Part 17: Episode XVII: In Which Nothing Interesting Happens

Episode XVII: In Which Nothing Interesting Happens

When last we left our hero, he'd just retreaded a large section of ground just for a couple of fetch quest items. With that said, let's continue...


Alright, then. Samanosuke now has a statue head and a eight point sword. You know what that means? Time for...


A thirty minute battle gauntlet grind!


"Have you heard of the Dark Realm? It is a kind of Paradise! It is a place that contains wondrous treasures. Are you interested...?"


"Will you promise to never, ever appear before me again?"
"Just remember, if you die, do not come back to haunt me!"


"Look...you...if I die you are the single last being on the planet I will be coming back to haunt."
"Alright, then."


I'd just like to note the "Dark Realm" we're going to is the same place as what's beyond that gate we've got a quarter game span of fetch quest to unlock. It's even on the same map as the end game section. Just, in the hell equivalent of Wisconsin, relative to the final area.

Wouldn't it be nice if he'd just teleport Sam to the end and saved a bunch of trouble? No such luck...


Behold! The Dark Realm! An evil place eternally bathed in the horrors of mid-90s neon color lights.


The Dark Realm, as the name does not at all imply, is a 20 floor arena against waves of essentially every enemy type in the game, outside bosses.


Upon completion of a floor, two portals open up. One leads back to the surface and one leads downward to the next floor. Returning to the surface allows Samanosuke to power up with all the souls he'd obtained during his trip to the realm, but the whole trial must be started again from the beginning, if he leaves.

In all honesty, this section is boring as hell. Onimusha's combat does not lend itself to a thirty minute endurance match. Feel free to skip the following description of what it entails.

The battles include:


Level 1: A shit load of zombies. Since, we've not seen enough of those.
Level 2: A shit load of Three-Eyes. Ninja Gaiden this ain't.
Level 3: A shit load of zombies with support Knight Zombies. Since, we've never seen that madcap combination before.
Level 4: Nine Knight Zombies. I don't know about you all, but I love fighting enemies that can't be stun and have a ton of hitpoints three at a time.
Level 5: Knight Zombies with support Three-Eyes. At least it meant less Knight Zombies.


Level 6: Bazuu by the bunch. One of the few complete non-threats.
Level 7: Antlions! A fight against five of these at once is surprisingly simple when only one is willing to attack at a time.
Level 8: Bazuu by the bunch and a pair of Barabazuu Inventive.
Level 9: Bazuu by the bunch and a trio of Barabazuu. Do you ever get the feeling of déjà vu?
Level 10: Bazuu by the bunch and a baseball team of Barabazuu. I don't. I'm fully aware it's just the same goddamn thing over and over again.


Level 11: Reynaldo Rivera. Or, "how about that wind attack".
Level 12: Reynaldo and Barabazuu. Since a monster that splits into clones with stun attacks against a pair of fucker with a range of a quarter of the arena is fun.
Level 13: Reynaldo and Antlions. Hey, they patiently wait to attack even when kicking the shit out of another enemy. Neat.
Level 14: Volchiman trio. You know how that was such an easy fight as Kaede? Yeah, it's a bit more difficult when there's more than one of them. Especially when Samanosuke doesn't auto block and locking on is disabled when they teleport. Fuck whoever designed that enemie.
Level 15: Reynaldo and Volchiman. Also known as, how about those magic attacks?


Level 16: A shit load of Dark Spiders. Also known as getting viciously raped if you fail to block a back attack.
Level 17: A shit load of Dark Armor Demons. Since, the only thing funner than fighting high HP enemies, that cannot be stun, three at a time is fighting even stronger versions of them in higher quantities.
Level 18: Dark Spiders and Volchiman. This can also be called "fuck me, I ran out of magic in the last battle against fifty fucking Dark Armors and they're throwing this shit at me now?!"
Level 19: Dark Spiders and Dark Armor Demons. Lightning fast monsters with projectile attacks and multi-hit combos coupled with high HP enemies with huge reach and slow movement (yet placed so there is one in every corner of the arena) while battling in an enclosed space.
Level 20: Volchiman squadron and the Babarazuu twins. Slightly less than climatic, actually...

At last! For his grant effort, Samanosuke receives the grand treasure of...


A demonic ocarina...

...

...



Moving... right... along...


Back to the fetchquests at hand. That statue head can be returned to its rightful place to obtain...


The Matchlock. The already completely useless Bow is now rendered utterly obsolete thanks to this upgrade.


The Matchlock acts exactly the same way as the Bow does. There are no magic attacks or blocking while equipped with the weapon. However, the rifle is stronger, has almost no lag time between shots, and has a longer range. It can also aim at enemies at a higher elevation with ease. Something the bow seems to have all kinds of trouble achieving.

Unfortunately, much like the Bow, other than one shot zombie archers, it has almost no practical use. Well, almost. It does have one battle it is remarkably useful in, coming up in a bit.

But, enough about ranged weaponry. Samanosuke has just shy of thirteen stocks of souls from the Dark Realm excursions.


In other words, every single item is fully upgraded with room to spare for converting herbs into medicine and converting bullets into hard hitting Burst Bullets.

This also means that outside of bosses and enemies in front of a pathway, fighting is 100% irrelevant now.



With upgrades taken care of, the item scavenger hunt and overly complex for the 15th Century gateway wizardry can resume.


