Part 28: Wherein a frequently jeopardized town is rescued once more
: Well, at least we have a secure method of giving chase.
: Secure? Need I remind you about our last little "short cut"? I'd rather not end up half-embedded in a Samarachan shore, if it can be avoided.
: Very well. Let us assess the situation. We know where Sa'Sani has fled, but we know not her purpose or power. Wherever she runs, however, so too we will find Zehir.: Zehir… the church fathers spoke of that name.
: So did Sa'Sani's associates. Some sort of master, maybe even a God.: Zehir is… powerful, at the very least. He blurs the line between mortal and divine, assuredly. Until now I had assumed divinity a made-up title given to the especially powerful and magical, but with the might of the Yuan-ti rallying behind him the distinction between true deity and god-like magician are blurred.
: Huh. Beef hope Zehir God. Then when Beef beat Zehir, that make Beef Godslayer. Make for good ice breaker.
: So when we go after Sa'Sani we might be fighting a God? Wow. Gonna need to do some warm ups before that one maybe.: Undoubtedly. We are not yet powerful enough to confront Zehir, but we likewise cannot waste time. He too grows more powerful the longer we spend in preparation. Time is still precious.
: In that case, I think the first thing we need to do is see about upgrading our gear. We've got access to a small fortune, especially if we can use company funds. Not to mention some stuff picked up on our adventures…: That sounds reasonable. All we found were junk and trinkets but maybe you'll find something useful amongst it.: Our equipment could use a tune up. Is the market at the keep sufficient?: Oh man Pick has been doing sooo much paperwork and boring trade talk everywhere we go. There's gotta be something worth buying in the market now.: Ahh, Pick. So you have been in charge of establishing new trading posts? I look forward to going over your accounts and making sure everything's in order.: Of course it is! Just, uh… you should probably look at my books and not the ones I gave to Sa'Sani.
: I don't know who was in charge of designing your headquarters but they did a smashing job. This bar's a marvel! : There's some suspicious vomit stains at around Dwarf head height, but otherwise I can't see a thing wrong with this-
: Oh. Right. I had almost forgotten you existed. Which would have been a pity because I feel a lump of revitalizing bile forming in my throat.: Uhhhh, why don't you go ahead and pour yourself another drink, Heronius? Let us handle Volo.
: His face is still mysteriously… punchable. There is no chance he has committed an affront worth avenging in our time away, is there?: Sorry, no. 
: Agda likes to kick Volo in the shins anyways. Tell Volo it's an honoured Halfling tradition! Which it is. If the Halfling's Agda.
: Right, pass any unidentified magic items to me so that I might identify them.: How long have you been carrying all of those blades? You had a whole armoury in your rucksack!: Sometimes Beef like holding three swords each hand and pretend Beef doing six times the fighting! And sometimes Beef want to pick teeth.: Try the helmet on. It was too big for any of us, but I think it might be fine for you.: Sorry, but covering up my handsome face would be a far greater tactical liability. I can't count the number of times impressionable foes being distracted by my features must have saved this party.: Ooooh! What's this? Where did this come from? Agda calls dibs!: Agda! Put that back immediately! Somebody take it off her, okay?: Oh yeah take it off, good idea. Later maybe. One night of tomfoolery later
: Arise, my slothful companions! You have had whole hours of rest, hours we can ill-afford!: Uuuuugh… pass me a throwing axe, would you Pasquale?
: I thought you did not know how to use them?: I'll learn.
: Beef still not sure about helmet.: Believe me, Beef. Secure headgear goes a long way to reducing the risk of permanent injury. In your case, I believe the risk to be far too high already.: Beef still say no to elbow pads. Friends might see Beef!: Well don't come crying to me when you fall and bruise yourself!
: I can't believe you're wearing that outside.: Agda can't believe Pick got talked into wearing that! We have matching masks!: I have to wear the mask. The suit's enchantment doesn't work without it.: We look cute!: We look like a circus act.
: The Wyvren-hide is comfortable. Thank goodness for your expertise, Cornelius - I believe you found the only hypo-allergenic Wyvren breed in the realms.: Nice sword by the way. Where'd you find it?: I prefer not to speak of the matter. Or dwell on it.
: You all look ridiculous.: At least we have a change of clothes! Heronius's wearing the same rags from Samarach!: When you find swankier threads than mine, please, let me know.: They have an odour.: They have character.: If we are all prepared, what is our first course of action?: I do believe you will like this first step in our quest…Hours of backtracking through swamp later
: Wait up! Let Agda through, can't see a thing! What's in there?: It not look like big deal to Beef. Just lots of shinies.: Shhhhh! You're ruining the moment.
