Part 18: Do Thieves' Guilds Ever Exist in Real Life?

Update 14: Do Thieves' Guilds Ever Exist in Real Life?

Welcome back, true believers. Last time we got everyone together, and went past Nanza Barrier to the great beyond. Unlike the area around Meribia, there are no paths to guide us along the way. While this area isn't quite as sprawling as the previous one, it's still pretty easy to get lost. Fortunately, we have the Dragon Wings now, so getting lost on the World Map isn't quite as deadly as it could be.

To the south, we see our first landmark of note.



Gee, I wonder if that'll be a dungeon at some point later on.


"People say that the Dragon's Cave lies at the base of that very volcano!"

A man in a nearby Althena's Shrine confirms my speculation.

By the way, this particular shrine has an interesting quirk. If you donate money here, instead of losing money you gain it. You only gain 50 silver each time, and every tenth "donation" will make the lady sing, but if you're patient enough you can amass a decent amount of money here. But I'm not patient, so let's head westward.



But first, let's look at the new enemies. Well, new enemy, singular. We've seen Wyburns before, and by now they're laughably underpowered. The Grolly's a fair bit hardier; Alex can't kill it in a hit, but Kyle can. Also it takes a fair bit of damage from magic. Nothing too exciting.



Death Mutts, however, are sturdy bastards. They have a fuckton of HP and are pretty resilient to magic. But they're still not that threatening. The most dangerous thing you see here is the enemy formation. It's rare, but enemy formations like this are what really fuck you over, as I can't really hide my squishy mages anywhere. Mia is especially vulnerable, as it'll only take a couple of hits to bring her down. At this moment, though, it's not a huge problem.

Now that we've got that out of the way, let's see our first new town. It's directly to the east of the Nanza Barrier.



"The people from the south that live in Reza say we're all fruitcakes! But who are they to judge?"

Considering that the very next thing this guys says is-


"It's actually quite refreshing. Those uptight jerks in Reza won't even try it!"

Maybe the denizens of Reza have a point.


"In fact, we've got a man that's making some kind of flying machine! Anywhere else, they'd label him a 'nut' and have him locked away in a rubber room... But here, we give him the freedom to follow his dream, however weird it sounds."

Flying machine, eh? Well, it is a JRPG, and the Dragon Wings do not count as an airship, so I think I know where this is going...



Wait, that's our future airship? Fucking lame.

In any case, we can't do anything with it yet anyway (the inventor's not finished). There's really only two things to do here at the moment.



Stealing from this man, for one. The Alcana Nut increases magic power, and when you use the nut it will be the only time you ever see the magic power stat. In case you're curious, after using the nut Alex's magic power is 39, Kyle's is 14, Mia's is 74, Jessica's is 36, and Nash's is 56. Pretty much the spread of numbers you'd expect. So I gave the nut to... Alex. Shut, I have my reasons.


"Why'd you have to barge in here like that and ruin my train of thought?"

Oh. He's... missing something. I'm certain I haven't seen it! He. He he.

 Actually, this is relevant for later. 

The other thing to do here at Iluk is...



Weapons, baby. The Scimitar isn't a huge upgrade from the long sword, but it's still a nice upgrade. They also sell a Mace, which is the first weapon upgrade Jessica can get. And at the end is the Crossbow, and I finally, finally buy Nash the bow I kept rambling about. Rejoice; Nash is now slightly less useless.

Unfortunately, they only have a weapon shop, so that'll be it for Iluk for now. Let's head east again.



After Jessica gains a new spell. It heals paralysis. I can't even remember what in this game inflicts paralysis.



Also, Nash continues to pretend he's contributing. Thunder Fang is an updated version of his single target spell.



Anyway, there is an odd desert to the east of Iluk. There is absolutely nothing there except-



Motherfucking sand worms! Like most sandworms in video games, these fuckers are tough and hit like a truck.



The rewards for beating this nasty foe are... paltry as hell. For the record, most encounters around here will give about twice that much experience. There is no reason to fight these things.

 And this is the only time they'll show up. Ever. Later on we will need to go back to this place and by that time there will be a completely different enemy here. It is entirely likely that you will play this game and never, ever see this enemy. Kind of odd to waste an enemy sprite on a completely optional enemy, but there you go. 

