Part 40: Episode 39: The Return of the Great White Dope

Last time we


OH FUCK


So, it looks like a couple dozen rounds of buckshot, lightning and mitochondrial fireballs wasn't quite enough to put down the Glutton. And now he's mad.

Running Music


So, we have two options: Square off against the behemoth for a second time, or run the fuck away.



: Cya later, shitlord


As far as I know, it's entirely possible to gun down the Glutton and kill him for good here. Y'know, if you're a chump. If you're a thinking person who doesn't particularly fight the same lengthy fight all over again, there's a much better alternative.


As you may imagine, Mayor Quimby back there isn't that quick, but he does give chase eventually.


We seen come to this gap in the floor. It is impassable at the moment, but key to our devious plan.


As the nearby alcove will tell us, the gap is actually a moveable platform.


If we raise it up, we can cross over.


For some reason, this lift is not operated via a lever or button. No, it works via pressure plate. Man, this place really is Umbrella as FUCK.


OH GOD


The Glutton has caught up to us somehow, and now we're cornered while we wait for the refuse lift to very slowly rise up. This is actually the most dangerous part of either fight with the big fella.


You see, he can and will still use his Kirby-style suck in attack. And it still kills you instantly if you get to close. Basically, if you aren't running in the opposite direction of his gullet the entire time the attack is going, you will get eaten near instantly. So keep moving, dummy!


As the Glutton winds up to fart acid from his shoulder hole (), the lift reaches the top and we can escape to the remaining part of the corridor.


Now, you may be wondering where I'm going with this. As you may imagine, this is a boss fight, so the exit is arbitrarily locked until the Jumbotron is dead. And he's still very much alive. But there is another little alcove on the side there, so may be can fix that.


First, we need the Glutton to be standing on the lift. This can be annoying to do, because if you're too far away, he just won't move. He'll just try to suck you in over and over again. You need to be closer to entice him to lumber forward, but sometimes he'll just decide to keep sucking no matter where you are.


get over here dammit


A few irritating moments later, Louie Anderson is in place and the plan can continue.


This alcove is identical to the last one, so we'll just step on the pressure plate and...




Oh, hey, did I mention what that lift actually does?


Yeah, it's a trash compactor.






Look at all the fucks Aya gives.




We don't actually get to see the Glutton get mashed into a buttery paste, but judging from Aya's reaction, it ain't pretty.


And that's why fighting him legit is for chumps.


Free loot for effectively just pushing a button. Hell yeah


Wait, what? Why?!


Well, this sure looks like a good time to leave.


Which of course means we have to run all the way back to the garbage dump to find a *~secret prize~*


As an aside, if we're not out of here in the 5 minute invisible times limit, Aya gets burned to death for an instant game over. It's not that big a deal, though, since 5 minutes is pretty generous for such a short run.


Basically, we need to run all the way back to where the Glutton first emerged.


There's a shiny new treasure chest there now.

: I should check out this box just in case. Ah... Here's something.


The Medicine Wheel is like the Holy Water, in that it has fancy mystery effects. You can use it like an item to get a free level in a Wind Spell (which is dumb), or attach it to your armor for the fantastic effect of... extra item drops after a battle.

Okay, the Medicine Wheel kinda sucks, but it's super easy to get, so whatcha gonna do?

EDIT:Apparently, the Medicine Wheel actually super awesome, since it also increases the chances of getting rare drops, like fancy ammo. Thanks for pointing that out, Speedball and dis astranagant!


When we turn to leave, a barrage of malformed creatures like the Mad Stranger pour in. These include:


The Skull Stalker, a disembodied Stalker head that rolls at you and tries to bite your ankles.


The Slouch, a malnourished and deformed Brute that listlessly swats at you with its remaining arm.


The Crawling Stranger, a Mad Stranger head attached to a worm body for some reason, that can leap to bite you. And yes, it still laughs constantly.


And finally, the Sucklerceph, three mutated infant heads fused together. It can roll and explodes in a shower of puss if you get too close.


Aya takes one look at this crass menagerie, says "Fuck that shit", and ducks out the door. Can't really blame her.


The corridor is also crawling with the ghoulish rejects, and my poor sense of time tells me the 5 minute timer is running out (its not).


So yeah, running again. I'll glad take the minus 10 BP to avoid fighting the Island of Misfit Toys from Hell.


Oh fuck, the door didn't unlock itself when we killed the Glutton?! SHUT DOWN ALL THE TRASH COMPACTORS ON THE DETENTION LEVEL!

: Open up! Please! Anyone?




There's a loud click, and the door opens. Who could be on the other side? Certainly no one from MIST. They're all still at the strip club. Douglas maybe? Or that crazy monkey man with the gunblade? Is it Daniel Motherfucking Dollis?!


oh goddammit

: You're alive!


That's kinda bizarrely standoffish.


"...idiot!"

: Thank you. You saved my life.


It's adorable when Kyle tries to act cool. It's like he thinks he's people.




The Chasers are "dogs" now? Kyle really has no idea what horses are, does he?

: Got me right by that crevice. We went tumbling down and down...




Worse, definitely worse.



: When I came to, there it was, out cold. Good thing, too, or I'd be a doggie snack.


"What a goober" she's thinking.


THIS IS NOT THE TIME


Even Aya doesn't know what the fuck. Maybe Kyle just really digs chicks covered in garbage and monster guts.










So here we are again, once again reunited with the poor man's Leon S. Kennedy. We can't go back because the incinerator is permanently sealed. Plus, there's nothing back there. Time to move forward!


Luckily, there's a phone so we can call the undisputed least useful character in the game!


no fucking kidding there, chief



: What about me? Will I be compensated for my fucking dry cleaning bill after all this?


Helpful as always, Boss. What would we do without you?