Part 10: Wherein loot is divided and black markets purged

: Very well. Let me go over everything one more time, to be sure we are all satisfied.
: I am taking the periapt of wisdom, despite the fact that it would likely most benefit any one of you. Also the anti-poison ring.
: Again I must remind you, Pasquale, that neither peanuts nor shellfish are considered 'poison', even by magical ring-crafters.
: Thoughtlessness!



: To Pick goes the magic short sword and the lense of trap detection.
: Let's just hope it's up to the task of making up for your considerable shortcomings!
Yeah, well… if I was a little bit wittier I'd make a clever reply about my new short sword and coming to get you.
: I await it with little dread.



: Agda receives the tropical headdress with the survival enchantment.
: Looks rad! Had to cut a hole in it for Agda's hair to breath, though.
: It's a priceless cultural artefact!
: It's stuffy!



: To Cornelius goes the ring of wizardry, the cloak of protection, as well as the loose scrolls.
: It may not have the same historical relevancy, but enhanced arcane prowess makes for a good consolation prize. Also, keeping it off of Heronius's hands is doubly-satisfying.



: Beef has opted for the enchanted boots.
: Comfy!
: Partly because he was the only one with feet big enough to fit. I believe they improve reflexes.
: At last Beef's dancing dreams come true! Just need find dance steps mat in Samargol…



: Finally, Heronius has opted to stick with the flaming axe, as well as a charm that reduces fear.
: I want it noted in the logs that I take this charm under protest - recent incidents are not proof of any such character deficit as cowardice. I swear to you, I will not abandon you in combat.
Again, you mean.
: Not if Agda breaks Heronius's shins, maybe!
: As soon as our venture begins to keep logs I will note your protest forthwith. However, it is now dawn and that means the market is open. I propose a continuation of our rearming efforts.



: Now be sure to return here by nightfall. We shall need rest to continue our quest.
: Yes, mother.
: Wooo! Day off!
: Beef love weekends!
: Agda's getting ripped! Crunk! Bamboozled! Zonked!
Snookered?
: Ew! Pick, that's filthy!



: At last, to collect on my farsighted scheme.



: Oh to indulge my avarice but one more time… well, okay, probably many more times. Still as long as I'm splitting my pay just one way I'll keep taking these jobs.
: Now to spend some of my hard-concealed profits…





: This is proving more difficult than I thought. I have not had any dealings with any devil-women… though I would bet if anyone knew such a woman in this town it would be Heronius.



: At last, some time to pursue private errands. Pick! Go find that black market everyone's been babbling about. We need an exotic pet for the aberrant lady and a bottle - no, two bottles - of Deepwine.
Oh, yes sir Master Cent. Anything for you. Shall I polish thine boots while I'm at it?
: Sarcasm. I take it my plan is disagreeable?
Why should I do all the legwork when we're splitting the reward?
: Because what I bring to this operation is brains, and what you bring is muscle. Specifically, young hamstrings that can handle hours marching through jungle as a summer stroll.
Why not come with me? You're here to see Samarach for your book, right? We can find this market together, you could write a piece. I don't want to go out there by myself.
: Oh fine. I suppose I'm obliged to see more of the country I'm meant to write about.



: How are we for directions, anyways?
It's not supposed to be far from town, just south-east, in the rocky foothills.



: We're getting a bit off the beaten path. I hope this market is more than a rumour.



Hah! There it is, see? That cave up there. I can hear busy market bustle already.
: What a novelty. Like something out of those old adventure novels. I do wonder what species of vagabond would operate their black market out of a cave?



Oh… huh. This is the right location…



The Dwarf says we're in the right place and also to not cause trouble. In a sort of unfriendly way.
: Find me a friendly Dwarf and I shall have a subject for a whole new book. Never mind him, look over here.



Woah!
: Well I'll be damned…



: My previous question has been answered. The species of vagabond in question is Illithid.











This place is incredible! And terrifying
: I'm forced to agree. Surrounded by creatures that eat brains… I am like a prize truffle in a pen of swine, or a fillet mignon within easy reach of - Beef?
Huh?



: _{…seems to me like every time we come here the vendor's out to lunch. It's like he's watching for my approach and turns invisible for fear of making a sale. Buying a lounge chair shouldn't be this difficult!}
: _{Beef like ottomans.}
Is that-
: It is! Heronius! Beef! What are you two doing here?

Meanwhile!





: Cornelius? Pick! Fancy running into you two here.
: Indeed, quite the chance encounter.
How did you hear about this market?
: Oh, it's just the kind of place that the right sort of people pick up on. Honestly seeing you two here really raises my esteem for you - you must be of more refined tastes than I'd thought.
And why is Beef here?
: Beef get treat!
: This isn't exactly a public square. It pays to have some muscle when negotiating a price with mind-flayers, especially muscle to whom the threat of brain-eating doesn't mean much.
: Squid-men nice to Beef! Call Beef "Big Empty Calorie"!
: This is fascinating and all, but you wouldn't happen to know where to buy some Deepwine and perhaps an exotic pet animal, would you? We're doing a bit of a shopping spree.
: Sure. Xo'rill should be able to sort you right out.



