Part 29: Wherein assets are secured

Editor's note:

Having retrieved the dragon's hoard and saved West Harbour yet again in the bargain, our party then returned to their headquarters to better plan their eventual assault on Zehir. They had time yet, for while Zehir was rising he was not yet ascendant. Weapons, intelligence, allies, perhaps even a Sword Coast left more stable in their wake, all would be useful assets in their fight against the nascent snake-god.

Before these things could be further explored, however, the security of their base of operations and primary source of support needed to be assured…



: Colleagues! I bring news.



: Oh, hey Cornelius. Grab a chair!
: Heronius is cooking up a storm. Now that we own the company we got all of Sa'Sani's cooking gear. Including the spices!
: These snake people have refined palettes, I grant that much. Sa'Sani must have really fled in a hurry to leave behind so much turmeric.



: Nothing for me, thank you. I've been pouring over the company accounts - quite solid, overall. Trade posts in every Neverwinter-aligned town on the Coast, quite impressive work.
: Thank you. I knew someone would appreciate all our running around. Gotta keep the books balanced.
: Ugh that was way too much running around for some dumb books. Didn't even hit anybody!



: Is there anything else? I hope not, financial talk bores me when rare ingredients are on offer.
: Just one more thing. It appears a troll and ogre gang lead by a "Tuka-Akut" was extorting money from Sa'Sani. She made plans to send one of the parties in her employ to eliminate them, but…
: I see. So you think we should finish the job?
: I should think so. I collect protection money, I don't - Beef! Don't play with the cinnamon sticks!
: But cinnamons make good straws! Beef want drink milk with 'em.
: Has anyone seen Pasquale?
: Pasquale went to the forge for some reason, probably can't eat spicy food anyways with all those ulcers.

Shortly, at the forge


: It is a fine sword.
: Yes. Perhaps too fine. It does not belong with me. Before we launch our attack on Zehir I must… return it.
: This isn't another one of your superstitions, is it? I have detected no curse or magical limitation on the weapon-
: You need not share a belief in gods or spirits to understand me, Cornelius. To keep the weapon for much longer might be… improprietous. Bringing it against a possible God may also carry unwelcome implications.



: Very well. Leave me with the blade. I will take another look at it myself, and if satisfied with your concerns we will see about forging you a more appropriate weapon.
: Thank you for taking my concerns seriously.
: Think nothing of it. Were you going to go back to the kitchen?
: I doubt it. Heronius is already dangerous enough - between his new spice collection and my multitude of allergies he might become a careless poisoner.

And now the morning



: Variel told me Sa'Sani believed Tuka-Akut was operating from a cave to the east, north of the road a bit.
: No problem with the prospect of running more errands for a merchant enterprise, Heronius?
: Of course not! Dealing with extortionists is familiar ground for me.



: Oooh! Cave not far from inn on road! We go crush ogres then Beef get Ploughman's lunch!
: Uh… we might want to give that inn a miss.
: Yeah, it was a real tourist trap!



: This is the lair of a dangerous gang terrorizing the Sword Coast? Somewhat underwhelming.
: Look! Ogre have pictures of both dragons we kill! Think they fans of Beef?
: The guard is not immediately hostile. We may be able to turn this into a tactical advantage.
: I'm on it.



: Clearly the gang has top security. Okay, so we're past the guard. What are we thinking?
: Case the joint a bit before we attack, I guess. Let's see who this Tuka-Akut guy is before we pick a fight with him.
: A sound strategy. I am not eager to throw into yet another brawl, especially with trolls and ogres.
: Ogre size too intimidating for Pasquale?
: No, the size is no matter. Have you ever attempted to clean off troll blood? It crusts.



: Not a bad cave actually!
: I suppose, if you're into caves.
: Beef like! Wanted cave clubhouse when just Beef Boyfist.
: I suppose by ancient right of "finders keepers", we might be able to take possession after evicting the outlaws.
: It would be the civic-minded thing to do. I'm considering a paper on the idea that the very presence of unoccupied caves practically generates bandits and beasts to live in them.



: Doggies!
: Beef! Don't touch the 'doggies'! They're worgs. We shall likely have to fight them on our way out.
: Awww, Beef never get keep any pets.
: I remind you, Beef, my lord would endorse me taking revenge on any creature that dares shed where I would sleep.



: Curious that those trolls and ogres have grouped up like that.
: Curious? Cornelius, they're obviously slinging dice! Rollin' the bones, probably real bones when playing with ogres!
: Pick, if I could get you a knucklebone, do you think you could rig it?
: The same principles probably apply from dice, I don't see why not…
: Back in line, you two. No ill-gotten spoils while we are on a mission.
: You do realize the irony of looking down on us for wanting to cheat at gambling when we're just going to slaughter the ogres and loot their stuff in a few minutes, right?



: Hm. Somewhat more than the paperwork suggested.
: This is one serious rabble of ogres and trolls.
: Stay close and try to cover Heronius and Cornelius. We do not want to get surrounded before we speak to…



: Holy hellfire!
: Behold, Tuka-Akut!
: Waaaaah! Beef scared!
: Oh my gods it's huge! And amazingly ugly!
: Pull yourselves together! I have an idea for our negotiations…



: There's no way you could have predicted the trolls and ogres would react like that.
: Predicted? Far from it, sometimes I enjoy life's little surprises.



: A free-for-all has broken out!
: Great! Everybody for themselves!
: No you fool, the monsters brawl amongst themselves. This is our chance to strike and bring down their dangerous leader!



