Part 2: Raising a Flower Ape

Part 2

What [April 4th, 1000|08:12 am]

[Current Mood| growing hatred for the world]
[Current Music|Halle and the Kegels - Rock The Casbah (Avril Lavigne cover)]



The popular vote went to that WWF CD, so we used that. Colt was hopping up and down with giddy excitement. I, on the other hand, had just come down from the adrenaline high kicking that wall gave me, and was crying openly over my broken toe. I'm not ashamed to cry.



The shrine girl, however, was. She tried to mask it, but I could tell she felt nothing but shame over me. I bet she'll laugh behind my back when we leave with our new monster. Oh right! The monster.



The actual shrine facilities are just an old Dell computer with a very, very large 3D printer attached. The spinning gyroscopes and light effects are just for show. I learned that from watching that Masked Monster Breeder special on Fox. He also revealed that Phanto was just a bunch of mirrors angled around an old scarf.

Oh, right, the monster. This is what we got from the WWF album:



Vince McMahon, you have failed me.



Curious?! He's a pansy!

Actually, I think that's a hyacinth.

Whatever it is, it's a friggin' gorilla/flower hybrid! What in the lord's good name am I supposed to do with that?!



Oh. I guess we could do that.

You don't have to, you know. You can just-

But she made a good point, Colt. I can take him back to the ranch. So let's do that.



You know I can't make choices. You do it for me.

Well, he does suck, so...



I think you two will get along well together.

What do you mean by that?

I mean that he seems to be very friendly.

So you're not implying that I suck?

Not today, no.


Without sharing another word, we took El Sucko back to our new ranch. There's so much to do here, that I'm totally overwhelmed. First off, we apparently have to feed him once a month.



Well, what can we feed him?

Well, there's...




So you have six choices.

Oh god I feel sick. I can't decide from that many options!

You can just feed him milk. It's the best food for new monsters.



Milk. Okay. Sounds reasonable. Do we bottle feed him, or what?

No, we feed monsters by toucan.

That- that's a joke, right?



We feed monsters by toucan. The bird left something for me, too. Right on my head. While I showered that off, Colt had a visitor.



Apparently, she was molested as a child. They still exchange Christmas cards. I didn't realize they were on good terms, and chased the old guy off the ranch with a bat. I'm sure he won't hold that against me, though- he seemed to be a reasonable fellow.



Can you open that, Colt? I'm busy trying to stop El Sucko from dragging his butt on the ground everywhere.




Oh, neat! It's an errantry coupon.

Errantry?



Yeah, but what is it?

Um... Let's go find out!




Uh, sir? If you don't mind me asking?

Yes, what is it?

Why are you dressed like that?

Because I am English.

Oh okay.

Now then, to business.





There was a very loud pop coming from his powdered wig. His eyes lit up with white circles. His moustache untwirled. He... he didn't like what Colt said.



And just as quickly as his rage erupted, it vanished. He closed his eyes and returned to his usual smug nature. This guy scares me.



I became a breeder by accident.

And I only learned how to train feeding toucans.

Ah yes, of course. I forgot all about the new IMA procedures. Forgive me. Errantry is a period in which we will take your monster to one of our courses, and train it to pass each of four trials. This builds up their stats and they can even learn new attacks this way.

That sounds great!

_{And there's also the monster attacks...}

The what?

Monster attacks. Some stray monsters enjoy lurking around our courses to prey upon under-trained pet monsters. We have yet to capture one ourselves, so if your monster can defeat one on an Errantry trip, you will be well rewarded.



The normal fee is 2000 G. How will you be paying?

Well, we got this coupon the other day...



Now choose your course, so I may return to my Howie Mandel show.






Oh crap! Choices! Guys, HELP! Where should I send him? Better yet, what stats do you think I should train him up in? I'm kind of sitting on the English guy's lap while I type this, so think fast!