when I grow up. Well, that or a rock star. I haven't really decided. And, ya know, I really could go for being a game counselor. Or maybe even a movie star!

: You suck. Boooooring!




: I don't understand this whole thing about Dragon aging...
: Maybe Oil of Olay is his beauty secret...

Or maybe he's born with it?


: She said that if I ever got scared, she would be there for me. But she let me down. I knew I shouldn't have trusted her. She lied to me.
: ...
: Lucia wouldn't break a promise. She'll come back. ...right, Hiro?


: Really? Nall... likes me?
: I'll make a bet that Ruby and Nall locks lips before all this is over!
: Zip your hole, Ronfar! I'll fry the hair off your butt if you say that again!

And it turns out Ruby has graduated from annoying crush to, and I shudder as I type this, tsundere. Sigh. At least this is pretty far into the "B" plot territory.


: Maybe you two should get together and make some baby pink Dragons. Then I could have one as a pet.
: Not in a million years!


: Nall says he doesn't need my help anymore since he's a great White Dragon.
: Being strong isn't the only way to stop evil! Sometimes the greatest victory comes when you don't have to fight at all.

Except all our victories have come from fighting, so... I still say we should have brought this kid.

Nall doesn't say anything new, and we've already visited Vane, so to Azado!


: Always asking questions... 'Where is the tower?' 'Where is the tower?' Geez! Just look up for god's sake! It's the tallest thing here! Man! I hate dealing with the public!

Azado's definitely doing better, although I have no idea how Azado tower can be a tourist draw. I mean, we were there. It was kind of boring.


: I'm gonna call them beasties! If this catches on, I'm going to be filthy rich!



...that's gonna be one fucked up looking cookie.

: Why not make them with laxative chips instead and call them 'bowel beasties?' You can sell them to people that are bound up! Now there's a gold mine!


: We owe this all to the great Lord Leo. He is truly a gift from Althena!
: I did not remove this menace from your town without aid. My good friends aided me in the task.
: We aided... you? Don't you have the backwards, flyboy?

Ruby's got the score right


: Although your offer, touch my.. uh... heart, I'm afraid I'm already married to my work and must respectfully decline.



: I promise I'll do everything you command me to!
: To follow me, all you must do is believe in the power of justice. Fight hard for truth, and follow no one!

Still, Leo's pretty popular in Azado, despite his uselessness.


: We're going to take our honeymoon in the carnival on the Madoria Plains.
: That's great! Maybe I'll be able to dance for you!
: Jean, maybe you should dance for them before they get married!

Oh, and the gatekeeper in Azado that I had actually forgot about is getting married. I'm certain you all cared greatly.


: 'He didn't hate me. He's just a victim, just like me.' There now. Don't you feel beter? I know I do!

Actually, we don't know the monster truly was malicious or simply being used. I mean, it was teleported in by an evil cult without any idea what was going on around it maybe this guy is right an-

: 1000S, please.

Nevermind.


: Hm... no, but I could put you in jail for pandering... how about that?

...okay, fine, you're all right, Leo.


: I know... it sounds like another pitiful drunk's redemption speech. But this time I mean it!

Good for you, but I'd start by getting out of the bar.


: You should know that a true priest of Althena would never do that!

...well, you're half-right there.


: Hey! Come on, I know you'll like it! Please, just buy it from me! Pleeeeeeaaaaaassee?!

I presume he means the useless beads, although since he never says it he could be trying to get us to buy tinfoil or something.

But that's it for Azado. Time to trek half-way across the world to Horam.


: Listen you little annoyance, there's no chance in hell that I'm going to teach you.
: But, you don't have to teach me in hell. You can teach me any place you want.
: Fine. Your first lesson is to face that corner.


: If we weren't all sick with the flu, we could have easily kicked his butt!
: You are the most amazing liar I have ever met. You actually believe yourself!


: I'm going to eat it with some fifa beans and a nice bottle of Chianti... Then maybe you'll think twice about what you've done to Lunn...

Yeah, yeah, whatever... what the hell are "fifa" beans?


: There are some that say Wind Karate is a fraud.
: Well, they're on the right path. If John Stossel shows up at your door, be very afraid.

...who?

Apparently, he's a journalist, but as far as I can tell he's not know for exposing fraudulent karate dojos, so... I have no idea, Ruby.


: It's the one where you copy every move your opponent makes, as well as everything they say. It both confuses and annoys the hell out of them in one easy step... pure genius!
: Uh, I don't think you got that exactly right...

Hey, they actually kinda mention how you need Dopple Dance in dialogue. Neat. Would have been neater if this came before the boss fight with Lunn, but what do I know?


: The martial arts are never fully mastered, but I will help you learn more.
: Sorry, Sensei. I am only helping my friend here. When this is over, I will return to being merely a dancer.
: Ahh grasshopper, you are wasting your time on this... this... dance! Stay here with me. I can show you how to do things you never dreamed possible!


