Neverwinter Nights 2: Storm of Zehir Part #20 - Wherein dirty deeds are done dirt cheap

Part 20: Wherein dirty deeds are done dirt cheap

: These are my associates. Grub provides the muscle.

: Evenin'

: Stitch provides his diverse array of skills.

: I hate hellos.

: Not much for talking, but with them and you two we've enough for a contract offered by a very generous patron.

: This contact of yours, do they pay in gold?

: Indeed. Neverwinter stamped, other coinage available on request. All after the job is done, although a nominal equipping budget is made available.

: Well, that's my main concern out of the way. Which leads me to an ancillary but nevertheless significant second question.

: What is your bathroom break policy?

: Sometimes Beef forget to go before big trip.

: Let's not complicate things, gentlemen. This is a business arrangement, and although some terms must be set in stone I think you shall appreciate a certain… flexibility compared to other lines of work.

: Pays good. Not picky about who they hire. Stay or leave whenever you want. No questions asked.

: Questions make me twitchy.

: This is the sort of 'cooperation' I'd been missing since I left Luskan. Sign us up!

: Stitch has already scouted out the Priory of the Depths once before. He can take us there again.

: Tracking sucks.

: Just to clarify then… our objective is to-

: To damn the flow at its' source. When a river floods you build a damn. When unnatural storms strike…

: You take other steps.

: Right, from here on out we're in uncharted territory. Temple grounds. Stay alert.

: Aye-aye, boss.

: Looks deserted. What god did you say this temple belonged to?

: Umberlee - Ao's taint, but we're pushing our luck this time.

: Try to at least feign professionalism. Heronius? Can you make out the inscription?

: Not my most glamorous talent, but yes. It says…

: Let's see if we can't skip the divine take-a-penny, leave-a-penny tray and cut straight through that door.

: Already on it.

: Yaaay! Finally, something Beef like! Teamwork and breaking stuff!

: Nngh! These doors are built solid.

: Beef's best doorknocker no good! Maybe Umberry left key under mat?

: Hmpf, some use our muscle's turned out to be. Very well, plan B.

: Our employer foresaw this possibility and provisioned us against it.

: Curious choice of currency.

: Good eye. I hope you're that clever getting us past the next few doors or this job'll turn out to be one expensive pay check.

: Another statue. Our host is not a little vain.

: Beef want statue one day! Not this statue though. Good thing too, statue too heavy for swimming with. How statue get down here first? Maybe like ship in bottle?

: How long will he go on like this?

: Until stopped, really.

: Another inscription. Another test?

: Oh, probably. Deities love making you jump through hoops.

: I thought as much. They want to test our knowledge of the faith, and from the looks of the room have helpfully stashed the answers under paintings about a dozen feet from the statue.

: Umberlee's not known for being smart.

: She's known for being vengeful, boss.

: So… half mountain orc, huh? On your father's side I'm guessing? What tribe?

: Beef ate tribe once, but make Beef sick. Mother say need boil tribe in salt water or tribe turn green.

: What? Wait, tripe? No, I meant-

: Beef! Don't talk to strangers! Come along, now.

: Why so much hugging in painting?

: I'll explain when you're older.

: So people drown in water, huh? I can see this temple produced some real revelations for the faithful.

: Oh bother, more wroth of the sea goddess nonsense. It really does pain me to read, you know?

: Reading blows

: Yes, thank you for that.

: Now see? This is what I'm talking about. Umberlee isn't the sea, she just has the portfolio of the sea. She's no different than you or I, only she was given a monopoly on a tool she can use to extract tribute.

: At least you can admire Umberlee's handiwork. No two ways around it, a truly straightforward arrangement - pay up or get wet.

: It's the difference between a highwayman and a taxman and why people romanticize one and string up the other.

: Even her symbol is beautifully generic. Waves. For a goddess of the sea. Had to focus group that one I bet.

: Oh please. All of these proud chaos gods make me gag. Their idea of chaos is just order zoomed in so you can see all of the wrinkles, from afar it all looks the same and we're a damn sight…

: You're picking bugs out of your dreadlocks again, aren't you?

: Personal grooming's a pain.

: Right, all set? Let's play twenty questions with the statue.

: I only hope it doesn't turn out to be a trivial pursuit.

: I hate board games.

: That was easy.

: Oooh! Do Beef next! What Beef's name?

: Beef.

