Part 19: Episode 19: Invisible Dicks

Last time, we went on a bit of a shopping spree and bought some shiny new weapons, including this stylish P08 that Aya is currently showing off. But now it's time to get back to work.


We need to find out about this mysterious shelter Kyle mentioned. We know basically nothing about it, but it's the closest thing we have to a lead, so...





: Like, what, an animal shelter? Fallout shelter? Kind of a vague term there, missy.

: Hey, I'm just going on some hearsay from a metro-sexual I met on a water tower. Not exactly swimming in specifics here.





: Probably, sure. Let's go with that.



: It's out in the hills.

: Is it still in use?

: Well now...



*PIERCING SCREAM*



: ...Did you hear that scream?



: I didn't hear nothing.

: I wasn't hearing things...



: That's the empty house... I thought I blocked that place up to keep people out...


Yeesh, could you imagine? Say you're on a road trip with your buddies, just driving through the desert for hours on end. Finally, you see a gas station sign in the distance. You pull up, no one in sight, it's hot, you're confused, a little unsettled, and you really have to pee. You turn to your friend to see what he thinks of this ghost town and then BAM! Fucking horse with a monkey face caves his goddamn head in with its massive mutant hoof!

Meanwhile, a government agent two buildings away hears your terrified screams, and is just like "Eh."


"I guess I'll go check it out, or whatever." At least in the first game NYC was quarantined. This time around, any poor sap could drive right up into Dryfield and right into a swarm of crazy monsters! We should probably be more proactive about solving this whole mess.





: but the owner don't trust nobody. He wouldn't leave me a key.


Wait, a well?


oh no


nonono, no sewer levels. No wells, no caves, no flooded basements, and definitely no


god


damned


SEWERS!
















Oh, all right, we'll go to the fucking sewers. Jerk.


Aya is actually pushing Douglas back down into his seat after he started getting up. She has not become a zombie and lunging for his delicious brains. His tasty, tasty brains...





: You sure? No tellin' what's down in that well.

: I can shoot fireballs and summon lightning with my mind.

: Well, then, carry on.


Let's go get this over with, I suppose.


Outside, Mr. Douglas calls out to his faithful hound.







Flint is more than happy to lead us to our destination.


He seems to be heading past the garage door, though, for some reason...


SCORPIONS ARE ATTACKING OUR BEST DOG FRIEND!


THIS WILL NOT STAND!


The slower-firing P08 doesn't quite have the same DPS as the burst-fire M93R, but the individual bullets hit for slightly more damage, and tend to crit more often. Also, you don't risk wasting extra bullets like you do with the burst.


Several posters in the thread (notably, Seiren and dis astranagant) have already explained in greater detail why the P08 is better than other handguns, but the biggest draw for me, honestly, is that Lugers are cool-looking guns.

And looking cool is always the most important part of being an action hero.


By the way, the scorpions don't actually attack Flint, so you don't need to worry about his safety. And it looks like he was leading us to this rope in the corner.

: I might be able to use this in the well...


Yup.


Flint will now lead us to the well, meaning he knew about the rope and that we'd need it when Douglas did not. So, basically, the dog has put more thought into this plan than anyone else.


Oh yeah, bugs.


This is the damage the P08 does on a crit, which may not seem like a lot for a Square game but it is a very nice punch, particularly for using the weakest ammo in the game. The P08 tends to do this way more often than the basic M93R. Like almost twice, maybe three times as often.

It's pretty rad.


So, there's that well, buuuut...


Oh, hey, a bunch of new Hot Zones for me to procrastinate with! Hot Zone grinding can be boring, so I'll just give you the highlights.


Here's Aya about to thrash a horrible mosquito-fetus with her new rifle bayonet...


...and doing an obscene amount of damage thanks to a thoroughly unnecessary crit.


Here's a Stranger standing amidst a flock of explosive babies.


And here's that same Stranger one second later, reflecting on his lapse of judgement.


Just another Men's Room floor stained with the blood of mutant fetuses, nothing odd here.


Oh, hey, some flavor text I missed.


Hippies

: This place is pretty orderly, except for this section.


Okay, that's enough shenanigans, time to face the poo gas.




*sigh*...here we go.

