Part 44: Brave New Pork (1)

As a reminder, we went from defeating the big general of the Pigmask Army and pulling the needle that sent away our last Magypsie friend and ally to having a stretch limo pull up in front of us.

Master Lucas, yes? Our great leader and new king of the entire world, Master Porky, cordially invites you to the greatest city in the world: New Pork City. I will take you there in this stretch limousine, so please step inside.

We get a Yes or No prompt. If we choose no:

Where Master Porky is concerned, there is no "no". So, what will you do? You will get inside, won't you?

We'll get this repeatedly until we finally say Yes.





Of course, I have to walk alllll the way around. *grumble* *grumble*







Oh yeah, the limo flies because.





It's much more spacious than it appears on the outside, wouldn't you agree? We'll arrive at New Pork City shortly, so please relax and enjoy yourselves for a while.

At this point, we're free to explore the limo. First priority is to bother the chauffeur repeatedly.

Master Lucas. Is this your first time to New Pork City? It's quite a different place from Tazmily, so I expect you'll find it rather surprising. Hahaha.

Over...

Do you know Master Porky, Master Lucas? This is the first time he's ever offered anyone an invitation, you know.

...and over...

Oh, this photo? It's of my wife and daughter. My wife's well-known in the neighborhood for her sense of humor.

...and over...

I've been doing this job for a long time now, you see... So I've been thinking about finally retiring and possibly taking over the egg stand my wife's family runs. Hahaha.

...and over...

Oh! See that ice cream cone-like cloud beneath the duck-shaped cloud up and east of there? No, not there! By the mountain ridge that looks like a mouse taking a bite out of a sunflower seed. No! Not there! Before that... Aaaaaahhhhh! Too late! We just passed it!

...and over, until...

I truly hate to say this, but you really are distracting me. Could I possibly ask that you refrain from talking to me?

Now that we've suitably annoyed the person driving us through the sky to the big bad's city, let's explore this thing.





It's cool.



It looks like you could sing a song from it, but you can't even get on it.



It's spicy, bitter, yucky poison, so kids can't drink it. Oh, wait. Grownups can't drink it, either.





The pockets have been designed to be quite large. It looks like you can play it, but you can't.





Actually, upon closer inspection, it's only a painting.

So far, this is a pretty weird limo. It's designed to appear fancy and upscale, but it's all an illusion of sorts.







Though the sofa's pretty relaxing at least.

Now that we've explored the place, we can talk to the chauffeur to trigger the next cutscene.

Yes!













Ladies and gentlemen, we've finally arrived. This is New Pork City.





And with that, we're officially started with Chapter 8, the final chapter of the game. This one is more in line with the length of previous chapters, though a bit longer since this is the finale of the game and such. Still, it's not nearly as long as Chapter 7.





You haven't forgotten anything, have you?





This can be handy, as this place is pretty big.



...With a different look.



Welp, nothing left to do but explore.





So, New Pork City.



It's pretty large. We start in the lower-left area. To advance the plot, we need to go inside the theater. Of course, we'll save that for last after we explore the rest of the city.

In the meantime, let's explore and talk to the people here, including many familiar faces.



I know, man. I know all about you. You're here to destroy New Pork City, aren't you?

You're free in this city. Master Porky has given you your freedom.

Walk, stop, sleep, shout... You're free to do it all!



This is the arcade. We'll stop by for a moment after we talk to some old friends.

Everyone else came to the city, so I couldn't just stay back there all alone... I figured there'd be something here for me if I came, but now I dunno. I'm not really sure... Do you feel the same way, Lucas?

Oh, Lucas. Did you follow me here for some of my slightly unclean and not very tasty cookies? Because I don't make those anymore. Have you forgotten?





This is an arcade, albeit smaller than other arcades in the series.

Man, this area stinks. No, it's not me. It's this area.



And don't you dare try to ram into me!



Guess what I do.

Gaaaaaaaaaaaah!! I TOLD you not to ram into me! Sheesh!







We can also play games ourselves for a few DP.





Should've watched the Let's Play of the game instead.



This place blows. Let's go check out the outside of the theater.





I was just talking about old times with Isaac. He's an important guy nowadays, you know.

I don't know if everyone is gathering here in the city, or if they're BEING gathered instead. But if you're here, Lucas, that means everyone really is here now.



Oh, it's me! Isaac! I'm a big shot now. But, Lucas, I didn't know you were anyone special! If you do anything to defy Master Porky...then you and me'll be enemies!



You know, this guy looks familiar...



I know you're from the sticks, but you should buy some of the sophisticated goods that New Pork has to offer!



Not that special this late into the game. Plus I get the feeling those two flavors don't mesh too well together.

Next, we go north into the center of the city, and from there we'll move in a counter-clockwise direction through the rest of the city.



