Part 82: October 30: The Stupidest Day

You really ought to just skip this one.



> The second day of the Culture Festival...At a classroom before the contest begins...


C'mon, Kanji-kun. Over here!



> The cross-dressing pageant will begin soon...It looks like you'll have to give up and let Yukiko apply makeup on you.

What about me?
It turns out I'm entering this too. I must win this contest to see my dream realized!
He seemed bored, so we signed him up as a last-minute contestant.
So you're making him suffer too, huh...?

-New Days-

Well, if he's been signed up, there's nothing we can do about it. Naoto-kun, can you lend us a hand? We'll leave Teddie to you.
M-Me?
The Naoto-Teddie team's unstoppable!
Well then, um...
First, I need some dazzling makeup!
Y-You're right. Then I'll go borrow a makeup kit from someone...
Wait! The battle begins by choosing the right equipment!
Ooh, we gotta use fake eyelashes, right?
Y-Yeah, bring it on!

-Like A Dream Come True-


MC: Ladies and gentlemen! We now begin the second day of the Culture Festival with the ever-popular "Miss" Yasogami pageant!
Culture!
MC: Let's get right down to it and introduce our first contestant! She's a runaway express train who's Inaba born and bred, and can kill with both her fists and her looks! Presenting Kanji-chan of the first-year class 3!


Girl's voice: Gyaaaaaah!
Other girl's voice: Ewww! That's so creepy!
Male's voice: This is wrong on every level...
MC: Now, don't rip me apart for asking, but...What would you say is your best feature?
...My eyes?
MC: Whoa! A conventional answer from this all-too-unconventional beauty! After such a strong start, I don't know how much of a chance the others have, but here's our second contestant! An eloquent heiress of the noble Junes, she's pure disappointment from the moment she opens her mouth! Presenting Yosuke-chan of the second-year class 2!


Girl's voice: Holy crap!
Other girl's voice: And here I thought Yosuke-senpai would be able to pull it off!
Male's voice: Dude, it's terrifying...I can just imagine someone like him sitting across from me on a train!
MC: Now, you look ready to win in that outfit...Do you often dress like this?
Hell no! Uh...*cough* ^{Like, no way!}
What's with this? We're laughingstocks up here!
What did you think this was about...?
MC: I've already had about enough of this, but there's still more to come! Up next, our third contestant! She has the mildly bitter tang of the city, and she's made more girls cry than there are stars in the sky! Presenting our transfer student who's been breaking hearts in the second-year class 2, Sanzo-chan!


Other girl's voice: Senpai!? Why are you doing this!?
Male's voice: Whoa...I thought he was cooler than that...
MC: Sounds like your entrance is causing quite a stir! Did you sign yourself up?
A girl I like entered me.
Hey, now's not the time to reveal stuff like that!
Damn that Kashiwagi...How dare she tear away our innocence like this! Now I'm scarred for life, dammit!
MC: Our last contestant is a random, unaffiliated entrant! She's a friend of our other "beauties!" Calling herself "King of the TV World," she's a cute, sexy little number! Give a warm welcome to Teddie-chan!

There was never really any contest, of course.



Naoto is a disguise expert, and Teddie has no shame.


Girl's voice: Huh!? That's a boy!?
Other girl's voice: He's so cute!
Male's voice: I'd hit it...

> The votes have been collected...


MC: The random contestant who won everyone's hearts, Ms. Teddie!


MC: Later this afternoon, we will be hosting the Miss Yasogami Pageant, with actual beauties this time! Your reward is a position as an honorary judge in that pageant!
Woohoo!
A-An honorary judge...? That's one lame prize for what you gotta go through...
Not everyone can get that excited over a judge position.
Seeing him so happy kind of makes me happy too...
Yeah, he's like over the top innocent.
MC: Well then, Ms. Teddie, how does it feel to have won the pageant and become a judge?
Hmhmhm...The long-awaited day has finally come! I decree that one of the judging criteria later this afternoon will be...Tadaaaaa! A swimsuit competition!
Wh-Wh-What the hell!? Over my dead body!
Aww, I didn't bring a swimsuit!
That bear needs to be disappeared...
Well, I doubt he has the authority to declare that unilaterally...
*chuckle* This is great! I love the direction this is going!

> You changed back into your uniform and returned to the hall...Obtained Drag Costume. Later that day, in the beauty pageant dressing room...

-New Days-


What is she, the rival woman on a soap opera...? Wait, is Kashiwagi serious about winning this?


