Part 79: My Cp Rnnth Vr

Update 43: My Cp Rnnth Vr



"If this king's so worried about getting poisoned, I don't know why he can't just hire a cleric to cast Protection from Poison on him before meals and Cure Poison after. Hell, I'd do it if he could pay me enough."



As previously noted, the towers' mirror portals are active now. Of course, we didn't come all the way here just to go somewhere else.



"Nice armour. Stylish. It's gonna look even better once I've put a few holes in it."

Slayer Knights have 500 HP and are 50% resistant to all elements, but not to physical damage. They attack twice per round for 2-500 physical damage, which might be painful if they could ever land a hit.

The Slayer Knights (along with all other enemies in this tower) are meant to selectively target Paladins, but the code for selectively targeting Paladins has a bug, so they don't. Kind of a pity: it'd be easy to load up Ms Swallow with all the highest-AC armour and make the party even more untouchable than they are anyway.



Of course, given that the whole party's AC is already north of 130 when buffed and most characters can one-shot the Slayer Knights in melee, we don't need the extra help. They carry a little gold and usually a high-level item.



"The what knights?"
"Voweless."
"Yes, I can see that, I'm just... oh, never mind."



"For a band of murderous thieves, these knights are most philosophical."
"Flench could say same of you."
"Plus, you could make a good case that we're the murderous thieves this time around. There's really no indication that these knights aren't the rightful owners of this chalice, or are doing anything other than defending their territory and possessions. Not that I'm complaining, just setting the record straight."



There are some high-level random shields, helmets and armour in alcoves around the tower. I mean really high-level, too: they can be anything up to and including obsidian. Between these and all the stuff that dropped off the knights, I managed to fill up the party's armour inventory and had to go back to town to sell stuff before finishing this tower.



"Fubar get education again!"



"Uh. Maybe start with easier book."



"Wait, now I see. Vowel-less Knights! Of course!"



There are a number of puzzle books like this in the Great Northern Tower. Each one expects us to enter the correct vowels to complete the sentence.



Our reward is half a level's worth of experience each time.



"Let sleeping dogs lie. Good advice. Especially for fire-breathing hellhound, but also good for regular dog."



On the second floor, we meet Death Knights, which are upgraded Slayer Knights: they have more HP, attack twice per round and are significantly more accurate. Their AC is also quite high, which would be a problem if we were coming in here with significantly lower levels or worse equipment. For our party, though, it still only takes a couple of good hits to finish them off.



We also find more books.

"Live foe moony as the rat if all veil? Of course! It's a hint! If we all put veils on, all our surviving enemies will become dazed like lovestruck rats!"
"I believe it's actually 'love of money is the root of all evil'."
"I was pretty close! I got all the consonants right!"



"The nads of the many outweigh the nads of the few! Why, that is but simple arithmetic! Although if I were among the few--"
"Needs, Sloof. Needs. As in 'Vandesloof needs to stop talking right now'."



"What was evil laugh noise just then? Evil laughs never sign of good things, except maybe good fights!"



"Oh, that's cute. They're trying to lock us in. Aren't you glad I'm here?"



"... If washes wear heiress, beggars wield red? Oh, I get it! It's a warning about how austerity breeds popular revolution: beggars will be out in the streets with bloody knives if the princess tires herself out washing her own clothes instead of putting money back into the economy by hiring servants to do it!"
"Nice try. But actual phrase is 'if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.'"
"Hey, I got a couple of the words right this time! Score!"



"A foal and his money are soon parted!"
"How are you people this bad at puzzles?"
"What? It is true! Horses have no concept of personal property!"



"Speaking of horses, don't look a gift horse in the mouth."



The stairs to the top floor of the tower are behind a false wall. Even if you don't have the Spot Secret Doors skill or Wizard Eye active, it shouldn't be too hard to guess where it is.



Once we head up, the stairs up to the skyroads are conveniently nearby. Nothing to see there but sky, though.



"As last stands go, I've seen better."



The Doom Knight is the boss of this tower, and he's potentially dangerous even at our current levels. He's got 1000 HP, is 80% resistant to almost everything except physical damage, attacks 4 times per round, and can cause instant death. Luckily, nobody dies to his first volley of attacks, and he doesn't live long enough to try again.



"That's a lot for a fancy chair to promise, but now I'm curious."
"Are you ever not curious?"
"Well, no. But now I'm curious about this in particular."



"Ow! I knew it was too good to be true."



"Maybe these four smaller thrones do something better."



"Fubar just realise horrible thing! At this rate Fubar probably going to live and die as adventurer, never meet nice lady and settle down in Newcastle! Nooo!"
"There, there, Fubar. Perhaps the next throne will help you feel better."



"If Fubar never have chance to be happy, maybe Fubar destroy world instead! Yes! Fubar feel better already, now Fubar have plan!"
"Well, that backfired. On to the next throne!"



"Wait, what was Fubar doing? Where are we? Why everyone grabbing at Fubar and pushing him into thrones?"



"Everyone always push Fubar around. Nobody respect Fubar."



"This seems familiar. Didn't we read a note about 'experiencing the lows before the highs' or something? Quick, back to the Euphoria Throne!"



"Yaaaaaaay!"

Sitting on all four of the lesser thrones followed by the Euphoria Throne cures the conditions caused by the lesser thrones and gives a nice little permanent bonus. We can do this once per character.



In other items of interest, the beds on the top floor contain answers to the puzzles, in case you couldn't solve them on your own.



"Eh. Fubar already have favourite throne."

There's a sixth throne tucked away in a corner; this one inflicts electrical damage and confusion on whoever sits in it. It's not necessary for activating the Euphoria Throne, so just leave it be.



And this is also where we can find the last two energy discs in the game, which we no longer have any use for.



"At last, we have recovered the Chalice!"



"Um, the chalice, obviously. What else would we be looking for?"



"Oh, right, that dumb vowel thing they all do. Let's see..."



"Is that the answer you were looking for?"



If anyone was thinking 'hey, this game is good but it just doesn't have enough gratuitous Star Trek references to feel like a proper Might and Magic game': well, here you go.



"All done. Time to get back to dwarf king now."
"No need! Fubar know shortcut!"



"Is just like George Michael say: you got to get up to get dooooown!"



"I suppose now you're all expecting me to heal you from the entirely predictable aftereffects of landing on jagged rock at terminal velocity."
"Naaaah, we'll just walk it off."



"I'm afraid we must respectfully decline to serve as your taste testers. We have a vital mission that cannot be delayed."
"Also, every previous conversation between us has involved you going on and on to us about how terrified you were of being poisoned. If I were looking for a career change, it'd be to something less deadly than adventuring."
"Wait! Don't leave me! Look at all this delicious food! I even have petits threes!"
"Not petits fours?"
"These ones are extra petite!"

In addition to a level's worth of experience, Bosco gives the party 100,000 gold.



The whole party's gained seven levels from their latest adventure. Training is getting really expensive now: I took close to a million gold out of the bank before training the party, and I've only got a quarter of that remaining. It's quite possible to reach a point where you still have the experience to keep levelling up, but don't have the cash needed for training.

But you're not interested in my logistical problems: you're interested in adventure. Where to next? Shall the party visit Lakeside, explore outdoors, or try to advance the plot by finding a way into Castle Blackfang? Vote now!