: Heroneeus right! Wow, Heronyus good at question games!

: I hope that drowning it mentioned wasn't literal…

: Don't worry, that's why I hire plenty of muscle.

: If you like, but lungs aren't a muscle.

: Illmater's mercy… I count four- no, five.

: Uh… you're sure we're the first team your employer hired for this job?

: I'm uh, sure they would have mentioned otherwise. Yeah. Just to be sure, fan out and search the area.

: Okay you two, stay sharp. Keep an eye on those side doors.

: Traps are the worst.

: Beef not worried. Beef hide-and-seek champion!

: I knew it, it's a test!

: It's a trap!

: It's trouble.

: Water elementals… I hate these guys.

: Fire's no good, switching to backups. Keep them pinned on the stairs and I can help you!

: Beef is rubber, water's glue!

: These elementals are nothing. Boys, time to take out the trash.

: Time to mop up the spill!

: Fighting elementals is no fun.

: Job done, boss.

: Hah! Beef always wanted to beat up a bath, ever since little!

: Good job. Now run up there and see if there's a switch or lever to let us pass.

: Beef found switch! What do again? Not pull? Pull?

: _{Wait! Don't touch the bodies, Umberlee'll - eaarragh!}

: _{Blast and confound it!}

: Pull switch! Pull!

: I said don't touch the dead!

: A fine time for you to start having opinions, Grub!

: These undead are junk anyways.

: Beef! Solve problems!

: That mean axe, right?

: Axe! Axe!

: Oh, right. Forgot for a moment these corpses weren't flame resistant.

: I'm sick of easy fights.

: They weren't part of any trap, Umberlee's just jealous enough to reanimate bodies she claimed as her own. Doesn't take well to looting.

: Don't. Do that. Again!

: He's right, boss, we shouldn't be taking stuff from people what died cursed.

: Especially if the curse puts my life - uh, our lives in danger!

: Spinelessness. Spinelessness! You want to make a profit? You take a couple risks! Don't be held back by the half-hearted spooks of gods or kings. Look, those bodies had magical gear. Perfect for us.

: They were perfect for them last group of adventurers too, and look where their foolishness lead. Just saying.

: Looks like a magical puzzle of some kind.

: Ooooh! Word search?

: I fear not.

: Phooey.

: Well, magic's your field of expertise, what do you think?

: Let's try putting… Beef here first. The skeleton's probably for good luck!

: Yaaay! Beef feel safer already!

: Now if I stand here on the other light green one, then Stitch, you go round to-

: Yowch! I hate lightning!

: Uh… that is, how about Grub stands here while I direct?

: If you say so, boss.

: Okay, maybe you need to space out evenly to-

: RRRrargh! Tyr's left bollock!

: Maybe if Stitch comes over to - wait, watch your footing!

: Yeeaarargh! I hate lightning!

: Stitch said that already! Jinx!

: Hold on… inspiration's striking!

: Beats lightning striking.

: What do those green orbs mean? And what's with all the clouds?

: Right, let's start over. Mohammed and I will stand on these two that just so happen to be the safest.

: Plan makes sense so far.

: Now we send Grub over to the far one and - see? Green orbs, it means we picked the correct three branches.

: And that lights one of three purple seals around the door. There are nine branches on the puzzles, three groups of three!

: Ingenious! And how did you know which three?

: Hm? Oh, they're not arranged in any pattern it's just a matter of trial and error to see which ones won't electrocute us when.

: Us doing most of the error, right?

: Being a lab rat's for suckers.

: See? Just a bit of adjusting and we're up to six…

: And now all nine! Vindication! With only a few blind guesses!

: Beef's teeth feel funny. Tingly.

: It's probably nothing. Let's go before something happens!

: Looks important.

: Might mean dangerous, boss.

: Good idea. Better move carefully. Fan out again.

: There's someone actually alive down here?

: Of course! Us!

: The Prioress. This too was predicted, but that's about it for information. Approach with caution. Stitch, if she moves…

: Sudden movements annoy me.

: Time to get what we came for.

: Right!… What did we come for again?

: Listen, I really want to just take this opportunity on a personal level to say that the whole idea of a god or goddess of the sea - or indeed any element - is a terrible idea. These things can easily exist without a personification. The sea doesn't need Umberlee kicking it up to be terrifying, she just happens to have access to it. It's ultimately the sea people come to fear and respect, not-