Female student: He said that they're swimsuits...
Hey! We don't need them!
*chuckle* Heeheeahahahaaaaahahahaha! My mature charms will win the day! I brought my own swimsuit, of course.
I brought my own too.
Wh-What's with these people!?
Hey, l-let's not do this...
What's that? Getting cold feet? Wise of you to back out of a fight you can't win. You call youself an idol...But you're just jailbait with no brains, no guts, and especially no figure.
What...!?
There's no way their type would be crowned Miss Inaba. Why not just let them back out?
Oh, and I suppose you think you're gonna take the crown!? You little...snoring pig!
Snoring? What're you talking about? Your face is as foul as your mouth, and your brain's as rotten to boot.
We went through hell because of you...Th-That's it! Now I'm pissed!
Oh? You're going to challenge me? It's useless...Don't waste your energy. Let this be a warning to the others, too. You're going to lose. Now's your last chance to run away.
R-Run away? Why the hell would we run from someone like you!?
Well...We did kinda run away last time...
That's what I'm saying! We gotta stand our ground and get our revenge for that! How can we cower and hide when they're picking a fight!?
Y-Yeah...
Right, Rise-chan? Naoto-kun!? We won't run from this, right!?
Huh...!? Me too!? Why are you letting yourself be so easily provoked!? Th-Th-Th-There's no way! Absolutely. No. Way. That I'm wearing a swimsuit!
You're not goin' anywhere...!

> You decided to watch the beauty pageant together with Yosuke and Kanji.

-Like A Dream Come True-


CULTURE!
MC: The judging continues! Can you hear the crowd going wild!? Now, for our next contestant, Ms. Chie Satonaka of the second-year's class 2! Come on out, Chie!


MC: Tell us a little bit about yourself!
U-Um, I'm kind of shy and reserved...And my favorite food is...pudding.
That liar...It's steak.
MC: Thank you very much! Up next, another contestant from class 2, Ms. Yukiko Amagi!


Um, my family runs the Amagi Inn. If you ever find yourself in the area, please give us a visit. Our hot springs are open to the public year-round, so whenever you're in the mood to enjoy them, please drop by...
MC: Alright, that'll do nicely! Next up, a very familiar face--from the first-year class 2, Ms. Rise Kujikawa!


I haven't been in town very long, but it's a great place and I'm 100% thrilled to be here! So sorry that I'm not working as an idol right now! Risette's gonna do her best, so I hope you'll all cheer for me!
MC: The real Risette, ladies and gentlemen, in the flesh! Thank you very much! Next is the mysterious transfer student, of the first-year's class 1, Ms. Naoto Shirogane!
Hey, Kanji...Here she comes...
Hey, shhh! Pipe down!


It's hard to believe I'm up on stage at a pageant like this...This is beyond my wildest imaginings...I-I really don't know what to say...C-Can I step back now...?
Wh-Whoa...
MC: And with that, all six uniquely beautiful contestants are on stage! Now, let's have our special judge, Mr. Teddie, ask them some questions.


Please keep in mind that if you anger me, you will be at a disadvantage...Well, Ms. Chie. Do you have a boyfriend?
Wha--!? T-Teddie, you...!
Ms. Yukiko, have you ever smooched anyone before?
Huh...!? S-Stop it!
Ms. Naoto, where are you ticklish?
I-I beg your pardon?
Can I stay at your house next time, Rise-chan?
What kind of a question is that...?
MC: A-Anyways, I have a surprise announcement for you all! Wait 'til you hear this! For the first time ever, this year's pageant will feature a swimsuit competition! And it's all thanks to Mr. Teddie here! We'll take a brief break while our contestants put on their swimsuits and be back in just a few moments!


Oooooooh.
You sound like a dirty old man...
Chie-senpai is cute, though...
CULTURE!!!!!!asfipwrmkgfb;vxc'lhablgaf


Sorry for what? This is great!
Wow, Yukiko-senpai...She's exactly how I imagined she'd be...


She's so gorgeous...!
Huh?
MC: Huh...? Ms. Naoto? She's not coming out...Well, sad news, everyone, but Ms. Naoto won't be coming out for this portion.
Fine by me! The fewer rivals I have to crush, the better.
Oh well, I had a feeling that would happen...Too bad, Kanji.
Huh? No, um...well, yeah...
But don't you think it was brave of her to at least show up in the first round?
Yeah, you're right.
Well, it's about time we voted...Who're you going for?
(Naoto)
Naoto has made the sensible decision. I will vote for sanity.
Huh? Is that allowed?
MC: Thanks for waiting, everyone. The results are in! Looking at the way the vote went...You guys out in the audience had a hard time picking a favorite! Lots of different opinions, with every one of our contestants having their own enthusiastic supporters! On the other hand, it looks like you girls were all thinking the same thing! And so there's a clear winner...Grand prize goes to...! Ms. Naoto Shirogane! Her androgynous charm seems to have won most of the girls' hearts. We'd like to present Ms. Naoto with her award now, but...It looks like she stepped outside.
She won even though she dropped out of the last part...Ahaha, that's pretty funny.
Man, losing to Naoto...Well, I guess I didn't appeal to the girls that much. Oh well! I think it's enough that we beat those two hands down, Senpai!
Grr...I...How could I lose a beauty pageant...!?
Ms. Kashiwagi...I...I can't believe this...!
Neither can I! Oh, Hanako!
M-Ms. Kashiwagiii!

