Part 31: Wherein there's some other stuff and PIRATES!
: Arise! Arise! A busy day awaits.
: Ugh, have I mentioned that I hate you recently?
: One would expect to be accustomed to our morning rituals by now.: A man who tires of sleeping in 'till noon has tired of life - and thanks to that bearded alarm clock, I'm tired all the time now.: Arise! Ar-
: Oh.
: Uh, hey there.
: …Good morning?
: Yyyyeah, we were just… um, that is, it was very cold last night so-: We read a book!: Right! Because we couldn't sleep! Because… it was so cold?: Upon reconsideration I do not care about this. Come! Arise! We have work to do!
: Hey! What're you talking to our secretary for?: Variel is our majordomo, not our-: Does she take notes?: Well, yes-: Secretary. Seriously, what is the deal?: I am making arrangements for our absence. We have many stops to make today, and the company must run smoothly.
: Beef try not be absent, if present whole year get special ribbon!: So where are we going, exactly? What stops?: Our company and financial assets are all quite secure, and we have also secured a great deal of magical assets and crafting resources.: Indeed. We are almost finished here on the Sword Coast. Before we can follow Sa'Sani back to Samarach, however, there are a few more leads and loose ends.: We need all the help we can get, I guess, if this Zehir's really a god - or, uh, 'sufficiently powerful to be reasonably likened to a hypothetical deity'.: Thank you for being understanding.
: So I can't help but notice that all our 'preparations' so far have been somewhat vague. We could be gearing up to take on a god or preparing for a rich retirement.: It may prove difficult to ensure the latter without securing the former.: Bwuh?: We gotta make the bad god go bye-bye before Cornelius can go fishing.: Why not fish with bad guys?: As a reconciliation tactic?: As bait. 
: 'Nother cottage in woods! Woods popular place, full of parties too.: I wouldn't expect much of a party at this particular cottage, Beef. There is but one resident so far as my research indicates.: Hopefully he wasn't a regular at that bard get-together we trashed, then.
: Awww, old man look lonely.: If he is, I sense it is not by choice.: He goes by the moniker "Skull crusher", and was once allegedly a powerful adventurer. He may be of some use to us, or possibly a hazard if not delicately handled.
: In that case we had best handle ourselves with extreme care.
: Oh no! I tried to warn you!: What? Agda just wanted to hear some stories!: What did you do this time, you brat?! We're doomed!
: Losing… feeling in my… legs…: So… bored…: Beef saw whole life flash before eyes - and life not even Beef's!: Right! He's out of stories! Quick, grab his gift, smile and nod, and let's get the hell out of here!: Cornelius, you endured that monologue much better than I expected.: I cast Hold Person on myself repeatedly just to stay on my feet.
: I had hoped Skull crusher might have known something useful to our predicament, or be able to offer his assistance in a physical capacity. Or at least not so much in a verbal one.: Ye gods it's night time. He talked the day away.: Please tell us our next lead is somewhat more invigorating?
: Behold; a burial mound, forgotten in the depths of Neverwinter Wood. My research suggests-: Who wants to be what we find living in there? Or, rather, unliving?: Ooooh! Ooooh! Gnomes! It Gnomes?
: Oh, sorry Beef, it's the undead. Just like it always is in every grave-related location in the world.: Undead are thematic! Can't have a cemetery or tomb without some undead shuffling around.
: While I agree with your general views on graveyards, let us leave this argument and concentrate on the task at hand. I must repay a debt in cold, decaying blood.
: Oh, don't be such a worry-wart. These minor undead are still flammable. More like nuisances than enemies.
: Okay, so where's that barrow you mentioned then? At the back of the cave?: Hehehe! Barrow is funny word! Barrow barrow barrow…: The, ugh, crypt is in the back, yes. My sources suggest it is quite old, hence why our surroundings look like a common cave.
: These tombs… they are a mix of old and new. The stone sarcophagi show the weight of ages, but those wooden coffins look to be recent additions.: There may be a reason this barrow-: Hehehe!: -was left undisturbed. Use caution.
: Oh dear. A vampire. I suppose that's why.: Get back! I shall slay the fiend!: Pffft, it's just a vampire. No need to get all dramatic on us.
: Vengeance has come!: Vengeance? Really? Do you actually know if this vampire's done anything?: It is a vampire. The need for vengeance is a fairly safe bet.
: Uh oh, vamp-lady's boyfriend's pissed.: Oh like it would be so hard for him to find another girl. Goddamn co-dependent bloodsuckers! : For my own part I have never understood this modern obsession with vampires.
