Part 12: Wherein a Yuan-ti stronghold is liberated

: Day's getting on. If we mean to find this temple before nightfall we shall have to move swiftly. South, did she say?
: It's not easy to keep a sense of direction in this jungle. I hope we don't get lost.
: I have taken to using the moss that grows on Beef as a navigational aide.
: Beef have green thumb! Rest of Beef also green.



: That looks like the temple… but who are those people over there?
: Wild elves! Like regular elves, but escaped from captivity! They breed and run free in the wilderness, like nature intended.
: They also managed to lose their fairer cousin's reputation for hygiene. A pity, considering that's all the wretched race had in its favour.





: Boy, am I ever glad we're not going there… we're not going there, right?
: I do not see why we would. Nothing in their warning required investigation.
: Assuming it's not just local superstition it's probably just a garden variety monster in an odd lair.
: Hardly profitable. Yes, I can say with relative certainty this waterfall will never come up again.



: Elaborate. This temple is of the Batari?
: Almost certainly not. The level of sophistication in the engineering is far beyond the grasp of any Batari or even goblinoid civilization past or present. Note also the scale of the construction relative to the size of-
: That's fascinating, professor, really. Now why don't we get on with robbing this ruin?



: Which way do we go?
: Eenie Meenie Miney Moe!
: The centre door is locked. I neither see nor sense any reason to take either side door over the other. Cornelius, Heronius, can your magic assist us?
: Cent, the norms want our help again.
: Don't make fun, Heronius. It's not their fault they can't see through multiple planes at once. Now, let's have a look at these doors…



: _{minee moe…} This one!
: Oh, definitely. You can see it in the signs.
: Very well. Pick, scout ahead and tell us what you find.



: See anything?



: Uh… yes? You might want to come and look at this yourself. Bring your axe.



: Snake-men! Golem-spiders!
: Tree!
: It appears this ruin is not abandoned after all. To arms! Slay the Yuan-ti!



: Yuan-ti, of course! I knew the architecture was familiar. If they've been using local goblinoid tribes as forced labour, it-
: Lecture later! Battle now!



: Oh, don't be so dramatic. I've still got a fresh complement of spells.
: Oh gods, what are those things doing to the snake-man?
: Snake squeezed to death by tentacles? …Doesn't really remind Agda of anything.
: Really? Not anything?
: Look, not in front Beef, okay? Or the Paladin probably.



: Wow! That lot of books!
: Yes, Beef. That is a lot of books. Do you know where we can find a lot of books in one place?
: Uh…
: A temple?
: Not what I was aiming at.
: A pyre?
: Very funny-
: A really disappointing locked chest?
: What? No-
: A book barn!
: A library! You all make me weep for the mercy of a nonexistent god.
: Wait, we at library? Oh no! Beef never return Al-Qadim Nights, will pay huge fine!



: Forget it all. Let's just finish our exploration of this wing.
: Tasteful altar they have constructed for their heathen god here.
: What a waste of perfectly good skulls. Everyone knows you don't use the skulls to make the altar, you put them with your sacrifices on the altar. It's like using a slab of cold cuts for a cutting board.
: Uh oh, guys. I think we've got trouble.



: Oh fucking hells.
: A lever. Hoar preserve us.
: It was bound to happen sooner or later.
: Beef not understand. What problem? Why not pull lever?



: Because, you fool, it could be connected to absolutely anything! What if pulling the lever causes a pit to open under your feet and drop you a thousand feet to your death?
: Or just as likely, pulling the lever may be necessary to unlock a gate that leads deeper into the temple. Only those loyal to the snake-men would know.
: Right, I'm going to come straight out and say it. I am for pulling the lever. There. Pull it and get it over with.
: Sure, if Heronius pull it!
: Why should I pull it? I'm delicate and papery thin! One of the big, burly types should pull it!
: When faced with a lever, switch, button, or other command and control device it is strategically sound to clear the rest of the complex first then reassess to determine the necessity of activating the device.
: Yeah, maybe if Pasquale's sure the rest of the temple's not a death-trap! Agda heard a story about a party who didn't pull a lever once and went back the way they came instead. BOOM. Big explosion trap. Trap was set when they walked past the first time and pulling the lever would've disarmed it!
: Waaaagh! Beef hate lever! Beef scared! Wanna go home!
: Oh forget it look I am pulling the lever.
: AAAAHHHH!



