Part 7: Wherein the problems of a gnomish lumber camp are dealt with and maps are misread

Editor's note:

The lumber camp of Lantan alluded to in my research is stringently denied by the Lantanese government. Nevertheless, camps such as this one are believed to have existed all over the jungles of Chult, supplying the island nation with much of its desperately-needed lumber. Few former workers have deigned to speak publically on the manner, although accounts from some alleged former employees were contributors to my research.

Naturally, such camps were outright banned by the Samarachean authorities who saw it as a breach of their sovereign territory. The majority of the jungles of Chult lay outside of their official borders and much too far for any patrols to find, so there are no recorded incidents of any such camp being shut down. As such, the scant accounts of our adventuring party's encounter with these Lantanese lumberjacks offer a rare glimpse into this elusive trade.



Delightful, an entire camp of little people to bother me with.



: I shall see to the needs of the gnome foreman at once. We shall regroup once the problem with the portal has been identified.
: You'll almost certainly require my expertise. I shall accompany you.
: I'll come too, if you don't mind. They may prefer talking to someone more their own height.





: Uh… where did you get those dinosaur claws, Pasquale?
: I have been collecting them from the dinosaurs we slew earlier, along with other odds and ends.
: But surely those dinosaurs were on the other side of the jungle, how does killing them help the gnomes?
: Striclty speaking, the man did only ask for proof that we'd thinned their numbers, he was non-specific about where.
: Seems a little dishonest…
: A valid concern. Then again, consider the alternative - going out into the jungle and hunting down packs of wild dinosaurs to kill.
: Oh, yeah. He was rather… uh, non-specific, right?
: Quite.



: AWESOME! Just like in the stories about the Amazing Iron Man of Chult! Agda wants one!



Why are you looking through her wares? You'll never be able to build your own golem, it takes years of training.
: Forget that! Agda'll just buy some golem plates and stick them on Beef.



So what's the problem?
: Well, first they wanted us to kill some-
: We're past that. Now they're asking us to investigate late-night attacks on their logging machinery.
Ah, an errand. We've had no shortage of those. I suppose we had best start looking.



Ten steps in and… that's a ghost, isn't it?
: That is indeed. Of a gnome, I believe.
: But I can see living gnomes chopping down a tree like twenty paces away! How haven't they noticed it yet?
: Duh, ghosts are invisible!
: Beef hear about ghost in story once! It was friendly ghost!



: I suspect this one is less so.
: Yup, those other gnomes still don't seem to care about the flaming ghost.
: We must subdue it! To arms!



AHHH! It burns! In a bad way!
: I wasn't made to get hurt!



Oh gods it's casting another spell.
: Forget the meat shields, run for it!
: Get back here this minute!
: Beef's axe not hurting gnome! Out of ideas!
: We need magic to banish this spirit. If only our spell-casters had spines.



: Fine! If it means that much to you we'll cast some spells. At a safe distance from one another.
At least this way if it decides to fry the old man to a crisp I'll survive to 'mourn' him.



: Success.
: Yeah! At beating some sense into dead gnome ladies! Wooo!
: I don't think that was a wooo moment, to be honest.



: Oh wow, murder? Not cool.
: The dead cry out for vengeance, and we are required to serve it. The body cannot be far.



: Uh, this is the place, I guess.
Right. Dig up the body.
: What? Just dig it up? Isn't that grave-robbing?
: What superstitious twaddle. It's just bones in a hole, I'm sure she's past caring.
: We could ask her haunted spirit to be sure, in fact.
Enough of this. Beef, dig up the gnome.
: Nuh uh! Don't wanna!
Whyever not?
: Beef's mother make Beef promise Beef never dig up anybody else ever again. Not play will skulls much now neither.
Disquieting. Pasquale? I imagine you have some excuse as well?
: I am uncertain as to Hoar's stance on exhuming the dead for a good cause, and am thus reluctant to experiment with his approval. Also, I am allergic to freshly upturned earth.
: Oh forget it, look.



: A magical solution to our mundane problem.



: …A badger?
This ought to be good.
: Badgers are proficient diggers. He can dig up the remains for us without anyone getting their hands dirty.
: Gross! But awesome! Like the mole-people of Great Rift!
: I think they prefer to be called 'Dwarves', but yes, you have the idea.



: So I'm thinking we let them keep the… sack when we're done with it.
: Why? The sack can be our body bag!



: If he asks how we recovered the remains, consider leaving out the badger.
: Duly noted.





: By Hoar's hairy hump! That revenge was more sudden than I expected.
: I guess… justice is served?
: Death by ghost! I told you ghosts were invisible!



