Part 12
Fangz posted:
Sir, scouts have reported a casualty to the north. There's a fallen man lying on the ground two klicks west of the Red X. We should rescue him.
Oops! You revealed the "special grid". Betcha thought I wasn't ready for that trick. No, I've learned. I've learned. Was hopin' for it to be a surprise, but there you go. The "special grid".
thetoughestbean posted:
Sir, I would like to be part of the blood drive, but I only have my permit, sir!
Anyways, the dark voices that haunt my dreams told me that E1 is probably safe, sir!
The "First Click" is always--
--safe
legoman727 posted:
Hello sir, Private Legoman726 here reporting for training. ...What's that, I look just like that 727 guy? Listen, it's a common mistake, we look really similar. Twins and all.
Anyways, there's definitely a mine on M8 so if we could put one of those flags there, that'd be really helpful.
It's okay guys, HQ knows what's going on here and is going to send help. Just play along with the madman for a bit longer. And do NOT let that meter fill up.
unwantedplatypus posted:
Right Ya'll, recently 'mmigrated 'Merican here. Now I done gone up to the recruitment person and I says "I wanna be a marine." So now imma royal marine he says. I'm thinkin there's a terrist down by H8. Imma get a few friends in Larry's pickup and we gonna check it out.
Oh, come on--
--dare trifle wit--
--e've been through this already! The undead are useless in this situation! They're out of blood, it's not helpful. We need the living to step on the "landmines", people! The blood of the living, the blood of the living. Get with the program!
There, I even set off
E5 for you. Someone still breathing jump on there.
Pyroi posted:
Don't forget the ghosts just floating around. By the way, hi.
Ghooooost noise
GNU Order posted:
Ghost Krew reporting in
NewMars posted:
Ahm not ded, but I woz post-hume-ar-ous-ley promoted for eating that mine. Can I just get me a bedsheet and make ghoast noises too? I got me a cool flashlight!
InfinityComplex posted:
You get what you deserve~
Holepunchio posted:
It only took five blind leaps into a minefield but it was completely worth it. No longer will my family suffer the indignity and humiliation of pouring that Aunt Jemima garbage on our pancakes and waffles. Now 100% Canadian Maple syrup will flow through the veins of my children and my grandchildren and my great-grandchildren...
Shit, I hope that was a really big case of syrup.
You're all fuckin' with me now, aren't you? Ghosts? Fucking ghosts? Get out of there. Somebody get them outta there!
Bombogenesis posted:
Sir, I still feel that we could use an exorcism at G9. Actually, I think we could use several of them. The ghosts are getting a bit rowdy today.
You do that, Cpl. Bombogenesis. Watch you step out there. Or better yet, don't watch your step. That's what we really need.
Yeah, it's--
--If Ottawa giveth, then Ottawa can taketh away--
--tandin' around for? Get back on it!
Shinarato posted:
Hey! I resemble that remark and I must say that the only people that only talk like that here are imported americans. 
(And maybe the occasional crazed newfoundlander)
ANYWAYS! Me and my family feel enterprising so we are all going to gather up and stomp on the entire J line at the same time
My goodness, that's a lot of corpses. A lot of precious, precious corpses. Pvt. Shinarato, you and are entire family are to be commended. As such, I'd like to award you the highest medal of honour available in the Canadian Military: the Sports Cross. As you can see, it's a lovely copper medal melted down from cannons used by the Canadian Military in WWI, designed in the image of crossed hockey and lacrosse sticks over a toque. May your undead lives be as fulfilling as your previous ones.
unwantedplatypus posted:
100% Maple Syrup? I think you mean maple syrup-flavored stamps.
Yeah, but they're
nice stamps.
nine-gear crow posted:
POSTED WITH CONSENT OF BLIND SALLY
: You’re watching The National with Peter Mansbridge.
: Good evening, I’m Peter Mansbridge. Our top story tonight: what exactly is going on in the back woods of the Canadian wilderness, and why are Canadian military leaders in Ottawa trying to cover it up?
: The misconduct allegations centre around this man, Master Sargent Al Apone… Yes, the black guy from Aliens.
: Sources from within the Canadian military claim that Sgt. Apone has formed some sort of cult-like following among his detachment, even recruiting foreign soldiers from as far away as Wales and Australia to participate in bizarre ritualistic sacrifices for seemingly nefarious purposes.
: When asked for a comment on these allegations, Defense Minster Rob Nicholson… stood in front of Keith Boag and farted for three minutes straight before an aide issued this statement:
: During the course of this investigation, I spoke with a man who claims to be an expert on minesweeping, and who claims he was present at the military testing site where Sgt. Apone is alleged to be conducting these rituals.
: Doktor Heimlich Shockrocket is an independent contractor working for the Canadian military as a “next-generation research and development specialist.” He sat down with me at his secret base in an undisclosed location along with his assistant, Nurse Golem.
: [PROGRAMMING NOTE: The CBC was unable to verify Doktor Shockrocket's first name]
[BEGIN PREVIOUSLY RECORDED FOOTAGE]
: Doktor Shockrocket, thank you for agreeing to speak with me.
: Thank you, Peter.
: Could you tell me what you know about this alleged “minesweeping” operation being
conducted by the Canadian military?
: Of course. I was contracted by your government to construct 
mines for the purpose of training Canadian soldiers in the field of … … … um… … … You’ll have to excuse me, I don’t really know or care what they’re being used for. Only that I got paid. …We did get paid, right Nurse Golem?
: 
: Ah, excellent.
: There have been allegations that your devices have been used for, well, demonic purposes. That Sgt. Apone is conducting some sort of dark ritual in the Canadian backwoods.
: If that is the case, then I am not responsible for anything done with the technology I have supplied to the military.
: Doktor, if you think that explanation is going to fly—
: Answer me this, Mr. Mansbridge. Was Oppenheimer held responsible for the destruction wrought by the atomic bomb? I think not.
: 
: Oppenheimer popularized the phrase “I am become Death, destroyer of worlds.”
: I fail to see your point.
: 
: What?! No!! …Not yet, anyway.
: What about Sgt. Apone then?
: (
)
: Are you alleging that I… “enhanced” the good sergeant in any way?
: Um—
: Because I totally didn’t! And you can’t prove it!
: 
: I don’t beli—
: Peter, let me set the record straight on the matter. Minesweeping is perfectly safe and the military has the finest equipment and soldiers ever created... by me, of course.
: But then how do explain the reports of these so-called “blood sacrif—
: —fighter jets—
: —who’s cutting into the—
: —with the greatest please—
: —butane and Vicodin!—
: —foot right up your ass, ya dumb motherfu—
: [WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES, PLEASE STAND BY]