: So… beautiful.: No words…: Should have sent… a bard!: Yes, I thought you would like it. A lesson learned about keeping track of who you give the dragon's hoard key to, I think.Editor's note:
By leaving Cornelius with the key, the party managed to set a regional record for Waiting Longest Before Plundering An Unguarded Dragon Hoard. The enchantment in question only blocked the doorway - a determined thief could have tunneled around the door frame.
In fact, the only reason the treasure hoard had not been looted by the time of their arrival was that every sane treasure hunter on the Sword Coast had fairly assumed the party had looted the dragon treasure at their earliest opportunity. When word got out from West Harbour that they had waited upwards of weeks to actually collect their loot, many professional adventurers of the time declared their actions "perverse", "bizzare", and "against the spirit of our profession".
Later, on the road to West Harbour
: Just one quick trip to West Harbour to hire some cheap muscle to cart it all and we'll be back.: Beef not understand why not let Beef carry it all. Beef have plenty muscle! Do it plenty cheap too!: The difference is I can threaten to kill hired help if they lose our gold while carting it through the swamp. : You, on the other hand, are just as likely to go running off after a butterfly and come back with nothing more than one of your trademark puppy-dog looks.: Heronyus think there butterflys and puppy dogs in swamp? 
: Ugh.
: Leaving all that gold behind is physically painful. I've had gut wounds from fire newts that didn't hurt so much.: Didn't stop Pick from filling every pocket on the way out. Pick jingles with every step!: All the gold in my pockets is coming out of my share, don't worry.: And the gold in Pick's pants?: You can hear that?: Agda knows what to listen for.: …We'll negotiate for it privately.
: A fitting place for your filthy lucre.: Oh like Pasquale's one to talk!
: I have already explained! It is for a tithe!
: Oh look, West Harbour is somehow still standing.: Do not be so quick to judge. It could readily be an illusion cast over a burnt-out crater. Or the haunting ghosts of the dead.
: So the rest of you have actually visited this place before then? And saved it from destruction?: Not exactly a mean feat, by West Harbour standards.: It's one of those places in constant need of rescuing. In fact, we had better stick close together while we're in town or else we'll be roped into some stupid rescue mission for sure.
: Beef go find heavy lifters, tell them go help with gold.: I'll go with you to help negotiate price.: Price? People want get paid to lift heavy things?: I know, I know, not everyone does it for the art like you do.: Pasquale and I will ask the town's leader for news. Sa'Sani may still have associates or plots in motion here on the Sword Coast.: Great! Pick and Agda are gonna bother old people.
: Ugh, do we have to? Old humans creep me out. : Aruna's a nice lady! Like a mother to everybody in town. Agda doesn't write to own mother so being nice to mothers along the way will have to do.
: Kind of sassy there, Pick.: Believe me, gotta play it rough with mothers. Today it's a cult, tomorrow it's laundry or going into town for more soap and yarn.
: Yeah so some Zehirs are out in the swamp apparently.: Convenient. Also, terribly inconvenient. Both at the same time.: Is that a side quest? That better not be a side quest!: It's a side quest, Heronius.: I knew it! I hate this town!
: Getting darker. Beef hate spending night in swamp.: Once we destroy the cult hideout and burn their heretic membership it should be bright and warm enough.: If you need an early sunrise, just ask.
: There they are! And now we… don't attack, I guess?: No, I suppose not.: Ehhh, I wasn't feeling it.: Seems wrong, if they are not opening hostilities themselves.: See?: Hmpf, doesn't mean Pick's right, just means our party is a bunch of wussies.
: What do bad people live off of?: The sport of it, mostly… uh wait, sorry, I mean - what was the question again?: Beef not see food or good stuff. Beef not even see bed. How bad people live?: An astute observation! This suggests to me that the cult is neither local nor native, but rather an outside faction supplied externally that recruits only as many native members as is necessary to bring down the local power structure-: Magic, Beef. They use magic.: Okay!: I weep for deprived minds the world over.
: At least this is familiar.: Familiar?: Oh yeah, sure. We used to join all sorts of cults, when I was younger. Altars out in the woods or the hills, matching robes, secret grand masters, the lot.: I am somehow unsurprised.: Obviously most of us were never really into it. I was in it for the cult chicks, actually - they really dug the naturally magical thing I had going. I used to do this sparkle effect just right that really-: Heronius. Cult. Wrath. Rescue operation.
