Part 56: Episode 55: The Beginning of the End

So, I've done all the fucking around I can possibly do, so there's nothing left to do but go finish the game. As an aside, I interpret this loading screen you get in the Parking Garage after the military moves in to be a confirmation that the pictured cutscene was everyone's favorite part, even the developers.


Y'know, I just now noticed how awkwardly Aya holds larger guns, like shotguns and rifles. Like, wouldn't it be more comfortable to hold it in two hands? Or get a sling or something?

Whatever, I'm rambling.



: Danger? Danger can kiss my skinny ass! I'm Aya Brea, mothafuckas!


Inside, we find...




...Oh, right, this is a Japanese game. Almost forgot.


No.9 is actually talking to the glowy tentacles here, but I completely understand if that knowledge is no comfort.

: This little one's just like you.


thoughs eyes






Ignoring a golden opportunity to make a Batman reference, I just want to point out that a harlequin is defined as "a comic character in commedia dell'arte and the harlequinade, usually masked, dressed in multicolored, diamond-patterned tights, and carrying a wooden sword or magic wand."

I have no earthly idea why 9 thinks Aya fits this description. I think he's just trying to be theatrical since the first game had an opera singer as an antagonist.


See? Get your own gimmick, 9!

: There's only an audience of one, alas!

: Kyle!?


Oh yeah, I guess Kyle is hanging out back there. I guess I was distracted by the cackling monkey man waving a sword around and his buddy the glowing squid.

: So much work, so much money... All gone to waste in a night!

: And to think, all of this could have been avoided if I had just bothered to lock the front door behind me!



: Gonna be dead long before that once I shove this grenade launcher up your ass. Are we gonna fight or what?

: Hold yer horses, Sally. I think I still see some scenery over there and I'm not dyin' 'till I chew the fuck outta it!







: Kyahahahahaha!


He's so giddy about his megalomania

: What's your game, No.9?

: It's called "unnatural selection"!



: The virus it spreads'll bring a new dawn for humanity... ANMC conversion on a global scale! Now THAT's evolution!


Aya that is not how you hold a gun Aya what are you doing




I take back everything negative I've ever said about you, 9.

: Humans can transform their living environment, true. Most of the poor saps'd be happy with cheap, pre-fab, idle happiness.

: Humans are an evolutionary dead end, they just can't see it.

: What makes you so sure?


For a second, I thought this was a sick but alas...




Shockingly, the guy who looked exactly like Kyle Madigan and was referred to as such turns out to be...Kyle Madigan





: At no other time in the Earth's history has one species dominated like humans do now. It's unhealthy. We're killing ourselves.

: Is this like an environmentalism thing? Because I recycle, and...

: Haha, no. This shit is bananas.

: We're making a new natural order to preserve and save humanity.



: I know it sounds bad, maybe even repulsive at first. But it's real, it's forward-looking and it's a hell of a lot better than feel-good bozos yelling 'about "risks," and "peace," and "equality."



: ...what? How? How is that better? How does turning into exploding cannibalistic fetuses solve anything ever?



: Wait, no, go back to how becoming skinless monsters fixes...what was the problem you guys were trying to fix?





: Neo-mitochondria are the mirror of truth that will reveal them all for what they are.

: You've seen them, haven't you? The ANMCs... twisted and hideous?

: Their true inner ugliness is revealed for all to see.



: That also has nothing to do with your previously mentioned goals!

: No, you're wrong.



: They threw away morality and dignity for a shot at eternal youth. Their desires are so all-consuming they're the perfect candidates.



: It's time, Madigan.







: Using you to get to Eve was more trouble than I thought.

: Why...? I...





BANG



...

















































: Sonofa--! You shot me, you DICK!



: No, fuck your tragic backstory! You just fucking shot me!



: _{go cry me a river, I just got fucking shot, jerkoff}

: I learned to do things like everyone else, and things changed.

: Neo-mitochondria are the same... violent and uncontrollable now, but they'll soon become transparent guest in our world.




ps: No.9 is laughing his ass off back there





BANG


Oh shit, you just fell for the ol' triple cross, son!




And the squid monster gets a mouthful of lead, too!



: ...you shot me, you DICK!

: I know, right?











: I should've taken you out days ago. Before you put these two in danger.








What's he...?





Thus ends the King Golem, Number 9. He died as he lived: being eaten by a giant anus.


And nobody even pretends to give a shit. RIP 9.



: _{you dick}

: Eve...







: Did you really havta shoot me, then?

: Dude had a sword pointed at my head, gimme a break.



: I figured it was a diversion.


Kyle magics up a radio and starts to call for an extraction.

: We've got wounded. Send a medic immediately.


Unfortunately, it doesn't seem to be working.

: Repeating... SQ947C.



: Eve, you...you can speak!





: That looks like... Oh boy, here it comes!

: Aya!



Run to this FMV!




Wait, this top secret lab has a glass domed ceiling? AND a giant outdoor helipad? In the age of satellite surveillance how in the blue hell did no one ever find this place until now?


anyway, space laser






Oh God, run little scorpion!





At least Aya's car can't get any more banged up.


oh nooooooo






RIP Dryfield








At this point, the animators remembered that this was the climax to a Parasite Eve game.


So, y'know what?




Time for a monster baby! Complete with crying sound effects!


And being a big goofy baby, the hatchling rather ungracefully plummets to the level below.


Oh shit, I forgot we were in that room, too!


'Course it'll take a lot more than a measly orbital bombardment to kill Aya Brea






Kyle shouts back to us from beyond the smoke.

: Kyle!? Phew...

: Are you hurt?

: I'm fine...





: Quick, go save her!

: That creature... It fell down there with her.

: Roger!

: You... You can go down over there...

: ...Hurry!



: Kyle, are you sure you're okay?




: Hey, come on over for a free show!

: Dream on!


And so, Aya runs off to be a big goddamn hero.


Hey, Kyle's clothes aren't burned off! He doesn't even look that hurt!


Oh.

: ...to be this crazy about a girl... Really!




RIP Madigan.


Now we just need to ride the elevator down one level and face the boss. But first, Aya remembers that time some DICK shot her. Good thing that was just in a cutscene.


Wait, I actually took damage from that? 50 HPs worth? That's nearly a third of my health!

MADIGAN










NEXT TIME:




WE FINISH THIS, FOR REALSIES