Part 11: Sakamoto Says Part 3

In the summer of 2010, a couple months before Other M was unleashed upon us ignorant masses, Yoshio Sakamoto gave the keynote address at the Game Developers Conference. Later, this speech was translated by Nintendo of Europe and posted as an addendum to their version of the Iwata Asks article for Other M.


That's right, kids: we're going to learn how to make a good video game from the Producer/Storywriter/Obsessive Controller for Metroid: Other M.

Are you guys ready for this? I'm not ready for this! Let's dive in anyway!


Don't worry Sakamoto, we think you're a joker too.

I'm going to take this moment to quote part of the Iwata Asks article for Other M:


Just in case you thought Sakamoto discriminated between the game series he controls, be assured: he doesn't. Every series is equally worthy of his Glorious Vision, and the accompanying direction only he can provide.


Deep Red is about a music teacher who tries to play private investigator with a neighborhood homicide and his inability to actually investigate and identify clues leads to the murder of several characters.

Wait a second...I'm sensing a pattern here. Let me try re-writing that description.

Other M is about a hack who tries to play movie director with a video game and his inability to actually write and identify problems leads to the murder of several characters.

Wow, Sakamoto, I didn't think you were that inspired.


You know what's scary? Rock music. It uses the Devil's lyrics and only exists to corrupt our poor, innocent children! Oh, won't somebody think of the children?!


I'll give Sakamoto credit here: Other M did provide foreshadowing. Olive Branch said it best in the videos, we want Samus to shoot Little Birdie in the face the first time they meet because you just know the latter would become a threat later. Unfortunately, this being Other M, such foreshadowing usually leads to terrible things (like Little Birdie being  Ridley ). In a way, Other M is scary and invokes dread, but for all the wrong reasons.


Good job with that fear conveyance! We're terrified of what you'll do next. From the interview with Revogamers:




Sakamoto goes on to mention other directors he likes, including John Woo (who I mostly remember for creating the most '90's movie ever, Mission Impossible 2), and he states that he prefers niche cult films over the mainstream ones. He also makes sure to add that he's not obsessed with movies, no really guys, some of his best friends aren't movies.


I seriously want to know what Sig. Argento and the other directors would think if they knew what their movies had inadvertently created.

He talks about the WarioWare series for a little bit, then goes on to mention a more recent title he worked on, the Japan-only Tomodachi Collection for the DS. As it turns out, this game was the progenitor of Mii avatars and the team he used to work on it was also used to create the Mii Channel on the Wii. Sakamoto had minimal involvement due to being in Other M meetings all day and his input mostly consisted of restricting what other people put in the game.

Then we get to the really fun part of the speech:


We are down the rabbit hole, folks. Let's see what he has to say about his self-declared magnum opus.


Does anyone in the thread with actual experience in the movie or video game industry want to tell me what exactly a producer's role in development is supposed to be? Sakamoto has taught me that producers control every aspect of production down to the most minute details, shut down any attempt to deviate from their vision, and go behind the backs of their subordinates to enforce their iron-clad will. I'm hoping that's incorrect.


I considered talking about the Famicom Detective Club series in my time machine segment but chose not to since it wasn't related to Metroid. Essentially, it was the first series of video games that Sakamoto wrote the script for and it was never released outside Japan.


The series where a single part-human-part-alien interacts almost exclusively with other aliens, corpses, and computers? That series is a "human drama"? The only other game where Samus has talked to another human is Metroid Prime 3, and even then the interactions were minimal at best. Sakamoto, would you mind explaining what the fuck? Yes you would?


I challenge the smart and eloquent cinema snobs lurking in this thread to explain how each of these concepts were misused in Other M, because I'm way too lazy/dumb to write paragraphs on it myself.

Optionally you could also try making a case for how Other M used these elements perfectly and is in fact a paragon of cinema, in which case I will laugh at you but do so respectfully.


Cutscenes like Samus's dialogue with Madeline Bergman are so beautiful, I can barely see them through the tears.

Oh wait, that's from laughter.


I'm no architect, but I think I'm safe in assuming that if your building's foundation is bad, it's not a good thing. Other M needs a wrecking ball and a couple bulldozers to shove away the pieces.


And there we have it.

Sakamoto is so stuck in the ways of old NES/SNES/GBA 2D sprite-based platformers that he has forgotten how to make any other type of control system. This is why he insisted on only letting the player control Samus with one Wii Remote, because he doesn't understand this newfangled "joystick" thingamajig or those weirdo "shoulder button" whozits that those darn kids down the hall talk about all day.


Not only is Sakamoto old-school, he's really stubborn about it too. His way or the highway, Team Ninja!


Maybe because it's a terrible idea? Anyone consider that?


Oh, you mean linear corridors, don't you. I was confused, see, because that's not the basic Metroid map, that's the basic Final Fantasy XIII map.


New technology is only tolerable if it furthers Sakamoto's goal of staying in a magic bubble where it's 1986 forever and ever and he doesn't have to learn new things, while simultaneously directing movies like he's always wanted.


Have no fear, guys, Sakamoto can use iMovie! This whole turning-a-game-into-a-movie thing will be a snap!


"The NES can't create 3D computer graphics! What is this witchcraft?! 'Wii'? Never heard of it, Nintendo's only ever made one console. No, shut up, it's 1986! Lalalalalala I can't hear you!"


Sterile, robotic, alien...yeah, it does! Suddenly everything makes sense. All the inconsistencies in this game have clicked into place, like an overly-elaborate Transformer figure, to reveal this game as what it really is: a troll of Jessica Martin. Masterfully done, Sakamoto.


If the production staff is the band, Sakamoto is the record label, constantly browbeating the artists into performing for a certain focus-tested audience while all the while claiming that this new Internet thing is no threat to his dinosauric business model. When is he gonna start complaining to Nintendo that piracy is the reason Other M didn't sell very well?


You know what kids do with their toys? They break them! Because they're kids, and don't yet understand how to take care of things, and they'd rather play with the toys than preserve them under a glass dome for later sale on eBay, so they play and play and play with the toy until it can't take the stress anymore and snaps.

And so it was with Yoshio Sakamoto, the manchild who broke Metroid.

~FIN~

Thanks for reading, folks. By the way, I recommend that everyone click the links to the transcript that I included in every quote. Not only did I skip over a lot of the speech for the sake of brevity, but also Sakamoto had fucking slides that went with his speech, including one of his Mii wearing a dress.