: There, see? Nothing happened.
: My heart! Oh sweet agony, my heart!
: The die is cast. The fateful spoke marks its orbit. Keep a watchful eye from this moment on.



: Ah. I suppose it opened the middle door.
: We were fortunate this time - oh, how we were fortunate!
: This is. So dumb.



: No need to skip ahead yet, let's do a clean sweep. There's probably some strategic reason for making sure we don't leave any enemies behind us before we advance.
: Beef, why don't you go first this time!
: Oooh! Mystery door! Beef wish for… bunny!



: *sigh* Why it never what Beef want?



: Hey, where everyone else go?
: _{Beef! It's a trap!}



: Get it open, you bumbler! Faster! Beef could be dead at any moment!
: I'm trying! The lock snapped shut when it - there!



: Oh, hello! Come join Beef! We winning.
: Wooo! Yeah, coming to help Be-blgrk!



: Agda!
: A lightning trap, devious. Do not worry, it will not stop us.



: Arise, Agda. Hoar smiles on our work still.
: Is she okay?
: Heheh, Pasquale's got a smiling Hoar!
: …She is fine.



: Did they fight so hard to defend a… baths?
: Beef not want bath!
: This is no mere bath, cretins! These are proper hot tubs! We've trekked across this wretched continent for days, weeks now and at last some civilization!
: Blessed be this gift from my lord. I have fallen far behind on my scheduled exfoliation, and my pores require liberation from the oppression of tropical dryness.
: I'm not sure how I feel about killing day-spa workers.



: Well, now that we're done there, nothing left but to clear the central path.
: Mark my words, we are returning for those tubs.
: Oh definitely.



: Are we ready? All together this time.
: Beef ready! No snake man stop Beef and friends!
: Napalm company!
: The heroes!
: Some well-meaning and over-armed fools!
: Us!



: Attack!



: Snake man go squish!



: This is chaos!
: Yes! And we're winning! Don't you feel alive?!



: Oh gods these mechanical spiders are almost as cool as the golem-men. Can we keep one?
: You say this now, but why do I just know I'd be the one that ends up walking and oiling it?
: Because it likes Pick more! Look, it's not even trying to bite Pick in two!



: Other snake man go squish! Friends win!
: He is getting frighteningly efficient at that.
: That's the last one down. We should loot the remains and fan out to-



: Hold, looks like the last one.
: Just one? Allow me.



: There. It has been charmed. We are now his friends, and he will not attack.



: From the side room, we are attacked!
: Another last one!
: Don't worry, I have a similar spell prepared for just such an occasion.



: More charring than charming, but the point comes across.
: You've been saving that one ever since I bought the scroll, I can just tell.



: Hello new snake friend!
: Beef… the spell only lasts a minute or so. I doubt he can even understand you.
: But Beef want make new friends on adventure.



: Whoops oh look there he goes now.
: Betrayer! You knew it was going to wear off while I was standing next to him!



: Beef not let new friend hurt old friend! Kill bad friend!
: Uh… thanks, Beef. Have I said lately how much I value our closeness?



: Now a garden. Are you sure we have the right temple?
: We followed the directions… the Yuan-ti must simply be big fans of holistic living.
: I'd really hate to think we'd just killed our way through a health and wellness centre. Or, like, a physiotherapy clinic for snakes and mechanical spiders.



: Hurry up with that last door. We're near the end of this blasted temple, I can just feel it.
: I'm trying… the locking mechanism for this door is really tightly fit together. My fingers can't quite seem to…



: Damn it! I don't think I can crack this lock.
: Do you mean we came all this way to be stopped by a mundane door? We just killed a half-dozen or more snake-men abominations!
: Well that doesn't make my fingers any thinner! I can't reach.



: It's okay. Agda can see Pick's trying really hard. Doing the best Pick can, and we can't ask for anything else. It's really important for us to get through this door, but what's really important right now is that we're all here, together.
: It feels like we've been travelling together for a long time now. There's been some good times and some not so good times, but they've all built trust. We believe Pick wouldn't let us down if there was any other choice. We believe in each other.
: And I believe in you.