South from the desert is the next new town and our destination. From Iluk, you go south a bit, then east.



Ta da! Reza!

Say, we've heard that name before, haven't we? Why have we heard that name...?



There was that guy in Meribia who called it a city of thieves, didn't he? Say, is that guy below us welcoming us?



Why yes. Yes he was.

: Uh... that's one of my men! What's he doing over here?
: Thanks for sharing... But right now, we'd better get after him!

Well, shit.

Okay, time to find this guy. Unlike the remake, Reza's layout is pretty straightforward.


"Lots of stolen items are sold and traded there... but you can't get in unless you're a thief."

And a stolen good extravaganza seems like a good place to start. They don't specify where the bazaar is, but an NPC mentions that the man who stole our Wings went towards the bar, that might be the place.


"Well, actually, yes. Someone came flying through here and ran up the stairs!"

Indeed it is. Let's go- wait, is that... eh, whatever, let's go!


"You can't get in unless you're a member of the guild of thieves... now scram! Go on... get out of here! I don't want any trouble."

Oh right. Not members of the guild. Well, shit, guess we'll have to become members. Since this is an RPG and no one, ever, ever breaks the rules ever so slightly to allow a future savior of the world to get his shit back. Nope, gotta play this by the book.

Also, the text box blocks it, but there's actually a little girl at the bottom of the screen.


"My name is Lily. My grandpa worries about me, so I never get to get out and have fun! But I've been practicing my singing! Want to hear it?"

You know, perhaps her grandpa should have told her not to talk to strangers. And yes, another girl that will sing the same Lalala song.



Yeah, I'm not going to bother to link it; I can't imagine you care by now. Also, if anyone could tell me what the hell "Chutney Dallas" is, and why Texan Indian food can sing so well, that'd be appreciated.


"Lily, sings very well. But, these days that's dangerous! All of the girls that have been kidnapped are good singers! Everyone's keeping a close eye on her. We don't want to lose her..."

Awww. Deep down these dastardly thieves have a soft spot.


"The guy behind the counter over there is actually the leader of the thieves guild. ...no, really!"

Oh. That's convenient. Let's just go and ask 'em.


"Have a drink on me! Oh... ahem, you're too young for that, aren't ya? Well, how 'bout some chow? If ya'd like to spill yer guts, I've been told I listen real good..."

While it's a nice offer, it's not the reason we're talking to the guy. If you bug him again...

"Oh... so you want to be a member of the thieves guild, huh? You know, I really don't recommend this as a way of life. So I'll give you this test: if you can open the chest over in the corner, I'll let you join the guild. Simple as that!"

Just... open a locked chest? Is the lock super advanced or something. One would think the membership requirements would be a bit more difficult...



But thank goodness they're not.


: I guess you're right, Kyle. This is a job for a man. I just hope we can find one to help us...
: Just what I... don't... need <bang>, <crash> ...a woman ragging on me!


Huh. I'll be damned.

: Hey! It opened! Looks like there's a crest inside!

Ta da! We get the Thieves' Crest and can finally go the bazaar. And open those locked red chests we've been seeing.

...But here's the thing. We've actually had the ability to do that since Kyle joined. Now there's actually only one area where it's worthwhile to backtrack to open the red chests, and that's Mel's Mansion. And whoo boy is it worthwhile. I'll show it off in the Odds n' Ends, but you get a bunch of sellable items that increase your money total by a lot. If you are playing along, make sure to do that.

Now those of you familiar with the remakes may be confused here. And yes, that's all we had to do to get the Thieves' Crest. You see, in the remake the reason we're interested in Damon's Tower is so you can get the Thieves' Crest. He... has it for some reason. You have to pass through a dungeon to get to a town (a town you'll see in a later update) pass through the same dungeon again (thankfully it is short) and go through another dungeon to get your Dragon Wings back. Urgh. I'm not sure which is worse; the complete pointlessness of this sequence, or the aggravating fetch quest of the remakes. I'm not fond of this part of the game.


"You now have full authority to roam the streets with the guild's backing! Just remember our first rule: do not prey on the weak or make women cry!"

Oh, they like to sound cool, but really all they do is hang around on the rooftops waiting for some passing weirdo to hire them.


...all right, I'm certain you've noticed Laike hanging out in the back there. Let's stop ignoring him.



