Part 15: Episode XV: Wear Protection

Episode XV: Wear Protection

When last we left our heroine, she, for the third time mind you, managed to lose one of the characters our duo is supposed to be rescuing. With that third strike, we're done with her and back to Samanosuke. With that said, let's continue...



It seemed that evil portal thing Samanosuke fell through was less a 'portal' and more a 'hole in the ground'. Not even a hole into a pit of spikes or lava, both of which the demons have on hand. Nope...just a good old fashion 'we should really put a hazard sign up or something' hole.


I take it this is one of those cave networks of the demons those files were talking about. You'd think for subterranean dwelling monsters, they'd spruce up their digs a bit. Oh well, maybe Sam can make up for it with some upgrades.


First of all, the Shrek Gauntlet itself has leveled up. It gets a slick new orange make-over and err... I'm not sure what else the upgrade does. It doesn't seem to such souls any quicker...

In any case, the gauntlet actually has two upgrades. One once the 20,000 souls mark has been achieved and a second at the 50,000 point. I can't say I'm aware of what the 50,000 soul upgrade looks like, since I'm not much for grinding monsters for some dopey cosmetic change. Now, if there was a little pop-up notification and some arbitrary value of meaningless points involved...well, I'd be over that shit like white on rice.


While we're in the neighborhood, the fire orb receives its max upgrade. It burns things...hotter now...or something.



Heading further into the cave, Samanosuke's way is barred by something most foul.


Meet Stylado, Samanosuke's evil doppelganger.


He's not much for words...or explanations... Or anything but a boss fight, really...


Stylado (the hell kind of name is that, anyway? It's not a Hamlet reference) attacks basically like Samanosuke, sans ogre gauntlet magic attacks.


Well, okay. He can shoot flaming purple fireballs for no particularly reason. But, other than that, he's basically Samanosuke with computer AI. As such, much like the player controlled Sam, he blocks all the fucking time. It's impossible to get more than two hits on him before he blocks the rest of a combo.

The jerk even blocks magic attacks. Now sure, I can accept him blocking an electric sword combo. He's just countering a sword. I guess I can see him blocking wind...Samanosuke can do that...somehow... But, a giant wall of flame? I'm skeptical.


Unfortunately, due to his blocking like a motherfucker, the only easy way to take him down is with magic attacks. Much like Sam, if he's not blocking, rambling about his past, or scowling, then he's attacking. Constantly. So, there's at least openings to wack him with, preferably, Raizan's combo, since he almost always dodges or counters Enryuu's fire and the wind attack...just sucks. In addition, a blocked Raizan attack uses up no magic.


Luckily, as I said before, he's basically Samanosuke with the game's ever competent AI. As such, if you can get him on the opposite side of this little gap of land, the computer will flake out and walk forward, attempting to attack from out of range. Otherwise, it will just freak out and start shooting fireballs non-stop. The thing about Stylado's magic attack is that if it is blocked, it deflects into a wall and turns into a large blue soul. So, an easy recharge of magic is just a retarded AI routine away.


After a short battle, Stylado lets out a mellow demonic squeal before turning grey and dropping dead. And...that's it for him... Why there was an evil clone of Samanosuke? Where did it come from? Why they would even bother with some sort of deceptive plot to capture a twelve year old boy when there was already a perfectly good agent planted at the scene? All just details we probably should think about too much, as the developers certainly didn't.

Goodbye, Stylado. You were the best villain a mute character who appeared in two cutscenes could ask for.


With Stylado defeated, the way out of the cavern opens up to Sam.

Sam heads further into the cave.


At the end of the cavern, we find the other half of that fleshy gate looking thing, back in the keep, just sort of tossed in a corner. Glad they're keeping tabs on those sort of things.


Next to it, there is a twenty foot wooden latter in a three foot box.


Don't ask me what sort of crazy pan-dimensional closet space storage containers the demons have. All I know is that it beats Tupperware.


Climbing out of the pit, Sam finds himself back in the keep. Back in the room he found the bow in, in fact. Nobody noticed the wooden bridge and torch lit cave in the indoor well? I'd think that would at least occasionally come into a bit of speculation.

Anyhow, we're in a good location. That gate is just a few rooms from here.


But first, do you remember the Rosary of Com...? The corpses in the keep, and everywhere else, for that matter, now give 'helpful' incite into the situation.


And when I say 'the corpses' I mean literally every dead body we've seen so far in the entire game has some rambling blurb in Metal Gear Solid 3 guard interrogation speak (read: broken sentences with an overabundance of ellipses trailing off.)

For instance, the two stiffs just outside the hall here have these words of wisdom.

"...Now that I think about it, this all started around the time that a store guard, Shinnosuke, disappeared... We should've done something then..."

