Part 20: Uphill Battles

Update 14: Uphill Battles



Before setting out on their next adventure, the party engaged in a little training.



In fact, make that a lot of training. For some reason, reaching level 10 requires the same amount of experience as level 9, so the whole party went up two levels at once.

"Hey, I'm not complaining. My grandmother always used to tell me never to look a gift horse in the mouth. I tried it once and found out why not. We never spoke of it again."



"Once again, Radaso (may his light shine eternally) has gifted me with new magic!"
"Oh yeah? What can you do?"
"Well, I can summon a swarm of stinging insects to strike down my foes. Or I can cast a spell that cures nearly all afflictions."
"So, uh, you can cure a bunch of different stuff all at once that you already knew how to cure individually... and you can summon bugs. Man, being a cleric must be kinda boring."
"I suppose you think you can do better?"
"I can kill things by pointing a finger at them. Or if that doesn't work, I can just melt their faces off with acid."



"Oh, and I'm totally taking that staff so I can use it to cast Power Cure."

"Aw, it's okay. At least you've still got your good looks. I mean, until you get all old and wrinkly. I guess maybe you'd better start working on a rejuvenation spell or something."



"Wait, why are we exploring outdoors today? Don't we still have portals to enter and buttons to push down in the caverns?"
"We could all do with some fresh air and sunlight. I think I'm getting rickets."



"Hey, guys, what's with all those big lizardy things circling overhead?"



"Actually, when you look at them up close, they're kinda cute-- ow! By Mighty Talcron, my eye! I was using that to see!"



"That's what you get for trying to claw my eyes out when I reach out to scratch you under your chin! Stupid wyverns."



"They may have been stupid, but they were also rich. I sure hope there are more wyverns around here."

There are, in fact, wyverns all over the place in the mountains of Area C-3. They're fairly easy prey for a mid-level party, and tend to carry fantastic amounts of treasure.



"We must root out these foul beasts at their source!"



"Hey! I didn't sign up for this! What's that hydra doing there?"



"Setting us on fire, apparently."



Of course, a mere fire-spewing hydra was no match for the party's superior skill and teamwork.

"Dibs on the treasure!"
"Wait a minute! I called dibs on the treasure of the next hydra we killed back when we were in Dusk!"
"We fought a hydra back in Dusk, remember?"
"Yeah, but that one didn't have any treasure, so it didn't count."
"How about this for a solution: you two shut up, I take the treasure and I don't kill the both of you."
"It's a deal!"



"I'll be taking that eye now."



"Ah, that's the ticket. This fits much better than my old glass eye."
"Eww! Take it out!"
"Oh, fine. It'd probably give me an infection anyway."
"That was awesome. I wanna try it!"
"Perish the thought, Jostiband. For one thing, you don't have an empty eye socket to put it in."
"Can you think of a cause more worthy of personal sacrifice than having a giant glowing eye?"

After dissuading Jostiband from putting her own eye out, the party continued their explorations.



"What the hell? Who paints cryptic clues on a sign in the middle of nowhere?"

In the northwest corner of the area, behind a series of hidden passages in the mountains, the party found a middle-aged man. The wrinkled skin of his face sagged down in folds, as if it had once covered fat that he had only recently lost. His clothes were dirty and worn-out but clearly made of the finest silk, and he projected an air of wounded dignity.



"Lord Kilburn? Isn't he the one who went nuts and started telling stories about a valley full of giant lizards in the middle of the desert?"
"The very same. And we're going to accept his quest, because there's no ally quite like a crazy rich guy."



"Also, hey, free map. We'd probably have wanted to explore the desert sooner or later anyway, so this should come in handy when we get around to it."



Further west, the party found a filthy, half-starved old man with a wild look in his eyes.

"Uh, maybe later. You seem like the kind of crazy old man who's more likely to knife us in the back than help us."



Having defeated some wyverns, found a giant glowing eye, and met two crazy old men, the party decided against pushing their luck any further today and returned to Sorpigal to decide where to explore next.



"My new sword gives me the strength of ten men!"



"Being well-protected and absurdly lucky are the two most important survival skills for a robber. I've got both in spades."



"Hey, Tarquinn, how come you always get first pick of all the best swords?"



"It'd take a brave, foolhardy man to come between Tarquinn and his sword, m'boy."
"Wait, how come you've got a better sword than me too?"
"Don't change the subject."



"The others think I'm greedy for wanting to hold on to our most important treasures. But really, would you trust any of this lot with anything of value?"



"These bracers continue to be awesome. Oh, and apart from its magical powers, this staff also helps me resist poison!"