...okay we're leaving Horam and never returning. On to the Zen Zone.


: ...I ...can't ...keep ...a...wa...ke...

...has he been bleeding the whole time since we talked to him last? Impressive stamina?


: You come here, beat up a couple of us, and all of the sudden you're the best! Well, I got news for ya! You're not. Nyah, nyah!

Meanie.


: And go with something like foam padding. That way our opponents will never be able to hurt us. I just can't wait to try it out in real competition.

Yeah, only if your opponent was using foam darts as a weapon, like if it were Ultimate Nerf Championship or something. Holy shit, why aren't you guys doing Ultimate Nerf Championship? That's awesome!


: We will fight with wild dogs... We will spar with ferocious kittens... We will hog-tie hamsters... We will do whatever it takes to be the best!


: I can't wait to see what you do in next years competition.
: I can tell you what I'll do next year right now. I won't be here. And, hopefully, this barbarism will cease!
: Come on Jean! I could promote you! We could make some really big bucks! Don't worry, I won't become like Don King! All I want is three-fourths of the profits!

Of course. Oh hey, can you see who it is on the edge of the screen?



Oh goodie.

: As I promised, the way of Blue Dragon Karate is taught no more. In fact, the mention of that name is forbidden. The punishment for doing so is a good caning. Only one has been foolish enough to spray paint the name on these walls... Now Michael cannot sit. He can think about his transgression while standing.
: That certainly is good news.

I guess Jean really doesn't like Michael.

: One day, perhaps I can forgive what you once did to me, but I can never forget.


: ...but, I still say girls should be banned from all sports!

It seems he did not slap you enough.

Anyway, that's everyone an-



Wait... THE KIDS ARE STILL HERE?!



...well damn.

: That's why all of us have decided to stay together. This is my family now.
: I think you all will make one great, big, happy family. Maybe we'll rename this place 'Zen Walton Zone.'


: Some want to continue to train so that they can fight like you. Others want singing and dancing lessons so that they can join the carnival.
: I'm truly honored. Is there anything I can do to help?
: Some of them want you to teach them how to dance.
: When I finish this little task, I'll be back and we'll all dance.

Aw...


: 'Hot Leggin' Jean' or 'Jean, Jean, Killing Machine'?
: Boy, that's a tough choice...
: Perhaps you can think of another couple of titles so I have more to choose from. You know, you need a title that'll really grab your listener.

Tactful. Although, I'm fond of "Jean, Jean, Killing Machine" myself.

Now onto to Zaback.


: We're well on our way to returning to splendor as a great mining town!


: On days like this, I gaze upon the Blue Star and wish I could live forever! Lemina, my dear... come over here and sit with me in the warm morning sun.
: Grandpa, I don't have time for that right now. I have to help Hiro, and revive the Magic Guild, and... and... oh pooh! Grandpa, there's just too much for me to do! I can't sit with you today. How 'bout a raincheck, okay?

And if you're excuse me, we're gonna go wander around, just shooting the shit with everyone we see.


: I've heard that the response was good, but... They said my paintings weren't sensual enough! I ask you, how is it possible to make a female ghoul more sensual? Lipstick? Earrings? Three inch stiletto heels? It's absolutely ludicrous!
: Ha! I'll bet Ramus is one of the judges...

...was this exhibit for the comics industry?


: It's kinda fun, really. Sure beats the heck out of studying magic outta books!
: Well, if you find any treasure in your quests, be sure to bring them to me. You know, many treasures are cursed. I can remove the curse for a small fee.
: Oh Lemina! Will you ever change? You're hopeless!

Oh that Lemina! Always trying to defraud children!


: It's gonna be so cool! Ha ha ha!
: Hm... sounds like another little lost boy I know... I wonder if they're related!


: Workin' in an old mine, whoop! 'cause Vane fell down...

I don't know if there's enough tits in this game for you to reference that.


: That's why I'm teaching and mining here. I teach by day and mine by night. It sucks, but... If I can just find ten more diamonds, I can open the school!


: How do these rumors get started?!
: In fact, eyewitness accounts say that somehow Michael and Lisa-Marie were involved! Something about magic, monkeys, makeup, Elvis, and... Tito!
: Ooh, is there ever an end to these bizarre stories?

Is there ever an end to how hard Working Designs is gonna date this game? That's so dated it's painful.



I heard that someone was abusing punctuation?!?!??!@!

: Is that true? If it is, they're gonna have some butt-ugly babies! I can see it now... whoo!
: That's not true! I won't let it happen! I don't care how nice he's become! There's not enough money in the world to buy my blessing on that marriage! True love or not, I will not let my mother marry that... that... bullfrog!


: But don't tell my brother. He'll tell mom and dad...


: I've heard that the Magic Guild in Vane is being rebuilt. Maybe he should try to get in there.
: Well, to enter the Magic Guild of Vane, he'd have to learn humility. Magic ability isn't the only criteria of the Guild of Vane.

