Part 19: Episode XIX: In Which Kaede is Fucking Retarded
Episode XIX: In Which Kaede is Fucking Retarded
When last we left our hero, he was surrounded by enemies. In fact, I think he may still be surrounded by enemies. With that said, let's continue...
Hah! I knew it. Still surrounded by enemies. Samanosuke, you card.
Despite the epic 25+ minute stand-off, the demons decide to back off for a moment. It seems mama is home.
Well, home in the sense she drunkenly smashed through a wall when there's a perfectly good opening slightly to her left. But, who needs an entrance when you can just headbutt through obstacles.
"You knew I would come...? I've been here for a good twenty minutes. It doesn't count as anticipation if you have to seek out the person!"
Didn't the Dark Ceremony begin hours ago...? I thought Tokichiro made a big deal about it. Then Yuki and Yumemaru were dragged off ages ago? Is there some sort of friggin' banquet and demonic awards ceremony beforehand?
Ah. So, there's finally a reason for everyone kidnapping Yumemaru... To further stall the ceremony. I guess it's better than a stand-up comedy routine beforehand.
Well, we wouldn't want Nobunaga to get that bitter aftertaste with his blood slushie. That's just rude.
"I thought it be something...ya know...impressive! I feel like I've just wasted my whole day. Gah."
You'd think that was just an unimpressive boast but, nope...
...that's pretty much the entire boss fight. Hecuba flies about the room and occasionally lazily swipes at Samanosuke. Meanwhile, an infinite number of her offspring continuously flood the room.
Once in a while she'll make an actual effort of attacking (read: maybe twice the whole fight) and try to sting Samanosuke. Fortunately, she rears back and yells 'You're making me mad' before doing so. So, a chimpanzee could likely block or counter the attack.
The Matchlock finds its solitary use in the entire game here, as it's about the only way to easily attack her and Burst Bullets ruin her shit. I'm glad they went to all the trouble programming ranged weaponry just for the easiest boss in the entire game. Yet, they couldn't program in analog controls...
After taking significant damage, Hecuba ramps up the offensive by...taking a breather on the ground in a corner of the room so Sam can unleash the magic attack of his choice on her beegina.
So ends the reign of terror of Bee Snatch. May we never speak upon it again.
"...What the hell?!"
"Come again...?"
"The gunpowder! I set it off!" "You... Ignited a cache of gunpowder...?" "Yes!" "While I'm still in the building...?" "I found a way out!" "And we're in the middle of a lake crawling with demons...?" "Well, y-yeah..." "And I already beat the head demon..." "Oh... D-did you...? I was busy... You know... With the gunpowder..."
"WHY WOULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT?! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"
Hecuba decides her death wasn't quite dramatic enough and gives it a second go.
"My head... Ugh... Hey, what's that smell...?"
"...Did I miss something in here? The hell?"The building begins exploding in all directions for absolutely no reason.
I think this screencap pretty much sums up the entirety of the game.
"I am hurrying. Hurrying from the danger you're responsible for! How am I even supposed to get up there?!"
Unfortunately, Hecuba is struck with a piece of falling debris (since the roof is also exploding for no reason) and meets a fiery end.
"I found a ropeladder." "Where?!" <shrug> "I dunno... Let's go!"
"Can you even swim?!" "I never really tried... Is it hard?" "When you're wearing forty pounds of armor and a couple of swords along with a sack of supplies...it's a wee bit difficult." "Oh, well. That's a relief."
"Kaede... I can safely say... You are the single worst sidekick..."
"Evvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrr!!!" 
If nothing else, it's a good thing the rowboats made it to safety.
Tune in Next Time For:
Archery!
Continual Uselessness!!
Overly Heroic Musical Themes!!!
Bonus Content:
Hecuba Returns
Kaede Helps by Blowing Up the Building