Part 48: Hungry Like the Wolf

Update 31: Hungry Like the Wolf



You voted for Lord Ironfist, so that's who the party's going to visit! He lives in Castle White Wolf, which is, logically enough, south of the Cave North of White Wolf where we got the medusa head. (It's also to the north of Portsmith.)



"Lord Ironfist is a cruel and violent man, but could he truly be an escaped alien prisoner?"
"Not likely. He's been cruel and violent for as long as he's been a lord."
"Sounds like just the kind of guy we want to meet."



"Well, he may be a tyrant, but at least he has a good interior decorator."



"Even I can't make any sense of that message, except to say that there seems to be a lot of slashing going on. Reminds me of a story I wrote once, where--"
"I would very much like to live the rest of my life without knowing how you planned to end that sentence."



"We're going to find another prisoner in here, aren't we?"



"I called it. Well, sort of."
"As curious as I am about what would happen if we let it go, we should probably just leave it where it is."



"Wait, why's it cowering all of a sudden? It was lunging at us before."
"Aw, it probably just wanted a friend."
"Maybe we should just keep moving before it breaks its chain and begins feasting on our juicy entrails."



"Whoa, who let the dogs out?"

White Wolves cause disease when they hit and can breathe cold for loads of damage (up to 40 points or so). Needless to say, it's best to kill them quickly.



"If there's one thing we're good at, it's killing animals quickly. And people. And occasionally plants, when they don't blow themselves up first."



"Looks like those wolves were guarding Lord Ironfist's treasury."
"It's not really much of a treasury, is it? Each of us is already carrying much more gold than that."
"Shouldn't you be giving us a lecture on the evils of theft?"
"Well, we're, uh, liberating all of this gold from the hands of a tyrant. Surely that's no crime."



"Speaking of tyrants, it looks like Lord Ironfist is behind that door. I trust you're all ready to meet him?"



"That's what we came here for. You're not going to send us off to the ends of the earth again, are you?"



"Aw, that's easy. It's in area B-2, at x9, y9. The coordinates are written on a tree and everything."
"Well done, my servants! Thy quest is complete! You have each earned 1,000 experience!"
"Why do all of you say the exact same thing every time we finish a quest, anyway?"
"Union regulations."
"I suspect this is one of those situations where asking more questions is only going to lead to stupider answers, so just give us another quest."



"Wait, the exiled lord? What do you want with him? If we tell you where he is, do you intend to do him some harm?"
"Well, that all depends on what you mean by 'harm'."
"Good enough for me. He's in the mountains of area C-3, north of the Wyvern Peaks. He even gave us this map of the desert, see?"
"Well done, my servants! Thy quest is complete! You have each earned 2,000 experience!"
"Bah. We got more than that from killing the wolves guarding your treasure."
"What did you just say?"
"Uh, I said, what's our next quest?"
"That's not what it sounded like, but okay."



"Wow. Well, that's certainly a big thing to ask, isn't it?"
"Do you want a quest or don't you?"
"Oh, we've already found the secret. Portsmith is -- well, was -- ruled by a Succubus Queen."
"Well done, my servants! Thy quest is complete! You have each earned 3,000 experience!"
"Your rewards stink. Give us another quest and if we've already done it we might bother to tell you about it."

(Note that it's not actually necessary to kill the Succubus Queen in order to finish this quest: finding her and immediately running away will suffice.)



"Yeah, we've done that. Area A-2, on the southwest coast."
"Well done, my servants! Thy quest is complete! You have each earned 4,000 experience!"
"I don't get why you want to know the location of a treasure trove we already looted, but I'm not complaining. What's our next quest?"



"Why so interested in pirates and pirate-related paraphernalia, anyway?"
"Because pirates are awesome, that's why."
"Fair enough."



"Hey, what's this behind your throne?"
"Wait, what are you--"



"Yay, a button!"
"Seriously, please don't push--"
"Too late!"

Pushing the button takes down a magical barrier blocking the way to Lord Ironfist's treasury. Of course, Jostiband already got us through the barrier with Etherealise, so this button does nothing for us.



"Let's make Portsmith our base of operations while we're doing Lord Ironfist's quests. You know, since it's so close to Castle White Wolf an' all."
"Yes, I'm sure that's the only reason you want to stay in a town filled with beautiful young women."
"We could always stay elsewhere if you'd prefer, Mattybee."
"No, no, Portsmith is fine by me."



"Maybe I'll find some new equipment in the wreck of the Jolly Raven."



"Hey, why do I have less experience than you?"
"Because you suck and you keep dying."




"And you just level up at a snail's pace."




"You can't ruin my day, Tarquinn. I've found the best bow known to Varn. Just like my laser blaster, it increases my accuracy -- and also just like my laser blaster, it can fire off Disintegrate spells."



"I should probably get rid of this unholy mace before it starts raising too many questions."



"Can we go somewhere harder for our next adventure? We haven't fought anything worth disintegrating in ages."

Well, that's all for today. Tune in next time, when we finish the rest of Lord Ironfist's quests!