Part 54: Doped-Up Ducken

_{Part 54}

Drugs are awesome [Oct 1st, 1000|9:39 pm]

[Current Mood| cool]
[Current Music|Eric Clapton - November Rain]




Well, popular opinion pointed us to B Cup. Normally, I don't think we could have stood a chance. However, I had an ace up my sleeve.



That's right; performance enhancing drugs. I poured a beakerfull of whatever the hell it was I just bought down Ducken's throat. Immediately, he started vibrating. According to the warning label, this stuff could be severely hazardous to his health. But that doesn't matter. If Ducken can make it to the top of the ranks, he'll live on forever in the immortal monster breeding pantheon. Or something like that. I kind of tasted his drugs before giving them to Ducken.



How badly are we going to mess up these guys, Colt?

Real bad!

Daaaamn right! Go for the throat, Ducken!



I... I didn't mean it like that. Good lord, he's like a hyperactive giraffe.



Ducken beat that monster to death using only his neck. That is frightening, yet so unbelievably awesome. These drugs rock.



Next up was some kind of mammoth/doggy hybrid. It drooled all over the place. Colt ended up getting coated by a stray blob of slobber... I might have kind of held her out within drool range for my protection.



The doggy puckered its lips as though it wanted Ducken to give it a big smooch.



Frightened for his life, and confused by his sexuality, Ducken could only think of one response.




That, of course, was to blow doggy the hell up.



Next up was some kind of floating mask thing. I could totally see the strings holding it up.



I'm not sure how, but that puppet mask used force lightning on Ducken. That's totally cheating.



In response, Ducken bit off the mask's strings.



Another victory against the puppet menace.



Our next opponent was a big black worm.




Yeah, I've got nothing to say about this.



Finally, Ducken had to face a snail. Or some kind of mollusk. I don't know, I don't watch Discovery Channel.



The two stared at each other for a good while. I think they sensed some kind of kinship, as they were both pretty worthless monsters.



Of course, the snail thing didn't have the ability to explode at will.



Thus making Ducken a million times better.



And with that, we made it to A Rank. I think this calls for a booya. Colt?



BOOMOTHERFUCKINGYA!

Too much.

...Sorry.



We're almost to the top! I know Ducken can make it. Even if I have to use every drug known to man, I will make him reach the top. But in the meantime, we need to work out a bit. So, uh, what should we do next guys?