: That's the guy!: Him?: Yeah! The weenie mother Aruna wants us to save.: If the rest of the cult is fair game for vengeance then let us try to make this quick.
: At least he looks the part. Real feathers, even.: I confess, I have seen worse dressed cult leaders.: Come now, master Cent. You too?: Hm? Oh no, it's the sorcerers who were always joining and forming cults. In my youth it was us wizards who had to clean up after them. He's much more living than most of the ones I saw too.
: Ah, now see this is much more familiar.: Just like old times!: I'll take the two charging up their bright-colour powers.: Beef, want to split the cult leader!: Beef call top half!: Excellent. Leave the rest to me.
: Let 'em know they're small time! Napalm Company's back, motherfuckers!
: This cult is fairly weak, even if the snake-blooded membership marks it as authentic. Zehir values them little.: If Zehir wants to throw his minions at us in order of ascending strength, I have no objections.: Beef strength always ascending! Sometimes ascends hard into bad guy faces!: Beef, you know ascending?: Beef took word-a-day calendar when split loot yesterday! 
: Don't mind Agda, just doing a fair share and saving Heronius butt.: You know as repulsive as I find your tiny, tiny species I had nearly forgotten how half-competent you can be.: Aww, making Agda blush! Or it's blood off the dead girl. Too busy swinging to check!
: Woah! These new blades pack a wallop! And is that… suede for the hand grips?: They also came with a manufacturer's warranty. Guaranteed not to chip for the first four months or hundred spines cut. Try and keep count for their service bundle, if you could.
: And there we have it. The cult is broken.: So is the spine of their leader.: Was good fun! Okay, ready for next wave!: Sorry to disappoint, Beef, but there may not be much left to them.
: What? But… Beef just got started!: This cult is fairly minor. I think we passed their whole membership on the way in. : And half of them are soaking into the earth now.: How's the weenie?: Shaken, but I think Jan's going to be okay. We just need to finish clearing the way back.
: Running won't help!: We cannot leave any survivors. Every snake-person here is a fanatical follower of Zehir, and could be trouble if allowed to infiltrate normal society.
: You see you keep saying "infiltration" and "trouble" but all I hear is "license to set fire to anyone I want." Well, almost anyone.
: It always feels killing people whom we were not immediately hostile with.: You get used to it. My advice is to be immediately hostile to everyone you meet, just in case.: Beef not mind so much. Beef follow friends - when friends attack, Beef know must be bad guys. Life so much easy that way.
: Our talents are wasted on this fight. My summoned giant boar could finish this fight on its own.: I feel like we're robbing some up-and-coming adventurers from their own quest. They're loaded up on masterwork crossbow bolts and potions of cure light wounds and they're gonna find everybody already dead.: Oh no, Aka! Agda shoulda asked why they were going south! Uuuugh, kill-stealing is so uncool. Editor's note:
The Adventuring Guild has, at different times, attempted to come down on the pratice of kill stealing on the Sword Coast, with varying degrees of success. Early attempts to classify quests according to skill level failed once the targets of such quests started checking the boards regularly to see how they were rated and if anyone had "called dibs".
Later attempts to create handbook guides failed once some copies fell into the hands of the local monstrous population, who immediately set about gaming the system. Most tragic of all was the red the dragon who discovered that half-breed races took the categorization of the humanoid race and reproduced with a kobold. The resulting child was classified as a suitable opponant for fledgling adventurers, which it promptly slaughters with its dragon powers. The case was tied up with red tape for months before enterprising out-of-state Scab Adventurers took the hybrid out.
: Corneylus! Save Beef some of that zombie!: Sorry Beef, I just struck down the caster with lightning. It's likely to disintegrate in seconds.: Awwwww, but Beef like fighting undead best of all!: Maybe I could make it up to you… hm, on second though casual necromancy strikes me as a line of sorts.: I choose not to condemn on the subject of necromancy. I may have forfeited my high ground there.
: Any good loots?: They're a swamp-based snake cult. Not really anything to write home about. If some of us did, that is.: Oh har har.: I was hoping more for clues or hints as to the cult's purpose or origin. Things we could use against Zehir.: Well, I don't see anything.: Guess we just return weenie now, right?: Right. Go collect his weenie-some. 
: He is not especially talkative.: Good. At least that way he can't say something by accident and rope us into another side quest.
: She paid us with gardening gloves.: They go with the garden spade we already got!: Technically, these are holy relics of Chauntea.: Excellent. We can dig a truly divine spice garden.