Part 9: Wherein the correct mine is cleared at great difficulty

: Ogres block our path.
: Do you think they work for the newts? Perhaps they seek to stop us from locating the mines.



: Irrelevant. What matters is my blade can pierce their flesh. The vengeance of Hoar for all of those intangible foes we fought earlier.
: How is it revenge? These ogres didn't do anything to us.
: Poetic, is it not?
: Agda doesn't think that word means what Pasquale thinks it means.
: Hah! Agda rhyme 'means' with 'means'! That poetic!



: These better be the right mines, or so help me I shall collect my salt from the tears of the weeping residents of Torich.



: It certainly looks more like an operational salt mine. More sensible lighting.
: It is. Now we must eradicate every living lizard the light touches.



: The right enemy this time as well. More good signs.
: Yes! Beef hate it when fight wrong people. Everyone call Beef names like "danger to so-sigh-a-tea".



: Pitiful. Perhaps these newts are more like the ones I raised than I credited.
: You may be right. I haven't wasted one spell yet. The Samarachan troops who failed to clear this place must simply be incompetent.
: Hah! Their loss, our gain! We're gonna get so much salt we can become Salt Barons like the aristocrats of Cormyr.
: Okay see? I know you made that one up.
: No, really! Then it rained and became the inland sea of Cormyr! Learned that in jography!



: An intersection. Let us clear the path across the hall first. Beef?
: Beef go first! Could be anything behind door… Beef excited to see what.



: Oh, Lizards! And doggy! Beef not guessed that!
: Stand aside, simple Orcling. The room will be clear in moments.



: …What? No effect?! But that was my most powerful evocation!
: They're called Fire Newts. That's a hell hound with them. Please, don't tell me you're this under-prepared.
: I admit nothing!… _{Can I stand behind you?}



: OH GODS HOT HOT HOT!
: Agda's hair!
: Fire newts, everyone. You're seriously disappointing me with your surprise.
: Flaming dog breath no problem for Beef! Beef get like that when forget to brush.



: Ambush! We are surrounded!
: Basic tactics? Going on the offensive? What is this sacrilege?! They're supposed to wait until we're good and ready to kill them! Quickly, someone insert yourselves between us and them.



: …Yeah I'm going to need some help on this one.
: Coming! Just need to sneak between some lizard legs! ...Never thought Agda'd say that.



: Beef want help little friends and magic men!
: Hold, Beef! We must mop up the archers and alchemists first. Pick! Hold them off for the time being. Or at least slow them down with your bodies.



: Another flame attack! This is patently unfair - I should be the one raining fire on fools, not the reverse! My style is near-fatally cramped.
: Were there a god I'd beg for their mercy from your prattling! You are a magic-user, albeit uncouth, do something useful with your misbegotten gifts!
: Very well… something useful, hm…



: A shield. That's all you have.
: Don't worry! When I survive to tell tales of your heroic sacrifice I shall be sure to remember your full names.
: Agda'd kick Heronius's shins in if they weren't in a bubble!
: They're sending reinforcements! We could really use that backup!



: And you shall have it.
: Wooo! Charge is Beef's favourite part of fight!



: Victory is at hand!
: I always knew you could do it, I was just… taking sensible precautions.
: Nevertheless, sir mage…



: …That was too close. Much too close.
: Agda's kickin' foot is all worn out. Gonna need a breather.
: We require much more than a breather. We require a dose of common sense and tactical thinking.
: If it means fewer huge lizard people for me, then I agree.
: Agreed, the fewer intrusions into my personal space the better.



: Dead end. How about your way?



: Beef sees door! More mines ahead!



: So be it. This may be the last pocket of resistance, I can't imagine the mine would extend much past a little side door.
: We shall take this challenge with great care and consideration. Any number of lizards might be on the other side, and our attack must go off without a hitch.
: Send Beef in first to draw their attention!



: This is Beef's kind of strategy!
: It seems half the clan faces us, chief and all. So be it, I suppose.



: …Do you think everything's going well in there?
: Well at least the explosions are on the right side of the door.
: Too true. Wouldn't want to disturb any-
: Agda's still close enough to double back and kick some magical ass! Get in here!