Maybe this whole game is just a cautious tale into the follies of laziness.

"...Monsters emerged one after another... They looked like the monsters drawn in a scroll I saw in the capital. I wonder if the four statues in the capital were erected to keep them away. I believe there is the same statue somewhere in the castle..."
"I'm glad monsters stabbing you repeatedly in the chest stir up the memory of a tourist trip you took a few summers ago."


Some of the ghosts...bodies...souls...whatever the hell we're talking to...seem to have sentience and clairvoyance, for no apparent reason. Glad we're already inconsistent with this gimmick four instances in.

"...I saw a shining ball around the northern locked gate... But I thought it was weird so I threw it away...Is there any connections to the monsters...?"
"Yes. It was you. It was all you. Demons hate litterbugs. I hope you're happy with yourself."

"...My comrade has gone to the prison... I hope he is alright..."
"...We're just going to stick to a don't ask, don't tell policy here, friend... Don't tell any more. Ever..."

"...The monster... brought my comrades...and said they were good materials..."
"Guess that says a lot about you, huh?"

"Everbody, I'm sorry... it's all over... with me..."
"Do I really need to hear a corpse say that it is dead? Why am I even using this silly thing?!"


Why indeed. We could be unlocking demonic phallic emblems.

GOING THROUGH THIS DOOR MAKES THE BULK OF THE KEEP INACCESSIBLE. DO WHAT YOU MUST HERE BEFORE GOING THROUGH.

I know nobody actually plans on playing this any time soon, but I need to pretend as much. For posterity's sake, you see.


Well, it looks like we found the kid. Granted, Samanosuke should have no knowledge that he was even missing (no going back to the room you left him and Kaede in does not invoke a response). But, we'll run with it, for now...


She kidnapped the kid from a room down the hall a good half hour ago. Has she just been standing here the whole time? Don't these villains have anything better to do?!


"Say, now... We just met... I mean... Kaede she... I don't even know what's going on there but... This is a bit fast..."


Nui's hair transforms into some sort of horrible untextured mass of evil.


The US version of this scene is censored. I'd 'recommend' viewing the bonus video at the end, to see the true horrifying spectacle that they just couldn't handle on this side of the pond.

You see her here? She's currently reclining on the floor, spread eagle.


"Hey, that's not to say you don't seem like a fOHMOTHEROFGOD!!"


"Oh God! Oh... It's WHAT IS COMING OUT FROM DOWN THERE!! Oh... Oh... I'm gonna be sick... Oh God... Urgh... I... I think my penis just turned into an innie... Oh BLARGH"


In case you're too busy to watch a minute long clip...


That giant bug body just did, in fact, erupt from her crotch...


And poor Samanosuke had a full frontal view of the whole thing.



The ground erupts into some sort of ethereal chasm, for no particular reason. Since, a transformation of a chick into a twenty foot bug demon by means of insectoid snatch apparently wasn't dramatic enough.


Oh, what? That still wasn't dramatic enough...? Fine.


How about a six story demonic gate erupting from said chasm. Is that enough?


Demon...world...? I thought the demons lived in underground...in caves and such. There were like six files about cave dwelling demon society. Why are there files that aren't even giving FUCKING RIGHT INFORMATION?!?


"Yumemaru! Why are you taking him?!"


"I don't know! Hahaha!"


So the gate slams shut. Why does a maybe fifteen to twenty foot gate need a six story supporting structure, again?


Before Samanosuke can take any further action, this little jobber appears from whatever depths of the earth the gate arrived from.


And it, in turn, sets up a...barrier... A barrier for a twenty foot sealed gate across a fifteen foot wide and infinitely deep chasm... This seems... I don't know... Excessive?


Meanwhile, Kaede randomly decides to run in. There's no time for pressing conversation like the location of Yuki, why Sam attacked her, how she managed to fuck up and lose everybody, how the random servant girl was a traitor, how the random servant girl had a massive insect body erupt from her vagina, or anything remotely relevant to the last series of events. No, we've got more pressing issues at hand.


"Do... I... look... like... I... know?!"


Kaede puts her ninjitsu skills to use and...throws shit at it.






"Will you cut that out! It's not going to work!"
"...It was worth a shot."


"And then unlock the giant gate. To make no mention of learning to fly to cross that gap. Maybe we're a bit over our heads, here. We should work together to..."


"...nevermind. Go." <grumble>


"Me... I'm gonna scowl the shit out of this thing, first."

Tune in Next Time For:


Revisiting!


Code Breaking!!


Ghost Chatting!!!

Bonus Content:

Nui Transformation (English Censored. Terrible voice work.)
Nui Transformation (Japanese Uncensored. Gross.)