: They do, however, sparkle quite wondrously when exposed to scorching rays and searing flame.
: It is done. A wrong has been righted, I assume.: Yeah, handy side-benefit that I guess. So do we root through their pockets, or something?: Ugh, do not be so vulgar, Pick. We are here to loot their graves.: I am once again forced to move another action from my "requires avenging" column to my "sort of a grey area" column.
: Beef bored with dead people and old people, next stop we do something fun maybe? Or maybe take bathroom break?: I told you to go before we left the barrow.: *sigh*: Anyway, our last stop this evening is to deal with a powerful party like our own. They would make unlikely allies, but leaving a dangerous group of pirates alive in our wake would-: Wait wait wait, back up for a second. Pirates? We're going after pirates?
: Wooooooooooooo!: Pick? Do you have any insight here?: She… really likes pirates.
: Oh bother. Come on, we best catch up before she signs on to their crew.
: I fail to see how these men differ from common, muck-squatting bandits beyond that they ply their trade at sea.
: I suppose they are also somewhat easier to kill than we are used to.
: Were we supposed to… I don't know, do anything there?: I believe in a policy of proportionate response, where exerting my own effort is a sort of option of last resort.: Anything but work, huh? I can see your point.
: Look, Agda! Girl pirate! Agda ask how can join too?: Agda knows how to become a pirate! Don't need no stinking competish stealing Agda's shtick though…
: As fun as this all is, apparently, let's try to hurry along a bit.: I couldn't agree more. These scurvy-ravaged wastrels are a waste of my talents.
: Taste the vengeance of Hoar!: Again with the vengeance? So pirates are like vampires now?: Look, there are certain professions that carry an implicit need for retribution. It is all plainly laid out in Hoarish doctrine-: Pfffffft whorish doctrine!: I am not having this discussion.
: Sooo, how are you these days?: Oh fine, fine. A lot better, actually. Ever since we moved into the merchant headquarters I've been getting a lot more bedrest.: I can relate. Those cold nights, sleeping under the stars, kind of makes you regret storming out of a steady job just so you can freelance.: I tried the freelancing thing in my younger days, you know. Before I got tenure. It really does build character but you grow out of it. You can't eat pride forever.: Waaaagh! Heronyus! Corneeylus! Look at Beef! Loooook! Beef got 'nother pirate!: That's great, Beef! Keep it up.: Awww, Heronyus not lookiiiiiiing!
: Do you think that party of importance you mentioned is in here?: Somebody important must be, look at all them bottles.: I had been told a party of pirate adventurers on our level of power were hiding here, but would they really designate rank with rum?: Clearly Cornelius hasn't read as many pirate novels as Agda.
: Hells yes, awesome pirate krew!: They don't look very happy to see us…: Whoever is?
: That was a tactically sound falsehood, Heronius.: You should know me by now. My lying is a matter of principle.
: Ohmigods we're being attacked by real dashing swashbuckling pirates! This is the best night ever!: I wish I could be so happy about impending violence.: You mean you're not?
: *gasp* Orc is bigger than Beef! Taller! Broader!: Say it ain't so, Beef! Are you going to be okay?: Of course! It honour to beat up bigger Orc! Beef treasure memory always. Memory and maybe teeth.: Speaking of treasure, calling dibs-no-challenge on the captain's hat!
: Now is the time to unleash our magical support!: If you want to end this fight quickly, I suppose. Let me just disintegrate their archer, there.: Wow, Heronius's becoming a real ladykiller!: Sounds better than "manslaughterer", I suppose.
: Speaking of murder, I am not entirely comfortable killing this priestess of Talos. She stands alone.: I have a scroll of flesh to stone, if you prefer. We could leave her as a monument to our passing.: I've actually been branching into Necromancy on the side a bit, if you're interested.: Never mind, now that I think about it what is one more dead clergyman on my bloodied hands?: Ugh, quit harshing Agda's pirate-fight buzz.
: This's more like it! Time to get knee-deep in booty!: I see a number of potential assets in our fight against Zehir, it is only a pity we had to kill our way to them.: A violent outcome was likely inevitable. At least now we are assured we leave no dangerous wild cards behind us on the Sword Coast.: Hey, Heronius! Where are you going?: Getting knee-deep in booty!
: So, my fine pirate wenches. Have no fear, the dashing captain Napalm IX is here to whisk you away to safety.: Heronyus! Stay away from pretty girls! Corneylus not cast Protection From Cooties!: …Any chance any of you find looking after adorable, dependant man-children to be cute and attractive? No? Never mind then.{Some strange cuts occured at the end here, re-added those bits just now}