Yer damn right Le-

: ...if he pays me, I might be able to teach him humility...



: Lemina, I can't believe it! You're still trying to run new scams! You're shameless!
: Well, I have to try, don't I? You know, to finance the rebuilding...
: But, don't you ever give it a rest?

I like to think both of them realize that Lem's obsession is getting kinda sad.

On to Neo-Vane!


: I'm tired of playing playground attendant for these brats!

'Yeah, why couldn't we have just let 'em die in the mines? Stupid kids.'


: I'm certain that no one can be as big a loser as you. I'm sure Beck had you in mind when he wrote that song!

Well, at least WD put in a decent variety of pop culture references.


: That is why he had spent so much time fixing up Neo-Vane. This place is far superior to ancient Vane in every way. I've got a joke for you. How do you stop the leader of Vane's Magic Guild? Just drop a few coins and she'll spend the rest of her life looking for them! Ha ha ha...
: That's not true! I would rather kick Borgan's ugly face in than find money!
: Hey Lemina, is that a piece of silver under that chair?
: Back off everyone! I saw it first! That silver's mine!
: See what I mean?

'Seriously, Lemina, you have a problem.'


: If'n anyone says bad things 'bout Lenny, Lenny'll use his new magic on them. But I'd never use it on your flyin' bunny. Say mister, can I pet it?
: First, I'm a flying cat. Now, I'm a flying bunny. Sheesh, what's next?


: My daughter has returned to live here with us. We're finally a family again! I'd like to give you something as a reward for your efforts!
: Oh no, please I don't want you to give me a reward... ...but then again, I don't want to be disrespectful, either. Okay, hand it over!!!
: I still haven't quite figured you out, Lemina...

I'd dare say she's not that complex, Ruby. (No, we don't get anything, by the way.)


: Now it's as if I've awakened from a dark, evil sleep. Thank you for making it all possible!

And yes, unlike the kids in the Zen Zone, the ones in the mine are back home.


: But I'm getting too old for all this stuff. Stop the ride. I want off.

Good idea; we should wrap this up. We're gonna one last stop, however. Since we've got Leo, there's some new dialogue in Raculi.


: Walk to the altar already! Ya don't want ta let a good woman slip your grip!
: Hmm, gotcha buddy. But, ya know, I've got to be ready for this...
: Ronfar, if you wait 'til you're ready, you'll never do it. Take my advice and jump in with both feet. I want to call you brother!


: Mauri, I know we've our differences in the past, but...
: Stop! Don't even mention the past. All is forgiven. I don't blame you for what happened. You had no way of knowing...
: Sister, you are kind beyond words. I don't deserve the forgiveness you give so easily, but I will accept it. Thank you...

: Leo, please consider staying here with us in Raculi. We can always use another skilled hand in the village.
: Give me time, Mauri. Adventuring is in my soul. I don't know if I can give it all up and settle down.
: ...
: Oh Mauri! You're giving me that look again! Don't worry! I'm fine. I just have some things to work out, that's all. I'm going to find a very isolated place to sort it all out...

I'd hate to ruin this moment with masturbation joke, but when you hand it to me like that.... (Heh, "hand.")

: I can promise you one thing, though. If you and Ronfar have a little one, I'll be back to baby-sit in a second! I want to see what kind of kids this joker can sire! Ha ha ha!
: Well, if that's the best I can get, I'll take it. Just know that we're always here for you...
: ...always. Remember that, buddy.

And with that, we're... not quite done. We've got one last thing to do. Do you remember the Lion's Head and the Dragon's Den, the two optional dungeons in the game? I cleared them out before the epilogue, but it's actually a good idea to go back to both of them. Why?



There's new treasure.



Do you remember this treasure chest? The new treasure is here. In the epilogue, one treasure chest in the Lion's Nest is filled with a new treasure, and one in the Dragon's Nest is also. No, I have no idea how you'd figure this out on your own. Oh, and if you didn't get the Lucky Bandanna, it's gone now. Fair enough, it wasn't very good, but if you're trying to be a completionist I can see how that can be annoying.

So where is the new treasure in the Dragon's Den?



Of course it is.

So what do these treasures do, you may wonder?



Annoyingly, neither has hint text.



Although the Dimension Ring gives you two extra attacks (it's replacing the Wind Pendant, so that's why it only says one.) So that's worth it on it's own. Lucia's Tear only appears to give a slight boost to attack. Kinda lame.

Well, let's put both on Jean, and go into battle. See what happens.



...yeah.

So what just happened?

The Dimension Ring allows you to attack the enemy without moving. Pretty good, although the plus two to number of attacks is more appealing to me. Lucia's Tear makes the character's attack hit all enemies at once. Yeah. Not bad. Combined... it's gonna make either Jean or Hiro a veritable force of destruction. Moreso, anyway.

All right, finally, finally, we're going to tackle an epilogue dungeon next time. Hope to get that one out sooner, at least.