: Fine! Fine! We'll start casting what few spells we have left. Heronius! Try hurling rocks perhaps, or something else befitting your intelligence.
: No need for that sort of tone, decrepit one. I found a scroll in our last fight suitable for just this purpose…



: Haha!NowBeefIsFastestFighterEverFought!BeefPutAxeThroughLizardsBeforeEvenRealizeBeefThere!
: OhGods, HastingAlways MakesMeNauseas I'mGonna ThrowUp…
: Woo! Wo wo wo Woo!



: Pasquale! I need some help over here! Too many lizards again!
: TryingToTurn ToFace You. TooDisoriented ToHelp!
: This is ridiculous! I don't even like salt, I don't want to die for-Uglk!



: Pick'sDown!Pick'sDown! Pick's Down, and the lizards are rallying! To me, we must finish the chief.



: Cornelius is out too! I can't tell if he's dead or alive, but I've got his stick. Hurry, someone save me from these damn lizards before my shield wears off!



: RRRARARRRGH! Hurt friends! Try to kill Agda! Waste whole day looking in wrong mine! Too mad to see straight! Speaking like Beef! Time for maximum shin-shattering!



: Done. Big lizard not get up again.
: I think… that is the last of them. The mine is secure.
: Now fix Pick! And Cornelius! Do it before they bleed out already! I'm too angry to help!



: Urgh… absolutely everything hurts, but it looks like we won and I'm still alive.
: You are restored, master Halfling, by the power of Hoar.
: What, no joke Agda? Didn't you hear? I was saved by a Hoar.
: Please stop mocking my lord's name. He can hear us, you know.
: Nah, Agda doesn't need no low-hanging fruit. Maybe next time. _{Heh, low-hanging fruit! Get it?}



: Why… why is Beef applauding?
: I convinced him wizards are brought back to life by clapping.
: Don't die old man! Beef believes! Beef belieeeeves!
: My sides… would split… had they not already been so…



: Now that we are all alive and well-
: Barely! You call that a tourniquet?
: I propose we get out of here and take some time to properly recover.
: Wasn't it sundown when we went in? Why's it dusk now?
: I've totally given up on trying to track what day or time it's supposed to be. We're on adventure time right now, and it is get paid o'clock.





: Now, I'm not meaning to complain-
: Don't say it.
: But I seem to remember you mentioning some sort of reward for clearing that terribly dangerous salt mine.
: Yes. Well. Perhaps I assumed.
: Perhaps.
: This don't change a thing, Agda's still gonna be a salt-baron! We'll just… have to trade stuff for it instead of getting it for free.

The next… night? Dusk? Later that night?


: We are returning to Samargol.
: But we've hardly begun to explore the possibilities of being in business for ourselves! Just a few little setb-
: All in favour of going back to Samargol?
: Aye!
: Coup d'etat! Just because you can't take a little catastrophic failure…



: What now?
: Don't look at me for guidance, you democratic dogs!
: It is still much too late for the markets to be open. I propose our recent trouble stems from our under-equipment. Let us divide the loot we have acquired thus far and in the morning we can see about securing more useful gear.
: Perfect! My stipend has been burning a hole in my pock- wait, where did it go?
: Sorry. Uh… we thought you might've really been dead in that mine there for a minute.



: Everyone take a place around the table and we shall go through each of the items in the group inventory and assign them according to need.
: Why just need? I demand a fair share of the earnings!
: And who is to do the assigning? Who quantifies something as vague as need? Demonstrated merit is the fairer standard.
: To be honest, I'd prefer we cash everything in for gold and buy what we want directly.
: Beef like round robin! Is favourite birdy.
: Enough. Please, just… just take a place at the table.



: Whatever we decide, that axe we recovered from the Fire Newt chief is mine. I claim it as my fair share!



: A flaming great axe? Why? You can hardly lift it, much less swing it. Why not let Beef have it?



: Hm… Beef not want make waves.
: Beef, the axe is haunted. With a ghost. One that… hates small animals! It'll make you kill them.
: What? Beef not hurt little animals, two of Beef's best friends are little!
: That's patently ridiculous and painfully transparent.
: Huh?
: Not true.
: Oh.



: Hey! Down here! Nobody thought maybe Agda wants a huge flame axe?!
: For the love of… It's bigger than you are!
: Is it? I can't see over the edge of the table. Could someone describe it?
: Beef decided. Not want axe. Can see means lot to magic friend. Besides, not get good feeling from axe. Bad karma.



: Excellent, then that is one matter decided. What a good start. I am reminded to update the section in the paladin training curriculum concerning the division of wealth, perhaps with red warning signs. On to our next item for auction, then…