: Nope. Still can't reach.



: Ahhahahah! Forget the door, that one moment was worth the entire trip.
: Oh no way did Pick hear Agda's inspiring speech? That was emotional and touching and stuff! Agda said "believe" like five times! That always works in stories!
: My fingers can't reach. You could be the goddess Yondalla herself and I still wouldn't be able to reach.
: Oh of all the confounded…



: Behold, your fingers are longer, more supple, and more dextrous. Pick the lock.



: Huh. That did it.
: Yaaay! Pick pick lock with lockpick!
: Still can't believe… wait, is that a pile of gold?









: Did you say something, Heronius?
: Nothing! Just… admiring the gold like everyone else!



: What happened to Pick?
: He has gone temporarily catatonic from the proximity of so much raw wealth. I get like this when I eat too much dairy.
: Beef found treasure! Also broken stick.
: The savages' precious broken spear! Quickly now, let's pack up our beautiful lucre and make the trade for something actually valuable.



: Truly a gift fit for a queen… this pile of splinters.



: Another _relatively non-violent conflict resolved.
: You never struck me as that worried about peace, Cornelius. Why the interest?
: If we kill or destroy everything we come across, it'll leave precious little to write about in my book.

Editor's Note:

For those who were curious, the Shattered Spear tribe subsequently rose to prominence among the Batiri of Samarach. With the divine authority of their relic the internal power structure of the tribe was supposedly quite strong, and many smaller factions were absorbed. Xenophobic Samarachan authorities feared this may be the start of a concerted war of attrition between the various Batiri whom the Samarachans had made a habit of driving off and the people of Samargol.

Bizzarly, the amassing Batiri never made it further south than the old ruined temple just south of the Shattered Spear's home. Though the migration was supposedly motivated by the events of the spear's recovery, the elites of Samargol had no idea what the Batiri were planning. Their paranoia was doubled when they learned the temple had been constructed in honour of the Yuan-ti and until recently inhabited by them.

Samarachan spies were deployed. Though their findings were kept secret from the public, it was widely decreed that the Batiri posed no threat to Samarachan interests and the impending crisis fizzled out.

Although most of the documents recovered by the Samarachan spies were destroyed, a handful made their way into scholar's hands. Foremost amongst them is a piece of parchment folded into three. On the front side of the fold is a crude etching of a Batiri napping in a warm bowl of water. On the inside is writing in various Batiri dialects. Translations boldly read "Shatted Spear Batiri Balneotherapy!", whose programs promise "intense relaxation", "deep-cleaning body washes", and "active cardio for Batiri later in life".



: Now back to Samargol to exchange the gem for cold, hard currency.
: Also to have that toxin sample analyzed.
: Oh right, the revenge thing! Agda almost forgot that was so long ago.
: It was two weeks ago at the most. We were betrayed almost to our deaths two weeks ago.
: Agda lives in exciting times! Who knows how many people tried to kill us since then!
: Beef keep count for status-teks! So far lots!



: Ah, now there's a sight for sore legs - Samargol at last.
: It has indeed been an extraordinarily long day.
: Much more of this and I'll need my magic staff shaved down to a magic walking cane. I'd never live that down at the university.



: So this, at last, is your mysterious contact.
: Her? Pick and I could have told you about the devil woman, we ran an errand for her previously.
: Beef know pretty scary lady too! Sometimes Artiuk and Beef play the "quiet game". Beef always win!
: Agda met Vaddy at Leira's trick that time you guys all ditched Agda to play with squid-heads.
: Everyone's willingness to volunteer useful information to the group after it ceases to be useful fills me with confidence.





: At last, progress.
: The truth has been revealed. The next step is obvious. We need a plan of action.
: Justice must be served! There's a dangerous murderer on the loose and it's up to us to stop him.
: Hey now, I don't know what you heard about the Napalms but-
: I mean the Chokemist guy.
: Oh. Yes! It is the time for action! A time for revenge! A time for settling of accounts. But first!



: Bed time.