I heard from Master Porky that you would be coming here. He says you're quite strong. In one way or another...

You can go anywhere you want, aside from the 100th floor of the Empire Porky Building. In fact, go have a look around at everything.





The New Year's Eve Bomb is different in that instead of doing damage, it has a chance of reducing all enemies' HP to 1, though of course it's unreliable at that. It's mainly useful for being one of two ways to kill an optional superboss later on, the other being the rare instant-kill effect from PK Flash. I'll show that off later.



More specifically, it's supposedly the divine protector of this city. I also hear some morons somewhere picked a fight with it and wound up in a world of hurt.



Here stands a statue of our great leader, Master Porky.

How do you fight a statue?

Next up is the tower in the top-center area.



Oh! Lucas! We were just practicing our comedy routine.

Everyone's here nowadays, so this is where you can see all your old friends again. But do you suppose the forest and Tazmily and all those other places are empty now? I wonder what's going to happen to them.



Even if the world was a four-chapter story, I'd spend all four of those chapters with him.

If I were to, say, compare my life to a story, I'd say we're at the start of the 15th chapter, out of 16 total.





The game pretty much throws upgrades at you at this point. I kit everyone up with most of my money. Pretty sure this is the best equipment you can buy besides an item or two in the theater.



Don't you dare touch it with your filthy, sticky fingers! If you'd be so kind. *smile* *smile*

This is the Empire Porky Building, headquarters for the Porky Corporation. So you're the ones who... Heh heh heh. No, no, no! It's nothing at all! Never mind me! *smile* *smile*





This is the Empire Porky Building, home of the wonderful leader himself. There's also a couple familiar faces lurking around here.

So you finally came too, Lucas? Is Flint still out looking for his missing son? If only he'd come to me for serious help, we might've been able to find him... He's an awkward fellow, that father of yours.

Oh? Even you wound up coming here? Please, don't cause us any more trouble.

Welcome. This is the Empire Porky Building, home of the great Master Porky.



There's also a mole cricket selling stuff here.



The sprays are still pointless, but it's where you can buy more Lifenoodles if you wish.





Item Guy is also hanging out in the lobby.



That said, we can't actually explore this place yet. Gotta kill time doing other things first.



"For our customers' greater satisfaction, we mix in about 20 bags of Hot Spring Powder each and every day."





Heading west from there, we reach the amusement park area.

I haven't gone on a date with Matt in such a long time. This really brings back memories.

*hic* *hic* *hiiiiiic* I hear that you say rude stuff about me, like that I'm a drunk and that I'm a boozehound. What're you talkin' 'bout? *hic* *hic* *hic* *hic* I'm just a middle-aged guy with hiccups!



Oh, you're here too, Lucas? I'd love to meet Master Porky someday. He's the person who built this city!

Everyone convinced me to come to the city, but I feel more dizzy than anything, really.

We can also check out the attractions here.



(That's one small step for man, one giant thrill for porkkind!)







To the left of the amusement park is another amusement.







These characters are yet another carryover from Earthbound.



But, the Sanchez Brothers and their friend are a very cheerful trio... They will make you happy. Insert 1 DP?



After that, they will spin. You'll win a prize if all three hit the same symbol, with the big prize being a Magic Tart with three 7's.



To the south is a restaurant with more people hanging around.

Oh! This array of artisticness I see before me! The lion-ness gushing forth from it! The mask-ness dripping from it! And this nose hair-ness! And the archaicness...? It's so magnificant it's positively frightening!

Dona's a sucker for art. She's been stuck to this spot for what seems forever now.

This is the big city life! Or is it? It somehow doesn't seem like it.

Apparently, all of the waitresses in the restaurant over there are robots built to look like the mother of some really important person.



I was just talking business with this tiny fellow here. I'm not really sure what I should do, though...



I was just talking business with this fellow here. I feel the time is finally ripe for us mole crickets to try our luck in the big city, you see. Are you an acquaintance of Jackie's, by any chance?

Yes:

Could you ask him if he'd be willing to partner with us mole crickets to strike it rich?

No:

Oh, that look says you're lying. Heh heh heh. Mole crickets like me who've lived at the forefront of the business world can easily see through such lies. *twinkle*

What should I do...?

Next up, the restaurant itself.







Oh dear god. This shop is hell, isn't it.



Ayaaaeee! I think it's a dung beetle!

There's nothing wrong with being picky!

I know I don't look like it, but I'm a robot! Honestly, now!

This shop's filled to the brim with pretty girls.

Fill yourself up with your favorite food, and nothing else! That's this restaurant's... rule.



Omelets Bowl
Omelets Curry
Omelets Fried Rice
Omelets Egg Soup
Omelets Soup
Meh Salad with Omelets Topping
Omelets Lunch
Omelets Combo
Omelets Set
Jumbo Omelets
Omelets Parfait
Omelets Juice
Omelets Special

I apparently missed a golden opportunity by not naming Lucas's favorite food as "poop".