: Beef! The magical interference is too great! Are you okay in there?
: Waaagh! More ogres than Beef ever dreamed! Finally fighting things strong as Beef!
: At least he's happy, then.



: Scared of Tuka-Akut, Pick?
: No way! After a certain point, big is just big, you know?
: Exactly! That's why Pick should watch out for the loincloth! Don't want it to pass over us by mistake.
: …Okay now I'm a little scared.



: What the - the troll chief actually seeks to abscond! Do not let him!
: We're trying to keep up! His legs are longer than our whole bodies, cut us some slack!



: Knocking over trolls so satisfying, makes Beef feel so big and strong!
: Beef, unless you use acid or fire on them the trolls will just keep getting back up!
: Even better! Now Beef never run out of trolls for knocking over! Is per-pet-shool motion!



: The craven cowardice of the beast offends me.
: If he makes it to the tunnel back out he might rally up the rest of the trolls, or even escape!



: Don't worry your tiny heads about it. Tuka-Akut can't outrun a wall of fire!
: Let the battle be ended then!



Editor's note:

The death of Tuka-Akut would have some far-reaching consequences. After all, a large band of trolls and ogres represents a serious threat to regional stability, and previous to the party's intervention Neverwinter commanders had indeed been in serious talks on how to handle the situation. The death of the troll leader and destruction of his gang cut down on incidents of highway robbery and being eaten quite considerably.

After the initial relief from the death of the beast there was some discussion about what to do with his lair. Sa'Sani's merchant company, under direction from Cornelius, did indeed buy the deed to the property from the crown and donated it to Cornelius's university. It then became part of an ongoing battery of tests to better understand the part the environment had to play in causing banditry and monster incursions.

It was eventually concluded that denying a habitat within which monsters like ogres and trolls could operate actually cut down on their real population size. Monsters could be 'crowded out' by the draining of marshes, filling in of caves, and paving of ancient ruins. A short-lived 'save the trolls' movement then followed in an effort to preserve the natural habitats of these increasingly endangered creatures, coming to a swift end when the spokesperson of the movement was 'accidentally' eaten by a guest speaker at a rally in Neverwinter.

: Phew. Everyone okay?
: It seems that way.
: Aww, fight time over? But Beef like fighting bad guys so big Beef not have to stoop to fight.
: We really made a mess in here. I don't envy whoever has to clean it up.
: Eh, whoever'll make big money. Cooked troll's a delicacy. If we had more time Agda'd tear off a chunk for the road!



: So, did the rest of you want to finish fighting the rest of the troll and ogre outlaws then, or…
: They can wait a moment, there's a lot of loot here to go through.
: So if we tag the crates we want for personal storage in blue and the ones we want turned over to the company in red, a few for returns…
: Dig through the troll's cast-offs if you so desire. I sense greater valuables rest just out of reach.



: Although, not quite out of reach for this with senses magically augmented. Behold!



: Wow! Tuka-Akut's private stash, not a bad find.
: Finally, a use for you! As a treasure compass!
: If you're going to be like that you can pay for your own Identify scrolls.



: Look everybody, leftovers!
: Awww, Beef hate reheated trolls.
: So help me Beef, you are going to stand there and clean this whole cave or there will be no dessert when we return home tonight.
: But Heronyus gonna make mint puddings!
: You monster!



: Uh guys, there's actually quite a few trolls here. Maybe we could get a little focus?
: Weren't the ogres and trolls fighting? Agda thought that'd thin out the trolls a bit.
: Unfortunately, the ogres likely had no sources of flame or acid. All of the trolls in the rest of the lair have almost certainly regenerated to full strength.
: How thoughtless of them! And after all my hard work to put the two at odds with each other!



: Calm yourself, they are still vulnerable to magic obliteration. These trolls are nothing to worry about.



: Cornelius's right, these trolls are small-time now.
: Our progress is only likely to become easier as we fight our way out. In fact…



: Now that I consider it, it is an interesting change to actually be fighting our way out of a monster's lair, starting with the most difficult foe and working down the line of opposition.
: Kinda like a reverse-adventure!
: Well, not quite-
: Does that mean Beef have to give treasure back when Beef get out?
: Yes! Then Beef get weaker and worse at fighting! Lose experience, go back to Samarach, build a boat on a beach, and sail home. Symmetry.



: I respect the Ogre's nerve to stand in our way considering what we did to the rest of his band.
: Beef call dibs! Still need use up energy before bedtime.
: Let him have it then, he'll sleep sounder that way.



: All done!
: That's very good Beef, and good Half-Orcs get mint puddings!
: Yaaaaay!
: Why must I always be the one to punish him, yet you swoop on every chance to reward?
: I have learned the value of currying favour with mighty and easily pleased warriors. Also, on a personal note? I enjoy cooking puddings.
: The surprises never end.



: Do you ever think we're getting too good at this?
: What? Of course not! What a silly question.
: I confess, these ogres and trolls proved less of a challenge than I anticipated. Zehir may soon be within our grasp.
: If we're so good, can we start hiring adventurers to do stuff for us? Agda's tired of running after every boring ogre or troll.
: I don't know, Agda, hiring adventurers is a big responsibility. You'd have to pay them, give them quests to do…
: It does raise an interesting point - despite our differences, together we are one of the strongest forces on the coast. None have stood against us.
: None except Zehir. I fear that if we cannot defeat him, there are few others who could.












{I'm getting a weird feeling like I repeated a joke verbatim from an earlier update. The "if you like caves" one, specifically. It eludes me, maybe I'm just imagining it.}