Part 14: I Love a Parade, of Death!, Part 1/3

Well here's that promised small update. Because there isn't even a post in between I'm just going to skip all that in case you missed it stuff that I love to do so much.

I don't know about you Mindy, but I can't get out of here fast enough. So many bad memories in so short a time.

Joyce said it was southeast right. Well let's try east first.

And the south. (incidentally, that purple stuff on the ground is supposed to be snow, or ice, or something cold. Looks like water reflecting the sky above it to me.)

Now this is unusual. Since we've never seen a person standing around in the overworld before I think it's a safe bet to assume he's important somehow.

Hey we both know you aren't standing here for your health. Some programmer had a sleepless night trying to get you to even work. So what's the deal.

You know lately every time I tell the truth or try to tell the truth it ends in disaster. So yes I am a spy for Zaygos, and I'm here to steal your cheese.

Common sense is the rarest substance on Lennus you know. You my friend are a rich man. Here is my ding-dong wrapper for your inspection.

Grunt's love of hostess snack cakes and recycling is well known throughout the resistance.

Nice setup you've got here. It's even got a pool table. And an operative dedicated entirely to tracking down festivals. This is how to live man.

You only think that because he hasn't gone up against me yet.

It's the second time we've met Fiery. I'm betting she's going to end up being a spy for Zaygos before the end of this, what do you think Mindy?

This is the kind of thing that should be brought to my attention at once. When Daphne told me about this Noi Gren problem she neglected to mention anything about feedback loops or resonance cascades or anything like that. I thought we were just going after Noi Gren first because I stood a better chance of stopping it. People really need to learn how to tell hero types like us all the vital information up front.

More salt in the wound for Johnny.

This guy just doesn't make sense. I have no idea what he's trying to say.

Merc Alert
Here comes a new challenger! We've got new mercenaries to consider everyone!

Our first new mercenary is JRasav, a potent looking fighter type with no magical abilities. Just by looking at his stats and gear you might be thinking he's a shoe in for our team. Well, there a catch.

He comes as a package deal with his little brother GRasav. Who, and let's be perfectly fair to him, sucks.

THere is also a mercenary without a sidekick by the name of Cechen.

As you can see he's pretty decked out, his gear looks good, and he has some magic. He might be a good addition to the team.

Now let's look at the mercs currently in Johnny's employ.

The spectral swordsman Bean is first on the list. His stats and gear are both up to snuff. He lack's magic, which is kind of disappointing, but he hits hard physically to make up for it.

Similar in terms of high physical, but low magical damage is Gunny. While his single target hits aren't as damaging as bean, hit tree trunk swing can hit a whole group, instead of just a single enemy.

The Mercenaries we're working with right now look pretty good. Then again so do the new offers. This is a very tough choice, and I for one am glad I'm going to be getting some input on it. Here's hoping we can figure out who the best mercs for the job are.

Fake Edit: Just for fun purposes here are Johnny and Mindy's current stats.

Chapter 13, Part 2/3

Here's another short update. Looks like we've got another mercenary on deck. If I'd known she was coming I'd have included her in the last batch. This voting session won't be too long, I'm going to take care of a few things and then level up for a while. That should give all you readers a chance to think it over.

Well after tallying the votes the Rasav (or Razav the game spells it both ways) are in, and Bean and Gunny are dismissed.

I'd have loved to learn your origin story Bean, but I guess it just wasn't meant to be this time.

Gunny your smashing power is truly impressive, but I think the team needs something else right now, good luck to you.

Good to have you aboard Rasavs. Mindy, say hello to G, he's right behind you.

(note: An Pan is stupendous!)

J I think you need to wring out G's bib. It's at maximum saturation.

With our team sorted out I decided to meet with the leader of the local resistance to see if he knows a way out of this area.

We finally track down the local resistance leader near an underground pier.

Well it took long enough for us to clear that up. Yes I have the items of Kormu and I'm here to solve your Noi Gren problem.

So you've been working on a plan to get in right? Something in-gen-ious I hope. I don't feel like fighting an entire town again. My swingin' arm's still kinda sore.

Here I thought you were going to help me, but as usual. You are going to make me execute one of your hair brained schemes. Lay it on me.

Hey buster, I'm the compotent one around here. Let's not confuse our roles in this relationship.

That's your amazing plan? Sneak in as part of the parade? You lose several points for originality. The good news is that it's the perfect plan to get past the guards of an egomaniacal villain.

No, I've got the whole thing memorized. It's pretty simple.

