Part 18: Episode XVIII: In Which Nothing Interesting Happens to Someone Else

Episode XVIII: In Which Nothing Interesting Happens to Someone Else

When last we left our hero he accomplished nothing but exploring a boring locale and becoming a demi-god through a tedious grind with limited rewards. With that said, let's continue...


You know what I personally think would be a great idea? What if we took that same tedious section of concentrated dull we just completed and did it again? Maybe even extended it?


Hell, why just stop there? Why don't we populate it with stronger enemies and swap off to a weaker, less versatile character.


In fact... I feel there's been a recent lull in fetch quests. Let's add two or three on top of it all?

It's such a great idea that Capcom decided to do all that and more. Welcome to Kaede section 2. Also known as the most pointless fucking stretch of gameplay length stretching known to man.


You'd think with that siren call of a Kaede only locked door at the beginning, there would be a lengthy bit of different area.


You'd be right. There is exactly one extra room with a file in it.

Apocalypse #2

"The popular rumor is a high stakes game of Texas Hold 'Em."


"Remember it's probably a good idea to follow the rules of the king of the entire race...or his ghost or something... I dunno..."


Well, that extra room sure was interesting. The next ten minutes are a complete retread of Samanosuke's original path.

A revisiting of the last cluster of areas later.


I don't know about you folks, but I can never get enough sprawling hallways in survival horror games. I don't know what would be better than an entire extra building of them packed with enemies to the point they actually have to be fought.


Insert ten minutes in which many demons die but nothing interesting happens.


Several corridors and narrow paths later, Kaede comes to a central hall with doors on each end. One is locked by a key with green on it. Does the whole Capcom survival horror continuity exist in a world where keychains were never invented?


The other direction holds several more nearly copied and pasted hallways. But, to break up the tedium, there is one brief entry into the attic for the very last codebook of the game.

Genbu

A Dragon Orb? The magic orbs actually had a proper term? A proper term they never address until the last half hour of the game? Huh...

Well, that final decoder box all the fucking way back at the end of Sam's last section can now be unlocked. It's a good five minutes of backtracking at this point. But, it'd be around ten both ways if we don't do it now.



Let's see... A (circle with a dot) Dragon (headless stickfigure, triangle with a line through it, triangle with a dot) Orb (trident, box with upside-down t, triangle with vertical line.)

Five minutes of backtracking later.


Despite the fact that every other decoder box in the game had three entries and there's the option for three entries in this one, just "Dragon Orb" is the answer. Thanks for that final curveball, Capcom. You're swell.

Five minutes to get back to where we were...


Just beyond the attic sidetrack is a final corridor with two doors.



The first door has what appears to be a shrine to Akuma from Street Fighter and a locked treasure box.



Behind it we have the partner of the Great Bow, the Great Arrow. I have no earthly idea why Kaede would take this, as she never saw the file saying these items were needed to destroy the demon barrier. Then again, I have no earthly idea as to why these items are even in the damn castle grounds in the first place...


Unfortunately, things won't go as smoothly as that. In true Capcom fashion, this particular item has some manner of weight mechanism which locks the door, if not attended to. In continued Capcom fashion, the option of just taking one of those torches and tossing it on the thing is not an option. Nope...we're going to have to track down an exact replica of this particular arrow.

I hate this game.


Luckily, the particular arrow in question is just across the hall.


Though, that luck only runs as far as the close proximity. The final and most difficult puzzle box of the game will be a mandatory component of this particular fetch quest. Seven moves to align eight blocks. Meh...

  - Left square x 2
- Middle square
- Right square x 2
- Middle square 


Why do they have these things?!

Back to the fucking Great Arrow.



With that, Kaede gets both the Great Arrow and Green Key. Now it's just a matter of finding Samanosuke to unlock the demon gate. Of course, we have absolutely no lead on where he could possibly be...but that's not going to stop our plucky heroine.

Backtracking... Backtracking never changes...




As it just so happens, there is a second dock just down the way from the first one. Since, swimming is obviously not an option. What with the monsters in the water and Kaede being a moron.


Well, she has absolutely no reason to go over there and lacks the means to even make it (again, no oars and motor boats won't be invented for a few centuries).


But, she somehow makes it across anyway (the boat just sorts of literally drifts up to the palace.)


Let's see how Samanosuke is holding up.


Durr: The new look by Kaede Ninja.


It seems Sam has been having a Mexican stand-off with the same four demons for a good twenty five minutes now. He's just now finishing his second hum session of the theme from The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.


Kaede, the ninja who can jump ten feet in the air and is standing beneath a giant hole in the wall, resorts to just sort of feeling up the door.


And, of course, her bright fucking orange outfit has attracted Insect Vagina from a quarter mile away.


"There's already five monsters in here! I can't watch out for monsters any harder! Do something!"


And with that, Kaede sets forth to put into motion the single most retarded plan in history...

Tune in Next Time For:


Planning!


Executing!!


Failing!!!