By the by, this is the first time you have to actually talk to Laike. It's mandatory to advance the plot. (And it will mess you up if you've played the game before and are trying to run through, because talking to him triggers something you wouldn't expect it to. This part of the game does that to you. A lot.)

: Say, Alex, you came from Meribia, didn’t you? Are the rumors that Ghaleon is the Magic Emperor true? I can’t believe it, but if you can offer any details, I’d appreciate it.

...awkward. You actually get the option to tell him or not tell him, but there's 100% no reason not to (it's really only an option to give the illusion of Alex speaking). So let's tell him the sad truth.

: ....hmmmm.... I see... so the rumors are true... Ghaleon....

Even Laike can't believe it.

: Listen up, Alex. If you want to have a chance against Ghaleon, you need to be much stronger than you are now. But strength isn’t everything… The important things is how you use the power you’ve got. Never forget that…

Oh. That... unexpected. If we talk to him one more time he'll say something even more unexpected.

: Alex, you’re going to look for the Dragon’s Armor to become a Dragonmaster, right? You should ask the old man that lives in Iluk who collects strange things. He said he knew how to get in the Red Dragon’s cave…

An actual, honest-to-god lead. I'm not sure why he knows that and I don't care. I'm just happy to have some direction.

But to get to Iluk we'd need the Wings. Well, we could walk I guess, but what scrub does that?


"I'd like to see what kind of parent you've got! If you were my kids, I'd take you over my knee and gloss your butt with leather!"

If the fact these kids are joining the guild upsets them so much, why the hell can't these assholes institute an age limit? Seems within their authority. Eh, whatever, let's go in and see if we can find him.


: Ha! There you are! ...just what do you think you're doing?
"...uh, Kyle. I didn't see you... hehe... ugh... ahhhhhh! What??? Where am I? The last thing… I… remember was some… ah… strange woman coming up to me… I think her name was Xenobia… or something. That’s all I remember…"
: Hmmm, she must have put a spell on you… but why would she want those? Anyway, give them back and get back to Nanza! Here you go, Alex… Sorry for all the trouble, he’s not usually like that!

Wait, really? That's what we're going with? If Xenobia was going to fuck with us, why possess some random scrub to steal an important item from us then hide and do nothing with it? If he's using Xenobia as an excuse, why the hell Kyle letting him off the hook? Why the hell is this in the game?

Oh fuck it, whatever. Important thing is that we have the Wings back. Also, we're in a bazaar of bizarre goods.


"<mumble><mumble> ...or how about Jessica's sheets...?"
: This guy is one sick puppy...

Not that.



The whole world is make up of perverts.

From left to right they are Tattered Clothes, completely shit armor, Soap, an interesting item that we'll discuss later, Mia's Bromide, which you've already seen, Mystery Potion, a gimmick items that hurts you instead of the enemy, and the Music Box which we've also already seen.



The Battle Axe is a pretty good weapon for Alex (I should have gotten it instead of the Scimitar, actually, but live and learn). The other items are the Magic Bullet, an overpriced attack item, Harisen, which... I have no idea what it does, and the Headband and Tiara which we've seen before.



This shop has a bunch of stuff we've seen before or is otherwise uninteresting, but the Snake Ring is new. According to the guidebook it increases encounter rate. I'm not actually sure if it does that or not. I'm not going to spend 2800 silver to find out.



And whatever the fuck this thing is.



Finally, we have the armor shop. There's actually a regular, non-bazaar armor shop, but it mostly sells outdated armor. The only thing of interest the regular shop has is the Bracelet, the best hand armor for the women. The bazaar armor shop is much nicer, and sells the shiny new iron armor. It's pricey, but it's new! And not worth buying; our defense isn't struggling right now, and the next town over already has better armor. So save your money.

If you're wondering why Reza has both regular shops and bazaar shop, well, the bazaar shops have an interesting property. If you try to sell anything back-


"This is the Thieves Bazaar. 'Thieves', get it? We don't buy stuff. We steal it!

They won't take it. Guess that makes sense.

There's one last thing to do here.



Another permanent stat increasing item! This one increases attack and I put it on... Alex. Look, it makes sense, okay?

With this pointless plot digression out of the way, next time we can head to Iluk and maybe, hopefully advance the plot.