I've benn noticing that I'm pretty much unable to backtrack at all so this isn't surprising. Oh well, all aboard.

For as often as this happens we should really learn how to operate a boat. Don't you think Mindy? Let's stop by the next library we come to and check out a few books on seamanship. Which incidentally, is what you will eventually nickname me "The Semennship" get it? Sorry I couldn't resist.

Once out of the cave we had the shortest boat ride ever. Even so, G got seasick, twice. I pity the poor soul that has to swab that deck.

We began meandering in an easterly direction, G wanted to know if we were there yet, fifteen times.

The further we travel into Saskuot's interior the bigger the dinosaurs get. For example this is a flamesaur. The smaller blue guys are called Zips.

Eventually we arrive at Roki.

A town populated by little blue devil dudes. Even if they are freaky looking it's nice to meet some people who haven't completely broken under the rule of Zaygos

The what now? Those idiot rebels! I should have known the reason Zaygos is letting this parade into his base thing is because you've gotta be a loyal little blue devil to participate. Unless we get a better idea I think we're going to have to skin some of the locals and wear their pelts to get past security. It wouldn't be the worst thing we've seen or done lately. Let's check the local bar for drunks nobody would miss.

An Pan Protip:there's no reason to commit genocide when you have the awesome power of Home Economics on your side! Why, a little paint, a few leaves and twigs, and we're well on our way to being adopted into the indigenous population!
Odds of Johnny keeping his mouth shut are low.
Also, Mindy has duct taped you to a chair. Is this awesome? [Y/N]
Johnny: Y! Y! Oh my God Y!

Hmm, would your daughter happen to be about the same size at the girl standing next to me?

It's a good thing I'm not having flashbacks yet, because I'd need something stronger than cider to make them stop

Merc Alert!
Yeah we've got another mercenary up really fast like. There's only one so I'll make this fast.

Say hello to Lilie. He ascribes to the Japanese school that states the more underage a girl looks the more powerful they are in combat. At sixteen she looks a good two years younger than Mindy. She's a bit expensive to hire, but she is a potent mage. Of course we'd have to lose both the Rasavs to hire her.

I'm only leaving this poll open for a few hours while I do some things and level Johnny and Mindy up. So if you've got comments on this decision make them quickly.

Chapter 13, Part 3/3

Sorry about the repeated delays. The end of this chapter is pretty important so I didn't want to rush things. The good news is we now have some animation for our threads.

After rejecting an offer to hire a hyperactive spiritualist we stopped by the local shop. While it didn't have anything for me, it did have a wide selection of women's fashions. We brought Mindy a whole new wardrobe. Now she feels like the prettiest girl in all that land. Like she wasn't already, girls are silly sometimes.

Well I think we can put away our paint and/or skinning knives Mindy. We just found our way into the parade. We better gather some more information before we talk to the mayor though.

Yeah lady. You're probably right. I mean the resistance would never try to sneak into your parade and just stab the hell out of everything in Zaygos' fortress.

Gaudy, overly elaborate costumes? This is going to be even easier than I thought.

What you heard is right, if by control you mean reduce to atomic grit. You know, doesn't anyone get that this Noi Gren thing, if it works the way it's supposed to, is going to be beyond the control of any living being. The original Dal Gren dates back to the time of the immortals. If the best Kormu, Gabnid, and Sophie together could do is seal the thing away. Even if really believe that Zaygos is the reincarnation of Gabnid you're still three immortals short of containing Noi Gren, let alone controlling it in any effective way. Doesn't anyone on this planet think?

Gee I would never have thought talking to the mayor might be a good idea, thanks half the town.

Yeah we're spiritualists. Why does everyone act like that's a big deal. There's usually at least three per town. Two sages, and then one mercenary in the pub at least. On that subject of mercenaries. Does anyone ever think to hire them to get something done? Most of them could probably take one whatever minor little monsters are plaguing your life by themselves.

Yes I'll listen. I'm glad you aren't assuming I'll help though.

Let me guess. There's a monster in the temple and nobody is willing to man up and take it out right?

What did I tell ya Mindy? I so called it.

Anything you say? Well then I know just what to ask for. *evil chuckle* No Mindy, I'm not going to ask for boobies.

Since he said south it's gotta be down this path here.

This has to be it because it's the only thing we've seen. The process of elemination is easy with only one option!

This is the kind of dungeon I hate. It's like the designer gave himself a challenge. Make a dungeon that takes the largest number of steps to complete, while at the same time making it as small as possible. They result, annoyance.