Well Tunes


Yup, this is a sewer, alright. Or, whatever you call the bottom of a well. A waterhole?


To Aya's immediate left, we find this.

: It looks like it continues deeper... It won't open.


That was fun, let's see what's the other way!


GAH FUCK BATS


Oh, I've got something for you, you little bastards.





Yeah, Plasma will one shot a whole swarm of bats. Plasma still owns


Sure is dark in here, though. At least there's a shiny doorway up ahead.




We find ourselves in a much wider and better lit...uh...mine chamber? Whatever, there's a thing over yonder so let's go fiddle with it.




This is one of those optional things that you don't have to do, but I can't think of any reason why you wouldn't. You see, once you flip this switch, you can go back into the previous room to find...


The lights are on! Which allows us to see that crack in the wall over there.


This hollow contains a Protein Capsule, which is that rare healing item that can actually boost your max HP by 5. A very good find.


Back into the switch corridor, and we find ourselves stopped by a strange little scene.




Oh fuck, is that the Predator?!


Oh, no it's just a WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT


So, this is the Grey Stalker, and he is a HUGE FUCKING DICK. He can crawl on the ceiling, turn invisible, and hits like a goddamn truck.


You can only target him when he is at least semi-visible, which he only becomes if he's close enough to hit you. I'm about to take a claw to the face in this screenshot, which will drop me from 73 HP to 45. He's crazy fast, too, so he'll roll up on your shit just as quickly as you can turn to face him. Assuming, of course, you know which direction he's coming from.

BECAUSE HE'S INVISIBLE.


I manage to get off a Heal while he skittered around completely cloaked for a few seconds. Aya can't aim up or down manually, so even if you know where his invisible ass is, you can't actually shoot at him unless you can lock-on to him.

Which you can't.

'Cause he's FUCKING INVISIBLE.


I use a Combat Light here, which knocks the Stalker down, but only long enough for a few cheap shots before he's up on his feet again. Flares probably would've been helpful, but I forgot to grab any from the trunk of Aya's car. So, I had to resort to my old, tried and true strategy for dealing with him. It is as follows:


Step 1: Run.


Step 2: Take pot shots and hope he can only hit you once before you can return to Step 1.


Step 3: Frantically use any spells that seem remotely useful. In this case, Pyrokinesis takes too long to cast and Plasma requires me to get too close for comfort (and may not even hit him unless I'm directly underneath the fucker), so Energy Shot it is.


Step 4: Get hit. This isn't actually part of the plan, it just kinda happens. A lot.


With a little luck, and a lot of cursing, the Grey Stalker finally goes down. The Stalker is technically "just" a mini-boss, but I swear I've died more to this semi-transparent buttmunch than any other boss in the game. Even the final one!




Rewards aren't half bad, though. All the same, FUCK YOU, GREY STALKER!













: Y'know, I dunno why Rattigan bailed on this gig. I get to sit in an air conditioned recording booth, sip some iced tea, and read like two little paragraphs per critter. Easy money.


: Right, so these guys. Apparently, the writer was terrified of mosquitoes as a kid. Like petrified. When he was little, his Uncle told him that if a mosquito bites your hand, they'll have to amputate it. Dunno why, maybe his Uncle was just an asshole, or maybe it's just funny to scare kids when you know your brother is the one who has to deal with it. Either way, the writer was convinced that the "Mind Sucklers" were the scariest thing since Freddy Kreuger. So, they put 'em in. And no one was scared by them. Thems the breaks, I guess.


: This guy...I did not get along with this guy. The guy was a method actor, like hard-core style. He had no patience for goofing around, but when you're working on a project like this...It's a silly project! Madigan was a bit of prankster on set, and the Strangers just loved to hang out just off camera and make faces at you. People got the giggles, and generally fooled around, but we got the shots done and we worked our asses off. But this guy, Stalker, he would just flip the fuck out if he heard even the slightest snicker during one of his scenes. Making a huge stink, yelling at fucking everybody, and storming off to his trailer. A real asshole. Last I heard, he got into a huff with his agent, and wound up getting himself blacklisted with every game company in the business. Word is he's going on Celebrity Rehab next season, though. So, that's...that's work, I guess.