This is where you can buy the best recovery items in the game. This stuff is pricy but the King Burger and Beefsteak will pretty much be a full heal most of the time. That said, I'm pretty sure the Cup of Lifenoodles is actually a full heal and is cheaper than Beefsteak (and only eighty DP more than the King Burger).



That door you're knocking on leads to a restroom. What business do you have in a restroom?!





Alright, we're finally done exploring the city. As I mentioned, to proceed the plot we must visit the theater. So let's do so.





More people to talk to! That's a thing to do, alright!

According to my research, stinkbugs appear to possess a terrific capacity for memorization. I'd love to study them to find out even more, but... they're just so stinky!

Apparently, there's some kind of stinky, smelly bug in the theater... Maybe I should just blow this popsicle stand.



Whenever you're not really sure what to do, the theater's the best place to go! Yep!

Oh! You're here too, Lucas? I guess everyone from Tazmily is here now. Eeeeveryone.





The Fake weapons aren't very useful, though the Red Hat is a decent head upgrade for Lucas and Boney, and the Angel Ribbon for Kumatora.

There's no admission fee at this theater! We're showing a wonderful adventure movie personally selected by Master Porky himself! But apparently a stinkbug has snuck inside and stunk up the place. I hate having to kill those things. Yuck!





Anyway, free movie! Wonder what's playing.



...what

There are starting to be way too many callbacks to Earthbound for it to be mere fanservice. And considering the big bad guy looks to be very similar to if not the same as one of the main antagonists of Earthbound...

But that can wait. Let's go bother the people watching the movie!

Stinkbugs stink up the place, wherever they go. You know, like these seats.

Rumor has it whenever you guys do somethin', earthquakes and tremors and stuff happen. What in the world do you guys do?!

A stinkbug? Yeah, I saw one earlier. Where could it have gone? Some people say that if you take a big whiff of a stinkbug's smell, your memory'll improve. If that's true, I'd sniff one without a second though.



Absolutely unbelievable. So THAT'S why this theater stinks to high heaven. It even looks like stinkbugs use it to come and go as they please!

If we try to run in the theater...



The only ones allowed to run inside the theater are the stars on the screen!



Huh? You don't know nothin' about no leader? But your leader wants to see you. Here I am, puttin' myself at risk to tell you this, and you honestly don't know the guy?

Never heard of a leader.

I see. So you really don't know about him. I dunno, maybe you're supposed to meet him without knowin' who he is or somethin'. He definitely wants to meet you guys, though. Your leader's bein' held in the MT Apartments, but you gotta go through the sewers to get there. As the name suggests, the place is empty. No one lives there at all. It's now a breeding ground for violent attack roaches, stinkbugs, rats, and stuff. So you could probably find your way there by following a stinkbug or something. Only problem is, they smell REALLY, really nasty! I'm talkin' major stinkage here!

Well, that's interesting, and so far our only lead for what to do next!



but he's actually just a figure made out of clay and dough, holding a bucket. You get the feeling you've seen it somewhere before.



but he's actually a figure made out of clay and dough. It's well-crafted.



Please don't come in here through the employee entrance.





This leads to the sewers, which we need to navigate to find our mysterious leader, right? Let's go!



Or not.



I love her more than my daughter.

Grandma didn't really wanna leave Tazmily. But everyone else left to come here, so...

These two will show up after you explore the theater a bit.

Anyway, so what do we need to do, anyway?



Try to find the stinkbug, of course. It's somewhere in the theater stinking the place up, and one of the NPCs mentioned it being able to lead us to our leader.







So it takes a bit of sniffing around, until...





Gotcha!







So, uh... looks like we just lost Boney instead. Welp.



Anyways, you can't get in through there. Hmm, where was it again...? I seem to recall there being an entrance somewhere, but it was someplace stupid... And that there was a ladder going down... And that I used to work part-time there a long time ago... Gah, I can't remember!

But I do. Remember the other area in the city that stinks pretty bad?





I can't check it out, though. The reason being that I'm afraid of dogs. Seriously, their noses are wet, they wag their tails, they lick people's faces... Gwah, I TOTALLY can't handle that.



Sure, weirdo.

Really? You must like dogs, then. So you'll go look for me? Okay, I'll open this heavy cover. I'm putting myself at major risk, though. Okaaaay!! I'll open this sewer entrance for you. Here goes nothin'!



The sewers are right down this ladder. Check on the dog for me! ...You don't think its nose is wet, do you?



Next time, we walk through a sewer to get our dog back. Also other stuff happens, but I have to be vague because this is the last chapter and there may be important stuff coming up, or maybe I'm just messing with you and it's actually unimportant stuff. But now you have to read the next update to find out, right?