There's a slew of new enemies for this area. The blue crabs are called knockers. Besides making Johnny giggle every time he says the word, they also hit pretty hard. I think they supposed to be an homage to the mantis shrimp.

On the subject of combat let me show you Mindy's favorite spell. It's an Earth/Air elemental spell called bury. It puts the hurt on anything with feet on the ground.

This dungeon is a series of waterlogged area that must be drained. However the buttons to drain the next area are placed as far from each other as possible. Meaning you have to do a silly amount of wandering to get to each one. This is annoying on it's own, but the treasure chests in this game close again after you get what's in them. So if you're like me you are always backtracking to get a chest you already got.

When you finally get to the last button this tubby bitch pops out to stop you.

Luckily he's a chump.

The bottom level is drained.

The spirit stone or whatever it is was retrieved, and another mission is successfully completed.

Before returning to the mayor's house we decide to rest at the inn. Tomorrow will be the most decisive battle of our lives. You'd think that kind of thing would get a girl feeling al venerable and in need of comfort and reassurance. You'd be wrong. Mindy slept like a log, and snored like a lumberjack.

The next morning we presented the mayor with the requested item.

Here's your whatever it is. Spirit, or rock, or I'm not sure. Yeah we know, we're great.

Infuse the parade, how are you planning to do that? I hope it doesn't involve a suppository.

Yes Mindy's life long dream is to be in a parade. I figure it's a surefire way to get her in the sack.

The front of the parade? I think that's a big excessive. No we'd be happy to be somewhere in the back where we could perhaps wander off unnoticed. Oh well it doesn't matter since we'll be wearing elaborate costumes.

Soon? You mean like now? We still need to get a few things. Hey let go.

Mindy, they put you, me, and the Rasavs at the front of the parade without so much as a feather boa. If anyone asks we're wearing Lafury costumes. I don't think it will be a problem though. Nobody ever recognizes us, and G is likely to distract them with his bib and drool.

Yay it's a parade! Yay for the end of the world! At least Zaygos got this part of being a dictator right.

Okay let's parade right into that temple, and right over Zaygos' face.

The band at least provided some rockin' tunes on the way.

No G we can't stop the parade so you can go to the bathroom. You should have gone before we left.

The temple's supposed to be due north of here. Everyone turn. They didn't even give us a chance to practice our marching.

Well there's the temple up ahead…

But the area around it just looks crappy. Someone got a little uninventive with the stamp boulder tool.

Okay everyone, weapons disguised as various batons and musical instruments at the ready.

My first impression is that this place doesn't look nearly as impressive up close.

That just sounds kind of obscene.

Way to bow to peer pressure lady.

Clearly the mark of a good leader is the ability to throw a bitchin' party.

There he is! He looks as much like a girl as I thought he would. Okay the plan is to approach him like we've got some speech to give about how great he is. They we just start stabbin'. In the chaos caused by his assassination we'll take care of Noi Gren and get the hell out of here.

I know it's a bad time, but J, don't let G get distracted by something shiny.

Why of course, we're your loyal subjects and think the end of all life on Lennus is swell.

Aw crap... Looks like we finally met the one guy on this continent who isn't hopelessly stupid.

Still giggles like a schoolgirl though.

Yes and now we're within stabbin' range. Do me a favor and at least feign concern for your life.

And he's got a plan. Mindy? Did you just hear a sound like a mechanical latch being disengaged.

(As promised, Ghetto animated gif theater)
Oh shi-

Ugh it's dark. Mindy you there? Good. G, J, you guys alright? G? J? Mindy can you see anything? I don't think the Rasav's are here.

(another ghetto animated gif)

Yeah idiot. Throw the thing I came here to kill at me. Could you be any more of a cliche?

Okay that's pretty smart.

That too. Mindy, I do believe we've underestimated this Zaygos fellow. Think we can take this thing without the legendary items?

YOU GONNA GET RAPED!

Well he's big, green, and ugly. He also knows how to do the cool enterance. Don't hold back Mindy let's give him everything we got!

Hell of a lot of good that did. He looks pretty slow though so we should be able to dodge until we can think of some way to beat him.

So much for that idea.

Good idea Mindy. Buffs should increase our survival time.

Take this!

Nothing's working. Mindy I want you to find a way out while I distract it.

So much for that idea. Mindy get out of here now, don't be a hero!

Mindy...

To Be Continued!
Mindy and Johnny haven't caught a break for the last three chapters now. Is death by horrible monster next? Or is Zaygos suddenly going to commit a classic villain mistake after his unprecedented competency streak? You'll have to read the next exciting chapter to find out.