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the inn...



"Oh, woe is me! I, Schildkrote, am a healer with nobody to heal! All I want to do is spread my message of peace and love throughout the world, but nobody seems willing to listen to my teachings!"



From a nearby table, a dwarven archer carefully watched the cleric's lamentations.

"Aha! I think we just found the patsy we've been looking for. Semiru!"



A muscular, battle-scarred human looked up from his seat on the opposite end of the table.

"Yeah? What is it, Wengeotianos?"
"All of that training, preparing you to go out into the world and recruit innocents to the cause of evil, must be good for something! Use your unholy charms to talk that cleric into joining us!"
"Hey! You there, in the poofy robes! You wanna join our party?"
"I have felt the sting of betrayal before. Until I know more about you, I can only say maybe."



A tough-looking human glanced at the cleric, then looked anxiously around the room, then back at Schildkrote.

"Eh? Someone call for me? Someone need killin'? How you want me to do it? Stab? Bash? Cut into little bits? All of the above?"
"No, Maybe, calm down. There's no killing to be done right now. Schildkrote, please continue. Just ignore my friend Maybe. He's... a paladin, much like Semiru here. _{Well, they're both antipaladins if you want to split hairs about it.} At any rate, he's harmless as long as I keep an eye on him, and useful in a limited range of circumstances that mostly involve killing things. Actually, that could be said of most of my party, which is why we need a healer."



The shorter of the two half-orcs at Wengeotianos' table (which is to say, the one who was only six feet tall) thumped his fist on the table angrily.

"What you mean you need healer? Lone Badger is healer! Lone Badger heal things until they no can be healed no more, or else hit things until they no can be healed no more! All part of grand circle of life."
"I... see. So, er, your name is Lone Badger, then?"
"Badger is totem animal! Lone mean to take something that not yours! Lone Badger earn name by get badger on loan from trophy room of inn!"
"Well, this is certainly a unique party. Who's the other half-orc?"



The other half-orc, a living mountain of muscle and sinew nearly eight feet tall, stared down at Schildkrote and grunted.

"I am TC the Giant. Called TC because my orcish name starts with T and C. Don't know why they call me Giant. My job is to smash things that need to be smashed. Mostly heads."
"Well, what do you think? Now that we've been introduced, will you join us?"
"I must say, all of you strike me as among the lowest, most bestial thugs I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. A lesser cleric would write you off as irredeemable, but I do love a challenge. Very well, then: let us adventure together!"



"I think it's obvious who's going to be staying in the back of the party. Schildkrote, you have two jobs: firstly, to keep any of us from getting killed, and secondly, to keep yourself from getting killed. If you fail the second task, we replace you. If we fail the first task, we make you fail the second. Do I make myself clear?"
"The phrase 'heal bitch' has never before seemed so appropriate."



After some adventuring and training, Wengeotianos' party was a respectable fighting force... at least, in the same way that a herd of stampeding animals is worthy of respect.

"Hey, boss! I got a tip from another adventurer hanging around in the inn. There's supposed to be some secret place called the Inner Sanctum that's full of untold riches."
"Really? Well, you've got my attention. Where is this Inner Sanctum?"
"I dunno, but she said the last place her party adventured was the mountains to the south of Sorpigal, so I say we go there next."



"Here we are in the mountains south of Sorpigal. What could those adventurers possibly have been looking for here? TC, clear a path for us, would you?"
"Yes! Tree, skull, mountain -- all equally smashable! I break open the mountain so we can go through!"
"Ah, brute force: the solution to so many of life's problems. I just wish it wasn't so often dished out by, well, brutes."



"Aha! This trader is sure to have items of great value, sold to him by the previous party to pass through here. It should not be hard to cheat him out of them. Yes, hermit, we will trade with you!"



"Hey! How did the little man go away so fast? And what are these pieces of paper with so many drawings?"
"Here's a better question: what happened to everything else in our backpacks?"
"We've been had! That hermit ran off with everything we were carrying, and left us two worthless old maps!"
"Do you see now? Virtue is its own reward, and vice its own punishment. Repent of your sins while there is still time, and you will be happier for it!"
"All in favour of eating Schildkrote alive next time we run out of food, say 'Aye'."
"Aye!"
"All opposed, say 'Nay'."
"Nay."
"Wait, TC... you don't want to eat me alive?"
"Of course not! Too hard to eat you when you're still struggling. Also, raw human flesh is too watery. No flavour."
"... and you're the least evil member of your party. I can see I have a long and painful road ahead of me."