Part 12: Episode XII: Laughter is the Best Medicine
Episode XII: Laughter is the Best Medicine
When last we left our hero, he endured more files than any one bout of survival horror should allow. Also, he went through a door locked by a key with blue on it. With that said, let's continue...
Huh. I never understood modern art.
"I don't get it..."
"Wah!"
"How long have you been hiding back there? Why were you hiding back there? You're in a locked room! It's not like anyone is going to sneak up on you. Anyway..."
"I attempted to stab you in the face with a broadsword last time you asked. What do I have to do to get through to you?! Physically stab you in the eye?!"
"They hold...the power...of ROCK!"
"Look at those bitchin' pyrotechnics! Do you see the fools errand it is to stand against them!?"
Pictured: Samanosuke getting his face rocked off.
"I'm going to laugh at you." "W-What? What's that going to do?" "What's that? Sorry, I'm simply too busy laughing at you!"
This goes on for a while...
"Who?!" "The ninja girl." "Wait, you know her? You never even met her!" "It didn't stop you." "Point taken..."Elsewhere...
"Aww...hell, pops. Thanks for ruining things. It was just about to get good!"
"I see you gave up your old armor. The gold look wasn't really working for you. Oh, you got rid of that gauntlet, as well? It really did clash with the rest of your outfit. Oh, and hey you swung by a tailor to patch up your outfit. The ruffian grunge look really wouldn't be your style. Oh hey, I see you grew a goatee. I'll have to get used to it."
"Calm down, woman. There's enough Yumemaru for three of you. You'll get your turn."
"What?! The girl that showed up twenty minutes ago knowing exactly what our mission would entail and having credentials limited to working for a Princess that has never been mentioned before nor will be mentioned again; she's a spy?! Ninja reflexes, into action!"
"Ugh... T-Time for plan...b... 'kay... You... you asked for it..."
"Ninja fetal position. Blaaagh."And so Kaede continues her exemplary showing of worst ninja ever. Let's see how Samanosuke is holding up.
"For god sake, it's been twenty minutes of this! It's not that funny!" "It is when I look at your face! Hahahaha!"
"I've been working on this look all season. Bastard! You won't insult it!"
All Onimusha under Level 10 totally got nerfed in the last patch.
"Now, away with you." "No... NO! Not that! NOT THAT!"
"Not the Vigoda Zone! NOOOOOO!"
"AAAAAAAHHHHH!"Education Station:
"I'm Dr. Albert Wily and, after a long hiatus, my...colleague, for lack of a better word, Dr. Norman has returned."
"Greetings... I-I've been assured there will be nothing akin to the previous puzzle...abomination." "Don't worry. There's been nothing like it since." "I should hope not... Water and... the spikes... WHY?!" "Calm down, you'll have a stroke and I still need to work the kinks out of the robot." "I beg your pardon?" "Nothing, nothing. To preserve the good doctor's health not at all due to the lack of things to talk about in the next few sections, the Education Station will be an every other session event. Now, make with something historical before you croak for good."
"Glad to see you're still so compassionate. Today's subject will be Tokichiro Kinoshita, better known as Toyotomi Hideyoshi. Hideyoshi did indeed serve under Oda Nobunaga and would later come to succeed the feudal lord after following his death. He would go on to unite Japan under his banner and effectively end the warring states period. But, that's getting a bit for ahead of ourselves." "I'm glad you stopped before the part where he conquered the world." "...As I was saying, Hideyoshi was one of Nobunaga's highest ranking generals. However, during the period the game takes place, just following the Battle of Okehazama, of which he was present, he would be one of Nobunaga's generals, but not one of particular note. Much less as the head of any of Nobunaga's campaigns, demonic or otherwise."
"His noteworthy deeds of the period were mostly supervising repair of castles captured by his lord. Hideyoshi would not go on to be one of Nobunaga's right hand men until 1567, due to his efforts in helping capturing Inabayama Castle, the location the game takes place. Tokichiro, through heavy negotiations and bribery, managed to turn many of Saito clan's samurai, including their chief strategist, to Oda clan's side, leading to an easy victory in the conflict." "Bribery? So perhaps Samanosuke was just expecting some...compensation...for his services, instead of flat out refusing to join the Oda clan." "I don't see that. Though, the Tokichiro depicted in this narrative has the negotiating tact of an eight year old wanting a cookie. So, who is to tell?" "You're the historian! How am I to know?! This session is over!" "What did I say...?"Tune in Next Time For:
Running!
Throat slitting!!
Mandatory Swaps to Shitty Characters!!!
Bonus Content:
A Cutscene in Which Tokichiro Laughs...A Lot...