> The Miss Yasogami High Pageant has come to an end.

-New Days-





I've got to make a business trip to the prefectural office, and I won't be back until tomorrow. Shame it had to fall during your school's Culture Festival. Nanako and I were both looking forward to it...Sorry to dump this on you, but could you show Nanako around?
Would you like to walk around with us, Nanako-chan?
Can I?
Thanks. Then I'm gonna get going.
Have a safe trip.
Yeah. You have fun too, Nanako.
Okay, Dad!


Huh? Huh? Huh? What did you just say, Yuki-chan!?
Oooh, a celebration at your inn!?
Is that okay with you!?
Uh-huh. I promised you guys a while ago, so yeah.
Hell yeah! I'm down!
Can I boil eggs in the hot springs!?
Oh, I should call my Grampa and let him know! It's just one night, right?
C'mon, it'll be fun. Everyone will be there.
Can I...?
It's up to you, Nanako.
Let's go! I wanna spend the night!
Wheeee! Hot springs! Yukata! Flushed skins!
Are you sure it's okay...? I mean, isn't it still the busy season?
We've had fewer visitors this year...There are some open rooms, too.
Oh, okay...Might as well, then!
Man, when was the last time I stayed at Yukiko's place?

> Everyone will be staying at the Amagi Inn tonight...A room at the Amagi Inn...


Well...Duh.
It's one thing if they were next door, but they're so far away...
Yukiko said there weren't that many open rooms, so they're up on another floor. First thing they're gonna do is take Nanako-chan to the hot springs.
I-Is it one of those "girls and guys together" springs!?
I don't wanna take more'n one bath if I don't have to. Why don't we take a dip before we hit the sack?
Yeah.
By the way...'sup with this room? It looks pretty expensive...
Oh, you thought so too? Normally a room like this wouldn't be open during the busy season...I was trying not to think about it, but...You don't think something happened here, do you?
...Senpai...? What're you all...quiet about?
Now that you mention it--
Chainsaw maniac Room phone: *RING RING*
G-Geez, that freaked me out! Y-You answer it, Kanji!
Wh-What're you freaking out for...?

> Kanji's hands are shaking...


Oh, I see! Cool, thanks!...That was the front desk. Said the hot springs should be pretty empty right now.
Wow, Amagi Inn, great service...I broke out in a cold sweat...
Well c'mon then, let's go wash it off.

-Smile-


We'll all face the same way and wash each other's backs, and we're gonna sing songs while looking at Mt. Fuji, right?
That's a bath house.
Man, everything on this side is so fun. It's all thanks to you for bringing people over to my side. Thank you, Sensei...

> Teddie is gazing at you in gratitude...




C'mooon! The elevator's here!

There is a cutscene of the girls running around in towels at this point.


Huh? Oh, o-okay...
Wow, Naoto, your skin looks so soft. Can I touch? Can I touch?
Huh? U-Um...
Wow, it really is smooth.
You're so lucky. You have such fair skin and silky hair...
No unneeded body fat, either.
Eek! H-Hey, where are you touching...?
Ahem, N-Nanako-chan! Um...A-Are you okay with staying over at someone else's place like this? Aren't you scared?
No, it's lots of fun! At home, I'm always alone until big bro comes back.
Oh...I-I see...
But I'm good at staying home alone. I always do what my dad tells me, like not opening the door for strangers.
Wow! I bet he's so proud of you!
Hey, Nanako-chan. Do you want to swim around?
Can I!?
I've been swimming here since I was young.
Do you still do it?
Huh? Umm...
...Why are you hesitating?
C'mon, let's race to the other side! Whoever loses owes everyone a fruit milk!
I want lemon soda.
Uh, wh-what!? Me too!?
Check out my dead man's float.
Wow, you're good!
Oooh, what a giant spring! I'll show you all my Teddie-paddle!