Samanosuke now arrives in the fabled eastern area of the estate. Also called the most boring part of the game. There are no new enemies to be seen from here on out, even without the Dark Realm trip, Samanosuke ought to be a powerhouse, and the music switches from a sweeping orchestral score to a...downbeat flowing harp tune... When there actually is music, of course. The entire first stretch is all ambience.

Our ultimate goal here is that palace in the distance. Samanosuke, of course, cannot swim. So, an alternate means of reaching it much be arranged.


There is also a few doors which cannot be unlocked by any means Samanosuke possesses (the lacking skillset apparently also includes climbing around the corner of a guardrail.) Which means that yes, there is another Kaede section on the horizon.




I mean look at that right there. On the other side of the guardrail is the locked off path. It's not even tricky maneuvering. It's a climb a geriatric autistic man could ace with no problem.


Further inward, we have one of the final files of the game. Despite how dull this entire section is, it more or less is the final stretch before we're neck deep in endgame.

Journal #6

"I'm bleeding out in a cave and the injuries are too grave to be treated...but...I think I can still squeeze in a fully colorized illustration of what needs to be done. I feel I wouldn't be clear enough just writing it out."


So...we need a bow and arrow... Of course, Samanosuke already has those items... But no, that's not it. He needs a special bow and arrow. Both of which just happen to be in the area.


Moving right along, Samanosuke comes to a guard tower leading further east. The only real requirement is to just pass through the base, but there's a couple of interesting tidbits at the top.

A monster filled climb up the tower and a rooftop battle with demon ninja later...

First up, the last ghost whispering of the game. I guess it was simply too much effort to actually make it a worthwhile integration into gameplay.


"lightning across the sky... It flew to the East... There is a palace beyond there..."

So, Hecuba made a big spiel about returning to the Dark Realm with Yumemaru and how Samanosuke would never get past the gate...only to sneak out the back door and dick around in the human world. What...again...is the demon's plan? I'm a bit lost.


Second up, we have the most useless item in the game. The Soul Absorber automatically absorbs souls for a brief period of time.


I suppose this is for people who feel holding the circle button for one or two seconds is simply too much of a hassle.


Last up, Capcom actually bothered to include the massive demon gate jutting out of the castle from this one easily missed angle. Yet, they couldn't be bothered to redo the three or four angles in front of the keep where the castle is displayed prominently...

Heading further to the east.


A short jog across a winding forest path and Samanosuke comes to a waterfall. Didn't one of the ghosts mention there was treasure stashed behind a waterfall?


Well, hey. What do you know?


Here we have the penultimate treasure box and likely the most 'difficult' one in the game. Five moves to align nine numbers. The solution is as follows:

  - Lower left square.
- Upper right square.
- Lower right square.
- Lower left square
- Lower right square. 


For our efforts, Samanosuke gets the final and best armor upgrade - the Great Armor.


The Great Armor features greatly improved defense at the cost of being able to counter soul sucking attacks of Gyarans. Which is fine, since there aren't any more left in the game and weren't that may to begin with.


Further ahead, Samanosuke comes to a savepoint and the final decoder puzzle box of the game.


I...honestly have no idea what the answer to that is. The ogre gauntlet was already used once. Let's see if the Genbu codebook (the only one yet to be used) sheds some light on this.


Huh... I guess not... Well, fuck. I know it's logical to include the final answer to a puzzle in the last located codebook but when you realize only 1 out of 4 collected pages of the codebooks are ever useful...it just devolves into the type of shit that makes players sigh and drum up GameFAQs.

But, I've yet to use a FAQ for this game. I'm not about to start now.


But, before proceeding further, the final upgrade of the game takes place. Samanosuke has managed to collect over 50,000 souls thus giving the Shrek Gaunlet its second and final form...which does absolutely nothing... Err... I guess...

Getting back to business, the only other door in this room is again mysteriously barred by conventional locks. Let's see what's downstairs.


Oh hey, it's a dock with a rowboat (sans oars...) at the ready for Samanosuke. I'm not even going to try to explain how there can be a waterfall falling into a deep misty abyss, a completely calm lake, and absolutely no incline but a flight of stairs all within two rooms of one another...

But, who am I to point out consistency at this point?


All I know is...the fucking giant demon gate jutting out of the castle disappeared again. Come on! You had it consistent not twenty minutes ago. What happened?!

A rowing session with what I can only assume an inventive use of the Shippuu later...


Question: Other than the mention of the Bee Snatch heading this way err...what the fuck are we doing here, again? It's not like that one vague file with the illustration said the location of the mysterious special bow and arrow. They could be in Beijing and Jerusalem, for all we know.


I guess this is one of those fixer-upper lake palaces. In any case, it just so happens to contain...


The Great Bow. What's so great about it? Oh, I'll tell you what. It triggers chronic cutscene stupidity.


Like failing to notice an iron gate above the entrance of a building filled with demon larva sacks.


Getting ambushed by a handful of common enemies that had previously been slaughtered by the dozen.


Oh, and suddenly being completely unable to best said handful of enemies to the point the scene fades out like it's some manner of epic cliffhanger.

Tune in Next Time For:


An Outstandingly Long Lull of Fun!


Augmented by Several Fetch Quests and Instances of Backtracking!!


Topped Off by Another Character Swap!!!