Part 15: Episode 15: Motel 6

Heeeeeey guys... sorry about the lack of updates. A thing, that was certainly not Deus Ex, came up and I was busy playing the shit outta uh, doing something that is definitely not playing Deus Ex. Anyway, it's time for...



Last time, we met our new friend Douglas and he gave us a key to a room at the motel! We'll go drop in, check it out, and then get back to murdering mutants. Hell, yeeeah


After we ask for directions, naturally.

: Go ahead 'n use it. The manager beat it a long time ago. He left me in charge.




Honestly, he's no Daniel, but Doug is a pretty cool guy. Of course, I generally have a positive opinion of anyone who reacts to a monster invasion by just shrugging and grabbing his shotgun.


Sure it's an old beat-up POS, but I'm a bit of a sucker for those old 50's cars. I dig it.


There's some stuff in here to poke around at, of course.

: It's littered with inventory lists.


barrel

: The bottom of this drum is scorched. Something was burned in here.


Believe it or not, the scorched barrel is actually completely innocent and not evidence of an elaborate conspiracy. I know! I was shocked, too!

: Hammer, pliers, screwdriver, wrench, drill... There are a lot of tools lying around.


Keep this line in mind. Before we're done in Dryfield, this will come back to bite us in the ass.


Hey, let's look out that door!




Poopy, oh well.


So, after a short uneventful trip back to the Hotel, we find the courtyard empty despite it being marked as a Hot Zone. Odd...


Wait, what?


Oh, it's just massive fucking scorpions rising from the sands to attack us. Normal business in the Mojave.


Scorpions aren't that big a deal. They can poison you, but our current armor prevents that, so their only real strength is their numbers.


Annoyingly, a dead Scorpion melts into a small puddle of poison or acid or something that hurts when you step in it. It disappears after a few seconds, but the puddles can be hard to see and are a huge pain in the butt in narrow corridors.


But that's not enough to stop Aya from beating them all to death


Room 01 is also a new Hot Zone, but again, nothing seems amiss at first glance.


Poking into the john triggers a sudden cutscene.


The sound of babies crying comes from the bedroom.




Zombabies


When dealing with these adorable little monsters, called "Bone Sucklers", I highly recommend busting out ranged weaponry. Why?


Because they FUCKING EXPLODE! Doing any damage to a Suckler, or getting too close, will cause them to burst like a grenade filled with marinara sauce, damaging everything around them, both friend and foe. With a little luck, you can use this to fuck up a group of enemies that are clustered together, or even wipe out a whole gaggle of Sucklers with one bullet.


Aya Brea, killin' babies.


They drop a Flare. I'm sure someone in the thread will correct me on this, but as far as I know, Flares are useless and only serve to clutter out your inventory. Fuck you, babies, I only have so many pockets!


Alright, moving right along...


whoa, hold up a sec



: BAM, motherfucker!


Okay, moving on.


oh, goddammit



: Put some damn pants on, you perverts!


Alright, now we can finally check out our new crib.


Swanky.



: A skull is mounted on the wall... The decor is gorgeous... A little creepy though.




I am unironically disappointed by the lack of alternate costumes in this game. Resident Evil 3 spoiled me with the awesome disco suit, I'm afraid.



: The bed's been made. I'm not sleepy though.


We can also stash shit in the little cabinet by the door. It already has two Stims and 50 9mm bullets in it, so nothing useful.



: I think Mr. Douglas gave me the best room in the house.





: "Annie Oakley" "1860 - 1926" A famous Wild West sharpshooter... Wish I could shoot like her...

: All I can do is shoot these measly fireballs. *sigh*


Time to scope out the bathroom!




If a game allows me to flush a toilet, I will flush every toilet in that game. I do not know why.


Aya's taking a look in the mirror here, by the way.

: I look like I'm in my early 20s... It's nice...but there's a reason.



: I never asked for this.




He chose...poorly

: I don't want that. I'll be happy to live just one, normal life.



: If I'm in this town much longer I'll need to take a shower.

: I just hope still images from my shower don't make their way into an ad campaign that misrepresents this game as some sort of weird voyeurism simulator.


Alright, that's enough fun. Let's check in with HQ.



: ...I see. Exterminate any remaining NMCs. And try to find out what they're doing there.

: So, keep doing the exact same thing I was doing? Got it. Thanks for the chat, boss.



Next Time: We finally get around to unlocking those spells you voted for, and we meet our new male lead and his amazing skills of zoological identification! But for now, monster chat time:




: Right, so, back during the shooting of Parasite Eve 1 we had a horse on set for one scene, and then we set it on fire. Not really, of course, I'm joking. Don't write me any letters. Anyway, these guys were the first time I actually had to work with horses...well, a very close cousin of horses, at least. I was terrified of them the first day of shooting, but the Chaser wrangler was a very nice guy and they were surprisingly tame animals. They never seemed to stop shitting, though. I mean, just continuously shitting all the time, like a horrible faucet. They actually had blow half our editing budget just to digitally remove Chaser shit from every scene they were in! For a few weeks of shooting, the whole set smelled like Rattigan.


: Actually, there were never supposed to be scorpions in the game. They were a little too overdone, and the director was largely against reusing the same old enemies from every fucking game on the market at the time. But, when we went out to the Mojave to shoot, the fuckers were everywhere! They were crawlin' up outta the sand, skittering out from under rocks, scaring the daylights out of the caterers. Apparently, the Mojave has a big problem with giant mutant scorpions. Our lead animal wrangler said there was a valley not far from where we were shooting that was just crawling with the things. He said he'd even seen one the size of a cow! Apparently, they're still out there, too. I heard some recent game even actually shot on location in that valley. Anyway, the little bastards were everywhere, so the producers figured we'd save some money and just toss a bunch into a few scenes. Naturally, I wasn't actually allowed to really kill any on camera, because of legal reasons, but y'know, whatever.


: Oh God, these fucking things. I hate these thing so much, and not because of anything actually in the game. After it came out, I was getting all these calls and e-mails of people flipping out because of some big hidden message in the game about abortion and shit. Look, I worked with the guys writing this stuff, and they couldn't hide shit in a sewer. There's no big message behind the monster babies: the effects guys came out and said "Hey, we built these scary-looking monster babies" and the director just put 'em in! That was the entire thought process! "We're making a horror game, and those things are scary-looking." That's it. That's the hidden message. The only legitimate complaint I've seen about the Sucklers is that there's apparently a whole bunch of actual monster-babies looking for work, and they were pretty pissed when they found out we used puppets instead of actors. They also weren't too happy when our genius producer called them "Cry-babies". Yeah, his ass got sued. Luckily, no one else on the project got into any serious trouble over it. Well, except for the effects guy who lost a finger when the explosion packs went off too soon. But it was just his pinkie, he's fine.