-Zone Time-

Y-Y-You guys!?
Wh-Wh-Wh-Why are you guys here!?
Th-That's my line!


Hold the line!

> You mustered up your Courage and held your ground!

AAAAAAAAAAAH!!

> But when you think about it, does Courage even matter in a situation like this...? You gave the order to retreat!

Retreeeeat!
It's an honest mistake!
We're not gonna forget this!

-New Days-


Wow, you got 'em good!
My aim's pretty deadly, huh?
I wonder if they caught a glimpse...
Oh...It's actually the guys' turn to use the springs now.
I got the times mixed up...Ahahahaha...
Are you serious...? Ah crap, I think we went too far with them...
Er...What should we do?
Oh, it'll be fine as long as we keep quiet about it! This'll just be between us girls!
Do you want to race again, Nanako-chan?

> You changed into a yukata and returned to the room...Obtained Bath Towel.


I checked again, and sure enough, the hot spring's supposed to be for men at that hour...They're so evil...Evil, I tell you...*sob*
I dunno why, but my head's all bumpy...
Those're lumps from the pails whacking you in the head. You got lumps, man. Ahaha...ha...
*sigh*
Hey...guys...? Did you, uh...see anything?
No...
None whatsoever...
Dammit...I lead a cursed life...Let's just go to bed...
...Hold it, Senpai. Do you...hear something?
Woman's voice in the walls: *sob*

-Who's There?-


Wh-What was that...?
I-I heard it too...!
D-Don't tell me...Is there one here...?
"One here?" O-One what...? Dude, what are you talking about? Haha...
This room...It's the one that announcer was staying in before she died! My mom was talking about it!
Oh God, you said it! I was trying to block it out, and you had to go and say it! S-So that's why there's talismans here...Yukiko...That witch tempted us here knowing full well...!
Dammit! First the hot spring, now this! We've been completely suckered!
Woman's voice in the walls: *sob* *sob*
Ohhhh crap...There's no way I'm sleeping through this!
I've made up my mind! I'm going to Yuki-chan's room! I can't sleep soundly unless I'm watching everyone's sleeping faces as I drift off.
Wha--sleeping faces!? Are you gonna sneak into their room!? You can't be...Hey, what should we do...?
Woman's voice in the walls: *sob*
We really shouldn't.
Then we'll have to spend the night here...
N-No way...I can't! I won't!
Alrighty! It'll be a surprise awakening for them!

> It turns out you're going to be sneaking into the girls' room...

Gooood mooorniiiing, eeeeveryyyoooone...It's a surprise awakening...no, a surprise break-in...This is Teddie, reporting in!


I feel awkward without it...so I alwaaaays bring it...
Stop talking like that!
Oh, check it out, a hairbrush. And it's got long strands of hair on it...!
You're really into this, aren't you...?
Damn straight. It's time I got revenge for the campout...!
Hey, good point! Alright, I'll get my revenge too...!
A-A toothbrush!
Holy crap...My heart's pounding...But what about Nanako-chan...?
Don't worry! Nanako-chan is a magnanimous girl!
W-Well, that's true...But try not to wake her up. She's not part of our revenge scheme.
Ooh...I've finally reached the futons! They're fast asleep! 'Scuse me...Yuki-chan, I'm scared of the ghosts!
A-Alright...I can do this too...T-Time to prove I'm a man! Ch-Chie-senpai, be gentle!



...I'm going to go ahead and put this whole hot mess down to altered mental status resulting from washpan-induced concussions.

Huh? One, two...Wh-Where's the rest of the futons...?




Oh my! So that's how you guys are? Awww! You should've said so!

-Show Time-

Mmmmm...Such naughty boys!
A-A-Aaaaaaaaagh! Begoooooone!
Holy crap! D-D-Don't touch me!
We were crying our poor eyes out until now, you know? We thought there were no men who appreciated our beauty...Alright, boys...I'm all yours. And not a word about this to anyone!
C'mere, tiger!



> You've seen things no student should see...You decide to give up and go back to your room to sleep.

-New Days-


I love love LOVE being able to take a bath any time I want!
How's Nanako-chan?
Fast asleep.
Hey, did you know Ms. Kashiwagi and Hanako-san were staying in the room next to ours? Those two seem to get along really well...I'm surprised.
They come to stay here now and again. Usually they come to cry when something breaks their hearts...
Huh. I guess they were really devastated from losing to Naoto-kun.
P-Please don't bring that up again...
Well, they do make a good team.

> The night at the Amagi Inn passes by...

You were doing so well, Japan. What the fuck happened!?

Oh well. It's over with. We can move past it and heal. It's all upward from here, I promise.