: Pick! Get back here! They don't like it when you poke around.







Uh oh. This can't be good.



::Uh oh. This can't be good::





: Okay team, I have a glacier snake and a bottle of Deepwine (at an excellent price), let's go back to… Uh oh. This can't be good.



: Hear me, forces of darkness, and tremble! Today we put an end to your nefarious flesh trade and ensure you will never raise arms and probing tentacles against the innocent again! You are *cough* *hack* sorry, my loud voice always aggravates my asthma. Die!



: I was getting sick of paying for things anyways. Beef! Sick 'em!
: Squiddies won't be so smart after Beef brains them!



Back off! Small people aren't snacks!



: Stand fast, sir wizard. I will assist.
: I suppose I should be grateful for the help in a fight you began.
: I am obligated to destroy evil where I find it. Honestly, you could have saved us both a lot of trouble by at least trying to cover your tracks. Intentional ignorance is no shield for the paladin.
: Really? I thought it was a prerequisite.



: Durrrrr… flayers in my heeeaaad, making everything hazy. Hard to thiiiiiiiink.
: Leave magic man's head alone! It only little! Beef got all the head you need - axe head!
: Can't evennnnn… criticize… punnnnnsssss…



: Pasquale? Pasquale! Damn it, am I the only one who can fight a mind-war with an Illithid and remain fully cognizent at the same time? What do they teach young people in school these days?
: Oh well. Lightning still works, so we use lightning.



: Beef said stay back! Squiddy pay price!
: Gooooood… woooork… Beeeeeeef, I can feel my mind clearing. Much better! Your unique immunities were most sufficient, my empty-headed friend.
: Yay!
: Although I dread to wonder what happened to the mind-flayer that tried to seize your mind. I think that might be him there, quivering on the floor.



Haha! Take that you… uh, I mean, It's a good day to…
Damn, wish Agda was here. Bet she'd have the best one-liner for this situation.



: My mind is my own again, the minion of evil is repulsed.
: Yes yes yes I am running out of spells please kill them.
: Not a problem. Mind flayers are terrible at keeping their guard up.



: And that is the other one down. We are finished here.
: Not a moment too soon. I could almost feel their horrible grey grabbers sinking into my-
: You are enjoying this too much.
: …I confess, it's rare to find people who want me for my brains.



: Somehow I am not surprised to find you here, Heronius.
: And I'm not surprised to see you make a splendid mess of a perfectly workable situation ten seconds into your arrival, Pasquale.
Listen, Pasquale, we can explain. We'd heard about this market outside of town but we didn't know-
: You do not need to justify your actions to me. I am willing to believe your business here was completely innocent - especially if it means we get out of here in a more timely fashion.
Hold on. We need to free the slaves they were keeping in the back.
: Good idea. You and Pasquale see to that while Beef and I 'free' a few chez lounges.



There. That lock was no problem. Let's check on the prisoners.





: When I began my tour of duty, I had not realized I would spend so much time helping those much shorter than myself.
Well I want you to know we appreciate it! Sir Pasquale, crusader for the little guy!
: Speaking of, what is the matter with the little girl at the back?





: You know she probably would have joined our cause, had we asked.
No. Trust me on this, it takes a special knack - you take care of the little guys, I'll handle the little women.
: So it appears the infernal furnisher has heavily trapped his inventory. Don't worry, only Beef was hurt - but I will return some day to claim what is mine! Can we go now?

Editor's Note:

This "Illithid black market" appears to be a very real criminal market that did exist somewhere in the vicinity of Samargol. Believed to have been one of the exacerbating factors of the Samarachan's famous xenophobia, the destruction of the market was to have wide-reaching implications, leading to everything from raids on the houses of nobles found to possess art bought at the market to charitable contributions from several deep gnome communities (as well as one demand for recompense in order to allay the cost of containing Chir Darkflame).

Though the market itself was never re-established and most of the goods that could be moved have been stripped, to this day adventurous explorers visit the caverns to see the rusted slave pens of the Illithids and the deactivated portal to their lair. The site is maintained by a Githzerai charity, whose only stipulation is that visitors not disturb a pile of boxes in one corner containing items so heavily trapped that they could not be safely removed from the site.

Those items? Two dressers, six chairs, a loveseat, three chez lounges, and an ottoman.



: Yes. Night has fallen. Let us away to the city.
: About time! Here, Heronius. C'mere. _C'meeeeere. I wannuh… wannuh tell you ah shekret.
: What?
: The Deepwine shellar washn't trapped!



: Oh my Gods where have you guys been all day? Agda is dying of boredom!
: Cornelius is drunk.
: Iamma all-awerful izzard!
: Boredom over!
: In case you were wondering, we purged a black market run by mind flayers. They had been holding a group of gnomes as slaves.
: A bunch of mind flayers picking on little folk? Somebody shoulda told 'em the squidder they are, the harder they fall!
Thank you.