Nothing of value on him, anyways.
: Heronius! Get back over here!



: A wonderful people, the gnomes. Their focus on technology and the science of magic is so refreshing, even if at times a little scatter-brained.
You have preserved us from another damnable side-errand and have thus won a tiny sliver of thanks from me. Use it wisely!
: If we are all finished here then, I propose we find somewhere to sleep and regain our strength before beginning the journey back to Samargol.





: I take back everything nice I just said about the gnomish people.
Highway robbery! Thrice the price of that pit of an inn in Samargol but in beds half the size, and in a smelly jungle tent at that?
: Is fun! Like camping, but no marshmallows or poison ivy rash!

The next day



We are rested - barely - and finished here. Let us leave and never look back.
: I don't know, this place wasn't so bad.
: Pick, Agda saw you steal the money back from the gnome's chest while everyone else was asleep.
: Really? Er… How much do you want to keep quiet?
: Nothing! Agda thought Pick did a great job!
: Very well… if we came from the East and we retrace our steps…



: Agda doesn't remember any Hags the way we came.
: Are they eating marrow?
: Be strong, my digestive system. Hold fast my breakfast against this abominable sight.



: Beef not want have evil grandma eat his bones! Beef like Beef's marrow!
The hag is coming straight for us!



: She is no match for my powers of conjuration. Behold, another badger!
: If this is your way of suggesting we invest in more spells for your arsenal, point made.



This damned hag is too powerful! Where are the warriors when we need them?
: Their hands are full with ogres. We must cooperate - bring the witch down together!



: Aha! We have her!
Victory is ours, you hideous wench!



: With their master dead the ogres cower! Rout them from the field!
: I am impressed. I didn't think we would be able to cooperate to defeat a foe greater than either of us.
I admit, working together was not quite as terrible as-
: Hey, look at this! She's got a ring of wizardry on her!



Don't even think about it, old man.
: It's called ring of wizardry! Wizard! Not a trumped up children's magician.
More like ring of stuffy old bastard who doesn't know the first thing about real magic.
: More like ring of tear the whole damn party apart.
: The ring goes in the treasure box until we can sort this out, later.



: Okay, now Agda's sure we're lost.
No, there should be a river right next to Samargol. If we follow it we should find a bridge.



: Okay so maybe the river actually just goes to the ocean.
Stupid, uncivilized, barbaric-
: Hey!
Who has a river in their country then neglects to build a bridge?
: The people of Samarach, I have noted, are not exactly the types to build bridges either physical or figurative.
: This is going into the book. In italics.



: At least we can find shelter for the night and try to find our way back again tomorrow. I don't fancy another night spent outdoors in the jungle.



Be ready for anything. This cave could be infested with all sorts of dangerous and horrible… wait why am I going in first?



Ouch! Ow! Yow! That really stings!
: Kobolds! To arms!
: Oh please, they're only Kobolds. Nature's pacing device.



: Beef! Agda! Right side! Pick, we go left! Mages, magical support!
I don't take kindly to being AH! My nose! They shot me in the nose!
: I take back everything nasty I just said about the Kobold people.



Nobody mars my physique and lives! For this insult they get the good stuff.



: These guys are pushovers. We'll be finished in no time.
: This is true. Agda! We are mopping up on our side! What about you?



: No problems at all! Agda and Beef can't be stopped!
: Beef have trouble seeing Halfling friend and Kobolds, they so small and so far away…
: Just don't step on Agda and we'll win. Scratch that, don't step on Agda ever.



: We won! Now to loot theeeeaaaaAAGHAHAGHA FULL OF SPIKES!
: Can't you slow down for one minute? Those spikes could've been poisoned or worse! Here, let me get it.



: There. Easily done.
: Everything inside is Agda's! Getting blood on something counts as dibs!



: This cavern will make for a sufficient shelter for the night. Tomorrow we will follow the river back the other way to Samargol.
: Considerate of the Kobolds to leave us a bonfire. It makes our ad-hoc camp a little more bearable.
: Actually it kind of creeps me out. Did we… uh, have a good reason for killing those Kobolds for their shelter?
They shot me. First. In the nose.
: How is your nose doing, by the way?
: I have a dropper of elixir I find helps promote clear nostrils, if it should help.
My nose is fine, my pride is just wounded to have been struck by so lowly a foe.
: ZZZzzz… zzzzZZZzzz…



: Awwww, look at Beef! Dreaming little Beefy dreams. If Beef's legs kick, it means Beef's chasing a rabbit!
: Still, it is the soundest idea our Half-Orc companion has had yet. Time for sleep, I think.