Part 42: The worst song, played on the ugliest guitar

Welcome back! How w- where's Taffytron?

Um... Holly, we need to talk.

Oh my God. This is just like that time my parents told me they were sending my rabbit to live on a farm when he died.

Except that in this case, the rabbit has been frozen to be experimented on in the future, and he was replaced with something far worse.

What?

Meet Bongo.




[BARF]

Yeah, that's about the reaction I was expecting. But there is good news! I am going to be raising Bongo entirely on my own. You can just focus on clerical duties.

And maybe get a day off?

Let's not go overboard. Now back to work. Those numbers won't add themselves!

_{Oh, and also I'll be feeding him potatoes.}



Right. Okay. You got it.

Bongo, you worthless disgusting blob of mucus, you're going to work until you are dead. That's it. You have been given life to suffer for my own personal gain. With that said, let's begin your tasks.





Bongo looks kind of tired.



Sure I will. You just go back to the office and work out our taffy budget.

Eeeee! It's going to be a big one!

Have fun, now! Heh heh... All right, Bongo. Back to work.






No he doesn't! He's only slumping over because he's an invertebrate.

Oh, okay then.

BACK TO WORK, SLOP-THING!





You know what, The Box is too good for you. I'm just going to beat you with sticks until they all break.



Bongo looks to be having a nervous breakdown.

He can walk it off. Don't you worry! Now back to the office with you...

She gone? Good.

BACK TO WORK!





Oh my God, what have you been doing to him?




No I'm not! He's having fun! Just look at him!



See? He's happy as a clam in a bake!

What does that even mean?

It means you can stop worrying and go back to filling out forms for me.

Sigh... You're the boss. By the way, there's an official tournament this week. But...



Thanks, I'll be sure to keep that in mind.



Oh, I hope this kills him.



He didn't win, and he didn't die. I can't help but be disappointed.

What was that?

I said we'd have to try! Try harder, that is. Bongo needs more encouragement.




I sure will! You just go back to the office and let me take care of motivating him.




YOU ARE TOO STUPID TO EVEN DIE! I WANT YOU TO ROT AWAY IN THE MINES UNTIL EITHER I AM RICH OR YOU ARE FINALLY DECEASED!




Oh, that son of a bitch.

Why on Earth would he do something like that? We treat him very well, don't we?

Uh... we sure do! Now go get some FIMBA monster hunters to drag him back.



And he's alive... that's... that's great. Really.



It is going to cost $2500

Not a problem! Raising a good monster takes money, after all. You go fill out the paperwork, and I'll play with Bongo in the field.

You got it!



All right, you motherfucker. I am going to run you through tournaments until you work off the money you just cost me. And then some. You think you had it bad before? I haven't even begun to be an asshole. And so help me god, if you lose I will kill you myself. You saw what I did to Megatron, and he was a monster I LIKED.



At least he's starting to understand me.

Yeah, monsters are good with kind hearted people.

Uh... yeah. Right. Hey, who wants ice cream?

I do!

Then go get some. I'll look after Bongo while you're out.

Hooray!



Dig, you slimy fuck, DIG!


Hey Norman. You know, while we're hiring construction crews, we could probably stand to upgrade the house.



You just want more taffy, don't you?

Maybe.

All right, but to pay it off we need to get Bongo into some more tournaments.




Replace "scared" with "disgusted" and that would be accurate.



Wow, this is an easy fight.



Even Bongo is surprised he won. Welp, despite his worthlessness he is now up a rank.



And now we have a new house. For two people, we have a giant friggin' ranch house.

And taffy! Lots of taffy.

Right. Speaking of which, how about you make an item shop run for me?

You got it! I'll be right back!

I'll be waiting!




_{You better pray to your god that you win this before Holly gets back.}



What are you guys doing here?

Oh... Um... Visiting some of Bongo's family.

Then why does the fight card say Bongo's on it?

That's his mother. Who is also named Bongo.

Oh, all right.



Man, this thing just won't die. And even more confusingly, he's actually winning fights. Don't get me wrong, he's still a horrible disgusting thing that no loving god would ever let exist, but he seems to be a little hardier than expected. Well, what should I do with him next?